Slushie Shots
by WheezerSneezer
Summary: Mike gestured wildly and vaguely at Puck. “Dude! You think that I would know? I don’t know what goes on in their heads! Girls are crazy, and you picked the craziest one out there!” He paused, before quickly tacking on, “Rachel’s nice, though.”
1. Slushie Shot

A/N: So! 124 days until the new episode of Glee, guys. I may very well go insane. So I decided to challenge myself to writing a drabble/ficlet/one shot/whatever a day until the new episode. Well, almost every day. I'm aiming for a hundred of these badboys, so I'm only allowing myself to miss 24 days. Um. I'm not so sure I'll do a good job at this. But I'll see what I can do.

Do you guys think it's cute or totally lame that I named these babies Slushie Shots?

* * *

Puck swears that the first time he ever slushied Rachel Berry, it had been completely accidental. Not that he would ever admit that. Plus, it totally kills the story of how he became, like, totally awesome (and invented the newest and coolest form of bullying since the _almighty wedgie_).

Anyway, here's what happened during freshman year: school had barely started and he'd been walking down the hallways during lunch, bright red cherry slushie in hand, when he rounded a corner. And ran smack into some little midget that he didn't even know, accidentally spilling the rest of the slushie all over her.

He felt bad and all, but it wasn't his fault that she was so tiny that he completely missed her, all right?

"Oh, shit!" he muttered, sucking some slushie off his fingers before shaking off bits of red ice that had sloshed onto his arm. As he looked at the blood red puddle in the hallway, his eyes slowly started following up the trail. Finally, his eyes landed on her upper body and face, completely drenched. He winced. "Uh…"

She was just blinking her eyes open, her jaw open so wide, it had practically become unhinged in shock and from the cold. She slowly looked up at him, mixed emotions of fear, hurt, surprise, and anger on her face, before landing on an expression that quite clearly said _How could you do this? I don't even know you! I demand an apology!_

And _that_ was when Puck totally recognized her! He opened his mouth to say, as casually as he could, _Dude, I sit next to you in Math class. You only stopped giving me a funny look because of my Mohawk, like, last week. And I'm really sorry for the slushie. Yeah, that wasn't cool._

He got about as far as _'Dude'_, before he heard a howl of laugher and hooting coming from behind him. He didn't even get a chance to turn around before a large hand came clapping down on his shoulder with such force, his knees almost gave out.

"Puck, man, did you do that?" One of the seniors laughed gruffly.

"Uh." Puck glanced at Slushie Girl (_Rachel Berry_, his conscious reminded him and he felt another pang of guilt) for a split second before turning back to the small gaggle of football players. "Yeah?"

And as the footballers erupted into another fit of cruel laughter, this time, joined by other students in the hallway that were just noticing all the commotion, Rachel Berry pushed past them, sprinting into the nearest bathroom. (Only Puck noticed the look her face when she realized they wouldn't be empathizing or apologizing anytime soon.)

"Man, that's _fucked_," another footballer said, whistling under his breath. He smirked at Puck.

"You, like, _destroyed_ her!" another laughed.

Puck tried not to wince and forced a smile on his face instead.

"For a freshman, you're pretty badass."

And just like _that_, any amount of guilt or remorse left Puck in an instance. All of which was then replaced with pride and basically, just a sense of _pure awesome._ He smirked and nodded at his upper classmen. "Fuck yeah, I'm a badass."

"We'd normally kick a cocky punkass like you—" Puck started easing away at this, "—but that slushie was freakin' _epic_, man."

"See you around!" they hollered as they began walking down the hallway.

"Right," Puck muttered to himself as he waited until they were out of sight. He looked at the girls' bathroom door, almost wanting Berry to walk out so he could, like, apologize or whatever. In secret, so it wouldn't ruin any of his badassness. He waited for about fifteen seconds before chickening out and making his way to class.

_Too bad I just ruined her life, she was kinda cute._


	2. Winter Concert

A/N: I totally did two (The) Guild references, the online web series starring Felicia Day. See if you can spot them. I hope you like this one. This is sort of setting up a semi-continuous series of Slushie Shots (if I don't change my mind).

* * *

New Directions had just finished putting on their first Winter Concert. It had been quite the success, as most of the auditorium was full of friends and family. Right now, the members of New Directions were mingling with members of the audience. Puck, however, wanted to find his mother and sister and get the hell out of there before they started conversing with his fellow Glee Clubbers.

He finally spotted his mom and little sister standing outside the auditorium doors. With a sigh of relief, he started making his way over to them. Puck was about halfway towards his family when something horrible happened; his mother, upon seeing _freakin' Rachel Berry_ walking by, had stopped her by placing a hand on her upper arm. She was probably congratulating Rachel on a job well done or whatever.

_Goddammit._

When he finally made it to them, he cleared his throat loudly, interrupting Rachel. Well, he tried, but she barreled on anyway.

"—so I said to Mr. Schuester, 'Mr. Schue, Lima might have a small Jewish community, but we still need to represent it'. And that's how I got him to do Hanukkah songs. Oh, same thing with the Kwanzaa songs," she finally stopped, beaming proudly. She eventually noticed Puck and his look of irritation. "Oh, hello, Noah."

"Hey, Berry," he said flatly. He glanced at his mother, who looked like she could die happy, and at his sister, with absolute adoration in her eyes. "I see you've met my mother and sister." There was no amount of enthusiasm in his voice.

Rachel, of course, didn't seem to notice as she turned to him, still beaming. "Yes, you've got a lovely family, Noah." She said it with such earnest honestly, that he felt kinda bad for finding her so annoying and not wanting her to meet his family.

"Oh, Rachel, you're such a sweetheart!" Mrs. Puckerman laughed. "Noah, how come you've never mentioned how talented your Glee Club was?" Puck could tell that she really meant _How come you've never mentioned_ Rachel Berry_ before? And why aren't you two dating? She's _Jewish_, Noah! Jewish!_

He shrugged, looking away and ignoring his mother's _Please date Rachel Berry _vibes, before ruffling his sister's hair. "How'd you like the show, Dani?"

She shook her hair out of her eyes and Puck tried not to smile. "It was so _amazing_!" she gushed, looking up at him. "Rachel has, like, the prettiest voice _ever!_ She's even better than all the Disney princesses!" And then little Dani Puckerman gave a loud gasp before declaring dramatically, "I bet she could even _be_ a real-life Disney princess!"

Puck rolled his eyes. _Well, Berry's got the street smarts of a cartoon princess._

At this, Rachel actually blushed and he tried to not look so surprised. Rachel Berry loved attention and compliments, after all. "Thank you, Dani, that's very sweet of you to say." She looked at Puck teasingly for a moment before asking, "And how would you rate your brother's performance?"

"Noah, you were really good!" she squealed, before finishing, "But not as good as Rachel."

"Gee, thanks, Midget."

Rachel gave a light, twinkly laugh.

"Mom loved it, too! I think she cried after you sang your solo, Noah," Dani said, grabbing onto Puck's hand.

"You both were so wonderful up there!" _The both of you would make a wonderful couple!_

Puck winced. "Thanks, mom."

And just like that, his own family ignored him in favor of continuing to talk to _freakin' Rachel Berry._ He wasn't sure how she did it, but within _five fucking minutes,_ she managed to charm them witless, had his mother practically _planning_ their future wedding, and his sister idolizing her more than anyone else on the planet; cartoon princess and all.

_Maybe it's 'cause they're all chicks? Stupid Vagina Loyalty._


	3. Pugnacious Puck

A/N: Okay, during my last Slushie Shot, I got quite a few comments on 'Vagina Loyalty'. Now, as hilarious as that line is, it's actually not mine. Guys, guys, I'm _not that clever_. And although I say it more than I should (it's like a more adult version of 'Girl Code' or whatever), I don't own it.

The Guild, a webseries available on YouTube, owns it. You should totally watch it, it's hilarious.

Anyway, this one takes place whenever you want it to. There's sort of an established Puck/Rachel/Kurt friendship. Um, maybe I should have mentioned this earlier, but most of these won't take place one right after another. There will be random ones, and some may fit canon and some may be AU. I actually really don't even know what I'm going to write. I'll try to leave a little A/N at the beginning for a head's up.

* * *

"I cannot believe you, Noah Puckerman! What you did was—was—argh!"

"Dude, did I just make you speechless?"

"Noah Puckerman, you wipe that smirk off your face right now! My impressive vocabulary may have left me momentarily, but it'll come back, Noah, and it'll come back with a vengeance!"

"Is it weird that I find it hot when you hiss 'vengeance' like that?"

A pause. And then _thump_.

"Ow! Berry, I'm injured enough here, alright?"

"You're still able to make your smartass remarks. You're obviously not injured enough."

"Whatever."

Rachel crossed her arms over her chest and glared down her nose at Puck, who was sitting haphazardly in a chair. The only thing 'off' about the situation would probably be Puck's numerous scrapes and cuts on his face and arms, along with a bloody lip and his right eye was beginning to darken rapidly.

She ran a hand through her hair and let out a ragged sigh. "Are you positive that you're okay?"

"Fine, Berry, fine."

Before Rachel could say another word, Kurt came running into the choir room, the door banging off the wall and slamming close again behind. "_Is his face okay?_" Kurt demanded, eyes looking around for Puck frantically.

"Kurt? Calm down," Rachel murmured quietly and calmly. "_Pugnacious Puck_ will be fine. Now, did you bring the first aid kit?"

"Here," Kurt said in a breathless whisper, thrusting the white, metal box into Rachel's chest. "Also, the alliteration was cute."

Puck wrinkled his nose. "Pugnacious Puck? Worse superhero name_ ever_," he muttered.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "And yet it fits you so perfectly," she said dryly.

Kurt turned to his scuffed up teammate. "Oh, Puck, look at what they did to your _face_." Kurt looked like someone had just told him that they hated Beyonce.

Puck rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, Hummel, now stop hitting on me," was his response. He wasn't even bothered by the fact that Kurt was attracted to him; because really, who could blame the poor kid? Puck was just a fine piece of ass.

"Rachel—"

"I'll be able to fix up his injuries so that they'll heal up just fine. His face will be as good as new, promise," Rachel assured Kurt.

"Oh, thank god!" the Fashionista wailed, flinging his arms around Puck's neck dramatically.

Puck suddenly became alarmed, holding his arms as far away from Kurt as possible. "Hummel, dude, you're not gonna _cry_, are you?"

Kurt stood up and spun on his heel to face Rachel. "I'll leave you to your work, Nurse Berry." And then he mouthed '_I expect full details about this whole incident. As soon as _possible_.' _"I'll tell Tanaka and the others where you are, Puck. But I'll leave out the bit about the fight," he said smoothly.

Rachel tried not to roll her eyes due to her friend's obsession with gossip. As soon as Kurt left the room, she rounded on Puck thrust the opened first aid kit into his hands. "Are you going to tell me what happened now?" she asked as she grabbed the cleaning alcohol. She poured a bit onto some cotton and began dabbing gently at the cut on his temple.

"Ow! What the hell was that?" He yelled, jerking his head and shoving her arm away.

She frowned at his reaction. "It's just some cleaning alcohol." She went to clean a cut on his left cheek, when he jerked to the right. "Noah, don't be a child and let me clean your cuts properly," she admonished.

"It _stings_," he pouted.

If she hadn't been so frustrated with his immaturity and his refusal to tell her _what the heck happened_, she would have thought it was cute. Maybe.

She sighed and looked at him. "Why won't you tell me why you got into a fight?"

He squirmed in his seat. "…'Cause."

She frowned and furrowed her brow at him. "That's not an excuse."

"Can't I just go to football practice?"

"No, you certainly may not! You may join your fellow teammates once you tell me why you engaged in fisticuffs."

"Fisti-wha—?"

"Fight, Noah, it means fight."

He let out a frustrated sigh and ran both hands through his Mohawk. "They were talking shit."

Rachel leveled her gaze at him. "About?" she pressed gently.

Puck crossed his arms over his broad chest and looked down and away. He grumbled something under his breath.

Rachel looked confused. "I'm sorry?"

Puck looked like he was about to tear his hair out. "…about Glee…and you…and…it just—" he paused, sucking in a huge breath "—and it just _bothered _me, okay?" he mumbled defensively.

She hesitated. "What—what did they say?" she asked curiously.

He shrugged a shoulder and replied, "I dunno. They said shitty things about Glee and when one of them mentioned your name, I kind of…just swung my fist."

She stared at him. "You didn't even know what they were going to say about me?"

"I did," he said flatly. "We used to run in the same circles, after all. I just didn't wanna hear it today."

She paused, letting everything he'd just said soak in. "That's sweet," Rachel finally said. "In a barbaric, Neanderthal way." And she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before dabbing more alcohol onto his cuts.

"Ow! Dammit, Berry!"


	4. Expired Milk

A/N: You guys had no idea how much fun I had while writing this. I hope you enjoy it half as much as I enjoyed writing it for you guys. By the way, surprise! These are the semi-continuous Slushie Shots! Maybe. If you guys like them. Which I really hope you will.

Oh, there's 121 days left and I've still got ninety-six more of these to go! Whoo! I dunno how I'm gonna do this, guys. But I'll try!

* * *

Football practice had ended that Tuesday afternoon and Puck was ready to head home. Usually his little sister stayed at one of the neighbor's a few houses down. Whenever he got home from football or glee, it was his job to stop by and pick her up. This almost never happened because he really liked alone time at home. Or whenever he was '_entertaining'_ a lady. So poor Dani usually had to wait a lot longer than she should've. Whatever, she could deal with it.

As he was pulling into the driveway, he noticed another car already parked there. He frowned in confusion. It wasn't his mother's car, but it wasn't like she was supposed to be home, anyway.

_Who the hell's at my house?_

Puck decided it was overly girly and retarded if he were to start panicking. Besides, he was in a _Fight Club_, so he could totally kick anyone's ass, hands down. But to be on the safe side, he grabbed his extra pair of nunchucks in the glove department.

He jogged up the stairs leading to his house and turned the key in the lock. He slowly stepped through the entrance and looked into the living room. He quickly did a double take, his jaw dropping open.

"What the—?"

"Oh, Noah! You're home early." And there sat Rachel Berry on the couch with his little sister. She was brushing Dani's short, dark hair while her eyes were fixated on the TV screen. She didn't even look up from the screen as Puck walked in.

Puck gave his best 'WTF' face and shouted, "What the hell, Berry? I was gettin' ready to beat you up with these nunchucks!"

Rachel stopped brushing Dani's hair and frowned at Puck. "Well, that's not very civil of you." She eyed the weapon in his hands. "That's what those are for?"

"And for being badass," Puck deadpanned. This was only partly true.

"Is that your choice weapon for self-defense?"

"Yeah. It's either these or my _fists._"

Rachel pursed her lips and decided to stop questioning his choice of weaponry. "Was there a reason you were going to attack me with those?"

"I didn't recognize that car in the driveway. I thought some punks broke in or something. Is it yours?" He walked over and dropped his stuff, along with his nunchucks, in a corner by the TV.

"No," she hummed, "it's my dad's. But he and my other dad are going on a road trip and it would be more beneficial to the environment and their wallets if they were to use my Prius."

He rolled his eyes and pursed his lips. "Fine. Whatever. Now tell me why the hell you're here," he growled irritably.

Rachel hesitated, realizing the slight hostility coming from Puck. "I'm…I'm baby sit—"

"Not a baby!" Dani chirped.

"Right, of course. My apologies," Rachel smiled, "I'm 'kid watching' Dani."

"Why?"

Rachel shrugged. "Your mother requested if I could possibly watch over Dani on days that you had football practice so she wouldn't be over at your neighbor's every day of the week. I told her that since I don't have much of a social life filled with social events, I'd be more than happy to watch over her."

"Oh," he muttered.

And then the room became silent and slightly awkward. Puck was still standing and he started shifting his weight from foot to foot. Rachel continued brushing Dani's hair while Puck was pretty sure they'd been the same strands of hair for a while now.

Eventually, after another second or so, Rachel gently laid down the hairbrush. "I suppose I'll just take my leave, then."

Dani finally lifted her eyes from the TV, whipping around to face Rachel. "What? You're leaving?" she asked, sounding sad and surprised.

Startled, her eyes quickly darted to Puck before darting back to the little girl's. "Well, you don't need the both of us here, and…I was only supposed to be here until your brother came home. Or your mother, Dani," Rachel replied softly.

"Oh," came her tiny voice. "But you have to stay!" she cried suddenly, launching herself at Rachel's stomach.

Alarmed, she returned the awkward hug, asking frantically, "Why? What's wrong?"

"If you don't stay, Noah will make me eat _cereal for dinner_!"

Rachel frowned, utterly confused. She looked over at Puck, as if to silently ask him if this was true or not. Puck shrugged nonchalantly. "Well…Dani, I—"

"The milk _expired_ today! But he'll make me eat cereal for dinner anyway!" she pulled away to look at Rachel dramatically. "I can't eat cereal with _expired milk_!"

_Shit! Did the milk really expire today? I could've sworn I had a glass this morning._ Puck's hand flew to his stomach and he did his best to keep the worried look off his face.

Rachel's brown eyes widened and she gasped. "Okay! I'm staying and making you guys dinner!" she turned her head to glare at Puck. "You are a _horrible_ brother!"

Puck paused and thought about his options. On one hand, he could have a nice meal for dinner, which he hadn't had in a while, due to his mother's penchant for long work hours and take-out food. But he'd have to deal with her loud mouth. On the other hand, if he made some asshole remark, she'd leave in a huff and he wouldn't have to deal, but this option contained _cereal for dinner with expired milk_. He made his decision.

"Fine," he groaned, "but your cooking better not taste like shit."

Later that night, a good hour or two after Rachel had gone home, Puck found himself rifling through the fridge. Not that the dinner she cooked wasn't good (it was actually really delicious; not that he admitted to it. He'd told her it was 'okay' and had snorted at the hurt look on her face), he was just still hungry.

At the back of the fridge, he frowned and noticed the nearly empty gallon of milk. He grabbed it and went to dump the rest of it out in the sink, when the expiration date caught his eye. His eyebrows shot up when he saw that the milk wouldn't expire for another three days.

"Dani! You little snot! C'mere!"

His little sister ran into the kitchen. "What?" she demanded uneasily.

Puck shook the milk at her. "This milk is still good! We could've totally had cereal for dinner and Berry could've gone home and given my ears a rest."

She rolled her eyes impatiently. "Well, _duh_," she scoffed loudly.

He narrowed his eyes at her; that'd been way to sassy for his liking. "Why'd you do it?" he asked slowly, placing the milk back where it belonged.

Dani shrugged and gave a smirk that would've made him proud had it not been aimed at him. "I had to get her to stay _somehow_." And with that, she pranced off, humming something under her breath.

Puck tried to ignore the scary realization that Berry would now probably play a huge part in his life, if his sister had anything to do with it.

"Well,_ shit_."


	5. Puckerman Pride

A/N: I'm uploading from school! Yeah!

* * *

After Glee on Thursday, Puck drove home and walked two houses down to pick up Dani. Rachel wouldn't be coming over today because he'd be home the rest of the night. But when Rachel came the day before, Puck had bolted; choosing to hang out with Finn instead. (He did purposely come home in time for dinner.)

So as he rang the doorbell and waited outside for Dani to grab her things from the Rosenberg's, he wondered if there were any leftovers from last night. Just as he finally came to the conclusion that _Yes! There's still some of that chicken stuff left, _the front door opened and he saw his little sister.

A look of excitement flashed across Dani's face before quickly disappearing. She looked to the left and then to the right, before finally looked up at her brother, closing the door shut behind her. She furrowed her brow before asking, "Is this some kinda joke?"

Puck raised an eyebrow and just stared at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Where's Rachel?"

Puck's left eye twitched in irritation. "She's not here," he grounded out.

Dani looked mildly upset when she asked, "But…why?"

"Because!" he snapped irritably. Making sure her backpack was on properly, he grabbed the strap handle at the top of the backpack and lifted her up off the ground. He began walking back home. "I'm here, so suck it up."

Being used to being carried that way, she made sure to hold tightly onto her shoulder straps to keep from slipping down. She swung her little feet back and forth, pouting all the while.

Just as Puck thought she was going to let the Rachel thing go, she asked, as innocently as possible, "So…can Rachel come over?"

"_No._" They were standing in front of their house and Puck gently set her on her feet so he could grab the keys out of his pocket to unlock the door. "Jeez, what's with your weird obsession with Berry, anyway?" They both walked into the house and he slammed the door close.

"She's super nice. And she doesn't treat me like a baby. And she doesn't talk to me like I'm dumb."

Puck smirked down at her. "But you _are_ a baby. And you _are_ dumb."

Dani glared up at him. "And that's why I hate you."

He rolled his eyes at her. "Whatever, midget."

"I bet you five dollars that I can get Rachel to come today."

Puck snorted. "Yeah, right. Mr. Schue assigned a new song today. She'll probably spend the rest of the day making up lameass dance moves and memorizing the song so she can sing it in her sleep."

"…So do you accept the challenge?" Dani asked seriously, staring at him.

A pause, before he narrowed his eyes at her. "Okay. Terms?"

Dani paused, tapping a finger on her chin in thought. "I get a sixty second phone call with Rachel."

His eyebrows shot up. "You're gonna try to convince her get here in under a minute?"

She rolled her eyes. "Watch and learn, big bro, watch and _learn_." She walked into the kitchen and looked at the list of emergency phone numbers her mother had stuck onto the fridge, making sure her mother had added Rachel's number on the list. At the very bottom, in loopy, familiar handwriting, was Rachel's cell and home number. She turned to grab the phone off the counter behind her and spun back to face the list of numbers, her little fingers quickly punching in Rachel's digits.

Puck glanced at the clock to start timing. "Sixty seconds, go," he whispered.

When Dani heard Rachel's cheery "Hello?", she gave a dainty _Ah-hem_ to clear her throat and then started _wailing into the phone_.

Puck's eyes widened in awe at his sister's impressive plan.

"_R—R—Ray—Rachel!_" Dani blubbered into the phone.

"Oh, my gosh! Dani?" Rachel gasped. "Dani, calm down and tell me what's wrong."

"I had a horrible day at school! There was this mean boy! A—and—and—" she cut off her sentence to let out a loud, gasping sob.

Puck glanced at the clock. Forty-five seconds left.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rachel's soothing voice sounded through the phone.

Dani hiccupped and sniffled pathetically, "Could you come over? Noah keeps being a big, fat, meany _butt_."

"Hey!" Puck sputtered indignantly. He rolled his eyes when she just stuck her tongue out at him.

"I'll be over in eight minutes, Dani." And the phone clicked off, with thirty-two seconds left.

_Damn it. I should've never taught her that trick._

Grinning up at Puck, she held out her small hand. "Pay up, sucker."

"I'm going to tell Berry that you played her and she'll be pissed," Puck grumbled. But he fished out a ratty five dollar bill anyway. "Here."

"You're not going to tell Rachel," Dani stated calmly. "'Cause that'd be tattling, and it's against, like, your _code_."

He hated that she was right. "You're such a brat." But there enough affection in his tone that made Dani give him a hug around one of his legs before running up the stairs.

"I'm still leaving the second Berry gets here!" Puck called after her.

"Whatever! I don't want you here anyway. You're just a dumb boy!"

"At least I'm not a tiny midget!"


	6. Makin' Friends, Takin' Names

A/N: Uh. Hope you guys like this. The majority of this made me want to stab chopsticks into my eyes, but yeah.

* * *

Puck wasn't sure exactly when, or how it even happened, but Glee had finally made him the biggest pansyass of all time; he'd come to consider these weirdoes his _friends_. Okay, maybe he did have an idea to how it all went down, but he doesn't like to think about it.

* * *

Puck walked into Glee super early one afternoon (he'd skipped the last block of that day) to the sounds of someone shredding on the guitar. He stood there, watching in amazement as Artie moved his fingers like lightening up and down the fret board.

Artie's eyes had been closed, so immersed in his music, that he hadn't even heard Puck when he walked in. So when he happened to see him, he quickly sat up and abruptly stopped playing. "Um, hi?"

"Dude," Puck whispered, "that was totally _badass_."

Artie looked behind him and upon seeing no one there; he turned back around to face Puck. Awkwardly, he lifted a finger to point at himself. '_Me_?' He mouthed.

Puck lifted an eyebrow. "You're the only other person here, Abrams."

Artie then sat up straighter and shrugged. "Yeah, I pretty much killed it," he said with such seriousness that it made Puck chuckle wryly.

And then they proceeded to play on their respective guitars until the rest of the club members showed up. When the rest of the Glee clubbers stood there, staring in awe of their awesome guitar prowess (okay, and maybe it had a bit to do with the fact that Puck had once been an extraordinary asshole to him, but, dude, that was all in the past). They sat in the middle of the room, playing and smirking at each other.

* * *

About a week later, Puck was skipping football practice because Tanaka was being extra douchey and Puck just wasn't in the mood for him and his fanny pack action. So he decided he might as well play his guitar in the empty choir room because there wasn't any Glee that afternoon.

He walked in on Tina and Artie sucking major face. They broke apart upon hearing the door and Puck's heavy footsteps.

"Uh…" Artie muttered, looking at Tina, who was sitting on his lap, and then back at Puck. "Hey, Puck." He blinked. "Um, it's not what it looks like?"

"Really? Cause it looked like you two were sucking face." Puck smirked at the two of them, taking in Tina's reddening face, which she was trying to hide in the bend of Artie's neck and shoulder. Too late she realized where Artie's hand was and pulled it out from under her skirt.

Artie paused. "Yeah, okay. That was a dumb thing to say."

With a low chuckle, Puck turned around and gave them a backwards wave, saying, "I didn't see a thing," and exited the choir room. He made sure to lock the door.

The next day, Puck didn't know whether to laugh his ass off or be uncomfortable when Artie flashed him a wink and a thumbs up. When Tina saw this, she'd indignantly slapped Artie's hand down. Tina did, however, give him a grateful look for not outing them. Puck snickered at everyone else's confused looks and nodded at Tina, which only added to everyone's confusion.

* * *

Puck always sort of avoided Kurt during football or Glee. And no, it wasn't because the kid was obviously '_lady-fabulous'_, to borrow a term from Tina, but because he came off as a whiny little bitch. And Puck had to deal with enough high school girls (No! He was _never going to commit_, jeez!) outside of football and Glee, thank you very much.

It was the day that Kurt had _destroyed_ Santana Lopez that Puck started to realize the value of having Kurt around (other than Glee and football).

Santana must have been on the rag or something that particular day because she was being bitchier than usual during Glee. Like, it was as if she had absorbed Quinn's bitchiness to add onto her own to create some sort of _Ultimate Bitch Power._ Or maybe she was just a demon that sucked _the bitch_ out of people to survive. (Puck would later have to investigate this theory of his. He and Finn would totally make an even more kickass team than Sam and Dean.)

Whatever it was, she was getting on everyone's last nerve. But it wasn't until she had snapped at Brittany about her lack of intelligence that Kurt had decided to step in.

"Santana, while I usually think your bitchiness is something to be admired, you need to stop it right now," Kurt said smoothly, his arms in their usual position; one across his chest, the other up with his fingers looking like they're ready to snap into action.

"Shut up, closet-case!" Santana barked harshly. At this, everyone in the room either gasped or just became insanely still and quiet. "I can say whatever I want! I'm a Cheer—"

"Oh, no you didn't!" Mercedes barked angrily, standing up and just about to march to the Cheerio.

Kurt elegantly held up his hand to keep her from coming further; she reluctantly stopped in her tracks. "Four words," Kurt said in a low, menacing voice that had the whole room holding their breath and watching in equal parts amazement and horror.

(Except Puck. He just watched the scene with a sort of bored curiosity (and secretly rooting for Kurt).)

"Split ends," he said, ticking off the words on his fingers with one hand and pointing to her ponytail with his other, "Uneven tan." He held up two more fingers while pointing to her face.

Everyone gasped as Santana became hysterical, grabbing the ends of her hair and running out of the room, crying about her tan.

Puck sat there, dumbfounded. Seriously? That was all it took to get her to back the hell off? Why hadn't he known about this _while they'd been dating_?

_Ugh. I'm never going to understand girls._

* * *

Mercedes cornered him after yet another Glee rehearsal to speak with him. He would've been lying if he said he wasn't a tiny bit scared. Because even though he had ninja fists of fury and carried around nunchucks everywhere, it's not like he could _use_ either of them on Mercedes if she ever decided to cut him or whatever.

So when she came up to him before Glee and said, in a low, serious voice, "Yo, Puck, we need to talk. After Glee."

Puck had been nervous when he replied, "Uh. Sure."

And for the rest of practice, he racked his brain for reasons as to _why_ Mercedes would possibly want to talk to him, or shoot him. Or both. When he couldn't come up with anything, he finally decided that maybe she just _didn't like Mohawks._ But he quickly laughed that off because _dude—_Mohawks were totally awesome.

He most have zoned out for awhile, because the next thing he knew, Mercedes was nudging his leg with her foot, saying, "Hey, Mohawk Boy, c'mere."

He followed her out into the hallway and waited for her to start talking.

She eyed him wearily and sighed. "Look, I still think you're a bit of a douchey asshole…but Kurt, Tina, and Artie think you're alright now. So, I just wanna clear the air and tell you to _not fuck this up_," she said slowly and clearly.

Puck tried not to frown and ask why she hadn't mentioned Rachel. He raised his eyebrows. "What, am I supposed to thank you for that?"

She shrugged. "If you're alright in their book, you're alright in mine. But if you revert back to _Super Asshole Puck_, I'm gonna havfta cut ya. And Kurt may or may not hate me for forever if I did that. Ever since you stopped throwing him into dumpsters, he stopped feeling sick and wrong for thinking about how hot you are."

_I knew Hummel was staring at me during football!_ Puck smirked. "You just tell Hummel to stop falling in love with me."

"I've tried," Mercedes grinned wryly, shaking her head.

* * *

Puck was walking in the school parking lot towards his truck and as he was unlocking his door, he heard a noise behind him.

"I don't understand."

"Holy shit!" Puck cursed under his breath, whirling around to see Rachel Berry standing behind him. "Oh," he said in a monotone. "It's just you." _Not like this little midget can do any _real_ damage...except for being a whole lotta crazy..._

She hesitated. "Aren't you going to ask about _what_ I don't understand?"

"I don't give a flyin' fuck, Berry. Now go and crazy on someone else," he grumbled.

She frowned at him. "That doesn't make any sense. I can't go and 'crazy on someone'—"

"There is no one else in this parking lot. I will hit you with my truck and make it look like an accident," he said casually.

Rachel's eyes widened and she quickly took a step back.

He rolled his eyes at her for believing that obvious lie. He turned back around to face his truck.

"I don't understand how the other Glee clubbers were able to forgive your past history and accept you when they continue to hate me," Rachel whispered in a soft, quiet voice.

That made him froze, with his fingers scant inches from the door handle.

"I've been there since the beginning! And I've never thrown Kurt into a dumpster, shove Artie into a portable bathroom, or made fun of Tina's stutter. And yet—"

Puck interrupted her by banging his forehead on his car door. He held back a groan as he turned to face her again. He couldn't believe that she was actually trying to have this conversation with her. He wanted to laugh at her inability to make friends, but for some reason, he really couldn't bring himself to do it. Plus, she was kind of right and making him feel all bad and guilty because he didn't deserve any of their friendships, and yet they were willing to move past his bullying history.

"W—what?" she stuttered nervously, eyes darting from her tiny feet and up to his eyes.

"Do you really want to know why they still treat you like shit?" he asked.

She paused, thinking over it for a moment. "No," she murmured honestly, "but I still feel the need to know due to some form of morbid curiosity."

"It's 'cause you're insane. And intense. And _totally psycho_."

Rachel frowned. "I don't understand how you came to those conclusions. I have excellent mental health and—"

"Dude, you just need to..." he paused, eyebrows furrowed in thought, "Look, I don't even know. But when you expect every solo and feel the need to turn everything into a competition, it just, like, _sucks_ all the fun outta Glee. And Glee is _barely_ fun in the first place. What, with all the retarded dancing and ridiculous amount of show tunes. Everyone joined Glee because they like to sing for fun. And you take that away. Like, _all the goddamn time._ Every time you open your mouth, practically."

She huffed indignantly and said, "I do _not _suck all the fun—"

Puck interrupted her by making a loud, obnoxious sucking noise. His hands grabbed at the air and he mimed sucking it in.

She looked at him, completely offended. And speechless. Crossing her arms, she glared at him.

"You're like a big _fun-sucking vacuum_," he said wisely and nodding solemnly.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him. "So you're saying I need to stop 'sucking the fun' out of Glee?" she deadpanned.

"Yes," he said seriously.

And then a series of emotions flitted across her face. It was like she was having an internal battle of epic proportions. "Fine," she bit out. "How…how would I go about doing that?"

Puck raised an eyebrow. "About doing what?" he asked slowly.

She rolled her eyes upwards and Puck was pretty sure she was praying for extra strength. "What I mean to say is…what could I do differently?"

Puck shrugged apathetically. "I dunno. Give someone else a chance to sing. And stop being so demanding. And you've got to stop with the crazy. It freaks everyone out. Half the reason why they don't wanna be friends with you is 'cause of your crazy. It's, like, a special or certain brand of crazy."

She stared at him. "Thank you for your help and great advice," she said sarcastically.

"No problem, Berry," he deadpanned, before punching her on the shoulder like she was some dude. And with that, he got into his truck and peeled out of the parking lot, thinking about his super weird conversation with Rachel.

But the next rehearsal, she came with her infamous _I'm sorry!_ cookies (which were _damn _good), gave a public speech apologizing for being who she was and promised that she'd try to behave differently in the future, and refused to sing any solos (for that day).

When she suggested that they did Roxanne by The Police, with him on lead vocals, Puck had grunted that the cookies were pretty good.

And when she beamed at him, he hadn't felt that usual feeling of wanting to light himself on fire. Which was a start.


	7. Frenemies

A/N: I feel the need to explain why I wrote Rachel the way I did at the end of the last Slushie Shot because even though I got a lot of really nice comments, I did get a few concerns about how I wrote Rachel and Puck's conversation. I feel that Rachel, and while I love her dearly (she's my favorite female character), she is in need of a personality makeover. But not, like, an insane, intense _plastic surgery_ makeover, but one where you have, like, a zit or pimple or bags and need to cover it up with foundation. Yeah, okay, that was a horrible analogy. And I don't wear makeup anyway, so—never mind, that's not important.

Basically, I hadn't meant to imply that Rachel needed to completely change herself to make friends. She just needed to calm down here and there and let other people take on solos. And while Mercedes and Kurt are competitive, they're nowhere near as intense as Rachel. But because of her, I think Mercedes and Kurt feel the need to up the ante, so to say.

Anyway, if you think that they weren't in character, my fullest apologies. It just proves that I need to improve my writing.

On a lighter note, Dani's back (sorta)! And I breathe life into Mike and Matt's characters (sorta, mostly Mike's)!

* * *

It was another day of football practice, so he knew that Rachel would be at his house watching Dani again. For the past two-and-a-half weeks whenever he knew she was coming over, he went and made plans with Finn, Mike, or Matt. Today was a little different because when Puck suggested they go and do something, Matt made some smartass comment about Puck being extra clingy lately.

Backing him up, Mike deadpanned, "Puck, being super clingy is totally unattractive. We may have to break up with you if you keep this up, man." Finn and Matt snickered in the background.

Puck glared at them. "I just really don't want to stay home," he muttered.

"Why?" Finn asked, pulling his shirt over his head.

Puck paused. He hadn't told anyone about Rachel's arrangement with his family and he knew for a fact that she hadn't told anyone either. Well, the specifics, anyway. The other Glee clubbers knew that Rachel watched some little kid but she was always careful to never mention her name or anything else. So he shrugged and said, "My mom got a babysitter for my sister. I just wanna hang out because I don't have to be home watching her anymore. I think she's gonna be staying for awhile." _Or forever, if Dani gets her way…_

Finn frowned. "Did your mom finally wise up and get an ugly babysitter so you won't try and make out with her or whatever?"

A beat. "Something like that," Puck answered vaguely. He had eyes and while it annoyed him to admit it, Rachel Berry was decidedly _not_ ugly. "So are we gonna hang or not?" Puck asked irritably.

"Can't. I'm hanging out with Quinn," Finn said happily.

Matt shook his head. "Sorry, dude. I have to help my cousin move into his apartment."

"Tina and I think we're somehow related so we're making our families meet each other," Mike said seriously. "What?" he asked when he was met with no response other than their blank, unblinking stares. "Dude, it's _totally plausible._ Her last name is _Cohen-Chang_ and mine is _Chang_. And get this," Mike paused, grinning excitedly, "one of her parents got _remarried!_ What if they got remarried into _my family_? And we're, like, _secretly_ _related_ or some shit?" And then he mimed his head exploding, complete with sound effects.

Matt and Finn looked at each other, grins threatening to break out across their faces. Puck just clutched his side, laughing hysterically.

"Dude, isn't _Chang_ just, like, a super common Chinese last name?" Puck snickered.

Mike's face fell. "Crap! We hadn't thought of that."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Well, you guys are losers and I'm out." He turned to Mike, "I hope everything works out for you guys."

Sighing, Mike mumbled, "All I ask for is that we're cousins."

"You're so fucking weird, Chang," he muttered, shaking his head and leaving his friends behind.

So with nothing else to do, Puck drove home and parked in his driveway next to Rachel's car. He walked through the front door and looked around the house, which looked cleaner than it ever did before Rachel walked into his house. He sort of likes the cleanliness, but he mostly just thinks it's super weird that _Rachel Berry _is cleaning his house. And occasionally stays late to make dinner.

It was oddly quiet in the house, but he shrugged to himself, not thinking too much of it and heads upstairs to his room. He's in his room for about ten minutes before the door opens and a scream makes him jump up from his bed.

It's Rachel. Because _it's always Rachel Berry, dammit._

"Jeez, Berry! I live here, so calm down." He slowly sat back down on his bed.

Rachel nearly dropped the laundry basket full of clothes and puts a hand up to her chest, trying to even out her breathing. "I'm sorry," she said, "I wasn't aware that you were home." And then she stood there, eyes darting back and forth awkwardly.

Puck eyed the basket resting on her hip. "Did you…do laundry? Berry, you're starting to freak me out. You don't actually live here, you know."

Rachel frowned at his joke. "Yes, I'm aware that I do not live here. And, yes, I did do some laundry. Not to worry, I only laundered Dani's clothes. Your mother and you are old enough to do your own laundry. And I'm not even going to mention the inevitable embarrassment that that could entail."

He frowned. "Okay. Then why are you in my room with that laundry basket?"

"Oh! I almost forgot," she said as she grabbed a football jersey with _PUCKERMAN_ and his number across the back from the top of the basket. "This is yours. I'm not sure how it found its way into Dani's hamper, but here."

"No, it's hers," Puck said, looking at it. "Mine's in my closet."

Rachel looked confused and slowly lowered her arm. "Oh." Her eyebrows furrowed. "Surely, it must reach down to her feet?"

Puck smirked fondly. "Her shins, actually. She usually just sleeps in it." He paused. "And once, she went as a footballer for Halloween in it."

"I see," Rachel smiled as images of Dani in the football jersey ran quickly through her mind. "She's asleep, by the way. In case you were wondering why it's so quiet," Rachel suddenly blurted out.

Puck raised an eyebrow, but decided to save her any further embarrassment by saying, "I was wondering, actually."

Rachel was quiet for a minute or two and then she bit her lip nervously before a look of steely determination settled across her features.

Puck recognized that face. It was the _Rachel Berry Game Face, _which meant that she going to give a speech in approximately zero seconds. He took a deep breath, laid back on his pillows and got comfortable.

"Noah, I realize that we haven't always gotten along. But you have stopped throwing those slushies in my face, for which I am more than grateful for. I also realize that out of everyone in this arrangement, you are unhappy with my new occupation as your sister's keeper. However, I've grown to really like Dani and I think she's grown attached to me—"

"She's totally obsessed with you," he interrupted flatly.

"—so I think it would be safe to say that this will continue for an undisclosed amount of time," she paused to take a breath, not even registering his interruption. "I've noticed that you're never home when I'm here. Well, except for dinner. But that's because I believe that you actually enjoy my cooking but like to make me think otherwise. Anyway, obviously, it is your decision if you want to leave all the time and part of the reason why I'm here is so that you don't have to be home, but I think it would be a tad ridiculous if you were going through such lengths to avoid me."

"The _point_, Berry."

"Yes. I'm getting there. While I'm sorry that you find me so abrasive and annoying that you must physically leave your house all the time, I think it would be better if you stayed home some days." When he looked at her skeptically, she sighed and said, "I sort of promised Dani that I wouldn't mention this part, but she said that she misses you. She mentioned it very briefly in passing earlier today, but I could tell that she'd prefer for you to be home more often and played a more active brotherly role in her life."

When Puck remained silent, she continued, "Plus, we're in a recession. You have to pay to do anything remotely interesting here in Lima. Well, I suppose you could go to the park and throw around various sports' balls, but that seems redundant since you've got football practice."

Puck sighed. "Fine. I'll stay home more often." It wasn't like Mike, Matt, or Finn came up with the coolest ideas for hanging out anyway. The other day, they sat in Finn's basement, throwing around a football. While talking about football. It had been totally pathetic and painfully lame.

"And I think this would provide an excellent opportunity to know each other better and help us get along, since it would only benefit Dani and Glee if we were friends. Or, if you're opposed to that term, I'm okay with_ 'friendly acquaintances'._" She stopped. "I will tentatively consider the term '_frenemies_', even though I don't really view it as a proper word, but I understand that most people our age embrace it, anyway."

"…Are you done?" Puck asked, staring blankly at her.

Rachel paused, thinking. "Yes. I believe I am."

"Thank_ god_. I thought you were never gonna shut up." Before Rachel could appear hurt, Puck sighed again and said, "I sort of hate that you're right. About everything. I can't avoid my home, or you, apparently, for forever. So I might as well man up and learn to deal with your crazy."

She smiled softly at him, looking relived. "Okay."

"But we're still not telling anyone else about how you're practically living here now."

"Not a word," she agreed as she nodded.

Suddenly, tiny footsteps sounded into the room, followed by a nappy yawn. "Noah? You're home?" Dani stood at his door, sleepily rubbing at an eye.

From the look on Rachel's face, it appeared as if her heart had melted. "How was your nap, Dani?"

"It was good!" she said, becoming more alert and awake. She looked at her big brother and cocked her head to the side. "It feels like you haven't been home in _forever_."

"I was here last night for dinner," Puck deadpanned.

The little girl rolled her eyes. "You know what I meant."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying you missed me?"

Dani wrinkled her nose. "No! I didn't miss you for a _second_," she said vehemently.

"I forgot how much of a brat you were."

"I forgot how much of a meany butt you were."

A momentary lapse into silence as Puck and Dani stared each other down, with Rachel standing by the doorway trying to keep the grin off her face, before both siblings shrugged and said, "That's fair."


	8. Ready For Action

A/N: So I missed a day! It was bound to happen!

Yeah. This grossed me out, too. But I hope he's in character. You'll know who. Some allusions to Pugnacious Puck, so there's pre-established friendship again.

(I feel that I mention Puck's nunchucks a lot. And that I should stop. But I think I have a problem because I _can't_.)

* * *

"You need to stop sexually harassing me! I _will_ press charges!" Rachel hisses under her breath to the awkward boy in front of her.

"But I love you," he replies, "And your body."

Rachel glares at Jacob Ben-Israel, refusing to look disgusted or terrified. "As romantic as that is, Jacob, I need to you to kindly _back off_." She realizes that standing at 5'3''; she isn't all that threatening, but she forces herself to sound as menacing as possible.

"I just need you to _be with me_. Or at least have sex with me," he tells her seriously.

Not being able to hold it in any longer, she finally gags in absolute disgust. "I don't know how you live with yourself, you evil, disgusting fiend."

"With hot, kinky sex dreams of you."

Before Rachel can dignify a response to that, a voice sounded behind her. "You better just keep on dreaming, Jew-Fro, 'cause that's the only action you're _ever_ gonna get."

Jacob's eyes widen and he actually, literally _squeaks_ and Rachel's head whips around so fast that she almost gets whiplash.

Standing behind her was Noah Puckerman, in full _Badass Mode_, complete with a _ready for action_ pose. Rachel quickly wonders why she just referred to Puck as an action figure before blurting out, "Noah? What are you doing here?"

His facial expression clearly reads _I'm about to save your _ass_, Berry. Keep up, _but he says, "Berry, is this guy bothering you?"

She wants to say that _Yes, he _has_ been harassing me all day long_, but she knows that will end with Puck throwing a punch or swinging his nunchucks or some other horrible form of violence. So she shoots him a tight smile and says in a clipped tone, "No, Jacob wasn't bothering me."

Puck raises a masculine eyebrow, crossing his arms and looking at her. "What, you two trading sex dreams or something?"

Her face burns red hot and she stands there, baffled. "W-what? Of course not!" she finally stutters. "He was…just telling me…about _his_ dreams…" She winces at her uncertainty and at the roughly strung together sentence. _Yeah, nice one, Rachel. _

He gives her an incredulous look before turning to Jacob. "Scram and go play with yourself because no one else will," he says in a low growl.

With another humorous high-pitched squeak, Jacob sprints down the hallway.

"Berry, c'mon, just let me punch the little freak."

"_No_, Noah. I don't condone fighting," she says. "Especially after last time."

Puck levels his gaze at her as she finally opens her locker without Jacob distracting her. "What if I trip and his face is nice enough to catch my fist?"

She gives him a look over her shoulder as she moves to put her books in her locker.

He leans on a nearby locker and frowns. "This isn't the first time I've seen him giving you shit."

Rachel pauses before grabbing a book from her locker. "I can handle it," she says curtly.

"Oh, really?" From the tone of his voice, she can tell that he doesn't believe her and she turns her head to glare at him.

"Why don't you believe me?"

"You're, like, the size of an elf," he scoffs.

Taking offense to that, she shuts her locker and fully turns to face him. "Noah, I know that as a teenage boy, and for whatever reason, you have a strange fixation of fighting, and while I think it's almost sweet that you're willing to waste your time and energy on Jacob like you did with those aggressive jocks last time, I'm pleading with you to not start anything with him."

He looks at her. "You're telling me not to fight?" he snorts, "I'm _Pugnacious Puck_, remember?"

She grins at him. "You know what 'pugnacious' means?"

"Yeah, okay. Kurt told me what it meant the first time you called me that," he admits, looking only a little bit embarrassed.

Rachel rolls her eyes, but laughs. "Just promise you won't waste any of your time on him, okay?"

Puck stands up and purses his lips. "Fine," he spits out, "but if I see him trying to touch you in any way, I get to go _apeshit_ on his already messed up face."

She wrinkles her nose. "That's revolting."

"Not as revolting as Jew-Fro's face," Puck says seriously.

Rachel pauses before agreeing with a nod. "He is rather unfortunate-looking. Come on, we'll be late for Glee."

* * *

Rachel is given three days free of Jacob's creepy stalking before it happens again. At her locker, like usual.

"Oh, god," she mutters quietly before taking a deep breath and exhaling slowing her mouth, readying herself for the very near onslaught of sexual comments that grossed out even _Noah Puckerman_.

"Hey, Rachel 'Smokin'' Berry," he greets with a leer. "Your short skirt makes your legs look super hot. But they'd be hotter wrapped around my waist."

She purses her lips and tries to ignore him.

"May I say that your hair is looking particularly soft and shiny and inviting today?"

"You already did," she points out flatly.

"Oh. Right." Jacob says as he looks at her intently. "I really want to touch it," he murmurs, his hand already reaching out to for her brown hair.

"Stop it!" she yells, closing her eyes and flinching away.

She hears a thud and the sound of flesh smacking against the metal lockers, but she still doesn't open her eyes. "O—ow!" Jacob suddenly whimpers and it is only then that she tentatively looks up.

Puck's standing there calmly, pinning Jacob's wrist to the locker, his arm in a sort of painful-looking twist.

Rachel looks at Puck, too surprised to speak.

"Hey, Berry," he grins lazily. "'Sup?" Before she even has a chance to answer, Puck takes the hand that wasn't pinning Jacob's wrist and shoves the curly-haired boy into the locker hard enough that his face becomes smashed up against it and he is _drooling_. "Look, but don't touch," he hisses into his ear.

"Noah!" Rachel yelps, turning red.

Puck rolls his eyes but smirks. "Don't look, either, got it?"

Jacob gives a tiny, feeble whimper and nods pathetically. Puck lets him go and his smirk widens as he watches the shorter boy run away as fast as he can. He waits until he can't see his back anymore and turns to Rachel.

His facial expression clearly reads _Dude, I'm _totally_ awesome. And badass._

Rachel's facial expression clearly reads _Argh, Noah, keep your testosterone levels to a minimum._

She tries to tell him such, but Puck quickly rolls his eyes and says, "Relax, Berry. Before you start harping on me, let me just point out that his face isn't any uglier than before. Isn't that, like, progress or whatever?"

Rachel stares at him before realizing that he had a made a valid point. Sure, there was a bit of physical assault, but it was practically nothing if you factored in Puck's love for his Fight Club that he still attended weekly. "I suppose," she admits reluctantly.

"Right?" Puck says, obviously pleased and proud of himself.

She rolls her eyes and starts walking towards the choir room, but Kurt quickly flies to her side. "Yes, Kurt?"

"Did Puck just rough up that boy with the unfortunate perm for you?"

"Yes."

"Why do I find that so romantic and strangely hot?"


	9. Baking Cookies

A/N: Uh. I hope you find it amusing. At least a little. Yeah.

* * *

It was yet another Tuesday afternoon, and Puck was still at football practice when Rachel was watching Dani and they were baking cookies in the Puckermans' kitchen.

Well, Rachel was already mixing the second batch and was letting Dani decorate the first batch (because much like everything else Rachel does, she takes baking very seriously and intensely and poor Dani hadn't done much during the first batch of cookies).

"Why'd you make them in the shape of stars? Don't you have any other cookie cutters?" Dani asked curiously, while icing her name onto a cookie, sitting at the kitchen table.

Rachel smiled and said, "It's a metaphor, and metaphors are important. Those stars are a metaphor for me being a star one day."

"Like, a famous one?" Dani asked in awe as she looked up from her cookie.

"Yes. A very famous one."

"Wow," she whispered, before quickly snapping out her stupor. "You better not forget me when you're famous, Rachel," she said, completely serious, "Or you'll regret it."

Rachel gave a short laugh, the one that Dani always thought was pretty and sweet, even if it was a bit loud. "I'll send you letters and expensive gifts that you'll have absolutely no need for," Rachel joked.

With a slow nod, Dani replied with a teasing smile, "See? That's all I'm askin' for."

Rachel grinned and shook her head. They lapsed into a comfortable silence as Dani decorated more cookies and Rachel started cutting the cookies into stars and putting them onto the pan.

"Rachel?" Dani asked, hesitantly, now icing her brother's name onto a cookie. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course! What is it?" she replied, taking the cookie cutter and placing it onto a section of the dough.

"Do you and Noah ever…kiss?"

The question came as such a shock to Rachel that the star she was cutting out ended up lopsided and strangely cut off. "Excuse me?" she mumbled in shock, her voice strangely high-pitched.

Dani shrugged her little shoulders and said, "Noah's always bringing over pretty girls and sometimes they kiss or whatever. You're pretty. And you're, like, _always_, over. And Noah finally stopped avoiding you all the time."

"Uh, no, sweetie," Rachel said, laughed nervously, "I can honestly say that Noah and I have never kissed. And _we never will_," she finished with certainty.

The little girl frowned. "Why? Do you think he's ugly? All my friends think he's totally hot, which is gross. And super weird. Sometimes it's kinda funny. Like, if they're over and Noah says something to us, they'll start drooling. He thinks all my friends are dumb because of it, though."

Rachel hesitated, before choosing her words carefully in a slow, articulate manner, "Dani, your brother is, well, rather attractive even with his terrible haircut, but he and I don't like each other in that way. To be honest, we just _recently_ became friends of a sort."

"Oh, okay," Dani said, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice. Because if Rachel started dating her big bro, she would most _definitely _be a step up from that super mean girl, Santana. And Rachel changed her clothes every day. And she didn't wear her hair in a stupid ponytail _all the time_.

With a worried frown, the older girl asked, "Dani, do you…do you often walk in on your brother kissing other girls?"

"Sometimes," Dani shrugged. "Once I walked in on him doing something like pushups or whatever on Santana. _That_ was really weird," she said with a wrinkling of her nose. "He kicked me out really fast."

Dropping her jaw in shock, Rachel paled considerably at what that implied. When she still hadn't said anything for a while, Dani looked up at her in confusion.

"Are you okay, Rachel?"

Clearing her throat awkwardly, she waved her off. "Yeah, yeah! I'm fine!"

_I need to give Noah a stern talking to._

The front door opened and Puck strolled into the kitchen, as if answering Rachel's wishes. "Whoa! Cookies?" he said excitedly, running into the kitchen. He began reaching for an already decorated cookie before Rachel sprinted over to the table and smacked Puck's hand away.

"None for you!" she blurted out.

Puck gave her his usual confused look whenever she did something crazy. "What the hell?"

Turning to Dani, she suggested brightly, "Why don't you go upstairs and pick out the movie you wanted us to watch?"

"Okay!" she chirped, running up the stairs without a backwards glance.

She waited until Dani was gone before turning to Puck. "You're disgusting, Noah Puckerman!" Rachel hissed at him, eyes narrowed into slits.

"What are you talking about? I just wanted a cookie," Puck said defensively, eyeing the cookies forlornly. "Look! Dani even put my name on one of them!" He pointed at said cookie childishly.

"No, she didn't!" Rachel yelled, reaching over and grabbing the bag of icing on the table. Puck watched with a sort of fascinated horror as Rachel began squeezing the icing all over his name. "There!"

Puck carefully backed away. "Dude, what are you _on_, today?"

"Dani and I had an interesting conversation today, while you were at football practice."

"Whatever she said, it's probably not true. You don't know how devious and manipulative Dani can be. It's okay, though," Puck said solemnly, "You're just a chick, and for whatever reason, chicks love little kids and can't see past the surface and into their dark, evil, twisted minds."

Rachel gave him a funny look. "What are you talking about?" Then she shook her head. "Never mind that! This is about your _little_ _sister_ and how she _walked in_ on you while you were—" she paused, trying to think of a word, "—_intimate_ with one of your girlfriends!" she hissed.

He looked at her, dumbfounded. "She told you about that?" When Rachel nodded fervently, Puck winced painfully. "Yeah, that was my bad."

"I cannot believe you were dumb enough to do such a thing with Dani home! That's absolutely wrong and that's not even mentioning all the possible trauma it could have caused!"

"Hey!" Puck said defensively. "Dani wasn't even home when I brought Santana over, okay? Mrs. Rosenberg saw that my truck was home and that I must have just 'forgotten to pick up Dani due to an exhausting football practice', so she was '_kind_' enough to drop her off. I wasn't gonna pick her up until Santana and I were done, I _swear_."

This seemed to placate Rachel a little. "Really?"

Puck looked pained, as if he didn't want to admit this next part, "I…_care_—" he paused, looking as if he swallowed something nasty, "—enough about my sister to make sure she doesn't have to go through any traumatizing shit, okay?" He paused and shrugged. "Besides, she totally bought the whole pushups thing, so no damage, right?"

Rachel rolled her eyes but plucked up the star-shaped cookie with the large squiggle on it that had once spelled out _NOAH _and held it out for him. "Here's your cookie," she mumbled quietly.

"_Thank you_," Puck said, snatching it out of her hand and taking an enormous bite.

"But that's the only one you get."

Puck rolled his eyes and reached over to grab an undecorated cookie, only to have his hand smacked away for the second time. "Ow!"


	10. Fort

A/N: After trying, and failing, to write two different Slushie Shots with angst/drama, I've come to the conclusion that I can't do it. I make too many jokes that I end up having to delete.

So, I bring you this annoyingly fluffy and silly one, and Dani makes another appearance. I'm trying to use her sparingly, but that manipulative little girl just keeps popping up.

(Oh, and Alimard, I know I said Kurt would make an appearance. But it appears that I accidentally lied because I scrapped those Slushie Shots. )

* * *

Puck was used to coming home after school to Rachel Berry at his home. Sometimes, she's doing something mundane and sort of normal, like watching a movie with Dani or helping her with homework. Other times, it's a little bit more trippy (and he'll probably never get used to it), where she's cleaning and vacuuming or cooking or whatever.

(Once, though, he came home to Rachel training Dani to become, like, a _mini-Rachel Berry_ or some shit, by teaching her to sing and dance in the living room. Puck had stood there in the doorway, shocked, before slowly closing the door and made his way upstairs into his room before they saw him. He still pretends that that never happened. Even though Rachel and Dani had sat him and his mother down after dinner for the show.)

Today's experience, however, was a new one.

Puck came home to find the chairs that usually sat at his dining table pulled out into the living room, lined up evenly next to the couch. There were blankets and comforters covering the backs of the chairs and connecting with the couch.

There was a _freakin' fort_ in his living room.

A bit dumbfounded, "Huh," was all he managed before his little sister's head peeked out from between the sheets.

"Noah!" she giggled. "Look! Rachel helped me build it!" And then scrambled out of the fort and stood up. She had a towel wrapped around her neck like a cape and a paper crown on her head.

He eyed the mess of blankets and chairs wearily. "You guys built a fort," Puck said flatly.

Rachel stuck her head out of the fort and smiled up at him. "Yes, we did."

"Not just _any_ fort," Dani interjected. "It's the _Almighty Fort of Impenetrableness."_

Puck ran his hands over his face and turned to march up the stairs. "I'll leave you two weirdoes to it, then."

"It's make-believe! I'm a queen, and Rachel's a princess," Dani explained haughtily. "No relation," she added quickly, "Cause that'd be super weird and gross if I was her mom."

Puck didn't know why he found this to be so funny, but he did. "How did you turn out _so weird_?" he snickered.

"You're the one with the Mohawk," Dani pointed out, squinting an eye at him.

The snickering came to an immediate stop. "Hey, my Mohawk is _awesome_."

Rachel laughed quietly and crawled out of the fort and stood up. Smoothing her hair down, she said, "I think Dani wants you to play along." She pursued her lips to keep the grin off her face.

"Yeah! You can be the court jester!" Dani clapped excitedly.

He looked at his little sister, incredulous. "_What_?" he snapped.

"…Or a knight!" his sister quickly amended. "Or a prince. And you could marry Rachel!"

Puck groaned and rubbed his face with his hands again. First his mother, and now his sister? "Can't I just go to my room?"

"Let me knight you!" Dani whined. "I promise you can go to your room and we won't bother you until dinner."

He gave another loud, obnoxious groan before relenting. "Fine," he said, bored and expressionless. He shot Rachel a glare when he heard her giggle, which only made her giggle harder.

Dani cleared her throat before standing to her full height of 3 and-a-half feet. (She was one of the smaller girls in her class.) "Noah Puckerman," she said in a loud, snotty voice. "Kneel before your queen!"

"You have got to be kidding me," Puck muttered, looking pained. God forbid that someone was dumb enough to ever give his little sister any _real_ power.

She stomped her feet. "Noah!" she hissed, in her normal voice, "_Do it_!" And then she gave a little kick to his shin and he gaped at her.

"What the hell?" he sputtered, glaring at her. When she crossed her arms and pouted at him, he rolled his eyes and kneeled down in front of his little sister.

"Oh, wait! Hold on!" she exclaimed, scrambling back into the fort for a moment.

Puck gave Rachel a look of complete irritation, mixed with a little bit of pain.

Rachel gave him a look of absolute amusement.

Dani popped back out and held up a worn-looking teddy bear. The eyes didn't match as one appeared to be an original and the other seemed to be a button that was hastily sewn on. At Puck's look of confusion, she rolled her eyes. "I don't have a sword," she said flatly.

"Oh." Puck realized that that still hadn't explained anything, but before he could say something else, Dani raised her teddy bear high into the air.

"I, Dani Puckerman, Lima's all powerful Queen, knight you!" she yelled, before bringing down the teddy bear onto Puck's head with a mighty _thwack_.

"Ow! I don't think you're doing this right!" Puck ducked his head, covering himself with his arms.

"Shut up. I'm doing it _my _way." And the only warning he got was a manic gleam in her eye before his crazy little sister started _whacking him with a teddy bear_.

At this particular moment, Rachel had _completely_ lost it and started laughing hysterically, clutching her side as she doubled over. She calmed down and chanced a look at the Puckerman siblings after a few minutes. But this turned out to be a bad decision because the image of Puck on the ground, protecting his face with his arms as Dani stood with a beat-up teddy bear held high above her head merely caused the pretty brunette to start another laughing fit.

After another barrage of teddy bear in his face, he growled. "That's it!" Puck roared, before gently tackling his little sister and pinning her to the ground.

"Noah! That's not fair!" she yelled, "You weigh, like, a _million pounds_!" as she struggled from underneath her brother. Puck hocked a loggie deep in the back of his throat and Dani's eyes widened. "No!" she wailed pathetically, struggling harder. "Why are you _so gross_?" she screamed.

Puck grinned before letting the bundle of spit dangle in front of his sister's face as a form or sadistic torture.

Rachel knew she should have stopped him, but she was afraid that if she startled him, he may accidentally let the spit land onto poor Dani's face.

Dani's eyes widened once again as they focused on the phlegm coming closer and closer to her face. She eventually went cross-eyed until Puck sucked the spit back into his mouth.

"That was disgusting!" Dani and Rachel said simultaneously. Dani's exclamation came out more as a whine, while Rachel just sounded truly disgusted.

Puck grinned evilly as he stood up and pulled her to her feet. "That's what you get, midget."

"Rachel! Do you see what I have to live with?" the little girl cried dramatically, running over to where she stood and flinging her arms around Rachel's waist. "What if that had landed on my _face_?"

She looked down at her sympathetically. "Aw, it's okay, Dani," Rachel soothed.

He rolled his eyes and gave her a look that said _Did you not just see the _evil_ that just happened? She attacked me with her teddy bear!_

Rachel bit her lip to keep from laughing again and shook her head.

Puck walked to the entrance of the fort and flipped one of the blankets to the side. Curiously, he leaned down and looked inside. There were dozens of pillows and half of Dani's plush collection littered around in the fort. "Whoa."

Dani pushed her big brother hard and Puck stumbled into the fort of blankets and pillows. "I'm going to wash my face a million times because I'm pretty sure that some of your gross spit landed on it!" she yelled as he fell onto some pillows and then she ran upstairs into the bathroom.

Puck shrugged and figured he might as well make himself comfortable as he turned onto his back and leaned against some fluffy pillows.

"Do you like what we've done to the place?" Rachel asked jokingly as she sat on her haunches and watched him with a slow smile.

He smirked lazily at her and patted the area next to him. "There's enough room for two," he said, winking.

She raised an eyebrow at his advance and said, "No, I think I'm fine out—ah!"

Puck had sat up and grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her into the makeshift fort with him. "I won't try anything, Berry," he drawled lazily, closing his eyes and settling back into the pillows. He yawned loudly and cracked his neck, wincing.

"Rough practice?" Rachel whispered from his side.

With a shrug, he mumbled, "Sort of."

She hummed understandingly, and sighed. "Dani wore me out today. I was going to take a power nap, but that would have been irresponsible."

He smirked proudly. "Yeah. She's a hyper little monster."

"That's the strangest term of endearment I've ever heard," Rachel murmured softly. "It looks like you could use a nap, too, and we can't both take a nap. One of us has to watch her. I was hoping she would take a nap so I could take one at the same time or something."

He opened his eyes and turned to look at her. "If you make her watch Cinderella or Snow White, she'll fall asleep. She loves Disney movies, but those two are her least favorite."

"Hm, maybe I could suggest that," Rachel said, grinning up at him. "Thank you."

"Are you two gonna kiss now?"

Both teenagers whipped to the opening of the fort. Dani was standing there, head cocked all the way to the side, curious expression on her face. She had taken off her towel and paper crown. "I can close my eyes if you want." And with that, her little hands flew to her face, cupping her eyes.

"Sorry, kid, no kissin' today. Turn to your Disney movies for that," Puck said flatly as Rachel's cheeks heated up.

"Oh," she said, lowering her arms. "Can I come in?" she asked timidly.

"Of course," Rachel said with a smile, holding out a hand to the little girl.

Her eyes brightened and she entered the fort and settled between Rachel and Puck, leaning on her brother's broad shoulder but holding onto Rachel's arm in a loose embrace.

The three of them laid there in silence for long while before Dani yawned.

"I love you guys," she mumbled, snuggling into Puck's shoulder and promptly falling asleep.

Rachel's eyes grew big at her little confession and she had to bite back the series of _'Aw's_ and coos threatening to break loose. She gave a little sniffle at the look of peace on the little girl's face as she rested on her brother. The entire scene was almost too adorable for Rachel to handle.

"Dude. Berry," Puck said, lifting his head and looking over at her, "You're not gonna cry, are you?"


	11. Messy Joe's

A/N: Because Puck hasn't been enough of an asshole. I tried to make the situation humorous, anyway.

And by the way: Oh my gosh! What is with you gentle readers? The last Slushie Shot got the most amount of reviews per chapter yet! Thanks so much, guys.

(Who watches the IT Crowd? No one? Okay, then. Never mind. I just stole the name of the name of a diner from there. I contemplated Luke's from Gilmore Girls, but that could've resulted in a super freaky crossover. And unrealistic. And cookies to the Psych reference. And the How I Met Your Mother one.)

* * *

Rachel showed up on Friday out of the blue right about an hour after school and because Puck was actually home, watching Dani himself, he just stood there, staring at the petite girl, confused.

"Hello, Noah," she greeted merrily.

"Berry, don't take this the wrong way, but what the hell are you doing here?"

Rachel never came over on Fridays because if he wasn't home, then his mother actually was. She also usually came home early from work so Puck could go out with his friends.

Deciding not to comment on his innate rudeness, Rachel replied, "I promised Dani that if she got an A on her math test, I'd treat her to some celebratory ice cream. She called me approximately ten minutes ago, alerting me of the good news."

Puck stared at her, momentarily panicking. The last time he'd stupidly given his little sister ice cream (because she wouldn't stop crying and this was all before he realized that it was just a trick), she'd somehow _morphed into a monster_ due to all the sugar. If Rachel went and took her for ice cream and then dropped her back off at home, it meant that _he'd_ have to deal with Dani's insanity while Rachel got home scot-free. He snorted and said, "_Hell_ no. You are not taking my sister anywhere."

Rachel blinked. "Why not? It's not like I'm kidnapping your little sister. I'm just taking her out for a bit of ice cream. It's perfectly harmless."

Puck raised an eyebrow at her naïve innocence. "Dude, Berry, you've never seen Dani after she's eaten ice cream. You don't even know the horror that little body can hold. It's like you and your crazy; there's so much of it bottled up in a tiny body. Dani's full of extreme _horror_."

She looked amused. "Noah Puckerman, are you implying that you're actually _scared_ of your little sister?"

"Fuck no!" Puck scoffed, "I ain't scared of _anything_, let alone a three foot midget!"

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "I find her precocious and adorable."

"Rachel! Are you here?" Dani bellowed, running down the stairs.

"Yes!" Rachel called back cheerfully.

Dani flew down the rest of the stairs and skidded to a stop in front of Rachel. "Hi!" she chirped.

Rachel laughed."Hi, Dani," she greeted warmly, leaning down to give her a hug. "Are you ready to go?" The little girl nodded enthusiastically. Rachel turned to Puck and hesitated for a moment.

"What, Berry?" Puck drawled lazily.

"Would you like to accompany us?" Rachel asked shyly.

"No," Puck said honestly, without even pausing to think about it.

Rachel hesitated again. "If she's truly a horror like you said, then I could use your help controlling her after she consumes copious amounts of ice cream. Plus, you would know when to cut her off. This is for cautionary measures. I do not want her eating too much and then crashing. It would also be unfortunate and disastrous if she accidentally threw up."

Dani paled considerably. "I'm gonna throw up?"

"What? No, midget. She's saying that if you eat too much ice cream then you might throw up." Puck sighed and ran his hand through his Mohawk. He really hated it when Rachel brought up all those good points. "Berry, it's your idea, so you need to deal with whatever Dani puts you through."

"My treat."

_Damn. _Who was he to go and pass up _free ice cream_? "Throw in some burgers and fries and it's a deal."

"Fair enough," Rachel said, shrugging. "I had something nice and healthy to eat before I came, so I'm not very hungry."

Puck wrinkled his nose. "What, is that code for '_I had carrots because I eat like a chick_'?"

"Carrots are _gross_," Dani interjected. Puck held out a hand in front of her and Dani slapped it in a triumphant high five.

"What the midget said."

"It was a _salad_," Rachel said, her voice coming out defensive and funny-sounding.

* * *

Rachel had let Dani pick the place, and she'd picked Messy Joe's. Rachel was just pulling into a parking spot as Puck came to a sudden realization.

"No!" Puck hissed, "We can't eat here!"

"But why? It's your favorite place, Noah. And I like their banana splits," Dani said, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Puck darted a glance at Berry and then at Dani. He couldn't take a chance eating at his, and the _entire_ football team's, favorite diner with _Crazy Rachel Berry_. It would've been embarrassing enough if he was seen with his little sister, but at least they would've understood why she was there (and the teasing would've _eventually _stopped). Rachel, on the other hand? How could he explain that? And if they were to find out that she'd been _baby-sitting_ his sister for the past few weeks? No way. He figured that with Finn, Matt, and Mike, they'd just hound him about Rachel for the next few weeks. And really, he got enough of that from his mother and sister.

Puck growled. "No. Freakin'. Way."

"That's not a reason!" Dani pouted.

Rachel sat in the driver's seat as they were parked outside Messy Joe's. She bit her bottom lip and looked at her hands resting on her lap. "You're embarrassed," she said simply.

"What?" he frowned, snapping all of his attention to her. He shushed his sister as she tried to say something.

She looked at him. "I understand and it's okay. But you're embarrassed because you might run into your friends here. The ones on the football team. And you don't want them to see me there, with you."

He paused. "…Maybe," he said lamely after a bit.

She shrugged. "It doesn't bother me. I understand the social hierarchy at McKinley High. But, I think everything will be fine if you were to come inside with me in tow," she said slowly.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah? Why do you think that?" he asked gruffly.

"Because if your friends were here, wouldn't they have invited you?" she asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

Puck hadn't thought of that. "Yeah, okay. Fine. Let's get some grub," he grunted, getting out of Rachel's car.

Rachel rolled her eyes but followed after him once Dani was by her side.

Once they were settled at Puck's favorite booth, one in the back corner, and the waiter came by to take their orders, Dani turned to Rachel, calling her name. When the older girl hummed in response, she continued, "What'd you mean by 'social hiearchy'? And why would Noah be embarrassed by you?"

Both older teens froze, before looking at each other quickly. Puck had never really told his little sister that he and Rachel just didn't run in the same social circles. And judging from Rachel's slightly embarrassed face, neither had she.

Choosing her words carefully, Rachel replied slowly, "Your brother and I aren't really…friends."

"Yeah, you are," Dani said simply. "You guys get along fine at home." Her tone was very much a _duh_ one.

Faltering, she said, "Um. Well. Noah and I don't really have the same friends when we're at school. So we don't really talk to each other. At all."

"You guys are both in Glee," Dani pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

"We don't really talk in Glee, either, so just _drop it_," Puck said in a tone that meant _serious business_ and even Dani knew that she should stop pushing it.

"Okay," she mumbled quietly, looking down at the table.

Rachel gave Puck a _Look at what you did now_ face, who just shrugged and looked out the window.

"Dani, you've got to understand that Puck and I are just different. We've got Glee in common, but that's really about it," Rachel explained, "And you."

Before Dani could even think of a response, Puck started cursing frantically under his breath.

"Noah?" Rachel asked, eyes widening. "What? What is it?"

"It's _the guys_!" Puck hissed back at her. He was now looking left and right for an escape.

Rachel looked out toward the big windows, connecting with the doors, and saw Finn, Mike, and Matt. "What do we do?" Rachel hissed. "We can't make it out of here without them noticing!"

Puck chose not to answer but to dive under the table instead. "Just don't let them see me!" he whispered.

"Noah, you idiot! They all know your sister!" Rachel cried.

"Shit!" And from under the table, he reached up and attempted to drag Dani down with him.

"Oh, no you don't!" She slapped her big brother's hands away. "The waitress is gonna come back with my ice cream soon!"

"They'll _recognize you_. And they'll know something's up if they see you with Berry!" Puck hissed.

Dani rolled her eyes and pulled the hood of her jacket up over her head and yanked hard on the strings so the hood scrunched up and over her eyes, revealing a tiny bit of her nose and just a bit of her mouth. "There!" she said, slightly muffled.

Rachel sat there, momentarily shocked by Dani's fast thinking and rather insane plan. The only thing she could say was, "Sweetie, how are you going to eat if you can't see?" She pulled up a menu and tried to hide behind it.

Dani shrugged. "I'll deal."

And deal she'd have to, because from a few booths over, Finn's voice sounded. "Hey! Hey, guys! Isn't that—isn't that _Rachel_?"

"We've been spotted!" Rachel hissed, reluctantly putting down the menu. "Dani, you've got to—"

"I know what to do," the little girl said sagely as Finn, Mike, and Matt finally made their way over.

"Hey, Rachel! What are you doin' here?" Finn asked. They all looked confused, but genuinely happy to see her there, and this made Rachel's heart swell. In a good way.

"Oh, hello, Finn! Matt, Mike," Rachel greeted, trying to sound as casual as possible. "I was feeling rather…hungry, so I decided to stop by."

And that was when the waitress walked by and dropped off Dani's banana split and Puck's (now Rachel's) gigantic double cheeseburger with extra fries. And a milkshake that was practically the size of Dani.

Finn, Matt, and Mike all raised their eyebrows at the amount of food that Rachel was about to 'consume'.

"That's a good-lookin' meal," Matt finally managed.

Mike's eyes widened. "Dude, that burger's, like, the size of a _baby head._" He paused, squinting at the burger and sizing it up with his hands. "It's actually bigger_," _he said matter-of-factly.

She gave them a painful smile and nibbled on a fry. "It's very good, indeed."

Mike turned to look at the little girl sitting across from Rachel, happily digging into her ice cream. "Uh. Who's this?"

Rachel began to panic internally. _What should I say? Should I say anything? Will Dani know what to do?_

"I'm Rachel's cousin, Robin Sparkles," Dani said, with such conviction that _Rachel_ almost believed her. She stuck a spoonful of vanilla into her mouth.

"Why is your hoodie all weird?" Mike asked, frowning, and motioning to his own head. "It's all…Eskimo-like…"

Without skipping a beat, Dani replied, "I'm from Alaska. It's cold and that's how _everybody_ wears a hoodie."

Puck's laughter from under the table turned into a quiet cough as Rachel kicked him in the ribs.

"Whoa!" Finn gasped. "No way! Rachel, you never told me that you had family in Alaska!" he turned to her, eyes bright with excitement.

She gave a forceful smile as she tried not to shake her head at Finn's naiveté. "She's, uh, visiting for a bit."

"I'm actually flying back home tonight, so you'll never see me again," Dani said seriously, waving her spoon at them.

Puck's abs were starting to hurt from holding in his laughter at his sister's ridiculous story that was _somehow working_. Thank god his friends were stupid.

The three football players stared at this strange little girl for a long while before Rachel decided that it would be best if the attention was on her. "So!" she said, clearing her throat loudly. "What are you three doing here?"

Mike shrugged. "Just wanted to hang out. We invited Puck, but he wasn't answering his cell phone."

_What the—? _Puck irritably pulled out his cell phone and flipped it open. His eyebrows furrowed at the black screen. Growing more agitated; he quickly turned it on and waited until it came back to life. His left eye twitched in annoyance at the one voicemail, three missed calls, and half a dozen text messages. All from _Mighty Changster_. He quickly read through the six messages.

_Puck, are you free today?_

_Go to Messy Joe's!_

_Dude, text back already._

_This isn't cool, man._

_Dude. Did you die or something?_

_Be alive, dammit! Be ALIVE._

Puck rolled his eyes and sent '_Can't. Baby sitting lil' sis.' _for a reply.

A couple seconds later, Mike shouted out, "Text message!" and proceeded to make some silly beeping noises, before stopping abruptly to pull out his cell phone.

Rachel looked confused at what had just transpired.

"It's his _I just got a text message!_ jingle," Matt explained flatly.

"It's _awesome," _Mike snorted as Rachel giggled, before reading the message and frowning. "Aw. Puck can't make it. He's baby-sitting Dani."

Dani, to her credit, continued eating her ice cream and didn't even look up when she was mentioned. Or maybe the ice cream was just too delicious to focus on anything else.

Finn shrugged and sighed. "Maybe Mrs. P couldn't get that new, ugly babysitter."

Rachel froze from smuggling Puck some of his own fries. "What?" she hissed.

_Oh shit. There goes my fries._

Finn looked at her sheepishly. "Puck told me about how his mom got a new babysitter that even he wouldn't touch."

Puck had to refrain from shouting out that _no, _he had said_ no such thing _and that Finn had better _shut the fuck up_ before Berry went _apeshit_ on him later. He got another swift kick to his ribs and bit back a grunt.

"Ugly baby sitter, huh?" Rachel asked conversationally.

Matt shrugged. "He didn't tell us who it was, though." He eyed Rachel's plate, with the burger still intact and just half the fries gone. "Uh, Rachel? You gonna eat that?"

"What?" Rachel frowned, before looking down at her plate in front of her. "Oh, oh yes! Of course. It's just— I just…" and then she looked away shyly, "I find it embarrassingly when guys watch me eat; especially something as messy as this monstrous burger." And then she looked up at them, still shyly, and watched as _they_ then became shy.

"Aw, Rach, it's no big deal!" Finn said, waving a hand back and forth.

"Yeah! It's totally cool when a girl can, like, eat her own weight."

"Thank you, Mike," Rachel said flatly.

He gave her a cheesy grin and thumbs up. Matt rolled his eyes and elbowed Mike, who then doubled over, clutching his ribs. "What is wrong with you? Your elbow is like a _chocolate harpoon_!"

"We'll stop bothering you so you can eat, Rach," Finn said apologetically, as he herded his friends away.

"I think Matt broke a rib!" came Mike's wailing. "I have to check this out!" And he ran to the guys' bathroom. Finn and Matt hurried after him, yelling at him to take his shirt off once he got _inside_ the bathroom.

Rachel slapped down a twenty dollar bill and shot up out of the booth, screaming, "Go! Go! Go!"

Dani finished off the cherry and pushed the hood off her head, standing up quickly.

Puck scrambled out from under the table and snatched his burger off the plate, taking a huge bite. "C'mon!" he said around the mouthful, sprinting toward the door.

They ran into Rachel's car and that was when she slowed down. "Is everybody buckled—"

"_Drive_, Berry!" Puck shouted, as he saw his friends exit the bathroom. He ducked below the dashboard and took another bite.

"Noah! Are you eating in my car?" Rachel screamed as she backed out of her parking spot.

"…Nhh!"

"Noah Puckerman, if you so much as drop a single _smidgen_ of ketchup or mustard, I will—"

"Oh, relax, Berry," Puck scoffed after swallowing another bite. "We made it out of there _alive_," he said, smirking wickedly.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I wasn't aware that we were in a life-or-death situation," she said dryly.

"Noah, your friends are _so stupid_ if they believed anything I said," Dani giggled.

Wincing, he turned to face Dani in the backseat. "I know, midget, I know." He settled back into his seat, grinning to himself for making it out of Messy Joe's and took another bite, before Rachel said something that nearly made him choke.

"So, _ugly babysitter_, huh?"


	12. Cupid's Arrow

A/N: This one takes place sometime after Sectionals and is loosely linked to _The Adventures of Pugnacious Puck_. (Is this getting old? I'm sorry. I'm just still horribly amused by the alliteration and how fitting it is.)

So, the response for last chapter had me flailing in surprise and happiness. You know how I said the chapter with the fort had the most reviews yet? Um. That was a lie. Messy Joe's has the most reviews so far, and that chapter was probably the most fun I've ever had while writing.

I dunno, I kinda hated this chapter. And by the end of it, I'm pretty sure I lost my mind, cause the ending of this is so...weird. But hey, I give Kurt more than two lines in this one! Yeah!

* * *

Rachel watches the reflection of her locker mirror of Puck flirting with the new blonde of McKinley High. The new _attractive_ blonde, with the clear, water-blue eyes and slim, athletic figure.

_She's just as pretty as Quinn,_ Rachel realizes sadly. She sighs, deciding to stop the torture and closes her locker door.

"I know that look. That's the look you used to have whenever you saw Finn and Quinn together," Kurt says knowingly behind her.

Startled, Rachel quickly shoots back, "It is not!"

"Oh, but it is," Kurt says, raising a delicate eyebrow.

She doesn't say anything, just sighs and leans against her locker, trying to avoid looking at Puck and his newest conquest. Rachel could already tell that the blonde was falling for him, hook, line, and sinker, from the look of lust and awe on her face.

"This is sickening," she finally mumbles, grabbing Kurt's arm and leading him away from the scene with her.

They round a corner before he stops her. "Sweetie," Kurt says, and somehow, it doesn't come out condescendingly like it usually does, "when did this happen?" His voice is soft and understanding as his eyes searched over hers to spot any lies.

"I don't know," Rachel says honestly, slowing becoming panicked, her eyes wide and darting. "It just…_did_."

Pursing his lips, Kurt says, "Fine. That's fair. We never know when Cupid will inconveniently strike with his annoying arrow into our asses." Rachel mumbles something like '_Tell me about it'. _And Kurt continues softly, "When did you stop liking Finn, then?"

"A while ago," Rachel admits quietly, looking down at her feet. "Whenever I realized that Finn would never look at me like he does with Quinn. And when he took her back after 'Babygate', as we've all fondly named it."

"Sweetie! That was _forever_ ago!"

"Kurt, it's been close to two months," Rachel says with a frown.

"My comment still stands," Kurt says. "In high school, two months is practically forever," he says sagely.

"I suppose that holds _some_ truth," she sighs.

"So you have feelings for tall, dark, and Mohawk now?" Kurt asks after a beat of silence. "I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised. Have you noticed how he's been working extra hard to be your hero lately?" he asked cheekily. Her cheeks flare, but Kurt's far from done. To Rachel's horror, Kurt proceeds to sing _I Need a Hero_ under his breath before she smacks him on the arm. He stops, but snickers mercilessly at her.

"I don't know," Rachel says, panicking all over again. "Sometimes I think I might, but most of the time I just find him rude and infuriating."

"Find _who_ rude and infuriating?" a low voice asks, causing Kurt and Rachel to jump, gasping in surprise.

There is a moment of awkward tension as Puck looks at their expressions of guilt. The fashionable soprano quickly springs into action. "Well, ta-ta, darlings! I must be off!" Kurt yells over a shoulder and with a waggling of his manicured nails as he sashays down the hallway.

Puck stares after him in confusion, mumbling, "…the hell?" before turning back to Rachel with a raised eyebrow. "Do I even wanna know?"

"It's Kurt," Rachel says.

Puck nods and then cocks his head to the side in curiosity. "So? Who's rude and infuriating?"

"No one," she replies, as lightly as possible.

"Has some douche been bothering you?" Puck asks lowly, leaning closer into her.

Eyes widening, she takes a step back, not wanting to get any closer to Puck than she has to. "N—no," she says in a breathy voice.

"Berry?" Puck frowns, "You okay?" He places a hand out to steady her but she flinches away. His frown deepens.

"Fine," she bites out. "Why don't you go check up on your new _blonde friend_," Rachel mumbles stiffly.

Puck looks at her, stunned. "What are you talking about, Berry?"

She glares up at him, "That girl you were just talking to. She was practically all over you!" (Okay, that was a bit of a lie, the new girl had been too shy and coy to make the first physical touch and Puck hadn't really done anything either.)

Puck only looks more confused before the realization dawns on him. And then he starts _laughing_ at her, much to her suppressed anger and ever-growing hurt.

"You don't have to laugh," she says sadly, cheeks heating up. Her eyes dart left and right, before she tries to run off. "I'll talk to you later," she whispers.

"Whoa, whoa! C'mere, Berry," he says, latching onto her upper arm and spinning her around. Puck looks down at her, eyes twinkling with mirth and a wide smirk splayed across his full lips. "You're _jealous_," he says, and his voice is practically _singing_.

She feels the blood drain from her face before flooding back with a rush. "That's preposterous!"

"Preposterously _true_."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Noah," she says.

Puck rolls his eyes, but the smirk is still present on his face. "I'm not into her, ya know. I don't even remember her name." He shrugs casually. "Even if she is kinda hot."

Now it's her turn to look confused. "What?" she finally manages.

Puck looks at her and gives another shrug. "I dunno. I think I'm done with blondes," he says, shooting her a meaningful look before darting his eyes away.

She stops herself from blurting out something stupid like _I've got brown hair! And that is most definitely _not_ blonde_ and instead says, "Really?"

He gives her an evil smirk, and she can feel her stomach dropping. "Yeah, I'm thinkin' about giving Santana another shot."

"I hope you have a very happy life together. I wish the two of you hundreds of fat grandchildren," she grumbles sarcastically under her breath, pushing past him. _Why, that infuriating…_man-child_! Really! What do I see in him? It's positively asinine! _

He grabs her by the arm and turns her to face him again. "Whoa, c'mon, Berry, I was just kidding." When she eyes him disdainfully, he continues, "Besides. She got boring in the sack months ago."

Rachel rolls her eyes and makes a disgusted face. "That was completely unnecessary to know, Noah." Her eyes narrow and she says, "That was hardly funny. Much like most of your jokes, actually."

"I'm hilarious," he shoots back flippantly, waggling his eyebrows at her. He completely his look with his usual smirk. "It's just part of my charm."

Rachel chews on the corner of her bottom lip irritably, staring at him flatly. And, while looking at his ever-present smirk, she decides that she refuses to be strung along by Noah Puckerman any longer; because _ really_, this has gone on _long enough_. She quietly resolves to have him bending to her every whim by the end of the week.

She leans in and gives a sultry smirk on her pouty lips as she eyes him closely through lowered lashes.

He's pretty sure he's stopped breathing for a second there.

"You keep telling yourself that, Puckerman," she says smoothly. She twirls out of his grasp and walks away, with an extra sway to her hips. She sends him a flirty smile over her shoulder before looking ahead once more.

Puck raises an eyebrow and follows dutifully, eyes never leaving her hips that seem to be swaying to some unheard music. He's pretty sure that Rachel Berry will be the death of him.


	13. Secret's Out

A/N: Insert whatever job you want Puck's mother to have. I've noticed a popular one is a nursing job.

Ladybug Jess, this was supposed to be your sequel to Fort, but it somehow ended up being a semi-sequel to Messy Joe's. Sort of. I dunno. Uh, I hope you liked it. Even if only a little.

* * *

"Okay, Mom, I'm heading out!" Puck called, pulling on his leather jacket as he started toward the door. His fingertips barely graced the doorknob before his mom came bounding down the stairs.

"Wait, Noah!"

Puck visibly deflated and turned to her. "Yeah, mom?"

"I'm really sorry. And I know it's your Saturday afternoon, but I _just_ got called into work again," she said, looking so extremely apologetic that all Puck could do was sigh and nod understandingly.

And then he frowned. "They're over-working you this week, mom," he growled. "Saturdays are supposed to be your day—"

"Which is why I have Monday, Tuesday and most of Wednesday off. One of my co-worker's parents are in town, so she's busy looking after them." She smiled at him.

Puck relaxed. "That doesn't sound so bad, I guess," he sighed. "So, what? Do you want me to cancel with the guys? For Dani? I could drop her off at a friend's."

She hesitated, "No, I just called Rachel, and she said that she can be over in thirty minutes or so, but I have to leave now. Can you just stay until she gets here?"

He grunted in response.

She rolled her eyes but gave him a kiss on the cheek and started toward the front door. "You know, I think Rachel's been a great influence on Dani."

Puck raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"And you," his mother said, grinning wickedly.

He chose to ignore that comment. "You're going to be late for work," he said flatly.

Rolling her eyes again, she said, "Dani says you're a better brother whenever Rachel's around." He stayed quiet, so she continued, "Rachel's quite the sweetheart."

And there they were again: Those _Date Rachel Berry_ vibes that his mother kept sending to him as if it would save her life or something.

"I'm not gonna date her," Puck said flatly.

"I'm not going to force you to date her! Just know that I would definitely _not_ be opposed to her. And Dani already loves her, so, you know…" she trailed off, trying to sound casual, and failing, because Puck could tell that she was trying to say _I can wait until you open your eyes and realize that she's absolutely perfect because we both love her. And so will _you_ in due time._

Sometimes, Puck thinks his mother's crazy. _This_ is one of those times.

Her wicked grin came back full force. "Besides, Noah, I came home and saw the three of you in that fort awhile back. It was pretty much the cutest thing I'd seen in a long while."

He winced and said, "Please stop talking."

She clucked her tongue and opened the front door. "Oh! Tell Dani I finally got those pictures developed and there's one of them hanging up on the living wall." And with that, she left, shutting the door behind her.

Puck stood there, confused, before looking around the living room. His eyes landed on a relatively new picture and he gave an audible gasp. _What the hell?_

There, on the wall where there used to be a picture of Dani at her seventh birthday party, was a new one of her. It was definitely a recent one because she was sporting her short hair, and grinning like a lunatic, but that wasn't the part of the picture that had him freaking out. In the picture stood _freakin' Rachel Berry_ and she was laughing at Dani's silly expression.

Puck ran a hand down his face and groaned. He was going to have to sit down and somehow gently break it to his mother that Rachel wasn't actually part of the family. And he was _never going to marry_ her, so it was going to_ stay that way._

He glanced at his cell phone, reading the time.

_4:30. Well, Berry won't be here until five, then. Guess I'll give Chang a call._

He sat on his couch, waiting for Mike to pick up. After a few rings, it went to voicemail.

_Hey! You reached the phone of the all Mighty Changster! Aw-yeah! _

Puck raised an eyebrow, started to speak, but the message wasn't quite done yet, as Mike's beat-boxing filtered through the ear piece.

_Mah-Mah-Mikey can't come to dah phone; so puh-puh-puh-lease leave a message after the tone! Boo-yah!_

He rolled his eyes but waited until he heard the tone this time before saying, "Hey, Chang. I'm gonna be a little late to Messy Joe's. I'll be there around five, instead. Tell the guys, alright?" He paused before deciding to say, "Dude. What is up with your voicemail thing? You're so freakin' weird."

He decided to switch on the TV and veg out on the couch for a while.

* * *

About twenty-five minutes later, the doorbell rang. He figured that it must have been Rachel so he went to open the door.

"Hey, Ber—" he froze, eyes widening at the sight of Finn, Mike, and Matt all standing there. "What are you doing here?" he yelled, stunned.

_Shit! Berry's gonna be here any minute_!

Matt and Finn stopped smiling while Mike looked completely offended. "Dude! Not cool! You totally ignored my texts from the other day by being all _dead_, and then you make fun of my voicemail message, and now you're acting like you don't even want us here! _Not cool, Puckerman._"

The three football players walked into the living room and Puck closed the door, trying not to panic.

Puck rolled his eyes. "Chang, calm the fuck down. And stop acting like—"

And then, just because Puck really didn't think it could get any worse, Dani came running down the stairs, screaming, "Rachel! Rachel! Are you—whoa." She skidded to a stop in the middle of the living room, eyes widening much like Puck's earlier. "Uh, hi?"

Finn looked confused. "Rachel?" Then he grinned teasingly, "She doesn't mean, like, _Rachel_-Rachel, right? Like, _Rachel Berry_-Rachel?"

Always the lightening fast thinker, Dani scoffed and wrinkled her nose. "I don't even _know_ a Rachel Berry," she snapped. She turned to look at her big brother, deciding to let him deal with his moronic friends. "I'm gonna be upstairs, if you need me. And you better _not_ need me."

Finn then looked offended by the sheer amount of _sassy attitude_ in her voice. "Well, alright then…" Finn said quietly, backing away from the little girl as she rolled her eyes and stomped up the stairs.

(But then she quietly came back down and sat near the bottom of the stairs, waiting for the entire scene to unfold.)

"Well? What are you guys doing here?" Puck growled.

Matt frowned. "Dude, are you okay?"

"Fine," Puck bit out.

Mike frowned childishly. "Well, we _were_ here to pick you up for Messy Joe's because we're_ awesome_ friends!" And then he crossed his arms. "But maybe you don't _want_ our friendship!" he exclaimed.

Puck looked at him weirdly. "Chang, dude. Calm—"

"_Friendship over!_" Mike hissed, turning around so that Puck was looking at his back.

He sent a look to Matt and Finn, silently begging for help. Finn's eyes widened and he mouthed _I dunno, man! _Matt just shrugged and mumbled, "Meh."

Puck pinched the bridge of his nose and ground out, "Look, okay. It was really cool that you were gonna give me a ride. But I have to stay until Dani's babysitter gets here. So just go without me, and I'll catch up." He gave them a pained look, hoping they'd just leave. "_Okay_?"

Finn wrinkled his nose. "Your ugly one?"

"Yeah, sure, okay," Puck sighed, wincing as he remembered Rachel kicking him the other day.

Matt frowned, but shrugged. "We'll see you later, Puck."

_Thank god! _

And then Matt turned to open the front door. To find Rachel Berry standing there, her finger ready to hit the doorbell. Her eyes widened as she looked at Finn, Matt, and Mike's shocked expressions and hanging jaws. She scanned the Puckerman's living room and saw Puck's face, his hands over his face, holding back a groan. "Um."

"Rachel?" Finn said, sounding completely surprised. "What are you doing here?" And then he paused, frowning. "Why does this seem so familiar?" he mumbled to himself.

Rachel put on her best _Wow! Am I surprised!_ face, which wasn't all that hard. "Oh, Noah? You live here?" she said with an embarrassed chuckle; also not that difficult to do. "Um, I was looking for the—" she paused, trying to remember the nice family that looked over Dani sometimes, "—the—the _Rosenberg's!"_ she exclaimed. "Sorry for the mix up!"

"Yeah, they're two houses down to the left," Puck quickly said.

She nodded mechanically and gave them a quick wave. "Well, I suppose I'll be—"

"Dude!" Mike suddenly breathed loudly. "Is this a picture of Rachel and _your sister_?"

Rachel and Puck froze, rooted to the spot.

All of the guys whipped their heads around to look at the picture Mike was pointing to. The three of them stood there, eyes big and jaws dropping again. They then slowly turned to Puck and Rachel, waiting for an explanation.

Rachel tentatively stepped inside the house to look at the incriminating photo. She waved it off, laughing, an edge of hysteria to her voice, "Oh, no! That's not me."

"She looks _just like you_," Finn said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, yes," Rachel agreed, faltering. "But—"

Matt glanced at the picture and then at Rachel. "Look! You're even wearing the same flats!" he said, pointing to her feet.

Rachel suddenly found herself wishing she didn't love those shoes so much. "Um, well—"

"Rachel, if it's not you, then you must have, like, an evil or crazy twin. And even _I_ find that hard to believe," Mike finally said, wrinkling his nose.

She chewed on her bottom lip nervously.

_Motherfucking great. I hid under a fucking table and got kicked by Berry's pointy ballet feet for _nothing.

"So…what's going on here?" Finn asked slowly, casting them an uncomfortable glance.

Mike suddenly gasped loudly, his arm shooting out excitedly, causing him to accidentally punch Matt in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Matt hissed, smacking Mike upside the head and walking out of the lanky Asian's reach, who didn't even notice.

"Puck! Rachel! Are you two _secretly dating_?" Mike then started jumping up and down in wide-eyed excitement.

Puck started choking on air. Rachel looked like she couldn't decide whether she wanted to faint or throw up.

"That's absurd!"

"Wha—? _No_!"

The jumping stopped. "Oh," Mike said, brows furrowed in confusion. "Well, then I got nothin'," he sighed, shrugging.

"Oh, for—!" Puck exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air in frustration. "_She's the fucking babysitter, you retards!"_ He shouted crazily, pointing at Rachel.

"Oh!" Matt and Mike said, dragging out the word while nodding understandingly.

Finn appeared even more confused. "But…she's not ugly."

"Thank you, Finn," Rachel deadpanned.

_Oh, my fucking god. I need new friends. That actually have functioning brains.  
_

Dani walked down the stairs, sighing, "Well, now the secret's blown."

Finn swiveled around to face her. "Secret?"

"We didn't want you guys knowing because we didn't want you giving either of us shit," Puck explained.

Mike looked appalled. "What? We wouldn't have given you shit!"

Puck eyed his friend warily. "Are you gonna ask any questions?"

"Well, yeah—"

He glared at his friend. "We don't want any of those, either. Besides, it wasn't any of your business. Rachel babysits Dani whenever I can't, that's it."

Mike nodded slowly. "I like the secretly dating scenario better," he muttered after a beat.

Puck gave Matt a look, who nodded and walked over to Mike, smacking him upside the head again.

"Ow! Why do you keep _doing_ that?" he hissed, rubbing at the spot on his head. Matt chose not to answer, giving him a look that said _You know why._

Rachel sighed and everyone turned to look at her. "I realize it may have seemed a bit…ridiculous to hide something as simple as my taking care of Dani from you, but Noah and I thought it would be for the best. Noah wanted to be left alone about the whole situation so he wouldn't have to deal with any teasing. I merely respected his wishes, so I didn't say anything as well. However, I also believe that it's not quite anyone's business what I do outside of school or Glee," she explained eloquently.

Never had Puck been so glad about Rachel and her affinity to words and speeches. He sighed. "Yeah. What Berry said. You guys get it now, right?"

They all nodded and shrugged.

"Well, now that _that's_ all settled," Rachel said, relieved, "Weren't you boys going somewhere?" She gestured toward the door.

Puck took the hint. "Okay, let's bounce."

"Like basketballs!" Mike declared, before chuckling at his own joke. He didn't even notice the eye rolls or unsure glances exchanged.

Dani gave Puck a look that said _Noah, you need new friends. Seriously._

Puck just nodded sadly at his sister and made to leave, Matt and Mike following. Finn stayed behind and turned to Rachel. "So, like, Rach?"

She looked up at him patiently. "Yes, Finn?"

"There's, like, nothing going on?"

"Finn, I can honestly say that Noah and I are not an item," Rachel said sincerely.

"Yeah! They won't even kiss!" Dani said.

Rachel blushed and Finn shot her a sweet grin.

Dani narrowed her eyes and looked over at her brother, who suddenly looked very irritated all over again. "Can't we go to fucking Messy Joe's already?" Puck growled, sounding incredibly pissed and frustrated. "I could really use a fucking burger right now."

Rachel pursed her lips, but decided not to comment on his vulgar use of language, especially in the presence of his young, impressionable sister. She came to the conclusion that if Dani wasn't already cursing at this point, she just knew not to.

Finn held up his hands in peace. "Okay, dude. Chill. We can go." He quickly ran out the door. Puck was about to leave, but then he quickly turned to Rachel. "Are you gonna make dinner?"

She blinked. "I'm quite certain that I will. Dani has to eat, after all. Why?"

Puck shrugged. "I can leave early and bring home something from the diner. If you wanted."

Rachel paused, thinking. "It may take a while to prepare dinner, anyway. It's nearly 5:30. Could you make it back in forty-five minutes?"

Puck nodded casually. "Sure. Hey, Dani. Use Rachel's cell phone to text me the orders." And with that, he left through the front door.

Dani smiled, calling after him, "Okay! Bye, Noah!"

Once outside, he braced himself for the barrage of questions he knew he'd end up getting from his friends, anyway.

"Puck, it's not a big deal if Rachel's your sister's babysitter. Why didn't you tell us?" Matt asked.

"Dude. Puck. You're secretly dating Rachel, right?" Mike whispered, winking.

"Why'd you tell us you had an ugly babysitter?" Finn frowned. "That's not very nice."

Puck sent all of them a withering glare and stomped all the way to his truck, shouting, "None of your fucking business!" He peeled out of his driveway and sped to Messy Joe's without his annoying, curious friends.


	14. Don't Question It

A/N: Complete stand alone. Just a break from both of the Dani and Kurt/Puck/Rachel friendship storylines.

Also, this one-shot nearly killed me. In a good way, I guess. Um. Enjoy!

* * *

Rachel had just shut her locker door when she heard a group of people surrounding her from behind. She slowly turned around and came face to face with Mercedes, Kurt, Artie, and, Tina.

"Um, hello? Can I help you in any way, fellow Glee Clubbers?" Rachel asked hesitantly.

Mercedes eyed her pityingly. "Rach, hon, _what _are you doin'?"

The brunette blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Mercedes is right," Kurt said lowly, "What you're doing, while it may be right in all the wrong ways, it's _still wrong_."

Rachel furrowed her brows in confusion. "Kurt, that didn't make any sense. And I honestly have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh," Artie said, nodding wisely, "_you know_." His eyes narrowed accusingly at her.

"I really don't," Rachel said, completely baffled.

Tina rolled her eyes. "Jeez. Could you guys vague it up any more?" She turned to Rachel. "They mean Puck."

Rachel instantly deflated as she said, "Oh. The other day? You guys saw that?"

Artie snorted. "How could we have _missed _it? You two were like Siamese twins attached at the face!" Everyone made a face of disgust. Artie rolled his eyes. "You may not appreciate the mental picture that that comparison brings, but _it was true_."

Kurt instantly looked hurt. "Rachel, sweetie, why didn't you tell me that you and Puck were _secret lovers_?"

She narrowed an eye at him. "Because, Kurt, you have a strange obsession with gossip. It's like you eat up every bit of gossip and then become so full that you're about to burst, so you end up spewing it all over everyone else." She paused, frowning at the looks on their faces. "I apologize for that. It was rather crass, wasn't it?"

Kurt gaped at her. "I find it rude and offensive that you just called me some sort of gossip bulimic."

"Let's just _stop_ with all the comparisons, alright?" Mercedes demanded, with the look of disgust still on her face. She looked over to stare directly at Rachel. "Hon, do you know what you're doing? With Puck?"

She sighed and pursed her lips for a second before speaking, "I appreciate the concern, but a Puck-vention—and that means _Puck Intervention_—is a little unnecessary."

Tina looked worried. "I dunno, Rachel. It's _Puck_ and Puck…well. You know. He likes to fuck," she said with a shrug.

Rachel fidgeted uncomfortably. "Um. Yes. I'm aware of his past—"

"Oh, _my god!_" Kurt exclaimed loudly, his voice somehow managing to be even higher than usual. "You and Puck aren't dancing in between the bed sheets when you're outside of Glee, are you?" he breathed, eyes widening into a creepy, invasive, non-blinking stare.

Mercedes, Tina, and Artie all gasped and whipped their heads around to look at Rachel for her reaction.

She scoffed. "Of course not!" She rolled her eyes at their stares of disbelief. "I promise to give any future solos away if that is untrue."

They all relaxed, but barely.

Down the far end of the hallway, Rachel saw Puck turn the corner. He stopped the second he spotted Rachel with the fellow Glee Clubbers and quickly spun around and out of sight. Rachel frowned at the idea of being left with her nosy friends. But Puck quickly shot out his arm and made a _C'mere_ gesture.

Snapping out of it, she quickly cleared her throat and looked at all of them. "Well. I'll be off now. Bye!" And with that, she scurried down the hallway and rounded the corner, running straight into Puck's chest.

"Whoa, easy there," he muttered, grabbing a hold of her shoulders and steadying her. He peered around the wall over her head (and this was actually very uncomfortable for Rachel because he was just pushing his broad, muscular chest into her nose) and frowned at the sight of them still talking. He backed off and looked down at her. "What was that about?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You didn't stop attacking my face fast enough yesterday," Rachel explained flatly.

And then his look of confusion turned into a dirty one, complete with waggling eyebrow and devilishly wicked smirk. "Oh, yeah. I remember." Rachel honestly didn't think it was possible, but his eyebrow rose higher and his smirk widened. "Like you were complaining."

She glared at him. "They think we're having sex," she grumbled, stomping past him.

He gave a bellow of laughter and followed after her. "You're kidding."

She shot him a look of irritation over her shoulder. "Except I most certainly am _not_." She whirled around to face him and poked him hard in the chest. "Don't you dare laugh, Noah Puckerman! This is _not_ a funny situation. My friends probably think I'm some _loose harlot. _And your past history with women isn't exactly helpful, either, Noah."

He rolled his eyes. "So I like women and sex. Whatever." Puck took a good look at her. "So what?" he asked quietly, "Do you want to stop?"

She relaxed and shook her head. "No," she murmured softly. "I—and don't you laugh at this, Noah, because it's true—but the truth is, I like this too much." She paused. "Besides, being secretive like this is rather—"

"Hot?" Puck supplied, coming closer and resting his hands on her hips. "Yeah, baby, I know," he said seductively.

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "I was going to say 'exciting' or 'thrilling' but sure, why not?" she sighed, only somewhat sarcastically. He leaned in to kiss her, but she flicked his forehead.

Puck instantly leaned away. "What was that for?" he asked, frowning.

Rachel crossed her arms and glared at him again. "I _told_ you it was a bad idea for us to be kissing in the choir room after rehearsal. But you didn't listen to me and now Mercedes, Kurt, Tina, and Artie all know." Sucking in a breath, Rachel continued, "It looks like our secret isn't all the much of a secret anymore."

He rolled his eyes. "It's not that big a deal," he said, waving a hand back a forth flippantly.

She bit her lip. "I suppose."

* * *

He was wrong, because, apparently, it _was_ a big deal. It wasn't until the next day at lunch, when the original Glee Clubbers rushed him, did he realize how ridiculous the entire situation was. Really, he wasn't, like, _defiling_ Rachel or anything. (Yet.)

Puck had a spoonful of fried rice halfway to his mouth before he realized he had company. He raised an eyebrow as he stared at all of them surround him at his usual table. "'Sup?" he said calmly, taking the bite of food.

"Don't play coy, Puck. It's not cute," Kurt said off-handedly.

Puck wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Why the fuck would I _want _to be cute?"

"Don't chu play dumb with us, Puckerman!" Mercedes scolded, waggling a finger at him.

"What the hell?" And then he frowned. "What? Is this about me and Berry?" He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we made out. Now _get the fuck over it_."

The four Glee Clubbers hesitated; they had sort been so gung-ho about this that they hadn't thought about how to deal with Puck. Puck wasn't going to be as soft as Rachel was.

Artie cocked his head to the side curiously. "Was that the first time? When you two were in the choir room?"

Puck froze. He wasn't sure whether he should just keep lying or go ahead and tell them the truth because, well, _fuck_ _it_, they've already seen the impromptu performance starring his tongue down Rachel's throat_._

"No comment," he said smoothly.

Tina narrowed her eyes at him. "What's going on between you and Rachel, Puck? Like, are you two just messing around or what?" She hesitated before saying, "No offense, Puck, but we sort of know bits and pieces about your sexual history. And those bits and pieces are _enough_, to be honest."

He scowled and stood up, grabbing his tray of food that he'd barely touched. Whatever, he wasn't all that hungry anymore. "Berry's a big girl. She knows what she's getting into."

* * *

Two days later, Rachel came up to him before football practice, fidgeting nervously.

"I don't know what I'm getting into," she blurted out at him, worrying her bottom lip and furrowing her brow.

Puck looked at her in confusion. "What?"

She sighed and waited for him to lean against his locker comfortably before launching into her semi-prepared speech. "I wasn't lying the other day when I said I liked this too much to stop. But…it's been brought to my attention that I needed to take a step back from—from whatever this is to reassess the situation that we're both in."

His eyebrows shot up. "Spit it out, Berry. I'm gonna be late to football."

She hesitated. "Right, of course," she murmured quietly, lips trembling. "Per—perhaps I'll just speak to you later, Puck."

He frrowned and grabbed her upper arm before she could walk away. "Did you just call me 'Puck'?"

Rachel sighed again, but this time it made her sound broken and sad. "Yes. Look, you're going to be late for your football practice. And you know how much of a stickler I am for punctuality, so you should—"

"It's a good thing that _I _don't give a shit about that," he growled, interrupting her. "Football can wait. What's this about, Berry? What's got your panties in a twist?" He smirked and, simply because he was _Noah Puckerman_, he had to add, "You want me to finally untwist them?"

Rachel took a step back and when she looked at him with her big, brown eyes, he felt like the asshole he really was.

He winced. "Aw, c'mon, Berry, it was just a joke—"

"I know," she whispered, "I know." And then she took a deep, shuddering breath and looked down at her feet. "I think we should stop…whatever _this_ is," she said delicately, gesturing toward them.

He tensed, frowning. "What the hell? Just the other day, you—"

Her head snapped up to look at him, causing him to cut his sentence short. "Noah—_Puck_," she forced herself to say, "At the beginning of this, you were upfront and honest when you told me that you weren't looking for anything past the make-out sessions and the sneaking around. And now I have to be upfront and honest with you; I need to know if anything's changed or if it's just never going to go any further than this."

"Nothing's changed," he said automatically; because, obviously, his default setting was _asshole_. He only sort of (really, _really_) regretted them the second they left his mouth when he saw the look of intense hurt flash in her brown eyes.

Rachel swallowed and closed her eyes. "I need to stop this. Because I think I'm starting to like you more than I'd intended to in the original plan," her voice was whisper-soft, but Puck flinched anyway. She started down the empty hallway.

Puck watched, and it wasn't until she rounded the corner that he realized that he should've done something instead of punking out.

_Whatever. I don't give a shit. Berry was getting on my nerves anyway_.

(He was wrong _and_ lying this time, obviously.)

* * *

Puck spent the next week being in the worse mood of his life. And whenever he would sneak glances at Rachel during Glee and see how sad she looked _all the damn time_, he'd feel even _worse_.

The football players and the Cheerios didn't know what to make of the situation, so they just steered clear of the two brooding teens.

(But go ahead and point that out to Puck and you can expect a nice, lovely punch to the face.)

Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, and Artie looked at their friends and then at each other guiltily. One thought filtered through all their minds.

_What did we do_?

* * *

A few days later, after another Glee rehearsal, Puck was making his way to the cabinet where he kept his guitar when, out of _fucking nowhere_, Artie circled completely around him once before speeding over to the cabinet, where he did a wheelie and screeched to a stop, facing him. He then laid his hands in his lap and smiled at Puck.

Puck's eyebrow shot up. "Uh, cool trick, Hot Wheels, but I need my guitar."

"If those toys weren't totally awesome and held an important place in my ever-beating heart, I'd be severely offended. But, given the circumstances, I'll just say 'thanks'."

He chuckled and started making his way to the cabinet again, when he heard a shuffle of feet and the slamming and locking of the door. "What the—?" He spun around and came face to face with Mercedes, Kurt, and Tina. He turned back to Artie, who at least looked a little be apologetic.

"Sorry. But this was a necessary intervention," he said sagely.

Puck rolled his eyes. _For fuck's sake._ "What's up, Scooby gang?" he asked wearily.

Kurt's face lit up and his hand instantly shot up into the air. "I call Daphne!" he shouted quickly.

Mercedes turned to him, her expression saying _Focus, Fashionista!_

Putting down his hand, Kurt snapped back to reality. '_Sorry,' _he mouthed.

Shaking his head, Puck muttered, "Well, I'm out," and tried to make his way to the door.

"Artie!" Mercedes barked.

"On it!" Artie said, speeding past Puck to beat him to the door.

Puck inhaled deeply and ran a hand through his Mohawk before resting both hands on his hips in irritation. "Okay! What the fuck is goin' on here?" he growled, glaring at all of them.

Kurt raised an elegant eyebrow at him and sighed demurely. "For some reason we still don't quite understand, you are Rachel were actually _bearable_ when you two were together." He paused. "Well, _you _were more bearable, anyway."

Puck raised an eyebrow. "What are you saying?"

Tina bit her lip. "Okay, Puck, here's the thing," she sighed, "We want you and Rachel to get back together."

"We were never together," he grunted.

Mercedes and Tina shot each other a look. Mercedes rolled her eyes and stepped up. "Puckerman, that's complete bullshit and you know it."

He came close to denying it further, but he decided to play along so he could _get the fuck outta there._ "Yeah, okay. Fine, let's say I wanna get back together with Crazypants. _She's_ the one that ended things, alright?" he tried to keep the twinge of bitterness out of his voice, but he saw their reactions; Mercedes and Artie winced, Kurt and Tina looked guilty. "Thanks to your little _Puck-vention_."

"Yeah," Artie said, sucking in a deep breath and wincing again, "that was our bad."

"So I don't know why you're talking to _me_ about the whole thing. Shouldn't you be talkin' to Berry?"

Mercedes shook her head. "We know who we're talkin' to."

"Yes, it's me, Puck," he deadpanned.

She glared at him. "Don't be a smartass!" she snapped. "Look, the only reason why Rachel broke things off with you is because she likes you and she can _own up_ to it, but _you_ can't. So we're here to convince you to grow some balls and—"

Irritated, Puck shot back, "Oh, I've _got_ balls, Jones."

She threw her arms in the air. "I dunno how Rachel ever put up with you," she muttered.

Puck made his way toward the door and Artie. "Hey, Hot Wheels! Move outta the way before I use your chair to ram down the door!" he yelled.

"Rachel misses you," Kurt said.

Puck froze.

Upon noticing his reaction, Kurt continued. "She does, you know. But she wants to know if you can put up with her brand of crazy in a _relationship_." He tilted his head and arched an eyebrow. "And we all know that you aren't exactly _Mr. Commitment._"

Puck rubbed his hand across his jaw and chose not to speak.

"It's up to you," Kurt said quietly. "Rachel just doesn't want to be hurt any more than she already has been."

The brooding teen stood there, staring angrily at his feet and brought his hands to rest on his hips again.

And that's how they left him.

* * *

During the next Glee rehearsal, Puck took a seat in the back corner and didn't say a word the entire time; only grunting when spoken to.

The Scooby gang realized that, sadly, it was very much a lost cause and decided they'd interfered enough.

(Although, at the very end of Glee, Kurt could've _sworn_ that Puck had sent Rachel the single _most intense _look of longing _ever_. Kurt found it equal parts creepy and romantic. But he decided to keep this little tidbit to himself.)

* * *

A week later (and two after Rachel broke things off with him; not that he was counting) and Puck decided that he'd _really_ had enough of this.

Enough of awkward moments where their bodies touched when the choreography called for it. Enough of stolen or missed glances. Enough of the looks of pity his friends gave him (and sometimes her). Enough of staying silent for so long, he felt like he was about to _scream his fucking lungs out._

But above all else, he'd had enough of the silent treatment Rachel was giving him.

"Berry!" he barked, stomping into the choir room.

Her head whipped up to look at him. And she shrunk back into her chair, eyes wide with fear. "N—Noah? What's—?"

He grabbed her by the arms and yanked her to her feet. "Shut up," he muttered.

Her eyes widened further and he could see the fear, excitement, confusion and even the tiniest bit of lust (oh, yeah, because even when he terrified her, she _still_ got hot and bothered by him).

Without further ado, he kissed her. It wasn't soft or romantic, because he was _Noah _fucking _Puckerman_ and he didn't kiss like a pansyass. He kissed her roughly with the pent-up (and somewhat sexual) frustration he'd been feeling for the past two weeks, with the longing and sheer _want _that had somehow built up while she'd been away, and with the anger of having her be away for so long (and he was pretty sure that his tongue was so far down her throat, it was hitting her uvula like a punching bag).

He brought a hand up to the nape of her neck, fingers curling in her dark, brown hair while lowering the other to rest across the small of her back.

She rested a hand on his chest, fisting his shirt. With her other hand, she dragged her fingernails down his scalp, following along his Mohawk.

He shuddered involuntarily and broke off the kiss, whispering, "_Later_," into her ear.

Rachel took a deep, steadying breath and nodded wordlessly. She leaned her forehead against his chest, inhaling his scent.

Puck turned around to face the rest of Glee Club, who had all been stunned into silence. (Even Mr. Schue, who had been walking into the room, only to witness two of his students about to get it on, stood wide-eyed at the doorway.)

"Alright," he called challengingly to their little audience, "Who has questions 'bout Berry and me?"

Just about everybody raised their hands.

Puck nodded understandingly and said, "Well, here's your answer," before flipping them all off.

Because, really, he was sick and tired of them questioning the potential he and Rachel had for being one badass couple.


	15. Hanukkah Versus Christmas

A/N: Yeah. More ridiculousness. But Merry (late) Christmas! Also, I didn't really have time to do a whole lotta editing, but I'm exhausted, so I'll probably edit this for realsies tomorrow. But I hope you enjoy this!

Sorry for missing a day! But here's your late present!

* * *

About a week and a half before Christmas, Rachel started acting really weird. Like, even_ Puck _noticed the weirdness.

Here were just some of the clues:

She'd left Glee early.

She'd actually _missed_ Glee.

She seemed to be a lot more tired, too.

She had _missed _Glee! Like, totally skipped out on it and everything!

And last but not least, she was suddenly _'too busy'_ to babysit Dani as much as she used to. And this probably wouldn't have bothered Puck so much, except something was nagging him: _When the hell did Berry get a life?_

* * *

"Noah?"

Puck was just about to exit the choir room when Rachel had approached him. He turned around. "What?"

She bit her lip and said, "I can't come over Friday night. To look after Dani. And I know you're—"

Puck's jaw dropped. "No way, Berry!"

This totally screwed over his plans to get into Daisy Whatever-her-last-name-is's pants. Come to think of it, maybe her first name was something else. Like, Rose, or Lily, or whatever. He was pretty sure she was named after _some_ type of plant. Puck didn't really give a shit 'cause she was totally hot and totally wanted him.

She winced. "I'm _so_ sorry, Noah! I know you specifically asked that I come over tomorrow so you can go on that date, but I—"

"Whoa, back up, Berry. Puck doesn't go on _dates_. Puck just likes to _fuck_."

Rachel stopped, gaping at him, disgusted and offended. "I'm not sure what was more alarming; the fact that you just referred to yourself in the third person, or the comment, itself."

He rolled his eyes at her. But he was right; it wasn't a date. He and Poison Ivy were just gonna make-out for a while and then probably hit all the bases. "Whatever, prude. Look, you _need_ to come over Friday, alright? My mom's been workin' extra hard lately, so she can't do it."

"Can't you drop Dani off at a friend's?" Rachel suggested.

"I'd still have to come back and pick her up before it got late, cutting my make-out time short. And Dani can't spend the night."

Rachel furrowed her brow. "Why?"

Puck shrugged. "She has trouble sleeping whenever she's not at home in her own bed. So she usually just stays up late and eats all their junk food or play a few pranks on the family."

She bit her lip. "Could anyone else watch her?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Who can I get at the last minute? I could ask Finn, Matt, or Mike, but neither of them could handle Dani."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I don't know why you keep talking about your sister like that. She's not that tough to handle."

"Duh," he said, "It's because you're a girl. And she actually _likes _you for whatever reason. Trust me; she'd annihilate those three idiots within seconds."

She pursued her lips. "They _were_ easily manipulated by her last week when we were all at the diner…"

He nodded. "Exactly. And she wasn't even really trying that day. Plus, she'll probably tell enough stories to totally ruin my rep with the guys," he paused, "Or make up enough shit to do the job."

"I'm _really_ sorry, Noah, but I honestly can't cancel my plans tomorrow."

He frowned, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "You know, you've been flaking out a lot lately. This doesn't have anything to do with why you keep leaving and missing Glee, does it?"

She hesitated and her eyes darted around the room. "No! Of—of course not!" she stuttered, followed by even more nervous darting.

Puck was quickly picking something up on his _Bullshit Radar_. "Bullshit," he called.

Rachel sighed and said, "Okay. Maybe there _is _some sort of connection between the two, but I'd rather not say what that connection is."

He rolled his eyes. "Berry, just _tell _me what it is! And then I'll decide whether it's a good enough reason to skip out on me tomorrow night."

Rachel bit her lip. "I really don't want to tell you." And then she glanced at the clock hanging in the choir room and gasped. "Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed dramatically. "I'm sorry! But I have to go or else I'll be late!" She turned around and ran out of the classroom.

Puck made a face at her hasty exit. _What the hell?_

* * *

Awhile later, Puck stopped by the Rosenberg's to pick up Dani.

"Hey, midget," he muttered when they got home. "Bad news."

"You got another dumb girlfriend?" she asked.

He stopped. "What?" Then he shook his head. "No. Rachel can't come over tomorrow. So you're stuck with me."

Dani frowned. "She keeps doing this." She tapped her little chin in thought. "Do you think something's up?"

Puck looked at her suspiciously. "Why do you ask that?" he asked slowly.

She gave him her _Innocent, but not really_ look and said casually, "Oh, no reason," she paused, "Except that I've got a plan."

* * *

"I can_not_ believe that I'm spending my Friday night doing this," Puck growled menacingly at his little sister.

She rolled her eyes and huffed at him. "Well, would you rather be at home, on the couch, vegging out or on this _Top Secret Spy Mission_?"

"I'd rather be making out with Poison Ivy," he grumbled under his breath.

"That's totally disgusting and unsanitary, Noah," she said, wrinkling her nose.

He rolled his eyes but didn't bother clarifying.

Dani had decided that she _absolutely needed _to know what was up with Rachel, or else she'd '_just die'_. So she came up with the most ridiculous plan that Puck had ever heard: Have a stake-out outside her house and then follow her to wherever she was headed to do what the fuck ever. The only thing more ridiculous was probably the fact that she'd _somehow_ convinced him to tag along.

So there they were, at the mall, hiding behind some potted plants because they'd accidentally lost sight of Rachel moments after they entered the mall.

Dani furrowed her brows and pouted. "She has to be around here, somewhere."

Puck glared at the scene in front of him. For whatever reason (probably 'cause the entire 'verse hated him), they'd ended up in the tiny, closed off section of the mall where all the little kids were running around. There was even a friggin' carousel. And, of course, because it was nearly Christmas, the entire Santa bit was there, a few feet behind them.

"Dani, let's go, I don't think she's—"

"Hello there, sweetie! Would you like to sit on Santa's lap now?"

Puck and Dani froze, eyes widening. They both knew that incessantly cheery voice.

"You don't think—"

"No fuckin' way!"

They both scrambled from behind the plants and sprinted to the line where you could meet Santa and get whatever your little heart desired for Christmas.

"Rachel?" Dani screeched, eyes so wide, Puck almost feared they'd pop out of her sockets.

One of the worker elves twirled around.

It was Rachel.

In a bright green elf costume, with red detailing, complete with a pointy hat and weird elf shoes with pointy tips that curled inward. There were even _bells_. That _jingled_. She was also wearing red and white striped stockings under her shorts.

She gave a sad, pathetic, little wave. "Hi, guys," Rachel said weakly, wincing.

"Oh, my…_fucking god_," Puck gasped, before falling on top of Dani. He then proceeded to promptly _laugh his ass off_. Because, really, the sight was _fucking hilarious._ And she was totally short enough to be an elf, too.

"Get _off_, weirdo!" Dani shouted, pushing Puck off her.

He didn't care. He just fell onto the floor, still laughing hysterically and grabbing at his sides.

Rachel pointed at Puck sullenly. "See that? _That_ is why I didn't want to tell you guys why I've been busy lately."

About four and-a-half minutes later, his laughter finally died down.

"Are you done?" Rachel asked tonelessly.

Puck took a deep breath and sat up, smirking devilishly. "Oh, this is _good_, Berry. This is good. Oh man. This is totally worth missing out on my date." His smirk widened. "Never thought I'd see a _Jewish _elf."

"Shouldn't you be dressed as, like, a dreidel or a menorah?" Dani asked, wrinkling her nose. "Jewish pride, Rachel, jeez."

Rachel blushed. "It was the only job I could get this late into the holiday season. Well, I had some options at a few fast food places, but the smells make me want to faint, so that would have been detrimental," she muttered. She crossed her arms and glared at them. "What are you guys doing here?"

The slightest movements she made cause her bells to jingle again which just caused Puck to start his laughing fit all over again.

Dani rolled her eyes and slapped her brother on the head, because she could actually reach it for once.

"Ow!" Puck turned and glared at his sister. He rolled his eyes and got up onto his feet. His smirk reappeared as he gave her outfit another once over. (His eyes lingered a little more than necessary on her legs.)

She tugged nervously on her elf shorts. "You're making me very uncomfortable, Noah," she said.

He grinned. "Did they give you the ears?"

Rachel frowned in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

He rolled his eyes but leaned closer and swept her hair behind an ear; a _pointy_ elf ear. He smirked as she became startled and started blushing furiously. "That's a pretty authentic costume, Berry."

Snapping out her daze, she huffed irritably. "Oh, be quiet, Noah."

Dani tilted her head, before abruptly asking, "Why'd you need this job, Rachel?"

Rachel shrugged. "I just needed some extra money for the holidays. I also wanted to buy my dads something nice this year. Plus, extra money in my college fund is never a bad thing."

"Hey, Berry!" an angry voice barked.

The three of them whipped their heads around to see an older man stomping towards them.

She winced visibly, eyes widening. "Mr. Shilo! I'm so sorry—"

"I don't pay you to flirt with the costumers!"

"Yeah, Miss, stop flirting with me!" Puck said woefully. Rachel shot him a glare and he shot back another of his trademark smirks.

Mr. Shilo looked down at Dani. "Hey, sweetie," he said, his voice sickeningly-sweet, "Are you gonna sit on Santa's lap? The line's right over there!" And then he pointed to the line that was quite clearly in front of them.

"I'm Jewish," she said flatly.

Awkward silence.

And then Mr. Shilo plastered a grin on his face and said clumsily, "Oh. Uh. Sorry about that."

Puck and Dani shared a look that Rachel could read as _What a knuckle-head._

Rachel covered her mouth daintily, stifling a giggle.

The humor of the situation quickly disappeared as he rounded on Rachel. "Get back to work, Berry!"

"Yes, sir!" she said, running back to the line full of little kids and greeting them enthusiastically.

Mr. Shilo rolled his eyes and ran back over to Rachel, pulling her aside, away from the kids to yell at her some more.

Dani wrinkled her nose in disgust as she watched them. "I don't like him. He's mean to Rachel."

"Yeah, he's kind of a douche." Puck frowned. "Huh. This is weird. Why isn't she saying anything back? She's always back-talking Schue in Glee."

"Maybe she just wants to keep her job?" she suggested, looking worried.

Puck's frown deepened as Rachel started to look visibly upset, but continued to take the reaming her boss was giving her silently. He glanced around the area, formulating a plan. When he got most of it put together in his head, he nudged Dani.

"What?" she asked, looking up at him.

"You up for some trouble-making?"

She smirked deviously. "Only always."

* * *

When it was finally Dani's turn to sit on Santa's lap, she yanked his white beard off and screamed out, "_This man is an imposter!_"

Mothers and fathers gasped. Children screamed and cried.

Puck stood back, smiling proudly at his little sister.

* * *

"I can_not_ believe you put your sister up to that, Noah!" Rachel yelled sometime later. "And Dani! I'm disappointed in you, too! Do you realize how many Christmases you probably ruined with your little stunt?"

"Whatever. Hanukkah has a better present spread, anyway," Dani pouted quietly.

She bristled. "That's _not _a good excuse!"

"Your boss is an asshole," Puck stated.

"That doesn't give you—what?"

"Your boss is an asshole," Dani repeated.

"Dani!" Rachel scolded.

She rolled her eyes. "Noah and I wanted to, like, avenge you or whatever because your boss treats you so bad. And he treated me like a _little girl_." Her expression darkened. "I hate that," she mumbled quietly.

Rachel and Puck both knew better than to point out that _Yes, actually_, she _was _a little girl.

Rachel sighed and took off her hat. "That's…sweet, I guess. But it doesn't change things. They sent us home for the day, but I'll still have to come back to work tomorrow."

"Yeah?" Puck asked.

She nodded. "Yes. Nobody really likes Mr. Shilo."

"I wonder why," Puck muttered dryly.

Rachel ignored him, smiling and saying, "But, after how he _'expertly'_ handled the entire situation, he may…have to find a new place of business."

Dani perked up. "Really?" She smiled. "So are you not mad at us?"

"I guess not," Rachel sighed with a smile.

"Yay! You love us!" Dani shouted, hugging her around the waist.

Puck rolled his eyes at the girly exchange between the two of them. "Hey, Berry, guess what?" He pulled something out of his pocket.

"Yes?" she asked, looking up and smiling at him, before seeing what was in his hand and paling instantly.

"I can _totally_ blackmail you now," he said, smirking and taking a quick picture of her on his cell phone.


	16. Boys Are The Enemy

A/N: I finished editing the last chapter, so if you want, you can check it out. Just caught some grammar mistakes, added a bit more detail/imagery, and a line or two of a dialogue. There's really no major difference, so you don't have to bother, haha.

Okay, this next bit is aimed at Ladidah, because they don't have an account where I can just PM them. So unless you want to read my unnecessary speech, you can go ahead and skip over.

Right, so, onto your comment. I'm sorry that you find Puck's swearing offensive. But you're actually the first person to complain. I realize that there are probably some others out there that might find Puck's language bothersome, but truck on with my fic anyway (and for that, I thank them). The truth of the matter is that I honestly forget about how offensive swearing can be and/or get. I truly try not to be that ignorant or immature or rude on the whole matter, but that's the truth. I just forget sometimes.

(I have my reasons as to _why _I forget, but I'll just stop it there before this turns into my life story. Plus, you probably wouldn't have found my reasons interesting anyway. I'm not saying they're legit reasons, either.)

But, since you _are_ the first person to have said anything, I'm probably just going to keep Puck's offensive swearing. I mean, he's already super offensive on the show when he can't even swear, so I'm pretty sure that if he could, he totally would. All. The. _Time_. And I'm sorry if that bothers you and makes you want to stop reading; I honestly can't be bothered.

However, if I get a few more comments telling me that they're bothered, then I'll hold back.

* * *

Puck was just pulling his shirt on over his head when he got the sudden, slightly paranoid feeling of people watching him. After it was properly on, he looked up to realize that no, he was not being paranoid.

Matt, Mike, and Finn were all staring at him intently.

"What? You idiots forgot how to put on a fucking shirt? Your head goes through the _big_ hole," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Mike scoffed. "As if I'd forget how to put on a shirt!"

Matt looked at him. "Dude, your shirt's on backwards. There's your tag." He then proceeded to grab the white, little square at the back of Mike's neck, rolling his eyes.

"Shit!" Mike mumbled, quickly taking his shirt off and righting his mistake.

Puck shook his head but chuckled at his friends. "So what's with the staring contest? Because that was fuckin' creepy."

Finn hesitated. "Well, we just wanted you to know that we all like Rachel—"

Puck frowned. "Then go ahead and share her. I sure as hell don't want her."

Finn blushed, eyes growing wide. "No, not like that!" he said quickly, shaking his head and wrinkling his nose. "Plus, _gross_, man."

With a casual shrug, Puck said, "Hurry up. 'Cause unless we're gonna hang out today, I wanna go home."

"Look, you still may not think so, but we think Rachel's pretty cool. You know, when she's not, like, _super intense_. And we're just a little—"

"We're hurt that you've been keeping the secret that Rachel's your sister's baby sitter from us!" Mike interjected, sounding very much like a frail, little girl.

Groaning loudly, Puck dropped his head into his hands. "_Why _the _fuck_ do you guys keep bringing this up? This was _exactly_ why I didn't want to tell you guys in the first place! I thought you wouldn't leave me alone! And, apparently, I was right."

Matt frowned. "Well, see, here's the thing. If you had just _told_ us in the first place, we wouldn't be bothering you _now_."

Sucking in a large breath and then exhaling loudly, Puck scratched the back of his neck. "Okay, look, another reason why I didn't want to tell you guys was because I didn't want the team over-hearing. 'Cause, honestly? None of their fucking business. But you all know Berry's rep; they'd start a lot of shit 'bout me. And her, probably. And I really don't wanna deal with all that." He looked at all of them before finishing, "Understand now? Will you fucking pansies drop it, already?"

They all shifted uncomfortably. They hadn't really factored in that Rachel was _still_ disliked throughout most of McKinley. And if it became known that she and Puck interacted outside of school; well, it would probably raise more than a few eyebrows and start a rumor or two that there was _obviously _something going on other than the whole '_baby sitting_' angle.

Finn furrowed his eyebrows. "So, like, you're doing this to protect her?"

Puck paused. "Yeah, sure. 'Cause I'm so noble and shit," he said tonelessly. No need to tell them that really, he was just looking out for himself (and if that somehow kept Rachel's rep from being any more tainted, then whatever).

Clapping a hand onto Puck's shoulder, Finn smiled. "You're a cool dude, Puck."

"If this is where we confess our Guy Love to each other, count me out," Puck deadpanned.

Awkwardly, Finn removed his hand. "Right. Sorry." He shot him a sheepish smile.

* * *

He later came home to a quiet house, with Rachel napping on his couch, curled up with a blanket. He frowned, not seeing any signs of Dani. His house being quiet and her not being glued to Rachel's side were two very big hints that she was not currently in the house.

_What the hell? If Dani's not here, then what the fuck is Berry doin' nappin' on my couch?_

He was about to nudge her awake (and not feel guilty about it in the slightest) when he noticed a piece of paper on the coffee table. It was folded up neatly and had his name on the front, with a little exclamation mark.

_Noah, this note is in case you come home to either find:_

_1. Me, sleeping on the couch, with Dani absent. She is currently at a classmate's house, working a school assignment. (Please don't wake me up. I will only be napping for forty-five minutes, which is the entire sleep cycle, and should be awake around 5:45.)_

_2. No one home. If no one is home, then that just means that I have gone out to pick up Dani from her classmate's house._

_So please, don't worry, and thank you for taking the time to read this._

_-Rachel Berry_

And after her name were a little smiley face and her trademark gold star.

He rolled his eyes and glanced at the clock hanging in his living room. It was currently 5:40. Shrugging, Puck decided to just go ahead and wake her up, because it was only five minutes early. But not because he was bored and could use the company; he just figured she'd find it super annoying.

Leaning down to Rachel's ear, he whispered quietly, "Hey, Berry. Wake up."

Obviously, she did no such thing.

Grinning wickedly to himself, he pinched her nose close, stopping the air flow. And waited. And then waited some more. Just when he was about to give up (_Damn her lungs! Must be from all that singing and talking she does…),_ Rachel's mouth opened, sucking in air ungracefully with a snore.

She awoke with a start to find Puck sitting on the armrest of the couch, holding onto her nose and snickering at her. She immediately sat up and smacked his arm away. "What are you, a _child_?" she huffed, her cheeks coloring.

He shrugged innocently. "You wouldn't wake up."

Rachel frowned at him. "Didn't you read my note?" She stood and started to neatly fold up the blanket. "I could have sworn I had politely asked you to please _not_ wake me up," she said, shooting him a small glare.

Puck rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he muttered. He eyed the note in his hands and looked back at Rachel, who had finished folding the blanket and was setting it down on the couch. "So, you know when the midget's getting home?" He rolled up the note and threw it over his shoulder carelessly.

Rachel shook her head as she settled into the couch. "Not exactly. Dani said that she would call me to pick her up once she's finished her project, but she expected to be done around six." She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, head in her hands. "She should be calling soon."

Puck nodded slowly, and within seconds, they'd fallen into a slightly uncomfortable silence.

"So…" Rachel said slowly, drawing his attention to her. He grunted, waiting for her to continue. "Matt, Mike, and Finn came up to me today," she continued, smiling a bit.

"You're kidding," he said, holding back a groan. When her smile widened as she shook her head, he rolled his eyes. "They won't leave it alone. They brought it up again after football today." He looked at her. "What'd they say?"

She laughed softly and shook her head. "Well, Mike kept acting like a jilted woman—"

"Yeah, that's normal," Puck interjected.

"Matt was being very mature about the whole thing, and Finn was, well, he was being very sweet like he usually is."

Making a face, Puck said, "Anything else?"

"That they accept me even if you didn't," she grinned. "They said that you're only ashamed of me because…well, I'm not going to repeat what they said, but I'll admit it was pretty humorous. Anyway, they continued on to say that they thought I was 'cool' and it was all very sweet, actually."

Puck frowned. "They make me sound like an asshole."

"Yes! That's basically what they called you!"

He rolled his eyes as she giggled. Wanting to change the subject, he said, "So what's Dani's project about?"

Rachel noticed the change in topics but decided to play along. "She and her partner have to make and decorate the entire solar system. I think her partner's name was Johnny."

Puck froze. "Wait. What? My little sister's partner is a _dude_?"

Rachel blinked. "Most girls aren't named _'Johnny'_, Noah." She raised an eyebrow. "Is this a problem?" she asked slowly.

"Let me tell you something about dudes. They all just want _one thing_," Puck muttered seriously, "And that's to _get some ass_."

She stared at him, jaw hanging open. "You realize that they're _ten-year-olds_, don't you?"

Puck paused, trying to remember how he was at the tender age of ten. "Okay, fine. At the most, he'll just try to mack on her."

She stared at him. "How come I have a feeling you're speaking from experience?"

"I was _born_ a _stud_, Berry," he snorted.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Noah, trust me, she doesn't have a crush on Johnny." (The actual crush's name was Tommy, but she wasn't about to tell Puck that.)

His eyes narrowed at her. "How would you know?"

"She told me that she's not interested in anyone at the current moment," Rachel lied smoothly.

Puck visibly relaxed, but only a little. "Alright," he grumbled, "If you say so."

Smiling at him, she said, "I think it's cute that you're so over-protective of your sister." At the glare he shot her way, she quickly back-tracked. "And by '_cute_', I mean absolutely '_dangerous_' and '_scary_'."

"That's better, Berry."

She rolled her eyes. She was about to respond, but then _Defying Gravity_ sounded in the room, and with a surprised start, she grabbed her cell phone off the coffee table. She didn't recognize the number, but figured it was probably Dani calling from Johnny's phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, Rachel," Dani's voice filtered through.

Rachel smiled and asked, "Would you like me to pick you up now?"

"Nah, it's okay. I'm almost home. Johnny's mom giving me a ride. Is Noah home yet? Can I talk to him?"

"Of course," Rachel said, handing Puck the phone.

Raising an eyebrow, he held up the pink contraption and grunted into the phone, "What?"

"Okay. Don't be mad."

His eyebrow hitched up higher as he said, "No promises. What?"

A pause. "I can't tell you," she whispered into the phone. "You'll have to wait until I get home."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Fine, midget. Whatever." And despite her feeble protests of wanting to speak to Rachel again, he snapped the phone close. With a mumbled, "Here," he tossed it back into Rachel's lap.

She looked at him, frowning. "What did she say?"

He shrugged. "She said that she'll tell me when she gets home."

Rachel nodded slowly. "Alright, then." She stood up and stretched a little bit. "Hope you're in the mood for pasta, because that's what's for dinner," she said with a smile. "Oh, and your mother will be home early tonight, so I'll probably leave once she gets here." She started walking to the kitchen.

"You can stay for dinner like you usually do," Puck offered before he even realized what it was he was saying.

They both froze.

Rachel may have stayed for dinner _all the fucking time,_ but that was usually because Dani always insisted, or her dads weren't home so she felt kind of alone coming back to an empty house. (He only knew that because Dani told him. At first, he thought it was one of her schemes to make him feel bad and be a little nicer to Rachel. But he later learned that it was most likely true because it seemed that her dads were hardly ever home.) He tried not to think about _what_, exactly, made him ask her.

"Oh!" she finally said. "Well, my dads' flight back into Lima was supposed to come in tonight so…" she trailed off uncomfortably.

"You wanna be home when they get there," Puck said, nodding understandingly. "Right. Forget I said anything."

"Thanks for the offer, though," she said, giving him a genuine smile. "It was very sweet."

Puck realized that she looked kind of pretty like that; standing there with a soft smile as opposed to her freaky _I'm Rachel Berry! And I'm a superstar!_ smile. Before he could start to mentally and physically punch himself in the face for even thinking something so dumb and soft, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," he mumbled quickly, jumping up off the couch and running to get the door open.

Dani instantly breezed past him and threw herself onto the couch with a loud _flump_. Face-down in the cushion seats, she gave a loud, slightly muffled, but still very audible groan. "I hate my life!"

Puck and Rachel glanced at each other, eyebrows raised.

"Dani, what's wrong?" Rachel asked softly, making her way back to the couch, taking a seat next to her.

Dani's head lifted up and when she saw Rachel, she moved closer and rested her head on Rachel's lap, flipping over so that she could look up at the older girl. "Noah, you may want to sit down for this," she sighed, sounding more tired and wise than a ten-year-old should.

Rachel stroked her hair as Puck rolled his eyes but sat down on the couch next to Dani's feet. "What's wrong?" she repeated.

Wrinkling her adorable features into a disgusted face, she answered, "Johnny tried to kiss me when we were painting Saturn's rings."

Puck shot up immediately. "I'll kill him!" he growled menacingly, expression darkening dramatically.

"Noah, there's nothing '_badass_' about murdering a ten-year-old boy," Rachel deadpanned. Puck glared, but grudgingly sat back down.

Dani sighed. "Don't bother. I went into the kitchen pretending to get some juice so I could find their cheese grater."

A beat of silence.

"Dani?" Rachel asked hesitantly, voice slightly wavering, "What exactly did you _do_ with that cheese grater?"

She shrugged. "Threaten him with it."

He and Rachel shared another look. Puck raised an eyebrow. "Uh. What exactly did you say, midget?"

She turned her head slightly so she could look at her brother. "I told him if he ever came near me with his nasty breath ever again, I'd whack him upside his big, stupid head and then cheese-grate his lips off."

He snorted with laughter. "Good girl."

Rachel looked alarmed. "Wasn't that…all a bit much?"

"It was _so gross_," Dani whined, covering her eyes with her hands dramatically, as if trying to block out the horrible memory. "And I only threatened him after the _third_ try. I told him to back off the first time, I pushed him away the second time, and after my threat, he left me alone." She paused. "Actually, he just stopped talking the rest of the time and kept looking like he was gonna wet himself."

"You should have kicked him in the b—"

"Noah!" Rachel sputtered loudly.

He gave her a look that said _You have _got _to be fucking kidding me. _He rolled his eyes. "Berry, you're getting hung up when I'm about to say _balls_ in front of my sister when I say just about every other fucking curse word?"

She rolled her eyes. "No. I don't want you suggesting to your sister that she should kick a little boy in the reproductive organs!"

"Say '_balls_', Berry. It'll save you five syllables," he shot back. He rolled his eyes at her and turned to Dani. "Okay, listen up, midget."

Dani looked at her brother with rapt attention. "Listening."

"You _only_ kick some creeper in the _balls_—" he paused, putting extra emphasis on '_balls_' just to annoy Rachel, "—if he's gonna get all freaky on you, okay?"

She nodded slowly. "Define '_freaky_'."

Puck froze and looked at Rachel. The intense look she gave him made him realize he had better keep it PG or else. "If he touches you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable or like you wanna throw up, it's a good sign that he's being freaky."

"Uncomfortableness and throwing up. Got it," Dani repeated with a little nod.

He leaned over and ruffled her hair affectionately. "Next time little Johnny can't keep his lips on his own face, you tell me and I'll—"

"_Noah_," Rachel interrupted warningly.

"…give him a _very_ stern talking-to," Puck finished lamely.

"Boys are _so_ stupid! And gross! And stinky! And _dumb_!" Dani whined, turning around to hug Rachel, voice was muffled by the older girl's stomach.

"I know, I know," Rachel said soothingly as she started stroking Dani's hair again. "Your brother's a prime example of that."

"Wha—? Hey!" Puck sputtered indignantly.

Dani turned around to face her brother again. "I love you, but you and your kind _are the enemy_," she hissed, glaring at him.

Rachel laughed quietly into her hand, before glancing at the clock. "Oh! I need to finish the sauce for the pasta!"

Puck grabbed Dani's feet and gently dragged her until her head fell off Rachel's lap, leaving her free to get up and walk into the kitchen. Dani sat up, settling against Puck's side. "No offense, but I'm glad Rachel's here sometimes."

"You're glad she's here _all _the time," Puck scoffed.

"Details, details," she said breezily. "I mean, you're my brother and even though you're a knucklehead, I love you, but Rachel's a girl. And I can talk to her about girly things."

"You've got mom," he pointed out softly.

"Mom's always busy or tired," Dani said quietly. "I feel like I'm bothering her sometimes." But then she smiled a little. "But ever since Rachel started coming over, mom's been a lot happier, huh? Because she doesn't have to stress about us and cooking dinner and cleaning the house and all that stuff."

Puck shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, I guess," he mumbled. He had never realized the impact that Rachel had on his entire household. She kept things running smoothly and and everything in check. No wonder his mother and sister loved her so much.

There was a brief pause before Dani said something again.

"Noah?"

"Midget?"

"I'll give you five dollars if you marry Rachel so she can be my sister-in-law _and _it'll make mom really happy."

"Not even for all the fucking money in the world, brat."

"Darn. Well, it was worth a shot."


	17. What Will It Take?

A/N: Sorry for the abrupt ending, but I started on this one late, so I'm cheating to meet my dead line and you can expect part two tomorrow! Oh, and this picks up after chapter twelve!

* * *

Kurt was just walking along the mostly empty hallway when a hand shot out and grabbed him by the back of his collar. He gave a loud gasp and barked out, "Watch it! This is an _Alexander McQueen_!" When the owner of the hand didn't loosen his grip, and merely continued to drag him out of the hallway, Kurt shouted, "Let go or I'll—" He blinked at the person in front of him. And then he rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "Hm," he murmured demurely, looking thoughtful, "I had a dream like this once…but you were shirtless…"

Puck looked affronted. "_What_?" And then he rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Forget it. Hummel, dude. I need to ask you something."

Kurt blinked. "So is that why you feel the need to pull me aside into this…" he stopped as he took in his surroundings. His features twisted into a look of disdain as he said, rather flatly, "Wow. The boys' bathroom. Lovely. I haven't been in one since seventh grade, actually...Huh. Were urinals' always that filthy?"

Puck's foot tapped against the floor in irritation as he barked, "_Hummel_, could ya focus for a moment?"

He snapped his attention to the Mohawked boy in front of him, blinking rapidly. "I'm sorry. What was it you needed of me?"

Sucking in a low breath, Puck ran his hands over the parts of his shaved scalp. "Okay. Has…has Berry said anything to you lately?" His eyes darted around the room before he continued, "A—about me?"

Kurt froze. "What?" he said, laughing airily, "Why would you ask something like that?"

Puck frowned. "I dunno. It's just…she's been acting _super fuckin' weird _lately."

"Hm," he hummed, tilting his head to the side daintily. "I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific, Puck." And then he raised an eyebrow, "I mean, this _is _Rachel Berry we're talking about."

He looked like he was going to smash his head against something. "Well, she's been…real touchy-feely lately. And she keeps giggling and playing with her hair whenever we talk. And the other day, I thought her eyes were goin' crazy and having some sort of _seizure_ 'cause she, like, _couldn't stop blinking_ at me."

Kurt fought the urge to hunt down Rachel and shake her until she rattled, screaming, '_You idiot! That's so _not_ how you go about flirting!_ He forced a confused smile onto his face and uttered, "Oh? Is that so?"

Puck looked pained and said, "Dude, you've gotta help me out here. I asked her if something was wrong or if her tiny body finally broke down from all the crazy she has stored up inside." He sighed. "And she hasn't spoken to me since."

_Idiots. I'm dealing with idiots._ Kurt delicately pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Okay, Puck."

"Yeah?"

"You honestly have no clue why Rachel has been clinging to you so desperately these past few days?"

Shaking his head slowly, Puck's eyebrows furrowed.

"_No clue_?" Kurt asked, voice louder and pitch higher, as if that would somehow help his dense friend into figuring something out.

"…Does it have anything to do with my guns?" Puck asked, grasping at straws.

"Oh, Versace in heaven," Kurt mumbled under his breath, closing his eyes briefly.

Puck blinked. "I dunno who that is," he said slowly.

Pursing his lips, Kurt decided he needed to have a talk with Rachel before telling Puck anything. "My, that _is_ strange, Puck, but, uh, I really must be going. Ta-ta!"

"Hey!" Puck called, but Kurt had already fled from the bathroom.

* * *

"Rachel Berry!"

The brunette whipped her head around and saw Kurt practically flying down the hallway at her. She smiled. "Oh, hi, Ku—"

Without slowing down, Kurt walked by and grabbed her by the elbow. "Don't speak, keep up and keep moving. We're being followed by one angry Noah Puckerman, and I'm giving you a ride home."

"I'm—I'm sorry?" Rachel stammered, absolutely confused.

"Hey, Hummel! I was talking to you!" a voice shouted from around the corner.

Rachel made to turn her head around, but Kurt picked up the pace. "Don't look behind you! Come on!"

"Kurt, what's going on?" Rachel asked, slowly becoming more and more alarmed.

Rolling his eyes, he said, "Puck decided to come to _me_ for advice on _you_. And, apparently, you can't flirt to save your life."

Turning red, Rachel managed to stammer, "I—I have _no_ idea what you're talking about."

"I need to avoid Puck or he's going to get me to crack! You don't want me telling him that you've got quite a crush, now, do you?"

Rachel moved out of his grasp and hurried on ahead of him.

* * *

"I don't know what I'm doing!" Rachel wailed miserably as she rested her forehead against her living room wall.

Kurt sat on her couch, staring at her. "Well, that much is obvious," he said dryly.

She rounded on him. "At first, I decided to go with the whole '_sly, coy, and aloof_' tactic, correct?"

Kurt nodded slowly, waiting for her to continue.

Frowning, Rachel huffed, "Well, I thought it was working, but then it was as if he got used to it or something, because he just _stopped _responding to it."

He started to chuckle under his breath, but quickly stopped at the glare she sent his way. "Look, sweetie, you just need to be _straight forward _with Puck. Stop with the silly games and flirting tactics."

She bit her lip and walked over to sit next to Kurt. "You think so?"

With a small shrug, he said, "I always thought you went after everything you wanted with ?"

Rachel worried her bottom lip further before responding, "I tried that with Finn…but you saw how that worked out…" She sighed. "I think the reason why I'm resorting to such foolish acts is because I have this horrible voice in the back of my head that's telling me that this entire situation is absolutely _ridiculous_ because I've got my eye set on _Noah Puckerman_, McKinley High's playboy extraordinaire!" She sounded rather hysterical by the end of her sentence.

"Oh, sweetie," Kurt sighed pityingly. "To be fair, I don't think he's been living up to that status for quite a while now."

This didn't help a bit and Rachel just moaned and leaned against his shoulder.

"There, there," he murmured, patting her shoulder. "If you wrinkle this top, I'm going to ruin every skirt you have," he warned.

"Kurt! You're not helping!" she whined.

Rolling his eyes, he sighed. "Fine. I'll talk to Puck tomorrow. And I'll see what I can do."

She sniffed, looking up at him from his shoulder. "But you're not going to tell him anything about my feelings for him, right?"

"I'll try," he muttered.

"Thank you," she said, hugging him.

_What is it going to _take_ to get these two crazies to get together?_

_

* * *

_

"Puck, sit down."

A loud, obnoxious snort. "You can't tell me what to do, Hummel."

"I will shave off your Mohawk the next time you decide to take a nap in the nurse's room."

Puck sat.

There was a moment of silence in the empty choir room.

"Now what?" Puck grunted.

"Just hold on a moment," Kurt said calmly.

"Kurt? You told me to meet you here?" Rachel's voice filled the room as she walked through the door. Upon seeing Puck sitting in one of the chairs, her eyes widened and she turned around to make a hasty exit.

"No, no, no!" Kurt said, running over and grabbing her. "You, missy, can sit next to your leading man over there."

"How is this helping?" she hissed, but she went over to where Puck was sitting, confused. "Hi, Noah," she said weakly, before sitting down next to him.

"Now that you two are here…" Kurt said slowly, with an evil grin that made Puck feel uneasy and Rachel want to throw up. "_Talk about your damn feelings and make-out already! I can't stand anymore of this unresolved sexual tension! It's driving me bonkers! And you two keep coming to _me _for advice!" _He screamed, before locking the door and exiting.

Puck and Rachel sat there, absolutely stunned, before turning to each other.


	18. Constantly Under Siege

A/N: This may or may not live up to your expectations. But I wrote this while I was half asleep, so I'm warnin' you now. Maddie, this one's for you! I hope you like your little shout-out!

Guys, guys! I epic fail as a writer! This is not, I repeat, _NOT_, part the Daniverse! Sorry, sorry, sorry to all the people who read this _before_ I added this edit for clarification!

* * *

Rachel pursed her lips and looked around the room, tapping her foot furiously.

Puck grunted and shifted in his seat, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"Well! I guess I should just be going!" Rachel laughed nervously, shooting up from her chair. She took a step forward before he said something.

"Not so fast, Berry," Puck muttered.

She stopped in her tracks. She swallowed anxiously and turned around to face him. "Yes?" she said tentatively, rubbing her palms on her skirt quickly.

"You wouldn't happen to know why Hummel flipped out and locked us in here, do you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously at her.

"Nope! Not a clue!" she replied hastily, making her way toward the door.

"Berry!" he barked, "Get your ass back here!"

But she was already at the door, "Okay, Noah, see you tomo—Ah!" she came to an abrupt stop as she saw something horrifying standing at the door, hand flying to up to her chest

Puck jumped out of the chair and ran to where she stood a few feet from the door, shocked and disgusted. "What? What is it?" he asked, frowning. He looked out the door and saw Jacob Ben-Israel's face pressed up against the glass and breathing heavily. "What the fuck?" Puck growled, walking up to the door. "Hey!" he yelled, pounding the glass. "Get the fuck away!"

"Can't!" Jacob called through the door. "Kurt Hummel paid me good money to stand him and not leave until he came back. It's to make sure Rachel doesn't leave you. You, either." And then he turned his eyes onto Rachel. '_I love you_,' he mouthed, looking at her creepily, '_I. _Love_. You._'

Shuddering, Rachel walked back to the two chairs that Kurt had set up in the middle of the choir room, flinging herself into one of them with a loud huff. "I'm officially declaring my friendship with Kurt defunct until further notice," she grumbled.

Puck irritably flipped off Jacob before making his way over to Rachel. He sat down next to her and sighed. He ran a hand through his Mohawk and groaned, "_Rachel_, what the fuck is going on here?"

She froze at the sound of her name. "You called me Rachel," she said dumbly.

"Yes, I did," he said, before rolling his eyes. "Do you have any idea why Hummel fucking locked us in up in here? And why the _fuck _was he talking about 'unresolved sexual tension'?" he growled irritably. She opened her mouth, about to blatantly lie to him when he quickly said, "No bullshit, Berry."

She chewed on her bottom lip momentarily. "Noah, I really don't know how to tell you this—"

"Just spit it out!" Puck said, growing increasingly impatient. (This was bad because he's always been an impatient guy.)

"Please don't make me say!" Rachel pleaded desperately, wincing.

He frowned at her. "Does this have anything to do with that weird eye tic you developed recently? Or how you've been finding everything I say fucking hilarious lately?"

Feeling her cheeks flush furiously, she stammered, "N—no!"

He gave her a look that said _Don't give me that motherfucking shit._

"Okay, so…maybe I _do_ have an inkling of an idea…as to why we're locked away in the choir room," she mumbled hesitantly. She refused to meet his eyes as she continued on to say vaguely, "And it may or may not have to do with my strange behavior lately."

"Well?" he pressed gruffly, raising an eyebrow at her.

She tapped her foot, gnawed her bottom lip, shook her head from side to side, and just about every other nervous tick a person could make before Puck grabbed her firmly by the shoulders and shook her a little.

"Berry," he growled, eyes narrowing into slits; the opposite of her wide, terrified ones, "If you don't tell me _right motherfucking now_—"

Rachel's pretty sure that something made her lose her mind right then and there. She's not quite sure as to _what_ exactly, that '_something_' was, but she's pretty sure the same whatever-it-was caused her to screw her eyes shut, stand on her tippytoes, and press a kiss to Noah Puckerman's lips.

Puck stood still, and she was pretty sure that the _entire universe _did too.

She broke the kiss and stepped down.

Puck was looking at her with wide eyes. "What the _fuck_, Berry?" he blurted at her.

"I don't know! I panicked!" she blurted back. She started looking around the room frantically for an escape.

His grip on her arms tightened slightly so she couldn't break away. And then it _fucking dawned on him_. "Oh."

Rachel snapped her gaze back at him. "Oh?" she squeaked, blinking at him.

"_Oh_," he repeated smugly, drawing out the word slowly.

"Stop saying '_oh_'," she grumbled, looking down at her feet.

Puck smirked devilishly at her. "You totally want in my pants, Berry."

She covered her face with her hands, as if ashamed. "Please don't say that," she whined.

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "It's okay. I don't blame you," he said, looking at her mock-pityingly. "I mean, how could you resist when these guns have you constantly under siege?" And then he let go of one of her arms to flex his bicep at her.

It was Rachel's turn to scoff and roll her eyes. "No one with more than a one-digit IQ would fall for that," she said flatly.

He leaned down and pecked her on the lips. "But _you_ did!" he said, laughing obnoxiously at her.

"I _hate_ you, Noah Puckerman," she muttered, pouting cutely.

He snickered at her. "You motherfucking love me." He laughed as she groaned exasperatedly.

"I'm _leaving_, Noah," she said, rolling her eyes again. She twisted out of his grasp and stomped toward the door.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her fast and hard enough so that she would purposely stumble into his chest.

"Hey!" she frowned, looking up at him. "You could try to be more gent—"

Leaning down, Puck kissed her once more, but a proper one. It lasted longer than the first two and it was…well, Rachel couldn't really find any intelligent words in her impressive vocabulary that would have fit correctly, seeing as how she was pretty sure her brain had just gone to mush. But words like _'sweet'_, _'nice'_, and '_absolutely lovely_' floated through her head.

He slowly pulled away and he was smirking handsomely down at her. "I know this totally secluded area where we can go and make-out."

His crude suggestion helped her to snap out of her daze. "That's not a date," she pointed out flatly.

He rolled his eyes. "So pack a picnic basket or some shit."

She quirked her lips and tried to appear _very cross_ with him, but she knew that he could tell that she was going to relent soon. "Fine!" she bit out, "Friday."

He grinned wickedly at her and she tried to fight the smile off her face (she was losing that battle) and tried not to appear too excited at the prospect of going out on a date (make-out session, _whatever_) with the one, the only Noah Puckerman.


	19. Going To Be Okay

A/N: Um. Unrelated one-shot in a future of a Puckleberry relationship. Short and drabbley and…not sure if I like it. But I had to post something, right? Also, much more of an experiment.

* * *

He stands there, breathing hard and heavy, glaring down at her.

Opposite from across the room, she's on the couch, trying to blink back tears.

He's furious and she's upset.

(Sadly, this is the norm.)

With an angry, shuddering sigh, he runs a hand through his Mohawk.

Biting her lip, she leans forward and hugs herself.

"I'm leaving," he finally spits out, making a move for her front door.

She lets him leave without another word.

(Neither of them remembers what causes the fight.

Just the hurtful words and insults that cut a little too deep.)

* * *

During school the next day, their eyes meet, but they continue walking.

During lunch, he continues to ignore her.

During Glee, she dances just that much closer to Finn.

(They tell themselves, _'I don't care'_.)

* * *

After Glee, he shows up on her doorstep.

There are no _'I'm sorry's'_, _'I understand's'_, or _'Please forgive me's_'.

There's tugging, pulling, nipping.

Desperate kisses, roaming hands, harsh whispers.

It's angry, but still passionate all the same.

(When he holds her to his chest afterwards, she thinks _Maybe we'll be okay. Maybe we can do this. Everything will be okay._

He kisses her forehead as their eyes drift shut and they fall asleep.)

* * *

She wakes up first and whispers in his ear.

His eyes open and he groans.

She rests her chin on his shoulder. "Hey," she murmurs softly, looking up at him.

He grunts an affirmative, still barely waking up.

She hesitates, before asking timidly, "Noah, are we going to be okay? There's only so much more of this I can_—"_

"I don't know."

(The words aren't there to hurt her, not there to start another fight or argument; just the truth.)

"Do you—do you _want_ us to be okay?" he asks, feeling like _such_ a goddamn pussy for sounding so unsure and stuttering like that.

Her eyes soften and she kisses him on the lips. "_Yes_," she whispers, trying not to sound desperate and clingy and bothersome, "I really, _really_ want things to be okay."

He looks at her guiltily. "I'm a fuckup," he growls.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "I hate it when you say that," her voice comes out soft and hurt.

He opens his mouth to say something back, but she quickly opens her eyes to give him a look that says _Not now. Please don't start anything._ He shuts his jaw and mumbles a half-hearted, "I'm sorry."

She beams at him, proud that he isn't picking a fight (for once).

* * *

He leaves an hour later, but there's no fight or argument or exchange of insults this time. Just a peck on the cheek and a murmured _I'll call you, baby_.

(She can't help but feel like it's a breath of fresh air.)

She stands at the entrance, head leaning to the side to rest on the door frame, as she watches him walk down the steps and to his truck.

He turns back once and, upon seeing her there with a soft smile, he gives her the usual _Puckerman_ smirk.

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

His smirk widens and his eyebrows waggle at her suggestively. His expression clearly says _Dude. The make-up sex was _hot_._

She blushes and gapes at him. She rolls her eyes again.

With a bark of laughter, he gets into his truck and drives away.

(She knows they're going to be okay.)


	20. Movie Night

A/N: I know, I know! Sorry for the late update! Long story short, my best friend needed me and I had to be there for her. So, uh. Forgive me? (She's okay; she's not, like, dying or anything. She just needed her best friend.)

So, I think it's been awhile since I've last thanked you guys, but you guys are _totally awesome_ for sticking with this crazy, poorly thought-out plan of mind.

Oh, and because I'm _dumb_, this isn't a New Year's special. But there's Dani and Mike! So, yes, we're back to our regular, scheduled programming. (And by that, I mean the Daniverse.)

* * *

"Noah."

"Shut up."

"Noah."

"Shut your face."

"Noah."

"Would you—"

"_Noah_."

He finally looked over at his little sister and glared. "_What_?" he asked sharply.

"…_Hi_." Her grin was perkier and eviler than it should have been.

His eye twitched. "Oh my fucking god, you brat," he growled. He leaned over, about to pinch her, but she was out of reach. "Goddammit!"

"You can't reach me!" she sang, giggling.

"Go fucking annoy Berry or some shit," he growled. "I am _not_ in the motherfucking mood."

And he _really_ wasn't. During football, he'd hurt his ankle during practice when someone had tackled him while mid-jump and they'd twisted somehow in the air and he landed on it really hard and really funny. And that was why he was currently lying down on the couch, foot resting on the armrest.

"Really, Noah, are you sure your ankle is fine? Should we get it looked at, with an x-ray, presumably? I suppose you'll have to sit out during the next few Glee practices now. When do you think it should be fine for you to continue with your extracurricular activities? Seeing as how I think you'll have to forgo football for a few days, also. I mean, you even had to leave practice early. Which reminds me! Do you realize how _irresponsible _it was for you to drive home with your ankle like that?" Rachel said, as she came out of the kitchen with a new ice pack that she wrapping with a towel.

Puck rolled his eyes. Tanaka had made him sit out for the rest of practice at first; it wasn't until he'd gone and punched out the sucker who'd tackled him that he was forced to go home.

(Not that he was going to tell Rachel that. She'd probably give him a speech about pent-up aggression or some shit. And, well, _duh_, he obviously had some pent-up aggression, why the fuck else would he go to his Fight Club?)

"I don't drive with my left foot, Berry," he muttered, grabbing the icepack from her hands.

She pursed her lips. "Alright," she said lightly.

"_Fuck_," Puck groaned, flexing his foot and wincing. "This _sucks_." He leaned his head back in frustration.

Dani wrinkled her nose. "This is so _weird_. I think this is the first time I've ever seen you actually in _pain_." She paused, thinking. "Whoa," she whispered to herself, "maybe you _are_ like a normal person…"

Puck turned to look at his sister. "You're an idiot. Come here so I can smack some sense into your retarded, little head."

"Ha!" Dani scoffed. "I'm not falling for that!" And she stood up and hid behind Rachel. She stuck her tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes.

"Dani?" Rachel asked, turning around to look at her.

"Yes!" she called enthusiastically.

"Why don't you go upstairs and pick out a movie for Noah to watch while he rests?" Rachel smiled down at her.

"Okay!" she gave the older girl a salute before running up the stairs.

"I wanna watch _Ironman_!" Puck yelled after her.

A pause before a reluctant '_Fine!'_ came floating back.

"If you're not specific, she'll pick a Disney movie or some other dumb shit," he muttered as Rachel looked at him quizzically.

"Oh, I see," she said, nodding slowly. Then, a bit hesitantly, "Is that a good movie?"

Puck's jaw dropped. "Berry," he said, "you're kidding right?"

Rachel shook her head slowly. "I'm afraid I'm being completely serious. I have yet to see that movie. Although I have seen Robert Downey Jr. in _Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang_, and I rather enjoyed the overall Noir feeling of it."

He paused. "Yeah, that movie was totally awesome. But I cannot believe you haven't seen _Ironman_." He shook his head at her, looking slightly disgusted.

Dani came bounding down the stairs, DVD in hand as she yelled, "Noah! I found it!"

"Midget!" Puck yelled, jerking his thumb at Rachel, "Berry here claims she hasn't seen _Ironman_ yet!"

She turned to Rachel, jaw dropping as the DVD tumbled out of her hand. "Are you crazy? We have to fix this _right now_."

Rachel's eyes widened as she shrunk back in fear. "Alright…" she said meekly.

And then the doorbell rang.

"Freeze! Don't get it!" Dani hissed, standing still. "We _have_ to watch this movie!"

Puck looked at her weirdly and Rachel frowned.

"Dani, I have to get the door. It would be rude to stand here, pretending to be frozen while ignoring the person at the door." She paused and looked at Puck. "Well, your brother is currently lying down, but you understand."

"Thanks, Berry, I couldn't tell," he muttered sarcastically.

She ignored him and opened the door. "Oh!" she exclaimed, surprised. "Noah didn't tell me that he was expecting you guys."

"Yeah, we just wanted to see how he was doing after he left," Finn said, smiling. He walked in as Matt and Mike followed behind.

Matt nodded, but said, "Hey, Rach, if this is a bad time, we can leave."

Rachel smiled and shook her head. "Not at all! We were just about to sit down and watch _Ironman_."

"Flippin' _awesome_!" Mike whooped, throwing his arms into the air excitedly. Waving them back and forth, he screamed, "I fucking _love_ this movie!" He spotted Dani and quickly brought his arms down to his sides, standing upright and looking guilty. "Uh. Sorry, kid. Pretending I didn't say '_fuck_'—fuck! I said it aga—This is hard." He paused, looking visibly upset. He turned to Puck. "Dude!" he whispered loudly, "I'm sorry for swearing in front of your sister. "

Puck rolled his eyes, before turning to Dani. "Tell 'im, midget."

"Yo, Chang!" Dani called, doing her best imitation of her brother (which was nearly _spot-on_), to get his attention. She got it, along with everyone else's attention.

"Whoa," Mike whispered. "Tiny-Puck. _Freaky_."

She snickered at their reactions, before saying, "Look, dude, _that_ guy—" she pointed at Puck and raised an eyebrow, "—is my brother. I've known every curse word since I was _two._" She held up two fingers, wiggling them for extra emphasis. "I just know better than to curse." She shrugged, finishing with, "Plus it's '_unladylike'_ or something dumb like that."

Mike paused, before looking relived. With a small, wise smile and slow nod, he concluded, "I think you're way cooler than your brother, Tiny-Puck. You're nicer, anyway."

"Yeah," Dani sighed, "My brother's a jerkface." Then she shrugged casually. "Besides, _I'm_ the cool Puckerman."

Finn and Matt snickered as Rachel smiled.

"If I could walk without limping right now, you two would be getting a _smackdown_," Puck growled menacingly, eye twitching, as he felt a headache coming along.

Rachel, upon noticing, quickly jumped in, "Yes, how about we start the movie, now? I have yet to see it."

The three football players whirled to face her, jaws dropping. "_What_?" they screeched.

Rachel winced. "Why does that keep happening?"

Mike walked over and sighed, slinging a casual arm over her shoulder. "Dude, Berry, get ready, 'cause this movie is gonna _blow your freakin' mindhole._"

She blinked. "I'm not quite sure I understand what that means."

* * *

After the movie, all the boys, and Dani, turned to face Rachel, eagerly waiting for her reaction.

A dramatic pause, before Rachel said, "I believe the words you lot are looking for are '_It blew my freakin' mindhole_'?"


	21. Burgers and Broken Hearts

A/N: For all you crazies (and I say 'crazies' with love, guys) out there that haven't seen Ironman or Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, go watch them.

Sure, they're not life or world-changing and you won't gain a whole lotta knowledge afterward, but they're _great_ movies and Robert Downey Jr. is _boss_.

And Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is, like, my _favorite movie ever_ (in the campy detective/Noir genre).

Oh! And Mike's line, '_…blow your freakin' mindhole_', is from the always hilarious How I Met Your Mother. Watch it. It's one of the best sitcoms of the decade.

* * *

Rachel wasn't exactly sure why Mike and Matt had decided to come to _her_, of all people, when they got their hearts broken.

But they had, and that was why she was currently sitting in the middle on the couch in the Puckerman living room with two teenage boys on either side of her.

(Puck and Dani were at Sloppy Joe's, grabbing some _'_comfort_'_ food for the two football players. Rachel and Dani had suggested ice cream for comfort food, but Puck had just dragged Dani out the door without another word.)

After another moment of silence, she finally cleared her throat. "So," Rachel said slowly, "who would like to go first?"

Matt, while still pouting, point at Mike. "He can go," he muttered quietly, staring at his feet.

"Okay, Mike," Rachel said, turning to her right. "Would you please tell me what—"

"It was _awful_!" Mike wailed, leaning forward to embrace Rachel.

Startled, Rachel could barely manage to stammer, "W—well, yes. I'm—I'm pretty sure it _was _awful, Mike." She starting patting his back awkwardly as she continued, "Now won't you tell me _what_, exactly, was awful?"

"We caught Santana and Brittany making-out," Matt sighed.

Rachel's eyes widened. "Oh." And then, more sympathetically, "Oh." She looked at them sadly, "Would I be right if I made the assumption that you two had feelings for Brittany and Santana?"

"I had future plans of us _double-dating_!" Mike pouted, throwing his body back into the couch with a dramatic _flump_ and leaning his head back to look at the ceiling. And then he sighed and shrugged a little. "But since Matt and I lose by default because we're _dudes_, I guess that's better than losing our girls to _other _dudes."

Matt frowned. "We'll get over it, Rach, don't worry."

"Well," she murmured softly, "I wish I knew what to say, but I honestly don't. I know that teenage boys don't act the same as teenage girls, so I highly doubt you two would lock yourself in your rooms and just listen to sad music and cry all day." She paused awkwardly as they gave her weird looks. "Well, that's what all the girls in the movies do," she added weakly.

They both nodded and said, "Oh, right. Yeah."

Rachel quickly went on to kindly say, "I mean, obviously you two will eventually move on and find yourselves _wonderful_ girlfriends that _aren't _lesbians."

Matt smiled and said, "Well, we know. But it all kind of…sucks, you know?"

"Of course," she murmured, looking at him, "I know what it's like to have your heart broken." The words '_Because of Finn_' hung silently in the air.

Before Matt or Mike could say anything else, the front door opened with a loud _bang_ and Puck walked into the living room, carrying two big bags with the Sloppy Joe's logo slapped across the front. "Hey, you two pussies done talking about your feelings or whatever?" he asked gruffly as he set the food in front of them on the coffee table.

"Noah, that's not very polite of you," Rachel said, frowning.

With a roll of his eyes, Matt explained, "It's okay, Rach, it's just his way of asking if we're alright." He turned to face Puck and said, "I'll be okay."

Puck raised an eyebrow. "And Chang?"

"Brittany's never gonna love me!" he moaned, falling onto Rachel's shoulder again. She started rubbing his back soothingly.

A pause, before Matt said, "Yeah. He's good."

Dani slowly walked in carrying a tray of drinks in either hand. "Noah! I'm gonna spill! Help me out!" she cried.

Puck rolled his eyes and swooped down to grab both trays before setting them down on the table. He rifled through one of the bags and found his double cheeseburger. He unwrapped it and took a monstrous bite. Somehow managing to speak clearly around the mound of food, he said, "So? You guys done crying or what?" He sat on the corner of the table directly in front of Mike.

"We never cried," Matt said flatly as he leaned over and grabbed his burger. "Did you grab my shake?"

Puck shrugged. "It's one of those," he said, pointing in the direction of all the drinks. "I think."

"Thanks," Matt muttered sarcastically as he put his unwrapped burger down and slowly started taking the tops off the drinks to check what was inside.

Dani pulled out her fries and went to sit between Mike and Rachel on the couch. "Hi!" she greeted cheerfully as she munched on a fry. Upon noticing Mike's look of dramatic depression, she said, "Aw. Are you okay? Noah said you were crying."

Puck snickered as Mike shot him a dirty look before turning to face the younger Puckerman. "Nah, Tiny-Puck, it's all good. I just got my heart broken today." He nodded sadly. "Yep," Mike muttered, as he mimed getting his heart ripped out and torn in two, before making exaggerated gasping and dying noises. With one last jerk of his entire body, he slumped against the couch, still and lifeless.

Wrinkling her nose, she said, "You're weird," a beat, "But that was pretty cool."

"Yeah, I got some pretty sweet moves," Mike sighed, sitting back up. He reached over and grabbed Matt's uneaten burger. "Thanks, man," he said, taking a bite. He sighed with pure bliss. "Burgers are _real_ comfort food, man. Totally."

Matt had finally found the right milkshake (vanilla and strawberry swirled) when he realized that his burger was no longer on the table but in Mike's hand. He glared at him and went searching for another burger. "No problem," he said tonelessly, rolling his eyes.

Mike flashed him a thumbs up and a grin.

Rachel smiled and shook her head.

Puck was already unwrapping his third burger when he turned to Rachel. "Yo, Berry, you're not hungry?"

"Hm?" she murmured, taking her eyes off of Mike, who was trying to steal Dani's fries while she slapped his hand away, and turned to look at Puck. "Oh, no," she said, shaking her head, "I'm fine. Thank you."

He frowned and picked up the last burger and threw it into her lap. "Don't be a skinny bitch," he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Rachel blinked at the greasy meal in her lap and slowly poked at it with her finger. It made a tiny _squish_ noise and the grease stain on the wrapper grew larger. She grimaced, looking up at him. "I'm fine, really."

"Eat it," he ordered.

"No," she said, frowning. "And I am _not_ skinny. I am _perfectly_ within my body mass index," she huffed.

"What's the big deal?" Mike asked, around a mouthful of (Dani's) fries that were currently sticking out around his mouth like an awkward second set of teeth. "It's just a burger, Rachel."

"Wha—?" Dani gaped. "You dumb jerkface! You ate the rest of my fries!" she pouted.

Mike blinked guiltily. He grabbed a napkin off the coffee table and spat the fries into it, offering it to her. "Here?"

"Ew, gross!" Dani cried, recoiling in disgust. "Who do you think you are? Stitch?"

Mike sighed sadly. "No," he said slowly, "But I wish I was that cute and fuzzy and _blue_."

Everybody just rolled their eyes before Puck smirked at Rachel. "What, you afraid of all those extra calories heading straight to your _ass_?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Whoa," Mike said, eyes growing wide, "_Douche alert_."

Rachel's cheeks burned and she sputtered indignantly for a second.

"Ha!" Puck barked, laughing, "I _knew _it!" He smirked at her again, which only widened at her glare.

Matt turned to face Rachel. "If you haven't eaten since the school lunch, maybe you should have the burger or eat something else," he suggested. "Puck's saying it in a douchey way, but that's basically what he means."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Look, Berry, it's not a big deal. I'm about to eat my third one! And do I _look_ like a fatass?" He spread his arms wide and shook his head. "I don't think so, cause I've got this totally smokin' bod." He nodded at her as he ran his hand down his chest and body.

Rachel gagged in disbelief and Dani covered her eyes, wailing, "Noah! Stop acting sexy in front of me! It's _gross_!"

Matt and Mike just shot each other a look behind Rachel as Puck started snickering to himself.

"Dude," Mike whispered, "I feel uncomfortable."

"Yeah, man, I know what you mean," Matt whispered back, "I think this is the first time I've ever seen Puck do anything but _scowl_."

Mike nodded and they leaned forward to watch the rest of the scene unfold.

"Fine!" Rachel pouted, unwrapping the burger and taking a dainty bite. She chewed thoughtfully and appeared rather surprised after a moment.

"Good, huh?" Puck said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I will admit that I wasn't expecting such a deliciously grilled hamburger. I had assumed that it would be similar to eating grease; much like the poorly-made hamburgers in today's fast food chains," she said, before taking another bite.

Puck rolled his eyes. "Figures that she can't even enjoy a burger like a normal person," he grumbled. He turned to Mike and Matt, "So why'd Brittany and Santana dump your asses?" he asked, taking a bit out of his last meal. "Not that I care or anything," he added with a shrug.

"Brittany and Santana are into each other; we caught them making out," Matt answered.

Choking on his burger and becoming wide-eyed, he somehow managed to choke out a crazed, "_What_?"


	22. Not A Date

A/N: Okay, so I wanna start off by saying that I'm going to be super busy/lazy/tired so I won't be replying to reviews for a while. If you PM me with a question, I'll try to get back to you, though. But once I find the time, I'll go back and reply to all your lovely reviews! Thank you!

Wow. You guys, like, _love_ Mike, huh?

Some of you are pushing for a Rachel/Mike pseudo/brief relationship. I honestly don't think I can do that. I can, however, do _this _( and give you a part two tomorrow):

* * *

As Puck and Mike excited their final class of the day, Puck turned to his friend and asked, "Hey, I heard some dumb freshman is throwing a party tonight. It'll probably be super lame, but free booze, right? So you comin'?"

Mike shook his head. "Nope! I've got plans," he answered, grinning at him. He stopped at his locker and so did Puck, so they could continue the conversation.

Puck raised an eyebrow. "Doing what?"

"Rachel and I are gonna have dinner at Sloppy Joe's!" he answered, his grin widening.

Puck froze. "What, like a date?" he asked stupidly.

His grin fell and he shook his head quickly. "No, no. It's not like that. Like, she's pretty and cool and all, but she's way too intense for me and I'm pretty sure she'd rather date someone that isn't as—"

"Fucking retarded?" Puck suggested.

Glaring at his friend, Mike mumbled, "I was going to say 'wacky'." Rolling his eyes he said, "It's not a big deal. Rachel and I are just friends and, I mean, yeah, the whole situation is rather '_date-like_' or whatever, but it's_ just_ dinner." He paused. "Think of it as…a not-a-date date. Sorta."

Frowning, Puck asked, "But _why_?"

Shrugging casually, he said, "Rachel's cool, man. And she totally puts up with my shenanigans for whatever reason." He threw his backpack on and gave him a quick and cheesy salute. "Bye, dude! Hopefully the party isn't as lame as most freshmen's!"

As Puck watched his friend zoom down the hallway, he started looking around for a certain brunette.

* * *

"Berry!"

Rachel turned around in the empty hallway to find Puck running after her. "Oh, hello, Noah. Are you in a hurry?"

Frowning at her, he came to a stop and said, "Dude, you got eyes for Chang?"

She blinked at him. "If you're asking if I have feelings for Mike or am interested in dating him, then the answer is no."

"Berry, Chang told me you guys are hanging out tonight when I asked him if he was gonna go to some freshman's party."

She nodded. "Yes. We are. But I assure you that it is not a date and he is in no way courting me."

He looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "He said you two were goin' to Sloppy Joe's."

Rachel sighed and nodded again. "Yes, we are going to have a nice dinner at the diner. But he made sure that I understood that tonight will consist of nothing else; just dinner between two friends." She eyed him wearily. "May I ask why you keep talking about it?" She cocked her head to the side. "Or are you that surprised that someone asked for my company for a social outing? And that the 'someone' who asked me happens to be one of your friends?"

"Well, yeah," Puck said honestly, blinking at her. "You're, like, totally crazy."

Rolling her eyes and huffing, she turned around. "Good-_bye_, Noah."

* * *

"Hey, midget," Puck called when he got home. "Where's mom?"

She barely looked up from the TV as she answered, "Upstairs."

He nodded and slid off his letter jacket, throwing it on the couch as he sat down.

Puck wasn't sure why but the thought of Rachel and Mike doing _anything _together left a foul taste in his mouth. Really, it was fucking retarded, but it wouldn't stop bothering him. Whoever Rachel wanted to bone wasn't any of his business. And if Mike wanted a shot of her crazy, well, his funeral; nothing Puck could do.

"Noah?"

He snapped out of his daze and looked up to see Dani standing in front of him, looking at him oddly with her head tilted to the right. "What?" he grunted.

"Are you angry or something?" she asked innocently.

"No," he said gruffly. "Why?"

She looked at him pointedly. "You're making a face," she said matter-of-factly.

"This is just my face," he replied tonelessly.

"Well, yeah," she said after a pause. "But you usually just look angry and like you ate something sour. Now you look like that, but also kinda constipated at the same time." She wrinkled her nose. "Oh, wait. Are you thinking about something?"

Glaring at his little sister, Puck deadpanned, "I'm going to kill you in your sleep and no one will be able to find your tiny, little body anywhere."

"You've been saying that since I was _born_," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, well, I mean it this time," he muttered half-heartedly.

She rolled her eyes again and sat next to him on the couch. "Is this about a girl? The last time you looked like this was because of that mean girl, Santana."

"_No_," Puck said forcefully, "It's not about some dumb bitch, okay?"

"Uh-huh," Dani replied slowly whilst nodding, tone clearly stating _I can see through your bullsugar, Noah, but I'm just gonna humor you_.

A beat.

"It's about Berry," Puck stated flatly.

_Bingo._ Dani smiled to herself. "And what about Rachel?"

"I cannot fucking believe that I'm talking to my dumb little sister about this," he groaned.

"I'm not dumb!" she yelled hotly, smacking him on the arm. "And I'm not little!" She smacked him again.

Completely unaffected by her girly slaps, he smirked at her. "You're right; you're _tiny_."

She pouted at him. "Whatever. Back to Rachel. What? Does she have a boyfriend now? And you're _jealous_?"

He sputtered. "Wha—? No!"

With a dramatic gasp, she turned to face him completely, sitting on her knees and leaning toward him. "Who's her boyfriend, Noah?" she asked breathlessly, eyes widening.

"She's got a _date_ tonight," Puck said, rolling his eyes.

"_Noah. Who is her boyfriend_?" she stage-whispered, leaning in even closer and eyes widening even further.

Puck leaned away from Dani and raised an eyebrow at her. "Midget, calm the fuck down. It's just Chang." He paused. "And he's _not _her boyfriend."

Dani blinked. "Your Asian friend?"

"Yes."

"Well, _that's_ an awkward couple," Dani mumbled, sitting up straighter. "So, like, are you jealous or something?"

"Fuck no!" Puck snorted. "Berry can bone whoever the hell she wants."

She stared at her brother flatly before saying, "I don't remember what 'uncouth' means, but it's a funny word that Rachel calls you all the time behind your back. I have a feeling that if I used it right now, it would work."

"Whatever," Puck muttered.

Pursing her lips and quirking them to the side, she looked at her brother. "Why don'tcha just spy on 'em?" Then her eyes lit up. "Ooh! Noah! We could go together!" She jumped up and down in barely-contained excitement.

He gave her a weird look. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Dani? You're not _actually _a spy but you've got the weirdest obsession with all these 'spy missions'," he snorted, using finger quotes and a goofy voice whilst saying 'spy missions'.

"Spies are totally awesome!" she yelled defensively. "Besides, you wanted to be James Bond for, like, the longest time when you were a kid!" She wrinkled her nose. "I remember because you'd always walk around with your hands together like a gun," she paused, demonstrating by lacing her hands together with her pointer fingers out, "like this, and pretended to shoot me all the time. Then you got mad when I wouldn't play dead."

A pause. "Yeah, okay. That never leaves this room."

* * *

"Why the fuck are we even here?"

"Because we're gonna save your _Lady Love_ from the evil and super weird Mike Chang!" Dani whispered dramatically. "Oh. And for the burgers," she added hastily as she took a bite from her Jr. Burger.

"One: Don't _ever_ call Berry that again. And two: I can_not_ fucking believe that I'm missing a party for this," Puck growled, angrily shoving some fries into his mouth.

Dani rolled her eyes. "You would have missed the party anyway!" she pointed out, "Since Mom wanted to go see some of her friends. So you would've had to stay home with me." She smiled smugly at him.

"Shut your face," Puck muttered childishly.

They were currently sitting in a booth near the back of Sloppy Joe's. (It wasn't Puck's favorite booth, but he'd quickly gotten over it.) They'd been sitting in the diner for about fifteen minutes before their food came out. It was getting close to 7:30.

"Dani, it's been close to twenty minutes," Puck scowled, "And I'm getting bored. Let's just beat it."

"Wait," Dani muttered, squinting at the front door, trying to make out the pair of people through the glass in the dark. "I…think that's—it is! It is! It's Rachel and Mike!"

Puck quickly whipped around to face them and raised an eyebrow.

Rachel was wearing dark blue jeans, a pair of her usual flats, and a nice, flowy top. Mike had opened the door for her and gestured for her to entire the establishment first; like a true gentleman. Or something.

_Not a date, my ass._

Puck glowered and turned to his sister. "So what now, Spy-Midget?"

"Let's hope that they sit near us so we don't have to move to another table. That'd be awkward," she said matter-of-factly.

Because Dani had always been luckier than Puck, she got what she wanted. A few feet away, Rachel and Mike sat at a small round table. And from Puck and Dani's vantage point, they got perfect profile views of the odd couple. Unfortunately, they weren't within earshot.

Rolling his eyes, he said, "That doesn't mean we can _hear_ them, dumbass."

"Shh!" she shushed, "Just _watch_."

And they did. For the next hour.


	23. Failed Spies

A/N: …This is turning into a multi-chaptered fic somehow, guys.

Oh, and regarding how I made Mike's parents: I actually _am_ Asian (I'm not say that all Asian parents are exactly the same, by the way) and my parents, along with my aunts and uncles, all treat my brother and every male in the family the same way.

* * *

Mike led Rachel up the walkway to Sloppy Joes. Once he reached the front door, he opened it and gestured for her to enter first, smiling politely at her.

"Thank you, Mike," Rachel said pleasantly with a shy smile.

Nodding at her, he said, "Sure!" and followed by her side.

Looking around the modest diner as Mike led them to a table; Rachel noticed that while it was rather full, but not over-whelming for the workers. As she continued scanning, she stopped briefly. She noticed two menus held in mid-air that hid the face of the readers. This wouldn't have been strange; except they already had plates of food set out. But that could have been easily dismissed because what if they were still hungry?

But the glaring clue was the very tip of a Mohawk that she could see peeking out from the top of one of the menus. She probably would've been irritated, but she realized that the menu practically resting on the table must have belonged to Dani. She bit back a grin and looked Mike in the eye.

"Don't look now, but Noah and Dani are sitting at that back booth over there," Rachel said, tilting her head to the left just ever so slightly as she sat down.

Mike grinned. "Spotted his 'hawk a few seconds after we walked in. It's why I chose this table," he snickered, sitting across from her.

Rachel looked amused. "His strange desire to keep that terrible haircut to set him apart from our peers makes it extremely difficult for him to blend in. It's sad that he hasn't quite yet realized that."

"Word," Mike said, nodding in agreement. He quirked an eyebrow. "Wanna confront him?" he asked cheerfully.

She shook her head and smiled, "No, let him do what he wants. If he wants to just sit there and watch, then fine. He'll realize soon enough that nothing's going to happen and he'll leave." She shrugged.

He raised an eyebrow but grinned at her. "Sounds cool."

* * *

"So, it was just _super_ awkward, ya know? With me and Tina standing there and our parents were just, like, _looking_ at each other, not saying anything, right?" Mike snickered to himself.

Rachel was struggling to keep her laughter down. "And then what happened?" she asked Mike after she had calmed down for a few seconds.

"Well, then Tina asked her parents if they recognized mine," Mike said, popping another fry into his mouth.

"And did they?" Rachel asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Never saw them in their lives!" Mike chirped brightly, scratching the side of his head.

Rachel only laughed harder, but she somehow managed to make it sound sort of sympathetic, too. "Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. It would have made quite the story if it had turned out that you two were, in fact, secretly related without either of you knowing."

His eyes lit up. "_Right_?" he asked enthusiastically, practically bouncing out of his seat. "That shit could've been straight outta Oprah or something!"

She laughed once again and just shook her head. Something about Mike's boundless energy was charming and sweet, and Rachel found it rather endearing for some reason. "Sure, Mike," she said lightly. She tilted her head at him. "So, is that the end of your tale to add onto your family tree?" she asked teasingly while taking a small sip of her strawberry shake.

"Pretty much," Mike sighed. "Actually…" he muttered after a slight pause, brows creasing in thought, "I think our moms tried to hook us up together." He rolled his eyes. "My mom wants me to date a '_pretty Asian girl_' who will one day be a doctor or a lawyer."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Tina has secret aspirations to be a doctor or a lawyer?"

"Well, no," he said, "but she's a pretty Asian girl, and I think Tina's mom is still secretly hoping that she'll turn around and want to be a doctor any day, now. Or, you know, a lawyer."

Frowning, Rachel hesitated before saying, "But you're not interested in her romantically, right? I mean, not that it's any of my business, but—"

Mike chuckled, cutting her off. "Dude, Rachel. Have you _seen_ the moon eyes she makes at Artie? It's only a matter of time before they're, like, official."

She nodded, smiling. "Yes. I have noticed and it's actually very sweet." And then she looked at him sympathetically before asking, "So…can I ask about Brittany?"

Mike shrugged. "Sure. Whatdya wanna know?"

Rachel shrugged as well and said, "Anything you want to tell me about the entire situation."

"I think I'm sorta over it, I mean, I'm not completely over her or whatever, but I'll be fine. I liked her a lot, but I don't think I knew her well enough to have been in love and stuff," he said slowly.

"That's good to hear, Mike," Rachel murmured, smiling softly. "That you're moving on."

He nodded quickly before staring straight down at his plate. "Can…I ask you something? It's about Finn?"

She froze. She wasn't sure how to answer him, but after realizing that he was the first person to ever ask and it would have been therapeutic to get some of her Finn drama off her chest. "Yes, you can," she said softly but honestly.

He looked up at her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said, louder and firmer this time. She gave a little nod as well.

"You're over Finn, aren't you? I mean, I haven't seen you staring at him all heart-broken in a long time," he said.

She paused, thinking about her answer. She absent-mindedly took another sip of her milkshake. After a moment, she finally spoke. "I think I am, for the most part. Over my crush, love, whatever it was, for Finn, I mean. Sometimes, though, to be honest, I think I feel a little spark, you know? For instance, whenever our choreography calls for us to touch or during one of our many duets together. But I'm not sure if it's because I never fully got closure on our whole romantic situation or because I still have lingering feelings."

"Finn's a nice guy, and it was wrong of him to lead you on like that," Mike said softly, leaning forward, "But he really does love Quinn, ya know?" He looked at her sympathetically. He placed a hand over hers and gave a comforting squeeze. "But it's good that you're getting over him because honestly, Rachel? You could do with a _way_ smarter guy." He gave her a tiny grin.

She smiled at him and was about to thank him for being such a sweet and kind friend when she felt a figure looming over.

"Hey, Chang. Berry. 'Sup?" Puck asked tightly, glaring at their hands.

"What is going on here?" Dani demanded, hands on her hips, also glaring at their hands.

"Uh," Mike said dumbly, before quickly taking his hand off Rachel's. "Hey, Puck. Tiny-Puck," he chuckled nervously. When the Puckerman pride turned their heads slightly to glare at him, Mike shrank back in his seat, eyes wide with fear. He quickly looked over to Rachel, expression reading _Please save me, Rachel. It would be horrible if I died at the hands of one of my best friend and a little girl._

"Noah, Dani? Care to explain why you two were spying on us?" Rachel asked, glaring at them.

Puck rolled his eyes and shifted uncomfortably for a second, but Dani smacked her forehead. "Dang it! We're like the worse spies _ever_, Noah. Rule one is _Never Be Seen_ and we totally broke it into a million pieces!" she moaned. But when she looked at Rachel's glare, she quickly felt bad (much like whenever she got in trouble with her mom) and hid behind her brother. "I'm sorry!" she said. "It was Noah! He's wanted to be James Bond since—Ow!"

Puck had lightly smacked Dani over the head. "Sleep with one eye open tonight, brat," he muttered irritably.

"So? Noah?" Rachel tried again. "Would you mind telling us why you thought it was necessary to sit over there and spy on us?"

"Yeah, actually, I would mind," Puck said tonelessly. He minded because he honestly didn't know _why_ he had felt it was necessary to play _Super Spy_. All he knew was that the thought of Mike and Rachel doing anything even _remotely_ couple-y made him feel weird, like he had eaten something bad or whatever. And when he saw Mike leaning forward and putting his hand over Rachel's, it had made his eye twitch and he'd felt the sudden urge to tear off his friend's hand.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him and stood up. "Come on, Mike, let's take our leave."

Mike stood up.

"Sit down, Chang!" Puck barked.

Mike sat down.

"Mike, let's leave!" Rachel said.

He shrunk into a little ball in the seat, wide eyes darting frantically between an angry Puck and an upset Rachel with her hands on her hips. (Dani was still behind Puck and looked kind of amused by the whole ordeal.)

Mike saw his only way out and decided to roll with it.

"_I need to pee_!" he shouted loudly, shooting out of his chair and accidentally knocking it over. Half the patrons in the diner stopped doing whatever they were doing to stare at the crazy Asian boy who was currently sprinting to the bathroom in an exaggerated run with his knees hitting his chest and his arms moving mechanically up and down by his head.

Dani couldn't help but giggle and even Puck was snickering to himself. Rachel, however, was not amused.

Turning to face them, she snapped, "Mike and I were having a wonderful evening, full of good food and great conversation, until you two came along!" Her hands were still on her hips and she was absolutely fuming.

Dani abruptly stopped and looked up at her with wide eyes. "Rachel? Are you mad?" she asked timidly, sniffling slightly.

Rachel instantly looked guilty. "Aw, Dani, I'm—"

The little girl stared at her feet and choked out, "I'm sorry."

"Jeez. Nice goin', Berry. I'm telling everyone that you make kids cry," Puck muttered as he watched Dani quickly wipe at her eyes.

Rachel's cheeks burned but before she could say anything, Puck kneeled down beside his sister. "Hey," he said gruffly, "Stop your crying. Puckermans are too tough to cry, right? You don't wanna be soft and girly and weak, do ya?"

She shook her head, but continued staring at her feet.

"Berry's not mad at you, okay? She's just mad at me, like usual." He turned to Rachel, raising an eyebrow. "Right?" he asked, hinting for her to play along.

Rachel leaned down and enveloped Dani into a large hug. "I'm sorry," she whispered, as sincerely as she possibly could. "I didn't mean to upset you. But I _was_ upset that you and Noah showed up only to ruin my night," she sighed honestly. "I'm not mad at you. But maybe I'm a _little_ mad at your brother."

Dani gave a tiny giggle at that before sniffing a little bit. "I'm sorry Noah made Mike run away like a little girl."

Puck snickered again at the memory of Mike zooming past before quickly turning it into a cough at Rachel's glare. He looked around the room and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

Rachel rolled her eyes and rubbed Dani's back. Standing up, she turned to face Puck. "Go find Mike and apologize," she said, crossing her arms at him.

"Hell—"

"_Go_," she said, eyes narrowing in steely determination.

With something that could _only_ be described as a pout, Puck walked sullenly to the men's bathroom. He opened the door and found Mike sitting near the sink, kicking his long legs back and forth like a kid. He stopped when he saw Puck standing in front of the door.

"Sorry for scaring you into the bathroom," Puck said, monotone, before adding, "pansy."

"Are we cool, then?" Mike asked slowly.

Puck shrugged. "Yeah. I guess."

Mike tilted his head to the side. "We knew you guys were watching the entire time, ya know."

"Wha—? How?" he asked.

"Spotted your 'hawk," he grinned gesturing to his own head. "But you guys didn't come over until I reached for Rachel's hand." His grin turned into a wicked smirk. (Something he obviously picked up from Puck.)

"Yeah? So?" Puck muttered defensively, feeling dread crawling into his stomach.

"You were totally jealous!" Mike laughed, clutching his sides.

"Was _not_!" Puck shot back childishly.

Mike stopped and sat up straight, staring at him flatly. "What are you, three?" He rolled his eyes and hopped off the counter. "Anyway, whether you admit that you were jealous or not, _I_ know that you were," he said, grinning at him as he clapped a hand on his shoulder before disappearing out the door.

He froze for a moment as Mike's words sank in. But after a moment of feeling something akin to nausea, he rolled his eyes and exited the bathroom.

"—last spy mission was much more successful," Dani said to Mike.

"Really, Tiny-Puck? That's good. Because this time _sucked_," he said good-naturedly. "Who were you two spying on?" he asked curiously.

"Rachel!" Dani chirped brightly.

"And why was that?" Mike asked curiously, shooting Rachel a teasing smile.

Rachel's eyes widened as she remembered her seasonal job. "Oh, no reason!" she laughed nervously. "Come on, guys, let's take our leave!" She tried to usher Dani out the door before she accidentally said anything else.

Puck smirked to himself. _Oh no, Berry, you're not getting off that easily…_

"Hey, Chang," Puck said, his smirk widening. "Wanna see a funny picture?" he asked as he started pulling out his cell phone.

"No!" Rachel cried dramatically, tackling Puck with everything she got.


	24. Alien Baby

A/N: _Important Notice:_ I will be on a school trip for the next three or four days. Meaning, unless I get free internet connection (HA. UNLIKELY), I will _not_ be able to update. So…sorry, guys! This is frustrating for me because I'm trying to reach a hundred before April 13th and every day that I end up skipping just screws up my schedule.

Also important: This Slushie Shot involves Dani, but it is _NOT _part of the Daniverse. You'll see what I mean once you start reading. So, it's very much AU, both in fic and in canon. And I don't own the song used in this chapter.

Also, to the people wanting this to be a legit multi-chaptered fic: While I'm flattered that you all love Dani and Mike and whoever else in the Daniverse and the crazy situations I put them in enough for it to be a multi-chaptered fic, I don't think I can do 70 chapters that are all linked together without it eventually turning into one sentence chapters…Basically, I mean that I don't think I can drag it out that long.

* * *

"Oh, my gosh," Rachel breathed in wonder, wide-eyed, as she stood on her tippy toes to peer into the little carriage that held her neighbor's newborn sister. "She's so…_tiny_." She turned to look at Puck, her seven-year-old neighbor, who was glaring at the little bundle of pink and white. It was the first time Rachel was meeting his sister. "Hi," she whispered at the baby. "I'm Rachel, your brother's friend."

"She can't _hear_ you, stupid. She's asleep," Puck said flatly.

She shrugged. "So? I just wanted to introduce myself." She smiled at the baby and cooed. "You're so tiny and precious!"

He squinted at his sister and tilted his head to the side, examining her closely. "She looks like an _alien_," Puck muttered sullenly. "I've got an _alien_ for a baby sister." He wrinkled his nose.

She glanced at him sideways. "Puck, don't say that." Turning back to baby carriage, she said soothingly, "Don't worry. I'm sure your brother doesn't mean it."

Puck ignored her. "And she used to live in my mom's stomach. How weird is _that_?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and said, "It's perfectly normal, Puck. It's called '_being pregnant_'."

"Whatever," Puck mumbled, giving his baby sister another weird look. He reached out and poked at her forehead gently.

"Stop!" Rachel muttered, swatting his hand away.

He stuck his tongue out at Rachel before saying, "I dunno. It's totally freaky. Like, she's in my mom's stomach one minute, and then out the next. It's like that movie _Alien_…" He broke off, shuddering. "Didja ever see that movie, Rachel?"

Frowning, Rachel tapped a finger to her chin. "No, I don't think so." Her eyebrows furrowed as she said, "And Puck, your mom wasn't pregnant for a '_minute_', she was pregnant for a whole nine months!"

Overlooking that little fact, he went on to say, "The point, Rachel, is that the movie is totally scary and you'd totally wet your pants if you ever saw it."

"Why? Did you wet _your_ pants?" Then she wrinkled her nose and inched away from him. "That's _gross_, Puck."

His jaw dropped and he turned his glare onto her. "What? _No_!" he screamed.

Rachel panicked and quickly tried to shush him. "Puck, you're going to wake her up!" She peered into the carriage again and relaxed a little as the baby continued sleeping.

"What I meant was that _you_ would totally wet your pants because you're a _sissy girl_," Puck scoffed, rolling his eyes. (He wasn't about to tell her that he came close to it. More than once. She didn't need to know the full details…)

Her jaw dropped dramatically. "Don't call me that!"

"Why not? It's _totally_ true!"

She glared at him and turned to the carriage. "I can't wait until you're older, Danielle, I'm sure that you'll be lots better to talk to than your brother."

"Her name's '_Dani_'," he said.

Rachel blinked at him. "'Danny'?" she echoed, confused, "Isn't that a boy's name?"

"No," he huffed. "'Dani' is short for 'Danielle', _duh_."

She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Puck, that's a bad nickname for such a pretty name. It's like how 'Puck' is your nickname. I still don't understand why you won't let me call you 'Noah'. Your mom does it," she said quietly.

"Well, she's my mom," Puck said bluntly. "And you're just some dumb, annoying girl that won't leave me alone for some weird reason." He pulled a face at her.

Feeling anger and hurt well up inside, Rachel pushed him, momentarily forgetting her good judgment. "Well, you're just a dumb boy!" she yelled back, glaring at him.

"Hey!" Puck cried, "Watch it!" But Rachel's push had accidentally caused him to jostle the carriage, jarring the baby inside awake.

And then baby Dani burst into tears, wailing at the top of her lungs.

Puck covered his ears. "Rachel!" he said, "_Do something!_"

Rachel stiffened. "I…I don't know what to do, Puck!" She looked around frantically.

He slowly started to panic. "Just hurry up! I don't wanna get in trouble with my mom!" He thought about what his mom would do to get his sister to quiet down. "Um, uh. Sing to it!" he said desperately.

She looked surprised at his suggestion. Knowing that he was always telling her to shut up whenever she sang her Disney songs. But she decided to focus on his word choice at the moment. "Your sister isn't an '_it_', Puck. That's rude—"

"_Just sing a dumb lullaby to my alien sister!_" he shouted in her face.

Rachel's eyes widened at his outburst and she quickly leaned over the carriage. She promptly opened her mouth to start singing.

"_Once there was a way to get back homeward  
Once there was a way to get back home  
Sleep pretty darling do not cry  
And I will sing a lullaby._"

As Rachel started singing, Puck started to rock the carriage back and forth gently, biting his lip nervously. He looked at his sister as she started to calm down a little.

She stopped nervously and asked, "Do you think it's working?"

Puck felt himself relaxing as he nodded. "Sing some more," he whispered, "Just in case."

She nodded back and continued with the rest of the song softly but loud enough for it to carry across the room.

"_Golden slumbers fill your eyes  
Smiles awake you when you rise  
Sleep pretty darling do not cry  
And I will sing a lullaby._"_  
_"_Once there was a way to get back homeward  
Once there was a way to get back home  
Sleep pretty darling do not cry  
And I will sing a lullaby."_

Dani gave a nappy yawn and fell back asleep.

Puck and Rachel gave each other relieved looks just as the door opened to reveal a very upset Mrs. Puckerman. "Dani? Is Dani alright?" She looked at the carriage and the two little heads that seemed to be floating over the rim.

"Fine!" they chorused innocently, looking up at her with bright smiles.

Faltering, she said, "Well…I could have _sworn_ I heard her crying while I was downstairs…"

Puck shrugged. "I dunno, mom, she's been fine the whole time," he said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Oh," she said, relieved. "Well, I'll be downstairs cooking dinner. Call me if anything happens, okay, honey?"

He pulled a face at the term of endearment, but nodded all the same. "'Kay, mom."

Mrs. Puckerman looked at Rachel and smiled. "You'll keep an eye on Noah now, won't you, dear? Make sure he doesn't bother his little sister too much…"

"Yes, of course, Mrs. Puckerman!" Rachel said brightly. "I've been doing that since I moved here. I won't let him bother Danielle at all!" She put on her biggest grin which caused Mrs. Puckerman to chuckle as she exited the room.

Puck rolled his eyes. "So now whatdya wanna do?" he whispered.

She shrugged. "I don't know."

He scratched the back of his head. "Do you…d'ya wanna sing some more?" he mumbled under his breath as quietly as possible.

Rachel blinked at him. "You hate it when I sing," she said, frowning in confusion. "That's why I was surprised when you told me to sing to Danielle."

"_Dani_," Puck corrected, ignoring her rolling her eyes. "And I still hate it when you sing 'cause it's totally dumb." When he saw her look away, hurt, he quickly added, "But you should sing so Dani can keep sleeping and that way, she won't wake up anymore."

And, yeah, okay, if he was being completely honest, he'd admit that Rachel _did_ have a super pretty voice, even if she was just some dumb, little girl. It was just a shame that all she ever did was sing dumb Disney songs all the time.

"Well, what do you want me to sing?" she asked slowly, tilting her head to the side.

"That song from before," Puck replied automatically without a second thought.

"Okay," she murmured softly, smiling at him before turning her full attention to his sister.

When she sang it the second time, it didn't sound rushed or sort of panicked and as he watched her in slight wonder, Puck was pretty sure it sounded way better than before.


	25. They Don't See It

A/N: Wow, thanks for all the feedback! I was gone and now I'm back. I'd talk about my trip, but I'm sure none of you care (and no, I'm honestly not saying that so you'd pity me and ask about my trip, which was lots of fun, by the way!).

Here's another Dani Shot!

(I'm _so_ tired by the way, guys. _So_ tired. So sorry if this is bad. Which it is. Yeah.)

* * *

They were five minutes into Glee rehearsal when Puck's cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He ignored it and continued pretending to listen to whatever it was Mr. Schue was saying. The phone continued before stopping; only to continue again.

During the beginning of the fourth call, Puck finally decided to check his phone. '_Mom_' flashed across the screen and he frowned in slight confusion before getting up and walking off the risers.

"—so I really think that that song selection will be—uh, Puck? Could you sit back down? I'm still—"

"Important phone call," Puck interrupted, stepping outside the room with a backwards glance.

"…Right," Mr. Schue muttered awkwardly as the door shut close.

Flipping the phone open, he said, "Hey, mom."

"Noah, you've got Glee today, right?" she asked, sounded rather stressed.

"Yeah," Puck answered, his frown deepening. "Why? What's wrong?"

"One of my co-workers got into a tiny car accident—she's okay, but her car's wrecked—and my boss needs me down there as soon as possible," she said quickly.

He blinked. "Yeah, okay. What does that have to do with—?"

"I need you to look after Dani because the Rosenbergs aren't home and I can't drop her off at a friend's house because I don't have time."

"I can't skip Glee," Puck blurted without quite realizing what he was saying. _Fuck my life. And Glee_, he thought half-heartedly.

"Oh, I know," she said with a small laugh, "But since your school's on the way to work, I'm dropping Dani off. She'll just sit in the back and watch your rehearsal. That's not a problem, is it?"

He thought of Rachel and Dani's freakishly close relationship. "Actually, Mr. Schue doesn't like dis—"

"Great, Noah! I'm just about to pull into the school. Come meet her at the front door!" And with that, the phone clicked off.

"Dammit," he muttered, thinking about the situation. There was no way to lie about Rachel and Dani's insane love of each other. He remembered back to how he'd worked so hard to hide the fact from Matt, Mike, and Finn; only to have them love the fact that Rachel was Dani's babysitter. And then there was Mike and Rachel's bizzaro friendship that came out of it (that still annoyed him at times). So maybe he'd made the whole thing into a bigger deal than he should've, but shit, he had a rep to protect. After a moment of inner turmoil, Puck finally came to the conclusion of: _Fuck it._

He quickly sent Rachel a text saying _Outside. Now._

He waited for about a minute before the door opened next to him and Rachel poked her head out. "Yes?" she whispered.

"Dani's coming to our rehearsal," Puck muttered. "Come with me to meet her at the door." He started walking down the empty hallway.

Rachel blinked a few times in confusion before it dawned on her. "Oh," she murmured, "Well, how are we going to hide it from the other Glee Clubbers?" She toddled after him.

He sighed tiredly and rolled his eyes. "Let's just tell them. I mean, it's not that big a deal now, right? Matt and Mike and Finn know," he said, shrugging. "I just wanted to tell you. So you have time to prepare a speech or whatever when or if they attack us with questions about the whole thing."

She beamed at him. "Thank you, Noah. That was very thoughtful of you," she said, placing a small hand on his arm.

He froze for a split second before turning the corner. "Whatever," he muttered.

She looked at him. "No, I'm serious. The fact that you chose to simply tell everyone instead of considering to go forth with some insane scheme and lie so—"

"Rachel! Noah!" Dani yelled, launching herself at Rachel in a form of a tackle-hug, as Puck finally reached the front door and let her in. He waved at his mother, who had waited until Dani was inside, before she drove off with a little wave of her own.

"Oh!" Rachel exclaimed, almost thrown off-balance. "Hello!" she laughed as she righted herself.

Puck rolled his eyes and led the way back to the choir room.

"Noah!" Dani called once again as she let go of Rachel and ran to her older brother. She caught up with him and latched onto his leg, sitting cross-legged around his shin and foot.

Puck continued walking despite his sister slightly weighing him down. "Off, punk," he said half-heartedly.

"No!" she chirped brightly, holding on tighter.

He rolled his eyes again but continued on his way as Rachel followed, laughing.

"How was your day at school, Dani?" she asked lightly.

Dani made a face and said, "Boring! But I finally got my multiplication tables down! Thanks to you, Rachel!" She smiled at her happily. "Do you wanna hear?"

"No," Puck said flatly.

She looked up at him with a glare." 'Snot my fault you hate math and numbers so much!" Her glare hardened as she said, "'Sides! I was asking Rachel, not _you_."

He fought the urge to roll his eyes a third time and leaned down to pick her up by her backpack as she let go of his leg. Bringing her up to his eye level he said, "Listen up, midget, when you're sitting in on our practice, don't move, don't talk, don't touch or break anything. Just sit and watch, got it?"

She appeared thoughtful for a second. "Why?" she finally asked.

"I'm not playing this game with you," he said in a monotone.

"Why?"

"Shut up."

"Why?"

"Dani, seriously. I'll drop you on your dumb little head."

"Why?"

"'Cause you're fucking annoying."

"Why?"

"I dunno. You're damn good at it, though."

"Why?"

Puck didn't answer as he opened the door to the choir room. All eyes whipped to the little girl that he held up by backpack. Rachel stood a few feet behind them.

Mr. Schue was the first to speak. "Um, Puck? Who is that?"

"Hi!" Dani said brightly, smiling happily, loving all the attention she now held. "I'm Dani! Noah's sister." She gave a tiny wave.

Nearly everyone in the room blinked.

"Tiny-Puck! Hey!" Mike greeted excitedly, waving.

She waved back with just as much fervor. "Hi, Changster!"

Kurt blinked in confusion. "_She's_ your sister?" He looked at Puck's ever-present scowl and Dani's bright, adorable smile. "I don't see it," he said flatly.

"I hear that a lot," Dani smiled.

Tina chuckled a bit. "How did you end up with such a sister?" she teased lightly as Puck's eye twitched.

Dani's eyes widened as she looked at Tina. "Wow," she breathed in wonder. "I like your blue hair! Izzit real? It's so cool!"

"Yes, it's real," she laughed. "I like her. She's cute."

Tina's comment made Dani's smile widen. "Thank you!" She turned to Puck. "I like the Asian girl," she whispered loudly. "What's your name, Asian girl?" she asked loudly as she turned back to face Tina.

Laughing again, she replied, "Tina Cohen-Chang."

"You've got two last names?" she asked, jaw dropping. "I've only got one. How lame is _that_?"

A series of chuckles and laughs sounded around the room.

Mercedes raised an eyebrow. "As adorable as she is, why is she here?"

Puck looked at Mr. Schue and sighed. "My mom's got an emergency at work or whatever and there isn't anyone that can watch the little brat. So either I go home to do some dumbass babysitting or she gets to sit in."

Mr. Schue smiled warmly at them. "That doesn't sound like a problem." He looked at Dani and asked slowly with a bright, cheerful smile, "Would you like to sit and watch?"

She eyed him warily. "Have I got a choice?" she asked sassily, raising an eyebrow.

He hesitated as Puck chuckled at him. "Uh, did I do something wrong?" Mr. Schue whispered.

Puck smirked proudly. "You treated her like a little kid."

The teacher appeared more than confused.

"She/I hate(s) that," Puck, Dani, and Rachel all chimed in, smirking.

"Oh," he said, turning pink. "Sorry about that."

"S'okay, teacher-man." Dani raised her arms up and dropped to the floor, leaving Puck with just the backpack. She grabbed Rachel's hand and said, "Come sit with me!" They went to sit in the back next to Mike, with Dani on Rachel's lap.

Artie frowned. "Wow. Dani makes friends fast," he muttered in confusion.

"Actually, Rachel watches me after school a lot," the little girl said, starting a game of rock, paper, scissors with Mike.

"Like a baby-sitter?" Mercedes asked, eyebrows shooting upward.

Dani wrinkled her nose. "Gross. I'm not a baby." Her rock beat his scissors. "Yeah! Again!" she cried happily as they started another game.

"I'll beat you this time, Tiny-Puck," Mike muttered dramatically.

"Basically, yes," Rachel said curtly while ignoring the two's antics.

Suspicious glances were cast between Rachel and Puck as he walked across the room and threw the small blue and purple backpack into the corner of the room.

"Don't let your imaginations run wild," Puck said flatly as he took the seat next to Rachel.

Kurt turned around in his seat to face Puck and Rachel. "And how long has _this_ been going on?" he asked, eyebrow raised elegantly. He leaned forward slightly, curious and needy for some juicy gossip.

Puck shrugged. "I dunno. A few weeks?"

Rachel nodded. "That seems about right," she said lightly.

More raised eyebrows and low murmurs as Puck deliberately chose to ignore everything and Rachel focused her attention on brushing Dani's hair with her fingers while smiling at her and Mike.

"Ha! In your face!" Mike snickered, as his paper covered Dani's rock.

"Two out of three, Chang! Two out of three!" Dani muttered darkly, eyes narrowing into slits.

"Winner takes all," the Asian muttered, nodding dramatically.

Dani blinked in confusion. "Takes what?"

He paused. "I dunno," he finally said, shrugging.

They both raised their fists for one last battle before they tied as Mr. Schue cleared his throat and all attention was on the man with the curly hair at the front of the room. "Right!" he said, clapping once. "Enough distractions. Let's get to it!"

* * *

"That was _so_ cool!" Dani gushed while leaving the choir room. She was sitting on top of Mike's shoulders, waving her arms around wildly. "Your voices sounded so good!"

Mike grinned. "Thanks, Tiny-Puck!"

Puck and Rachel, who were walking side by side in front of Mike and Dani. "Aw, thanks, Dani," Rachel said over her shoulder, smiling brightly. "It was cute when you tried to join in. But I suppose it was for the best when Mr. Schue politely asked you to just sit and watch instead of actually participating," she added apologetically. She turned to Puck and frowned. "Why do you look…well, you look angry half the time on a normal day, but what's wrong now?"

"Santana thinks I'm fucking you," he growled quietly so his sister and friend wouldn't hear.

Rachel's eyes widened in alarm. "Excuse me?" she squeaked.

Puck rolled his eyes. "She doesn't buy the whole '_baby-sitting act_'. That's what she said, anyway."

She worried her bottom lip as her eyebrows furrowed. "Well, don't let what Santana says or thinks bother you. It's not worth it," she said firmly.

"I know that," he muttered, shrugging a single shoulder. "It's still fucking annoying, though."

She sighed and patted his arm consolingly. "It's okay, Noah. We both know that that would never happen, and that's what _really_ matters; not what someone else thinks."

"I guess," he said sullenly.

Rachel smiled tentatively before turned around to see Mike and Dani pulling faces at each other. With a giggle, she said, "Aren't they cute?"

Without looking back, Puck said in a flat, dead tone, "Fucking adorable."

She rolled her eyes but said, "No need to be sarcastic."

"Dani's still an evil, midget-sized brat and Chang's just…super weird…and mentally, he's like a three year old," he said, shrugging.

"I suppose," Rachel murmured lightly.

They started walking in silence, not knowing the intense scrutiny they were under.

"Mikey—"

"Don't call me 'Mikey'. I'm not five," Mike whined.

Rolling her eyes, she huffed, "Fine. Mike, look at 'em." She pointed ahead and put her elbow on his head as she put her chin in her hand.

"Ow. You've got a pointy elbow," he muttered.

"Shush."

Mike blinked as he watched Rachel laughing at something Puck said. She shook her head and then immediately looked guilty afterwards; as if she shouldn't have laughed but had anyway. Puck smirked, and said something, probably making fun of her for laughing, that made her look even guiltier as she blushed. Then she said something that made Puck shake his head but widen his smirk.

Mike sighed. "They're so into each other."

"We need to do something," she muttered dramatically, squinting at the pair in front of her.

"Like what?"

She pursed her lips and thought for a few moments. Leaning down to whisper mischievously in his ear, she said slowly, "I think I've got a plan."

"Dude. I want in."


	26. Fair

A/N: Sorry I missed another day! Long story, involving family, so yeah.

Part two will come out tomorrow.

* * *

Friday morning, Mike stopped by Rachel's locker just as Puck was passing by to go to Homeroom (for more sleep, obviously). With a raised eyebrow, he stopped a few feet away and strained to hear the conversation.

"Hey, Rachel," Mike greeted cheerfully, holding something out in his hands.

"Good morning, Mike," she replied, smiling at him. She glanced down to see three slips of paper in his hand. "Those look like tickets," she said blinking. "Are they? And may I ask what they are for?"

He beamed at her, waving them in her face gently. "Correct! They're for the fair that's in town this weekend. I wanted to know if you and Dani wanna go with me tonight."

Her eyes lit up and she grinned excitedly at him. "Really?" she asked breathlessly.

Mike nodded enthusiastically. "Yep!" he said, making a small popping noise. "My cousin was gonna go with his girlfriend and her little brother, but something came up," he said, shrugging. "But they bought passes for tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday, too. If you guys want, we can go more than once this weekend." He smiled at her. "So, whatdya say? Is it a date?" he asked cheekily, winking at her.

Laughing, she nodded and said, "Of course! Dani will be thrilled. Does she know?"

_Yes. She's the evil genius behind everything_. He smirked at her. "Nope! But I'm willing to bet that she'll want to go! I mean, what little kid hates _fairs_? Only crazy, angry ones! Like Puck when he was a kid!"

Rachel chuckled and shook her head. "I suppose Noah wouldn't have enjoyed going to the fair, huh?"

Mike slung an arm around her and said, "Puck doesn't like anything." (He decided to keep the little known fact about him and women and sex quiet.) "But we'll have lots of fun at the fair, 'kay? You just leave everything to The Changster." He winked at her again.

She laughed again and shook her head moving from under his arm. "I'm not calling you that, Mike." She smirked at him and closed her locker. "I'll be going to class now and I will see you later this evening for a lovely time at the fair." With a small wave and smile, she turned and walked away.

When Rachel disappeared into the busy hallway, Mike turned around and bumped into a Mohawk.

"Uh," he started uneasily, "Hello there, Mohawk…"

Puck looked at him suspiciously. "What's up with you and Berry?" he asked harshly.

With a straight face, he said, "I'm about steal her away from you on our hot date tonight." He paused before adding, "And Dani's coming along, too, because I want to be a better brother than you could be to her."

His glare at Mike hardened. "Stop fucking around. Seriously. What's up?"

Mike shrugged. "I'm taking them to the fair tonight. For fun. My cousin gave me free passes and I figured I shouldn't let them go to waste."

"It's not a date?" Puck asked slowly.

Mike grinned sheepishly. "I think it might be, dude." And with that, he walked away, smirking to himself, leaving Puck standing behind in shock and feeling a little queasy.

_Phase One, ask Rachel out with Puck standing mere feet away and make sure that he sees so that he'll act like a jealous fool: Complete._

* * *

The doorbell in the Puckerman household rang and Puck continued sitting on the couch, angrily flipping through the channels. "Dani! Get the fucking door!"

"In a minute!" came her disembodied voice.

He rolled his eyes as the doorbell rang again. And again. And then in rapid succession. "Oh, my fucking god, Chang!" he hissed under his breath, his eye twitching as he finally jumped off the couch and ran to the door. "Stop fucking around!" he yelled as he yanked it open.

Mike stood there, eyes widening as his finger was about to press the button again while Rachel was trying to stop him from doing just that.

Seeing them together on his doorstep made Puck want to throw up and he couldn't help but wonder if maybe he had eaten something bad again. He settle for glaring and scowling at them, as unpleasantly as possible.

Dropping his arm to give an enthusiastic wave, Mike said, "Hey! Is Dani ready to go?"

Puck didn't have to answer as Dani came running down the stairs, yelling, "I'm ready, I'm ready!" She stopped in front of them and grinned brilliantly up at them. "I expect cotton candy. Lots of it," she said with a short nod.

Rachel smiled and said, "Maybe. We'll have to see. You mustn't consume large amounts of it or you'll become much too hyper. Also, it's bad for your teeth if you consume too much sugar."

"I'll brush twice," she said seriously.

Shaking her head, Rachel grabbed her by the hand and led her outside. "Come on, we'll wait for Mike in the car." Rachel gave a nervous backwards glance at Puck, who was glaring holes into Mike's head.

"'Kay!" she yelled as she followed obediently.

Mike scratched the back of his head uneasily. "So, uh. No hard feelings?" he asked awkwardly, scrunching up his nose.

"I hope you and Berry have retarded and crazy babies together," Puck growled menacingly, slamming the door in his face.

"That went well," Mike muttered to the door. He stuck his tongue out at the door in an immature fashion before sighing and walking to his car, with Rachel and Dani waiting.

_Well, for what it's worth…Phase Two, Show up with Rachel to make Puck jealous, but hopefully not jealous enough to where he punches a gigantic hole in my face: Complete._

* * *

Around ten o'clock, the doorbell rang and Puck's heavy footsteps pounded down the stairs as he headed toward the door. He was the only one home since his mom had left a while ago for a late night out with her friends.

He opened the door with an irritated expression. "What?"

"I'm home!" Dani sang, as she walked in wearing a balloon hat and holding a balloon attached to her wrist. Mike and Rachel followed behind with tired, but happy, smiles plastered on their faces.

"You idiots have a good time?" Puck asked sarcastically.

Rachel's smile fell. "We did, actually," she retorted primly.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he bit out, "Fairs sound fucking retarded and totally gay."

Rachel pursed her lips and turned to Mike. With a tight smile she said, "Mike, I'll be waiting in your car. Whenever you're ready, you may take me home." She shot a glare at Puck, gave Dani a quick hug good-bye and walked out the door.

Dani and Mike turned and glared at Puck.

"Noah, you jerkface! You hurt her feelings."

"Dude. Not cool," Mike said. "You should know better than to make 'gay' comments around Rachel, man. Her dads are gay."

He turned away from the door and stood with his back to it as he met their glares with a dark one of his own. He scoffed, "Since when did you become Mr. Sensitive?"

"_You're _just Mr. _Insensitive_," he shot back.

"That was the worse comeback of the year!"

"You know, Puck, I know you're upset because you've got a thing for Rachel, but—"

Puck snarled at Mike. "Dude! I am _so_ fucking tired of hearing that! That's _complete bullshit_. You know I can't fucking stand Berry 'cause she's annoying and her grating voice just makes my _ears bleed_. I didn't even think that shit was physically possible 'til I met the damn woman. And I don't know what the fuck you see in her, Chang, but she's _fuckin'_ _crazy_! You can fucking have the crazy piece of ass. All she does is crazy on people and—dude, what up?"

Mid-rant, Mike had frantically tried to cut him off by making crazed hand motions slicing across his neck as Dani looked past Puck in abject horror.

"Oh shit," he muttered, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. "She's behind me, isn't she." Statement, not even a half-hearted question.

Wordlessly, they nodded.

"_Fuck_," he sighed, drawing the word out. He spun around and winced.

Rachel was toying with the hem of her top and looking at her feet. "I came back inside because I'd forgotten that Dani still had my cellular device from when I lent it to her at the fair for safety measures. In the instance that she got lost or separated from one of us, she would have been able to call Mike right away to be located once again. Luckily, nothing of the sort happened, but you can never be too safe," she said quietly. Puck could make out only slight tremors in her voice here and there, but for the most part, she'd done a good job of sounding level and calm, as if she'd prepared the speech days ago in advance.

Dani shifted around in her pocket before pulling it out. She slowly walked across the room and held it out. In a tiny, timid voice, she carefully said, "Here you go, Rachel." She decided to keep quiet and not make any smart remarks about her older brother and his assholery.

Looking up, she shot the younger girl a tired, forced smile, her eyes bright and wet with tears. "Thank you, Dani." She turned to Mike with the same pained expression and said, "Mike, I'd _really_ like to go home now." With that, she turned and walked out of the Puckerman household with her head held high.

Mike walked by Puck with a deadly glare and poked him in the chest. "Dude, you fucked up real good this time," he grumbled before shaking his head and walking out after Rachel.

Puck took a deep, angry breath and furiously ran a hand down his Mohawk. He turned to his little sister and felt twice as guilty when he noticed the small look of fear on her face; as if she thought he was going to turn his rage onto her. With a small, irritated sigh, he said, "Go to bed, Dani."

Timidly, she ran up to him, gave him a quick hug and a soft murmur of _She'll forgive you. Eventually_ before running up the stairs, leaving him alone in the living room.


	27. Making Up

A/N: I think it's funny that you guys are acting so scandalized that Puck is being a douche. Sorry, guys, it's just his way, haha. And, uh, this isn't much better, sorry. I…dunno how it got so angsty, guys, honest. I, uh, blame it on coming back to school, I guess. Also, I rewrote it about a MILLION times. (I hate these daily Shots. Why'd did I do this?)

Also…Jeez, you guys! You keep one-upping yourselves; last chapter reached the most reviews yet! I love you guys. Now excuse me while I leave, teary-eyed.

Oh, but before I go…And because I _keep_ forgetting to answer Jelly's question all the way back in chapter 24: The song that Seven-Year-Old!Rachel sang was Golden Slumbers!

* * *

The next day, Mike showed up on Puck's doorstep, holding out his tickets to the fair.

Puck blinked at them in confusion. "What the fuck are those for?" he asked.

Shoving them further into Puck's face, Mike said with a _look_, "_You _are going to make up with Rachel for your _incredible _display of _intense douchebaggery_ yesterday."

He flinched as the memory of Rachel's expression before she left entered his mind for the umpteenth time that morning, alone. Sighing tiredly, Puck muttered, "Fuck that."

Rolling his eyes, Mike said harshly, "_Or_ you could be a normal person for once and _fucking apologize_." He sighed and glared at his friend. "Don't you think you at least owe Rachel that?" He raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"No," Puck grumbled stubbornly, even though he knew better.

Mike didn't drop the glare as he threatened, "If you don't fix things tonight, I'll just make you go again tomorrow. And Matt will _seriously _be pissed if I do that. He wanted those tickets so he could take his date to the fair."

Puck raised an eyebrow. "Thought he was still smarting over Santana?" he asked curiously.

Mike shrugged. "He's going out with Mercedes tomorrow night."

"No shit?" Puck asked, surprised. "Never figured him for a chubby chaser." He snickered to himself.

Frowning, he said, "Dude. That's not even a tiny bit funny."

Shrugging, he shot Mike a look that said _It sort of is, dude._

He rolled his eyes. "Don't fuck things up," Mike said simply, shoving Puck in the chest with the hand that held the tickets, letting them go, forcing Puck's reflexes to quickly grab them before they fell. He turned around and started down the driveway.

Puck frowned at Mike's retreating back. "Dude, what the hell am I supposed to do with Berry at the _fucking fair_?" he shouted after him.

Without a backwards glance, Mike gave a short wave good-bye over his shoulder and shouted cheerfully in a sing-song voice, "Don't fuck up!"

Puck groaned, kicking the door closed. He glared at the three tickets in his hands as if they'd severely offended him and frowned deeply.

* * *

Puck had spent the rest of the day fiercely ignoring the faint stab of guilt he felt whenever thoughts of Rachel accidentally popped into his mind. He had already decided that despite what Mike had said, he still wasn't going to the dumb fair, especially _not_ with his sister and Rachel, _no matter what_. He had better things to do. Like…playing video games and shit.

Anyway, despite his _firm _and_ absolute _resolution to avoid the Fair and Rachel at all costs, he still found himself ringing her doorbell at 6:45 later that evening like a nervous twitchy teenager about to play ding, dong, ditch for the first time while Dani waited nervously in his truck.

_Fuck, this is a bad idea_, he thought as he turned around to leave.

The door creaked open and his head whipped around to meet Rachel's look of surprise that she quickly tried to mask with a look of indifference instead.

"Noah?" she asked tentatively, eyebrows furrowed. She crossed her arms and pulled her shoulders up defensively, as if to protect herself. "What…what are you doing here?" she asked softly, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice, eyes darting to the side and back to the ground near his feet.

He pulled the slightly crumbled tickets out of his leather jacket and shoved them under her nose. "I'm taking you," he said simply, his voice gruff and low. He stared at the top of her head as she looked down at his hand.

_How dare he?_ Rachel thought, as a slow anger started burning within her, _What does he take me for? How asinine! How can he expect me just to forgive him for everything he said last night and for me to just willingly go with him anywhere he wants?_

Her gaze snapped up to his face and she glared at him. "As lovely as that offer sounds, I'm afraid that I simply must decline. Now, I'd love for you to kindly leave," she said, somehow managing to not sound a bit sarcastic, even though her words obviously were. She smiled at him tightly and pointed at his truck.

Puck ran a hand down his face and rubbed across his jaw. "Look, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm an asshole—"

"I have, actually," she stated flatly.

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, he continued on, "—and I…didn't mean half the things I said last night. Like, yeah, you're annoying, and you're crazy, but…" he trailed off lamely, swallowing hard and then wincing. "I…don't know where I'm going with this," he finally admitted in low grumble, eyes darting around frantically as he tapped his foot nervously.

She pursed her lips. "Good-_bye_, Noah," she said curtly as she slammed the door in his face. _The absolute _nerve_ of Noah Puckerman!_ Rachel thought angrily, getting ready to stomp up the stairs.

But a few minutes later, the doorbell rang again.

With a deep breath, she turned to her door and pulled it open with a loud _swoosh_, the words _Leave my property _immediately_, you crass, obtuse brute of an inconsiderate human being_ ready on the tip of her tongue. Those words died instantly as she was met with no one and had to look down in confusion.

She raised an eyebrow as her eyes met Dani's slightly nervous ones. "Um. Hi, Rachel," she said with a toothy grin.

"Is your brother using you as some sort of sacrificial peace offering?" Rachel asked incredulously, as she stepped out onto her porch and looked around for any signs for an offending Mohawk.

The little girl's eyebrows furrowed. "Um, no?" They furrowed further before she said, "Or yes, maybe?" in complete confusion. "I don't think I know what that means. Am I like a goat or something? Please don't cut me up." She made a face at Rachel.

Rachel shook her head, semi-amused. "Don't be ridiculous, Dani, I would never cut you up. Besides, the mess I'd have to clean up afterwards from your viscera would be quite the pain."

"I don't know what '_viscera_' is," Dani said, frowning.

"It means '_guts_', sweetie," Rachel supplied helpfully.

"Ah," she murmured, nodding, before Rachel's comment sunk in. "Ew," she muttered, wrinkling her nose up in disgust, "totally nasty."

Rachel sighed and decided to get straight to the point. "Dani, is there a reason that you're standing at my door?"

"Come to the fair with us," she pleaded.

Her eyes softened but Rachel shook her head. "I think it would be best if Noah and I take…a slight—" she paused, trying to think of the right word, "—hiatus from each other."

Dani blinked at the older girl. "Like a break?"

"Yes!" Rachel said, nodding, "A break."

"Noah's really, _really_ sorry?" Dani tried.

She gave her a look and decided to ask, "How did your brother get those tickets anyway?"

"Mike gave 'em to him."

Rachel blinked and raised an eyebrow. "And why would Mike do something like that?"

Dani pursed her lips, thinking fast; she realized that there was a chance for her to twist the situation to her advantage if she said the right words. "Well, Noah was real sorry about all the mean things he said, so he wanted to make it up to you by taking—"

"_Dani_," Rachel said in a warning tone, eyes narrowing slightly.

With a pouty sigh, she relented and confessed, "Fine. Mike showed up this morning and _told_ him to take you to the fair to make up with you. He also said that if Noah screwed up tonight, he'd just make you guys go tomorrow night, too."

"And how would he achieve that?"

Scrunching up her nose into a thoughtful expression, she replied, "I dunno. He didn't really say." She shrugged.

"Well, I'm sorry that I can't help Noah fulfill Mike's wishes because I'm afraid I'll have to politely decline. _Again_."

"But didn't you have fun yesterday?" Dani asked, pouting slightly.

"Of course I did!"

"Then why won't you come again tonight?"

She gave the little girl a stern look. "Dani, you know the answer to that. I am just not in the mood to deal with Noah at the moment." She frowned, as if realizing something for the first time. "Where _is_ he, anyway? Is he hiding?" she asked.

"He's in the truck. He said he won't let me back in until you agree to go," Dani said sullenly. "I think that's his way of apologizing. Maybe."

Her frown deepened and she said, "Dani, I'm sure he'll let you back in."

"I think he may be serious," she mumbled, pouting.

"That's ridiculous!"

"My brother's a ridiculous person. Haven't you seen his haircut?" Dani mumbled, rolling her eyes.

She quirked her lips to the side irritably and began stomping toward Puck's truck. When she was in front of Puck's door, she rapped on his window and gestured for him to roll it down.

He opened the door and stepped out of the truck instead.

She rolled her eyes but poked him in the chest, hard. "Noah! I advise you to stop loiter—what are you doing?" she screeched as he quickly picked her up and threw her in the truck.

"Dani! Are you in?" he called, climbing in quickly after brunette.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, blocking the door, and Rachel's escape route with her little body.

Rachel's jaw dropped open, as she looked to her right and to her left, before realizing that she was sandwiched in the middle. Dani shot her an evil smile and Puck started up the truck. With a loud, angry huff, she crossed her arms and sank back into the seat.

* * *

"C'mon, I didn't mean what I said last night," Puck sighed, staring at Rachel's profile as they stood behind the small gate of the children's ride that Dani was currently on.

Rachel's lips thinned further and her eyebrow ticked as she kept her stony gaze on the spinning ride in front of her.

He growled, slowly losing patience. "Ber—_Rachel_," he tried instead. He secretly felt relieved when she blinked in surprise and turned her head to face him, before quickly realizing what she'd done and whipping it back to focus on the spinning octopus in front of her once more. "_Rachel_, look, I shouldn't have said—"

"You're not sorry," she said suddenly. "You're not and I know that because sooner or later, you'll just say the same thing again," she continued, shrugging indifferently. "You may not _mean_ those harsh words, necessarily, but that doesn't matter because it still hurts."

Puck looked at her uncomfortably because he realized with a sickening feeling that she was probably right. He remembers, with no small amount of guilt, all of the harsh things he'd said multiple times to his mother and sister after his dad left. Sure, he hadn't meant a single word of it, but the hurt looks his family had given him were still very real.

She finally turned to him, eyes boring into his. "I'm right, aren't I?" she asked, her voice controlled and leveled.

He didn't say anything but he tore his eyes away from hers.

She hesitated before finally speaking. "For a while there, I'd foolishly considered you a friend," she admitted softly.

He wasn't sure how he heard her over the dull roar of the crowd or the screaming of the thrill-seekers on their rides, but he had. He stood there, not quite able to reach her eyes, because he was pretty sure she was looking at him expectantly; probably wishing or hoping that he would deny everything she just accused him of and bravely admit that _yes, _they _could_ be considered friends now.

Puck kept quiet and when it got to be too much, Rachel shook her head at his stony silence and walked to the exit part of the gate, waiting for Dani as she got out of her seat.

He followed behind wordlessly.

* * *

With Dani about to board another ride, Rachel and Puck were left alone once again as they kept a watchful eye on her from a few feet away.

They fell into yet another deep, unnerving silence without Dani's constant chattering to ease the awkward tension.

As Rachel's eyes followed Dani's movements of getting onto the ride, she sighed and turned to Puck, who staring intently at the ground a few feet away from Dani. "Noah?" _Or should I be calling him Puck? _she thought wryly.

"Yeah?" he mumbled, barely looking up.

"I think…that for Dani's sake, we should act like we've made up."

He turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow. "Isn't that lying?"

She faltered and said, "Well, not—"

"Bullshit. I'm not gonna pretend that you forgave me and we're '_best friends_' again," he said, glaring at her. "I'm not going to lie to her."

Rachel sighed deeply. "I suppose you're right. But what are we going to tell her, then? That we've reverted back to square one? That I'm tired of trying to create a strong bond of friendship with you when you've barely tried to reciprocate in the past and it looks like you're not going to be trying any harder in the near future?" she asks, slowly growing angrier and angrier with each passing word, glaring up at him accusingly.

His eyes narrow at her in response. "Just tell her that I refuse to be '_friends_' with a loser like _you_," he snarled as he stomped away.

Rachel felt like she should have seen it coming; another comment full of hurt and hate, and that she should have been prepared.

But it still stung like a harsh slap in the face.

* * *

The rest of the evening is full of bunches of awkward silences and little secretive looks of rage and hurt exchanged between the two teenagers whenever Dani wasn't looking.

(Puck even childishly stuck his tongue out at her once and Rachel would have laughed had she not felt like crying and slapping him across the face.)

Dani did her best to go on as if two of the most important people in her world aren't unbelievably furious at each other throughout the rest of the evening.

(She noticed every single dirty look and heard every single unspoken word between the two.)

* * *

When Puck finally noticed that his sister's eyes were slowly drooping close only to quickly shoot open on more than one occasion, he decided to call it a night. "C'mon, midget," he said quietly, "let's get you home."

"_No_!" Dani whined, fighting back a yawn and struggling to keep her eyes open. "I'm not tired," she slurred, eyes blinking rapidly. She clung to Rachel and finally lost out to that yawn as it escaped her mouth.

Rachel kneeled down so that she was eye level with her. "I think your brother's right, Dani, you should probably go home and get some rest," she murmured softly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear as the little girl rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"Not until you guys make up," she muttered quietly, pouting at Rachel. She sent a quick look at Puck before looking at Rachel again. When they didn't say anything for awhile, she stomped her foot angrily. "You guys are at a _fair_! You're _supposed _to be having fun! But you're _so angry_ at each other, you haven't had any fun at all!" she yelled, glaring at them.

Rachel leaned back and blinked at her outburst as Puck rolled his eyes and swiftly picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. "C'mon, Berry," he grunted, as he led the way to the parking lot.

Following behind, Rachel found that she couldn't quite meet Dani's look of absolute disappointment from where she was perched over Puck's shoulder.

* * *

When Puck pulled into Rachel's driveway, he quietly waited for her to leave.

She didn't leave. Instead, she sat there, steadily stroking Dani's hair as her head rested in her lap, watching the little girl sleep absent-mindedly.

Puck raised an eyebrow. "Berry?" he called gruffly, "You getting out anytime soon?"

Looking up to stare straight ahead, Rachel quietly asked, "Why last night?"

Puck blinked. "What?"

She shrugged a little and turned to him, eyebrows furrowed. "Why last night?" she repeated. "I had assumed that we'd established some sort of rapport..."

He groaned. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

"_Yes_," Rachel said determinedly, turning her full attention to him. "What happened last night that caused you to snap and say those things? Just a few days ago, you seemed fine with letting our fellow Glee Clubbers know about our baby-sitting adventures."

He shrugged quickly. "I dunno. Mike was just pissing me off."

Rachel's eyebrows furrowed. "What on earth could he have done? I can't even begin to imagine Mike doing something that would have set you off like that. He's an incredibly kind-hearted, adorable, and sweet person." She paused briefly. "A little…dim-witted at times, but nothing like Finn…"

Puck's eyes narrowed as that feeling of discomfort was becoming more and more familiar in the pit of his stomach. "So you like him, then," he said flatly.

She blinked, frowning at him. "Well, of course I do, but—"

"So?" Puck growled, foot tapping impatiently, "When are you idiots gonna call it official, then?"

Rachel grew more and more confused. "I'm sorry? Call _what_ official?"

He gestured at her vaguely. "You know!" he blurted.

She blinked at him once more and slowly leaned away from him. "I afraid I honestly have no idea, Noah."

He rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance. "You've already been on two dates with Chang. When are you gonna let him jump your bones?"

Her jaw dropped in a scandalized manner and she gapped at him, at a loss of words.

He blinked at her. Maybe she hadn't understood. "Jumping your bones? You know, letting him get into your pants, doing the horizontal monster mash, having se—"

She held up her hand to cut him off. "I _understand_, thank you, Noah," she said flatly. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I was at a loss of words because I've _told _you: I do not harbor romantic feelings of any sort for Mike Chang." She looked at him carefully. "But despite my claims, why do you keep insisting that I do?"

Puck shifted uncomfortably in seat, not quite sure what to say.

"Well?" Rachel pressed, leaning forward a bit.

"…I dunno," he finally muttered lamely. At her incredulous look, he grudgingly added, "Mike told me that last night was a date for you guys. So I thought you were lying about Messy Joe's from a few weeks ago…"

"I'm not quite sure I see where you're going with this, Noah," she said slowly and carefully.

Looking absolutely pained, Puck groaned again and threw his head back against his seat in aggravation. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and mumbled, "I dunno why, but it…bugs the living shit out of me whenever I see you and Mike together." He winced and shook his head. "Never mind, it's stupid," he said quickly. "Just…forget about it."

She held her breath, eyes getting wide. "Why…why does it bother you whenever you see us together?" she asked softly. Her mind quickly jumped back to the night at Messy Joe's when Puck and Dani had been spying on her evening with Mike.

Puck's eye twitched in annoyance. "I dunno," he mumbled again. He ran a hand through his Mohawk in frustration and drummed his fingers on his steering wheel impatiently. He really didn't want to plant some dumb notion that there was a chance of him _liking_ her in _that way_ in her crazy mind.

"_Well_?" Rachel pressed once more, her patience wearing thin. "Go on, Noah, out with it."

Rolling his eyes, he snapped, "It just _does_, okay?"

She eyed him wearily. "Did you think that Mike and I were romantically involved in some way?"

"…Maybe."

"I can assure you that we're _not_," she said firmly.

"You went on a _date_ with him last night," he said accusingly.

She gave a huffy sigh. "So? It was _just_ a date. One little date doesn't mean we're going steady or that we have feelings for each other." She shrugged. "It was more of a casual outing, anyway."

A beat of silence.

"Really?" he finally asked, sounding incredibly relieved.

She looked at him in shock. "Honestly, Noah? Was that _really_ why you verbally assaulted me yesterday?" She gaped at him. "Simply because you assumed that Mike and I were involved and _that's_ why you said those things?" she bristled at him.

"…Maybe." He looked at her nervously. "So, uh," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, "Are we…cool?" he winced at his use of words. Never in his life had he wished for a more impressive vocabulary.

With a deflated sigh, she threw her head back against the seat. "I suppose," she said dryly. "Even if it appears that you still dislike me enough to be _so clearly_ disgusted by the fact that one of your friends might have shown a possible interest in me." She gave him a look.

He flinched under her heavy gaze and opened his mouth. Then closed it. And then opened it again to slowly say, "That's not what I'm saying. I think."

But he looked rather unsure himself, so Rachel didn't really know how to respond to that other than an irritated, "_What,_ then? What are you trying to say?"

"Okay, whenever I see you and Chang together, I feel like I ate something bad. And like, I get all these barfy feelings or some shit. It's totally fucking weird."

"I give you '_barfy feelings_'?"

"Uh."

(Puck came to the conclusion that words and speaking them just weren't his forte.)

She glared at him. "I'm just going to leave now, Noah." She went to gently lift up Dani's head but Puck grabbed her wrist. She froze, staring at it and her eyes involuntarily followed up his arm to his shoulder and lingered on his face before finally meeting his eyes. She looks at him apprehensively and waits for him to say something.

After a moment, he frowned and quickly let go of her wrist. "Yeah," he muttered, looking away, "You, uh, should—it's getting late."

Rachel sighed and gently lifted Dani's head out of her lap and onto the seat as she clambered out of the truck. Before she shut the door, she murmured a quick, "Good-night, Noah," and spun around to head home.

Puck waited until she was in her house before he drove away.


	28. More Feelings

A/N: To those of you who are asking how I'm doing this, I only have this to say: _Dudes. I don't know, either._ I'm sort of _amazed_ and _horrified_ at myself, to be honest.

And, uh, I dunno where this came from. Not really angsty anymore.

* * *

Sunday afternoon, Mike stopped by again, and pushed his way past Puck when he tried to shut the door in his face.

"Good afternoon!" the taller boy greeted cheerfully with a wide grin, plopping down on the Puckerman couch lazily.

"I'm going to slap the stupid right off your face if you don't leave," Puck mumbled, glaring.

Mike's grin dropped and he groaned. "Dude! You fucked up, didn't you?" He shook his head sadly. "Matt's gonna be mad that I'm gonna have to give away his tickets…"

"Tell Matt to have a freakyass time with Mercedes." He glared and went to join his friend on the couch. "I think Berry and me…we're good again, but…it's weird," he said slowly, making a face.

Blinking in confusion, he asked, "What the hell does that mean? You only '_think_' you guys are good?"

"Shut up, Chang."

"Dude, tell me what happened."

"I'm not a gossip whore."

"Just tell me."

"That meant '_Hell no_', dumbass."

"You can trust me. I won't tell anyone," Mike said solemnly. "I know you probably want to talk about last night, but you don't know who to turn to or who to trust. But I'm telling you, man, you _can trust me_." He clapped a hand on Puck's shoulder and nodded understandingly.

A pause. "Hey, Chang?"

"Yeah, man?"

"How's your vagina?"

"Sandy and dry," Mike responded automatically, in a flat monotone. He fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Dude, that's the opposite of what's good."

Mike finally gave into the urge of wanting to roll his eyes at his friend. "Just tell me what happened between you and Rachel already."

"Wait, don't you wanna give me a facial while I spill all of my secrets to you? And all of the secret dreams and hopes I've ever had since we were little girls?" Puck asked, so incredibly sarcastic that it just wasn't even humorous anymore.

He gave Puck a flat stare. "I'll give you a facial with my _fists_ if you don't stop your douchebaggery," Mike threatened seriously.

Puck cocked an eyebrow at him. "Dude, I can _so_ take you."

"I'm a black belt, man. Don't fuck with me."

Puck stared at him incredulously. "Dude, no shit?" he asked with a sudden, new-found respect for his lanky friend.

Mike shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah. But I don't like to admit it because it follows the Asian stereotype and people always ask me to do some—"

"Dude!" Puck said excitedly, punching him in the shoulder, "Do something kickass! Right now!

"—kickass moves…" Mike finished lamely. "_No,"_he refused stubbornly, "I'm not going to do anything right now."

Puck shook his head. "This makes so much sense. I wondered why you were so good with nunchucks…" he muttered, thinking back to how Mike had helped him hone his freakin' sweet nunchuck skills.

"I will do all the drop kicks you want me to; I'll even show you how to do 'em, but only after you tell me what happened."

Taking a deep breath, Puck rubbed his face with his hands. "Go fuck yourself, Chang."

Moments later, Puck grudgingly told Mike the whole story.

* * *

"Dude, stop laughing."

"You told her she gave you '_barfy feelings_'?" Mike somehow managed to rasp out before laughing all over again. "Jeez," he wheezed, "No wonder she hates you."

Puck glared at him and swatted at his head. "Shut the fuck up."

Mike ducked as his snickering died down. He shook his head at Puck sadly and said, "Man, I should buy you a dictionary or some shit. Just something you can, like, _read_," he paused, "Or maybe just a comic book; we'll start off small, just in case."

His glare hardened at his friend. "Fuck off."

Mike held up his hands in a defensive manner. "Don't take your anger out on me just 'cause you screwed up with your_ girl_."

His eye twitched. "Berry's _not my girl_," he growled.

"Then why do you get barfy feelings whenever you see us together?" Mike asked seriously.

"Because _your_ ugly face makes me wanna throw up," Puck answered under his breath.

"Puck, just think about it," Mike finally sighed, "There's got to be a reason why you hate seeing me with her, right?" He looked at him expectantly.

Puck scrunched up his face in disgust at Mike's insistence of his _completely non-existent _feelings of Rachel. "There's no way I've got a thing for Berry! I mean, I haven't even _kissed_ her or seen her _naked_ yet. How am I supposed to know whether I like her or not?" he snorted, rolling his eyes.

He fought the urge to slide off the couch onto his knees and pound his forehead on the coffee table. Putting his face in his hands with frustration, the Asian teen moaned, "Why are you such a horny freak?"

Frowning, he muttered thoughtfully, "Ya know, now that I think 'bout it, I haven't had a good fuck in a long while…" He sighed forlornly. "I need to find a hot piece of ass…" Then he brightened and turned to Mike. "Hey, Chang, you think Santana and Britt would let me in on some of that hot lesbian action? Like, a three—"

"Please shut up."

* * *

"Dude, this is a horrible idea."

"No way, it's totally her favorite. Trust me, _I got this_."

"You used to _throw them_ _in her fac_e. And now you're just gonna _give_ her one?"

"Uh, that's the plan."

"Dude, seriously?"

"Yeah. What's the problem?"

"You sure it's her favorite? How do you even know that?"

"…No comment."

Mike rolled his eyes. "You really think she's gonna forgive you for the other—ow! Watch it, man!"

"Here she comes!" Puck hissed, pushing Mike out of the way and into the crowd.

He stumbled for a moment before regaining his balance. "Jeez!" he grumbled, standing up and straightening the collar of his letter jacket. He sniffed noisily and waited in the back, watching Puck slowly walk up to Rachel, grape slushie in hand.

"Uh, hey, Berry," Puck started uneasily.

Rachel froze at her locker and slowly turned to face Puck. She saw the object in his hand and automatically flinched, squeezing her eyes closed. Her shoulders hunched forward and she took a tiny half-step back.

He immediately felt a pang of guilt when he saw her frightened expression. He quickly said, "Here," and thrust it under her nose.

She slowly opened one eye before staring wordlessly up at him, mouth opened in surprise.

"It's grape. I know it's your favorite because the last time I threw one at you, you licked your lips before you cleaned yourself off," he said quickly.

She blinked at him for a bit. "Oh," she murmured quietly, taking the drink from his hand.

He grabbed the straw that was tucked behind an ear and held it out for her.

As a soft smile curled around her lips, she took the straw from him and stuck it in her slushie. "Thank you, Noah," she said genuinely.

"It's…um…for the other—"

"I understand," she interrupted, smiling wider as she took a sip. Rachel realized that this was the closest thing she'd ever get to a sincere, well-spoken and thought-out apology; and she decided to just take it as is.

He gave a ragged sigh of relief, shoulders sagging. "Thank _fuck_," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "Now the midget can stop giving me shit about the entire thing." _And Chang…_

Rachel laughed and shook her head. "Well, you can tell Dani that I'll come over tonight."

Puck raised an eyebrow. "My mom's home to babysit my sis, you sure—"

"I'll make dinner," she insisted, smiling brilliantly as she finally grabbed her necessary items from her locker and began to walk away.

Puck watched her down the hallway, trying to ignore the feeling of something weird bubbling up from the pit of his stomach.

_Well, at least I don't feel like barfing…_


	29. New Kid

A/N: Another break from the Daniverse. Puck and Rachel are seven again. Because I love to write them as children.

Thanks to Maddie for helping me come up with this crazy Shot, because she asked for…well, I don't want to ruin the surprise, so just read on.

(Also, Firefly references galore. And Dragon Ball Z. Jus' sayin'.)

And I apologize in advance for any...mistranslations.

* * *

"Now, class, I just wanted to tell you that we'll be expecting a new student today. It appears he's running a little late at the moment, but when he arrives, what should you do?" Mrs. Morgan asked the class pleasantly, smiling as she waited for some students to raise their hands.

Rachel thrust her hand in the air and waved it enthusiastically, waiting diligently to be called on.

Mrs. Morgan pointed at the young girl. "Yes, Rachel? What should we do?"

"We should be kind and polite and help him out around the classroom if he needs it, so that he feels welcomed here," she answered brightly, beaming at her teacher.

"Good job, Rachel," Mrs. Morgan smiled.

Puck, her deskmate, rolled his eyes. "Teacher's pet," he whispered.

Rachel elbowed him and told him to hush, finger on her lips. He sent her a glare and stuck his tongue out.

There was a knock on the door and all the students whipped their little heads around to see who it was. It was another teacher leading a little Asian boy into the classroom. He looked a little shy and his hands were clenched fists around his backpack straps.

Smiling wider, Mrs. Morgan gestured for Mike to come stand next to her and said, "Class! This is Michael Chang. He prefers to be called Mike, alright?" She smiled at Mike and waited for him to say something.

He stood there, frozen awkwardly, as he slowly took in all the eyes that were currently on him. After a moment, he started looking around the room wildly before zooming to the empty seat in the back. He sat down while taking off his Dragon Ball Z backpack and hid behind it.

Mrs. Morgan blinked in complete surprise before saying, a little bit uncertainly, "Um, my, my, my, Mike. You're…shy, aren't you?"

The backpack with Goku's face plastered on it didn't say anything.

Puck and Rachel turned to look at each other.

"He's…quiet," Rachel said delicately.

"He's totally _weird_," Puck said, before turning back to face the backpack. His eyes lit up. "Rachel! He likes Dragon Ball Z! That's _so awesome_," he whispered in awe, eyes widening in excitement.

Wrinkling her nose, she replied snottily, "That animated show is _awful_. Who likes to partake in fighting so much, anyway? It's _stupid_ and _violent_."

Puck paused, trying to think of a good comeback. After racking his brain, he shot back, "You're just a _girl_! You wouldn't _understand_." He rolled his eyes.

Glaring at him, she calmly said, "Puck, you say that as an insult, but it's quickly losing its effect as a jibe because it's _true_; I _am _a_ girl_." And then she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah! A _sissy_ one! That's dumb and stu—"

Rachel stared at Puck flatly. "Please stop talking. I think you're lowering my IQ."

"Your eye-what?"

* * *

"Puck, don't you want to talk to Mike?" Rachel suggested later during recess, as she sat in the shade, drawing flowers on the ground with a pink stick of chalk while Puck dribbled a basketball up and down.

He made a face. "Nah. I'm fine." Puck paused, looking over at Mike who sat in the shade a few yards away, sitting and staring at the other kids.

"You're both fans of that horrid cartoon full of unnecessary violence with males that have ridiculously large and obscene muscles, along with strange haircuts," she pointed out.

"Muscles are _awesome_," Puck snorted. And then he flexed a scrawny arm and smirked at her. "I'm _totally_ gonna look like Goku when I get older." His eyes glazed over as he mentally started to recite all the different and totally awesome ways to prefect his _Kamehameha Wave_ scream.

She wrinkled her nose. "Ew."

Snapping out of it, Puck rolled his eyes. "Anyway, that Mike kid seems weird and super quiet. He's probably just boring."

"His silence is a little strange."

Puck appeared thoughtful for a moment before saying, "Well, he's Asia so,—"

"The correct term is 'Asi_an_', Puck," Rachel interrupted absent-mindedly.

"Right. Asian, anyway, so he probably doesn't speak any Americ—"

"_English_."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Would ya just let me talk?"

She huffed, standing up and wiping her hands clean of the chalk. "Well, _I_ think we should be friendly and speak to him. Besides, it would be beneficial for him if he was friends with one of the more intelligent kids in our class."

Puck furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you talking about yourself? Isn't that, like, concited or whatever?"

"Con_ceit_ed, Puck," she corrected once more. "And it may be a tad bit conceited, but it's true," she replied matter-of-factly. "Half of the kids in our class still eat glue."

"Yeah, thanks for stopping me from doing that that one time," Puck commented off-handedly.

She grinned, "One of us has to be the smart one."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he muttered.

"Well," she said lightly, dusting off her dress, which Puck thought was weird and strange, because there _wasn't anything there_. He thought maybe it was just, like, imaginary dirt or whatever, but that was just even _more_ weird, because who the heck imagines _dirt _everywhere?

_Oh wait, she's still talking_, he realized with a start.

"—so you should come with me, Puck, and—"

"What?" he asked loudly, confused.

She glared at him and put her hands on her hips, tapping a foot impatiently. "You weren't listening to me, were you?"

"No, I wasn't," he answered honestly and seriously.

She gave a loud huff and turned away from him, nose in the air. "Good-_bye_, Noah Puckerman," she said gravely.

He blinked at her abrupt departure. "Hey, Rachel! Where are you _going_?" he shouted after her.

She turned around, pulled the lower lid of her right eye down and stuck her tongue out at him. "Nya!"

He stood there, catching his basketball, shocked. Rachel _never_ did such '_acts of complete and utter immaturity'_. A small swell of pride came over him as he realized that he was _finally _rubbing off on her and she was _totally_ acting her age for once. That quickly went away as he realized that she was walking over to the _new kid_ and he scowled and lowered his brows.

(He then remembered that she once told him he looked like a caveman whenever he made that face, which he thought was _totally cool_ and he didn't understand why she thought it _wasn't_ and then she had called him '_barbaric_' and he had thought she was calling him a '_Barbie_' and then she laughed and laughed her really pretty laugh.)

Right, anyway, so Puck decided that Rachel just _couldn't_ be friends with Mike because she was friends with _him _first.

* * *

"Hello, Mike," Rachel greeted pleasantly as she came up to him. "My name is _Rachel Berry_, and I'm going to be famous one day, so you should remember my name and be glad that you had the lovely chance of knowing me at this point in your life."

Mike blinked owlishly at her for a moment and just as Rachel began to falter slightly, he broke out into a wide grin. "Hey, there! I'm Mike! Oh, wait," he paused, frowning. "You already knew that…"

"You're silly," she giggled, relieved that Puck was wrong (once again) and that Mike did, indeed, speak fluent English. She sat down next to him. "My friend Puck thought you couldn't speak any English because you're Asian," she admitted.

Mike frowned. "Who thought that?"

"My deskmate. He was the one with the Mohawk."

He blinked and furrowed his eyebrows. "What's that?" He frowned in thought before it dawned on him. "Wait! That mean-looking kid that was almost bald except that stripe of hair down the middle?"

Rachel nodded. "Yes, that's him. The stripe of hair is called a 'Mohawk'."

"Oh, cool," Mike said, shrugging casusally.

"Why were you so shy when you first walked into our class this morning?" she asked curiously, tilting her head at him.

"I don't like people lookin' at me. It makes me nervous," he admitted shyly.

Rachel had a far-away look in her eye. "I _love _it whenever people look at _me_. I like being the center of attention," she sighed dreamily, as she imagined her name in lights.

He looked at her and said seriously, "Well, you better like people lookin' at you all the time if you wanna be famous one day."

She beamed at him. "I like you."

He beamed back at her. "Me, too."

They sat there, staring at each other with stupidly happy expressions plastered on their faces and that was when Puck had decided enough was enough and called out, from across the playground area, "Rachel! What are you two idiots talkin' about?"

Rachel blinked before standing up and cupping her mouth, shouting back, "Puck! Come over here! Mike can speak English!" And then she waved excitedly while jumping up and down.

As Puck started stomping over, Mike suddenly smirked devilishly to himself. "Hey, Rachel?"

She looked down at him, still sitting on the ground, and answered, "Yes, Mike?"

"I'm really sorry. I'm just gonna say that now."

Frowning in confusion, she said, "What do you mean? What are you apologizing for?"

"You'll see," he replied, grinning wickedly with a mischievous glint in his eye.

Rachel's frown deepened and she decided that she did _not _like that look. One little bit. "Um, okay…" she said uncertainly, eyebrows furrowing.

"What are you two idiots goin' on about?" Puck demanded as he came to a stop in front of them, glaring at Rachel.

Immediately forgetting Mike's strange behavior, she turned to look at Puck, smiling once again. "Mike's _super_ nice!"

Puck's eyes narrowed at Mike and said challengingly, "Oh yeah?"

"Yes!" Rachel chirped happily, nodding vigorously. "He's very kind and he doesn't laugh at me when I tell him about how I'll be famous one day," she paused to glare at him and placed her tiny, balled-up fists on her hips, "Unlike _you_."

He rolled his eyes. "So what? You two are like best friends or something now?"

Rachel bent over and pulled Mike up by his arm. "Yes!" she enthused, nodding once more as she continued holding onto his arm.

Puck's jaw dropped. "Wha—? You can't do that!" he sputtered at her, eyes locking on her hands holding Mike's arms. If possible, they narrowed further.

She frowned, upset. "And why _not_?" she asked.

He paused, not knowing what to say. "Well…well, it's just—_because!_" he finally managed to spit out.

"You're being irrational," Rachel murmured softly.

Puck frowned in confusion. "I never had a rash!" he shouted defensively. "Why does that even _matter_?"

Rachel shook her head and brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose delicately. "That's not what I meant, dum-dum."

"I can never understand you half the time, 'cause you barely speak English!" he shot back.

"It's not my fault you don't understand my vocabulary. Maybe you should just read more, you dummy!"

Puck rolled his eyes and turned to Mike, pointing at him. "Hey, you! Do _you_ understand the crazy words that come out of her mouth?"

Mike shook his head solemnly and shrugged, a pained, confused look marring his features.

Rachel blinked at him. "Mike?" she called softly. "What's wrong?"

"Ni hao," Mike said back, adopting a blank look on his face.

(_Hello.)_

Rachel's eyes widened. "I'm sorry?"

Puck scrunched up his face in confusion. "Huh?"

"Wei, hou zi de pi gu!" Mike shouted cheerfully at Puck.

(_Hey, monkey's butt_!)

Puck turned to Rachel. He glared at her, shouting, "You liar! He doesn't speak English! It's some totally Asian language!"

It dawned on her that _this_ was what Mike was apologizing in advance for. She frantically shook his arm and hissed in his ear, "Mike! Mike, this _isn't_ funny! Puck's going to get really mad and—"

But the wicked gleam in his eye was unmistakable and Rachel realized that Mike would continue with this little prank for a while longer. She bit her lip nervously and watched Puck as he grew more frustrated with the Asian boy.

"Can't you speak English, likea _normal_ person?" Puck growled venomously.

Pointing gravely at Puck, Mike whined, "Xiong meng de kung ren!"

(_Violent lunatic_!)

He turned to Rachel, "What's he sayin'?" Puck demanded furiously.

"I don't know, Puck!" she cried truthfully, letting go of Mike's arm. She looked at her new friend worryingly. "Mike, Mike! I think you should stop this little game of yours! It's honestly not fun—!"

He turned to her and put a sympathetic hand on her arm and asked soothingly, "Ni chou lian, you mei you?"

(_Do you have a worried face_?)

Frowning in deep confusion, Puck asked, "If he only speaks in that dumb language, then how were you two talking earlier?"

She gave an exasperated sigh. "Mike's just being mean. He was speaking English earlier. _Honest_," she said.

Puck narrowed an eye at her in suspicion as he took in her slightly desperate and pained expression that read _Come on, Puck. You know me and I'm _not_ lying!_ With a relenting sigh, he rolled his eyes and grumbled, "I believe you. I guess. But," he paused as he regarded Mike, "when's he gonna stop speaking like that?"

"Right now!" Mike chirped.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Rachel breathed, putting a hand up to her chest.

Puck rolled his eyes at her dramatic gesture before tilting his head at Mike. "Why'd you do it anyway?" he asked flatly. "Talk like that, I mean."

"'Cause Rachel told me you thought I only spoke Chinese, so I figured I might as well play along," he said, shrugging.

Puck immediately looking guilty. "Oh," he mumbled quietly, "Sorry."

Mike waved him off nonchalantly. "It's okay! I forgive you for your ignogrence!"

"Igno_rance_, Mike."

Grinning sheepishly, he said, "Right. Yeah. Sorry." Then he stuck out his hand in front of Puck and asked, "So, friends?"

Puck eyed it wearily and was about to decline his offer until he saw Rachel's hopeful expression. Sighing deeply, he reluctantly returned the handshake and muttered, "Fine. But only 'cause you like Dragon Ball Z, which means you've got good taste."

"Sweet!"

Rachel clapped her hands excitedly. "Yay! We're all friends!" she declared happily as she plastered a wide, cheesy smile on her face.

Puck rolled his eyes and made an exaggerated gagging noise. "Stop being such a _girl._"


	30. Play Date

A/N: My mom had needed me last night so I wasn't able to post a new chapter. Sorry, guys.

But here's a Daniverse chapter to make up for it!

* * *

Half-way through Tuesday's football practice, Puck had decided that he'd had _enough_ of Tanaka and his fanny pack bullshit. He showed up to _tackle the shit _out of people, not to _fucking_ run laps.

(Yeah, okay, maybe the comment about him being a kangaroo poser was uncalled for, but whatever.)

Anyway, Puck had decided to cut practice early and head home.

Once he parked his truck in the driveway, he made it up the steps to the front door. Just as he was about to insert the key, the door quickly swung open and Rachel stepped out, closing the door behind her.

Puck blinked. "Uh," he said slowly before furrowing his eyebrows, "Hey, Berry."

Her eyes darted to the side before reaching up to meet his. "Hello, Noah. Did your football practice end early?"

He opened his mouth to answer but she wasn't quite finished yet.

"I wasn't expecting you until _at least_ five, but here you are!" she gave a nervous little laugh before continuing once again, "You know, Noah, you really should have called if your football practice was cut short. It's only polite to notify either Dani or I about your early arrival home."

His jaw dropped, before he shutting and clenching it. "What the _hell_, Berry?" he growled. "You're shitting me, right?" He drew himself to his full height and towered over her, saying, "This is _my _home. I don't need to fucking call if I'm coming home early or whatever."

Wincing, Rachel quickly backtracked. "Noah, I sincerely apologize. That wasn't what I meant at all. Honest. It's just…" she paused, looking for the right words. Her eyes darting around their surrounding and she nibbled on her bottom lip. "…Maybe you should…_not_come inside. At least, not for another hour or so."

Frowning, he asked suspiciously, "Why? What's up?"

When she hesitated, he rolled his eyes and took a step to the right, ready to maneuver around her. But she quickly mirrored his step and they were once again face to face. She shot him a nervous grin.

"Berry, _move_," he threatened, taking a step to the left this time.

She mirrored his move once more. Feeling slightly panicked, she said, "Oh, come on, Noah! Why don't you just…drive around—"

He rolled his eyes and put his hands on her tiny waist, picking her up and spinning around quickly, a move straight out of one of their Glee numbers, which explained Rachel's natural response to gently place her hands on his shoulders. He set her down away from the door and smirked as she seemed to finally realize what he was trying to do as he placed a hand on the doorknob.

Rachel grabbed at him. "Noah, wait—!"

He stuck his tongue out at her as he twisted it open and walked inside. He froze at the doorway, eyes settling on his sister. On the couch. _With a boy_.

His jaw dropped once again before he quickly closed it. "Whoa, whoa, _whoa_!" Puck shouted, stomping into the living room and standing in front of the TV to glare at the two bodies on the couch. "Who the _fuck_ is—!"

Dani's eyes widened. "Uh, hey, Noah! You're home ear—" she cut herself off as she saw that his eyes were trained on the boy next to her. The young boy shrunk back in his corner of the couch, absolutely terrified, as the blood drained from his face. "Noah, I can explain—"

"Noah!" Rachel hissed, grabbing onto his arm and attempting to drag him into the kitchen, sending Dani a reassuring look over her shoulder.

Dani nodded and settled back into the couch uneasily, shooting Tommy a nervous glance, who still looked beyond terrified.

Completely flabbergasted, all he could manage to do was awkwardly follow after Rachel. "Who was _that_?" he hissed, gesturing toward the living room, where the two kids were watching TV.

Sighing deeply to brace herself. "That's Tommy, Dani's…date." She quickly realized that that was the wrong thing to say, but it was too late. "Wait, I meant—!"

Puck's eyes widened furiously. "What the fuck?" he shouted, "She's _ten_! She can't be going on dates!"

"That's not what I meant!" Rachel quickly amended. Hold up her hands and shaking them vigorously.

"Then what did you mean?" he grumbled, narrowing his eyes at her.

She racked her brain for the right words. "It's just…" she sighed, "It's more of a…_play_ date, I suppose. I mean, obviously, she's much too young to be going on _official_ dates. It's just a boy that she finds kind of cute and they're just watching a movie together."

He paused. "She thinks he's cute? Does she like him?" he asked, tensing up and eyes narrowing even further. _I'll kill that stupid, little runt…_

Rachel winced. She was _not_ helping Dani's case, she realized sadly. "Look, Noah, it's really not a big deal, alright? She's much too young to be in a relationship or have a boyfriend or know the feeling of being in love. Right now, it's just a puppy crush; it'll past in due time," she said soothingly.

"How'd you know she liked him?" he asked suspiciously.

"She…told me," Rachel admitted, flinching as he glared at her.

"You told me she didn't like anybody a few weeks ago!"

"I…lied," she muttered pathetically. "But I promised her I wouldn't tell you!" she blurted.

He rolled his eyes. _Stupid Vagina Loyality_. Puck frowned, but some of the tension in his shoulders left, before he realized something. "Fine. Why didn't I know about this, then?" he demanded suddenly. "Today, I mean."

Rachel stopped and bit her lip, quickly becoming hesitant. "Well…" she said, trailing off uncomfortably.

He raised an eyebrow. "Berry?" he said warningly.

"Dani and I thought it would be best if you weren't aware of the whole…" she paused, gesturing wildly, "…_thing_," she finished pathetically. _Where's your impressive vocabulary, Rachel? You're starting to sound like Noah Puckerman over there…perhaps it's time for me to pick up the dictionary again? For some late night reading…?_

"And why's that?" Puck asked defensively.

She frowned. "Well, we thought it would be best to keep it from you because…of the little scene you almost created. Also, I'm rather positive that you felt the urge to maim and/or murder poor Tommy when you first laid eyes on him."

Okay, so that may have been true. But still, Puck was offended at her accusation. "I'm offended at your accusation!"

She gave him a look that clearly showed how little she believed him. She topped off the look by placing her fists on her hips and cocking an eyebrow at him.

He sighed. "Fine. Okay, so maybe I might've wanted to…whack the little twerp around a bit. But so what?" he muttered, shrugging indifferently. "He's a dude and Dani's my little _sister_, ya know? Isn't it my job to go beating on guys that she brings home?" he asked half-jokingly, rolling his eyes.

Rachel muttered something like _Only a pugnacious brute of a brother_ under her breath before softening and relaxing. "I understand, Noah. And I know you don't want to hear it, but it's sweet how protective you are of Dani because it just proves how affectionate and loving you are as an older brother," she said, smiling up at him.

He winced, hand flying to his stomach suddenly. "Don't, Berry. I may throw up from the sheer amount of _girl_ in that statement."

Rachel rolled her eyes. She was about to give a well-worded retort about his insensitivity when she noticed that Dani had just walked sullenly into the kitchen. Blinking and cocking her head to the side, she called out to the little girl.

Looking up to acknowledge her older counterpart, she sighed, "Hey. Tommy's mom just picked him up. He called the second Noah looked at him." She shot a glare at her brother and she went to sit at the table a few feet away. "You barely said two words to him and you _still_ almost made him pee his pants." She crossed her arms and laid her forehead down on them. Her voice came out slightly muffled as she said, "I'd be impressed if I wasn't so _annoyed_ with you."

_Oh yeah. I've still got it_. Puck smirked to himself, clearly proud of the terror he can still quickly and effortlessly inflict upon children. But he straightened up at the look Rachel sent him and coughed loudly, trying to catch Dani's attention.

"What, jerkface?" she mumbled with a pout, slowly lifting her head to look at him.

He shot a sideways glance to Rachel, who urged him to go on with her eyes and the smallest movement of her head. He took a deep breath and tried not to roll his eyes. "So, uh, what? Was he your boyfriend or some shit?"

Sitting up straighter in her chair as her eyes shot wide open, Dani frantically shook her head in response. "God, no! I'm way too young for a _boyfriend_," she replied, scrunching up her nose. And then she just shrugged shyly and she murmured, "I just…kinda like him, I guess. I mean, he's…cute and all…" Trailing off, she blushed and ducked her head down.

Puck felt a huge rush of relief. "Good," he muttered, ignoring another glare sent his way.

Laughing, Rachel said teasingly, "Aw, Dani. I've never seen you act so shy."

Dani buried her face with her hands cutely. "I know! I hate it!" she moaned.

"Aw," Rachel murmured sympathetically, walking over to her to place a comforting arm around her. "Boys make you do foolish things, sweetie. I know from experience," she admitted. Memories of Finn filtered through her mind and she fought the urge to cringe. "Trust me," she added dryly.

Snickering to himself, Puck said, "Hey, midget, Berry's not kidding. You should've seen some of the dumb shit she pulled around F—whoa, there, Berry!" he exclaimed, ducking to avoid her flinging an apple at him that she grabbed from the bowl of fruit on the table. He came back up and smirked at her. "Jus' sayin'," he scoffed.

"Around _who_?" Dani demanded, blinking rapidly. She turned to Rachel and tugged gently on the sleeve of her cardigan. "_Who_, Rachel?" And then she grinned mischievously, dark glint in her eye.

Rachel faltered, before clearing her throat and calmly saying, "Dani, I'd _really _rather not discuss the whole embarrassing and rather regrettable matter. Not to mention the fact that I've completely moved on from that asinine school girl crush."

Dani paused briefly, and for a split second, Rachel found herself relaxing into foolishly thinking that the younger girl would drop it, before seeing her turn to her brother. "Noah! Who was it?" she asked desperately.

Puck smirked wickedly despite Rachel's pleading expression to keep silent. She winced, knowing what was to come. He got ready to run out of the kitchen, shouting, "_Finn Hudson_!" over his shoulder. His laughter didn't die down as he ran up the stairs and Rachel chased after him, cheeks burning bright red, shouting things such as _immature toddler_, _unbelievable jerk_, and _telling the entire world _(to which he shot back that _Too late! The entire _'verse_ already knew about her stalkery obsession with Finn_).

"What? _Finn_?" Dani whispered to herself incredulously, "But he's so…_dumb_."


	31. Second Family

A/N: I'm so, so, so sorry! I was working on the latest shot but I fell _dead asleep_ during it before I could post it! I hate to say it before I've even reached the half-way mark, but I don't know how much longer this can last. We'll see.

Here's the countdown so far: Including this one, I've got sixty-nine shots left to right, there are eighty-three days until the new Glee episode, and to make it on time, I can only miss thirteen more days until April 13th…guys, I'm freakin' out.

But on a happier note, I can_not_ believe that I'm about to reach one thousand reviews. What? What? _What?!_ I can't clearly articulate how you guys are making me feel right now. It's akin to Puck's barfy feelings, though.

Anyway! Here's the newest shot! Sorry for falling asleep last time!

* * *

A few days after Dani's little visit to the Glee Club, Rachel suddenly became subject to low whispers and stares and not very subtle pointing fingers aimed at her and Puck.

_Really,_ she thought flatly, as she made the mistake of walking through the Glee doors while talking with Puck about Dani and the baby-sitting arrangements for the rest of the weekend, _it's sad that our Glee Club find their own lives so uninteresting and unfulfilling that they must pry into the lives or their peers for their own amusement and entertainment. _

"…What?" Puck stated, bewildered. Furrowing his eyebrows, he said slowly, "I…dunno what that has to do with Dani and her weird, intense dislike of the word '_moist_'. Like, _at all_. What the hell are you talking about?"

She suddenly realized that she'd said all of that out loud. Blushing slightly, Rachel quickly apologized. "I apologize for accidentally stating my inner thoughts and monologue out loud and in the open."

They were still standing near the door, and Puck leaned against the wall and crossed his arms at her. "You letting those losers bother you?"

She frowned. "They're not—"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. They're _not_. Whatever. But the fact that they're looking for something scandalous between us," he paused, gesturing between their bodies, "is more than a little sad. They should just mind the own damn business." He rolled his eyes. "You babysit my annoying kid sister. Big whoop. Somebody call the paparazzi," he grunted sarcastically, waving his hand about childishly.

Rachel hummed in agreement as she nodded. With a small sigh, she said, "I suppose that your view on the whole situation correct. They're simply being nosy, gossip mongrels."

He paused. "Yeah, sure. Gossip mongrels." And then he swaggered away and to find a seat in the back, Rachel following behind.

* * *

"How did _you_ land the job of being the Puckerman babysitter?" Santana demanded during a short break in the middle of Glee rehearsal. She scrunched up her nose in her typical bitch fashion as she eyed Rachel in disdain. "I've met that little brat. It's amazing that you can put up with Manny."

"_Dani_," Rachel corrected lightly as she turned to face the dark-haired Cheerio.

"What_ever_," Santana muttered, rolling her eyes before narrowing them. "Seriously, Manhands? What's your deal with Puck?" she sneered, eyeing Rachel up and down, making the shorter brunette uncomfortable and self-conscious. She barked out a hollow laugh. "I mean, I know Puck and his libido—and you can trust me on that—but I didn't even think that _he _would want to touch _you_."

Feeling her cheeks heat up, Rachel said, "Probably because he _isn't_ touching me or doing anything of the sort, Santana." She gave a tiny shrug but she was smiling nonetheless. "His sister and I get along splendidly and his mother enjoys my cooking. I've grown to be very fond of the Puckerman family. Even Noah. Sometimes, when he isn't being…_Puck_, so to say."

Santana raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Really?" she sounded mildly surprised.

"I can happily say that Puck keeps his hands to himself," Rachel responded firmly.

"Does he, like, _try_ anything?" she sounded even more surprised than before.

"Of _course_ he doesn't!" Rachel huffed, cheeks heating up once more. "May we please change the subject?" she asked tightly.

"Whatever, Manhands," Santana said, rolling her eyes and walked away, giving her one last incredulous look over her shoulder.

Rachel was just about to give a sigh of relief, but Brittany came bounding up to her, bright, but slightly dim, smile on her face. "I've met Puck's sister once! She's super cute!" she paused, pondering. "Or maybe it's because I just think all kids are super cute? Hm…" she shrugged and turned back to Rachel. "I tried to babysit my neighbor's kid before. But I accidentally lost him," she said, sounding and looking sad before perking up once again. "I found him, though!" she said proudly.

Blinking, Rachel asked curiously, "How did you lose a small child? In his own home? And where did you find him?"

"I don't remember the details," she admitted sheepishly. "But he was locked in the basement," she broke off, laughing merrily, "The whole time he was banging on the door for me to let him out; I thought the basement was just _haunted_. Thank goodness it wasn't." Then she stopped chuckling and said, "I felt really bad about it though…"

Rachel couldn't help but smile, despite the blonde Cheerio's…decidedly dim nature. "Well, I'm glad that you were able to eventually find him," Rachel replied sincerely.

"Me, too!" Brittany chimed, smiling. She looked like she was about to say something else, but Santana quickly interrupted, calling for the blonde to join her. Shooting an apologetic glance at Rachel, she said, "Sorry, I've got to go. I don't want to upset Santana."

Hesitating, because Rachel wasn't exactly sure if they were '_out_' or not (and, obviously due to her fathers and Kurt, she understands the sensitivity of the entire process of '_coming out_'), she finally decided to just be straightforward as she asked, as casually and lightly as possible, "How are things between you and Santana?"

Brittany froze and blinked in confusion before giving her an even wider and brighter smile than usual as she answered, "We're very happy!"

Rachel smiled back. "It's lovely to hear that."

With one final nod of understanding and appreciation, Brittany flounced back to the Latina and wrapped her arms around her and laid her chin on Santana's shoulder, making it so that at a glance, any outsider would merely think they were just touchy-feely friends.

Rachel's smile widened and she secretly wished them the best of luck.

"What the hell are you smiling about?" Puck asked gruffly as he made his way over. His eyes landed on Santana and Brittany, who were giggling and whispering to each other, and he smirked. "Whoa, check out the les—"

"Shh! Noah, don't say something degrading or juvenile!" she hissed, elbowing him. "I think that their relationship is _beautiful _and deserves to be respected, and I _refuse_ to hear—"

"Dude, did you just say that you thought lesbians were hot?"

"Noah, your selective hearing is _really _testing my patience."

* * *

After practice, Puck and Rachel were walking down the hall together when Matt, Mercedes, Kurt, and Mike hollered at them to slow down from a few yards away.

"Berry, I'm not shitting you when I say that we should just make a run for it," Puck grunted.

She chanced a quick look over her shoulder and noticed Kurt's curious face, eager for some gossip between herself and Puck. She whispered back, "While that sounds tempting, Mike and Matt _are_ our friends." She felt a tiny buzz of warmth and happiness at the prospect of _actually_ having friends. She turned and stopped. Smiling demurely at her fellow Glee Clubbers, she politely waited for them to catch up.

"Wait, c'mon, Berry, let's just _go_."

She pursed her lips and sighed. "Noah, why don't you take your leave _first_? Once I'm done talking to—"

"I gave you a ride to school today," he stated flatly. "And _I'm_ your ride home."

Rachel faltered. "Oh."

He rolled his eyes. "You've got five minutes," he grunted, as he walked away just as the other stopped in front of them.

"Puck, Puck! Where're ya goin'?" Mike called after his retreating figure. "The party's over here, man!" And then he started dancing in place.

Puck turned around, took one look at Mike's spastic rendition of the classic _Running Man_, and continued on his way without another word.

Seeing his friend's continued departure, Mike stopped and pouted. "Aw."

Mercedes gave a snort of laughter and shook her head. "Boy, you crazy," she said fondly.

Rachel cleared her throat daintily and said, "I don't mean to be rude, but Puck has been kind enough to offer his driving services to me for the day, but because he is _not_, however, kind enough to wait for more than five minutes, I must ask you all to please hurry with whatever it was that made you so insistent on talking to me."

Mike slung an arm around her shoulders and grinned. "Just some walkin' and talkin'. We'll walk and talk to the parking lot, yeah?"

"Charming as always, Mr. Chang," Rachel said lightly with a giggle.

Mercedes and Kurt shot each other a _look_, unbeknownst to everyone else.

Kurt sashayed over to meet Rachel's other side, quirking an eyebrow and asking, "So, why wasn't I aware that you were practically part of the Puckerman family?"

Rachel blinked and turned to look at him. "I am?"

Kurt's eyebrow lifted up even higher as he responded patiently, "Yes, hon, you are. We all saw the way you interacted with Dani and Puck. His sister's darling, by the way. I honestly don't see the relation."

Chuckling softly, Rachel said, "It's there, trust me."

"I detect a small hint of adoration in your tone," Kurt sing-songed playfully.

"I adore _Dani_, and I _tolerate_ Noah half of the time," she deadpanned, rolling her eyes.

Mike snickered in her ear. "_Rachel Puckerman_. It has a nice ring to it, huh?"

Setting a steely, deathly look on Mike, she said, "What was that, Mike?"

He immediately stopped his snickering and took his arm off her shoulder. "I'm sorry, ma'am."

"Don't call me ma'am."

"Yes, Ms Berry."

"Better."

Matt and Mercedes chuckled mercilessly at Mike's fear of Rachel.

Pouting once more, Mike turned his head around to face the new couple. "Guys, she's really scary. Stop laughing."

Mercedes and Matt laughed as they finally reached McKinley's parking lot. As they started towards Matt's car, they turned and waved good-bye, saying, "See you later, Rachel!"

"Good-bye!" she called back, giving a small wave of her own. Turning to Mike, she asked, "Mike, would be so kind as to assist me in spotting Noah or his truck? Hopefully he hasn't taken his leave as of yet."

"Of course, milady," Mike said in a faux British accent.

She laughed and shook her head.

"'Sides," he said, continuing the accent, "if he leaves, I'll just offer _my_ services as your chauffeur."

"Sounds lovely," she hummed.

Kurt blinked in utter confusion, mixed with absolute fascination. "When did you two become so…_chummy_? It's almost disgusting; it's so cute."

Mike shrugged. "Ever since Rachel started hanging out with Puck on a near daily basis."

"Near daily?" Kurt asked curiously. "Do continue."

"Well, half the time I spend at the Puckerman household, I'm looking over Dani, the other half I just seem to be there because Noah's mother is so fond of me," Rachel answered with a small shrug. "My dads are out of town a lot, so it's nice to have something akin to a second home and a second family."

"You view Puck as your _brother_?" Kurt asked incredulously. "Honey, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You've got eyes, haven't you? Noah Puckerman, and while he may be one of the greater douches I've ever come in contact with, is still a prime, if not _perfect_, example of a male specimen. Basically, Puck isn't boy or man; he's one hundred percent _sex god_."

Rachel's eyes widened. "That's…I'm speechless. All I can think about is the _absolute horror_ that just filled my inner being after hearing that little speech of yours."

Mike blinked. "I'm going to stay out of this conversation," he said determinedly.

Kurt laid a hand to rest on her shoulder gently as he gave it a firm and comforting squeeze. Looking straight into her eyes, he said, "Rachel, honey, _sweetie_, you should _hit that_." And then with a sad, little shake of his head, he walked off into the direction of his Hummer.

Once Kurt was a few feet away, Mike turned to Rachel and awkwardly said, "You don't…you don't _really_ view—I mean, you don't _seriously _see Puck as, like, a _brother_, right?"

Rachel pursed her lips in thought, silently mulling over it.

This only served to make Mike nervous. Because, dude, seriously, if she did? He and Dani spent all that time coming up with a _totally awesome_ plan for _nothing_. And, yeah, okay, it hadn't worked out in the end, but it somehow ended with Puck buying Rachel her favorite flavored slushie, which was some sort of super weird, romantic gesture.

Besides, he kind of thought Puck and Rachel were good for each other. In a clichéd, '_opposites attract_' sort of way.

After what seemed like _freakin' forever_ (really, it was just thirty-seven seconds or so), Rachel finally shook her head. "Not really, I suppose. I don't feel the same sort of affection towards him as I do for Dani, whom I honestly do view as a little sister. But that may or may not be due to the simple fact that Noah—"

"Whoa there, Berry. Watch what you say 'bout me, or I may leave you stranded here," Puck drawled lazily as he walked over to meet them once they were within a few feet of his truck.

Rachel promptly shut her mouth as Puck rolled his eyes half-heartedly.

Mike snickered and waved at them. "Well, looks like you've found your ride, milady, so I'll be off now!" He turned around and walked away, whistling some tune under his breath merrily.

Puck frowned. "Was that a British accent?"

"Yes, it was," Rachel laughed, climbing into the truck.

Rolling his eyes he walked to the driver's side and got in as well. "Chang gets weirder every day."

"Maybe," she hummed. "But he's still your friend," she told him lightly.

"Don't remind me," he said flatly, backing out of his parking spot. He shot her a quick look. "So what were you and Chang talking about back there?" he asked curiously.

She grimaced. "Kurt said some inappropriate things about you—"

"About how smokin' hot I am?"

She looked pained as she admitted, "Yes, he did, actually. How did you know?"

He shrugged, but the wickedly cocky smirk that played on full lips was hard to miss. "I can tell that he stares at me sometimes during football."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "You seem proud of that."

He looked at her, smirking wider. "I like having my body appreciated," he said simply with a mischievous wink.

"Moving _on_," Rachel said determinedly, forcing herself not to blush or stare at his biceps that were bulging nicely under his semi-tight t-shirt, "Kurt said some things about your attractiveness value after I made a comment about coming to view your family and home like my second family and—"

"Whoa, what? You see me like a _brother_?" he asked incredulously, shooting her unbelieving stares in between glancing at the road in front of him.

That irked him. It really,_ really_ did.

"A _brother_, Berry?" he repeated, louder this time.

"You didn't let me finish!" she cried, wincing at him.

"Fine. Finish up," he grumbled sullenly, sinking into his seat and hunching up his shoulders defensively.

Rachel stared at his sudden change in demeanor. "Noah, are you…are you pouting?"

"Am _not_!" he sputtered. "That's fucking ridiculous!" And then he grumbled 'Brother_? What the _fucking_ hell?_' under his breath.

She sighed and continued, "After Kurt made those comments about you, he left and Mike asked me if I _did_ view you as a brother. To which I responded that while I've come to see Dani as a little sister and your mother as the closest thing I'd ever have for a mother figure, I did _not_, for whatever reason, view _you_ as a _brother_."

"…Really?" he asked, sounding a little less grumpy.

"Yes. Why is it such a big deal?"

_Because brothers and sisters don't make out with each other and we should _totally_ try it sometime 'cause we're two good lookin' Jews_.

"Because it'd be fucking weird, that's why," was what he said out loud.


	32. Sweet Like Mangoes

A/N: Whoops, maybe I shouldn't have vented so much last chapter. My stress levels come and go. Sometimes, I deal with every just fine and dandy, and other days, for whatever reason, it just seems too much, even if I'm dealing with the same amount of whatever every day. Honestly? Don't worry about me too much. Although I find it sweet that some of you are telling me to take it easy.

If I '_take it easy_', I would just _stop_ writing all together, guys. I'm not even kidding. Look at my other unfinished—actually, _don't_ look at it.

And oh my _flying flip_, you guys! Over one thousand reviews?! Wow. I love you. All of you. Thank you so, so, _so _much. As I've told Maddie, as I saw the number of reviews climb, I kind of realized that I was headed toward one thousand, you know? But I still sort of thought that it would, like, just _stop_ at nine hundred and ninety-nine. Because I'm weird like that. But honestly! _One thousand_?! You guys blew my freakin' mindhole.

* * *

"Argh, why did I have to come, again?" Puck groaned.

"You didn't," Rachel stated flatly, as she continued perusing down the aisle with Dani by her side.

He blinked. "_Then why am I _here?" he demanded in frustration.

Rubbing her temples to calm her slightly frazzled nerves due to Puck's incessant whining, she took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

"Noah, I think she's gonna explode if you don't shut your piehole," Dani observed mildly.

He envisioned Rachel's head spontaneously combusting, bits of brain flying everywhere. "That'd be kinda sweet," Puck commented off-handedly with a mild shrug.

"Noah, you _insisted_ on coming because you didn't think that I could properly shop for your household, _despite_ the fact that you've already seen and _approved_ _of_ my grocery list," she stated as calmly as possible while waving around the pink piece of notebook paper with her precise and neat handwriting on it.

(Puck had seen her list. There had been bullet points. And _sub _bullet points. Girl was crazy.)

She rounded on him and poked an irritated finger at his chest. "Your mother asked me to do this because she wouldn't have time this weekend and your food supply is depleting at a fast and steady decline due to the fact that you are a growing teenage boy, who happens to be very athletic and strong and has to inhale more calories than the whole population of a small, third world country."

He frowned as he paused so his brain could catch up with all of her very fast talking. "I think there was a compliment in there somewhere," his frown deepened, "_And_ an insult."

"I'm glad you noticed," she said dryly.

Looking at her own copy of the list (because Rachel had made two copies, one for Puck, who had instantly balled it up and scored a basket with it using the trashcan, and one for Dani, who was actually dutifully reading hers and picking out the correct food items), Dani grabbed a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, Special K cereal, and Captain Crunch and threw them all into the cart. "I've got all the cereal!" she declared proudly, marking them off with her pen.

Taking a pause from her bickering with Puck, Rachel beamed at her and said, "Thank you. I'm glad that _someone_ here, besides my own self, of course, is taking this seriously." She shot a glare at Puck.

"How much longer is this going to take?" he whined, ignoring her withering glare that have terrified lesser beings.

"Well, I had given you your separate copy of the list with the intention that we could have split up, thus dividing the shopping in half so we could be done sooner. But since you decided to show off your athleticism and immaturity, you no longer have a copy. However, I suppose I could give you mine, and we can split up with you on your own, making Dani and I a team," Rachel said thoughtfully.

"Argh, fine," Puck muttered, rolling his eyes and yanking her sheet out of her hands. And then he remembered what had caused him to ball up his _first_ copy. The pinkness of the paper and neatness of the bulleted points made him want to set it on fire. He contemplated pulling out his lighter and doing it right then and there, but he had a feeling that Rachel would wail at him like some sort of banshee. And dude, his ears _really_ weren't up for that.

"I'll pick up the meats, cheeses, the milk and the orange juice," he muttered, walking down the aisle.

"Thank you, Noah!" she called after him and smiled as he gave a short wave with his hand. Turning to Dani, she asked, "Alright, Dani, what else do we need?"

"Ice cream!"

Frowning, Rachel said, "I don't recall putting ice cream on the list."

"…Can it be on the list?"

* * *

They ended up spending around another hour grocery shopping. It was mostly due to Puck and Dani arguing over chocolate or vanilla pudding (Rachel got them both to shut up by buying the mixed kind, which they both conveniently forgot existed).

Puck was just getting into his driveway when his cell phone rang. Parking quickly, he pulled it out and flipped it open. "'Sup?"

"Hey, dude! Are you home?" Mike's cheery voice asked.

"Yes."

"Can I come over? I'm _bored_," he whined.

"'No."

"Okay! I'll see you in a few minutes!"

The line clicked off and Puck frowned, glaring at his cell phone. "The _fuck, _Chang?" he muttered under his breath. Rolling his eyes, he put his phone back into his pocket.

"Was that Mike?" Rachel asked, stepping out of the truck. She turned around and helped Dani step down safely. She smiled and replied with a polite '_You're welcome_' when Dani thanked her.

"Yeah," he said, as he got out on his side. "He's coming over."

Dani brightened immediately. "Really? Yay!"

Puck rolled his eyes and looked at her, waiting until her attention was on him. "Dani, catch," he called, throwing his keys at her over the truck bed.

"'Kay!" Jumping up, Dani caught them and ran up to the front door, unlocking it.

Rachel stood on tip toe and grabbed a big, brown bag, balancing it carefully on her hip before grabbing another. Turning around, she bumped into a hard, muscular chest. "P—Puck?" she stammered, as she felt the one of the bags slide out of her grasp.

"Here," he said quietly as he nodded at her to go inside. "I'll bring 'em in and you can help the midget put 'em away."

She looked up at him for a moment in surprise.

He raised an eyebrow. "Berry?"

She blinked, shaking her head and snapping out of it. "Alright," she murmured breathlessly, as she headed inside with the first bag and Puck turned to the truck, grabbing another. She bit her lip and turned around, sneaking one last glance at his back, before heading inside.

* * *

Rachel was just putting away the last of the groceries when the doorbell rang.

Dani looked up from eating something orange in her bowl. "I'll get it!" she shouted enthusiastically, jumping from her seat at the dining table and running to get the door. She swung it open and greeted Mike.

"'Sup, Tiny-Puck?" he asked fondly, ruffling her hair playfully.

Shaking her head to get the hair out of her eyes, she grinned. "Not much," she answered casually, before grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the kitchen. "Rachel's putting away the food we just got and Noah's making a sandwich."

"Cool, cool," he hummed.

Once they were in the kitchen, she let go of his hand and sat down at the table.

"Hey, Rachel, Puck," Mike said as he followed Dani and sat down next to her.

"Hello, Mike," Rachel smiled.

Puck gave a half-hearted wave as he continued chewing on his sandwich.

Mike eyed Dani's bowl of orange goop uneasily as he asked, "Uh. What's that?" She spooned some of it into her mouth and he wrinkled his nose.

"Try some!" And without further warning, Dani shoved a spoonful into his mouth, giggling mischievously.

"Dani!" Rachel scolded, "That's completely unsanitary!" She turned and grabbed a new, clean spoon and dropping it gently into her bowl. She held onto the spoon that was still in Mike's mouth and waited for him to pop it open. Once he did, she said, "Thank you," and walked away to put it in the sink.

"Sorry, Rachel," Dani said sheepishly as she took hold of the new spoon. Turning to Mike, she asked, "How'd ya like it?"

"What is it? It tastes sweet! Like mangoes!" he said happily.

"That's because it was mango sorbet," Rachel laughed.

Puck rolled his eyes and refrained from calling one of his best friends a dumbass.

"Rachel said that fruit sorbet was a healthier substitute for ice cream," Dani said smartly.

Smiling at him, Rachel asked, "Would you like some to eat, Mike?"

"I'd love some," he hummed happily.

Rachel walked around the kitchen, grabbing a spoon, bowl, and the small container of mango sorbet.

Frowning, Puck said, "Okay, what's up? You're not here to mooch off my food, are you?"

"No, of course not!" Mike snorted. "I was just bored at home, all alone. I called Matt, but he's on a date with 'Cedes, I called Finn, but he's learning how to swim because he figures he should be able to because of his name—yeah, don't ask me, I dunno, it was what he said—anyway, you were my last resort." He smiled at his Mohawked friend.

"Whoop-de-fucking-do," Puck stated flatly.

Looking offended, Mike declared, "If I didn't know better, I'd think I wasn't wanted here."

Setting the bowl of sorbet in front of him, Rachel calmly reassured him by saying, "I don't live here so I can't necessarily say that you can stay, but if it's any consolation, I always enjoy your company, Mike." She slid into the seat across from him and next to Puck.

"Aw, thanks, Rachel. I love ya, too," he grinned around a mouthful of cold, mangoey goodness.

"You're silly," Dani chimed in, shrugging. "And that's good 'nough for me."

He turned to Puck and said, "It's official, you're no longer my favorite Puckerman. You just lost that title to your little sister. How do you feel about that? That you're no longer the _awesome _Puckerman?"

"I will hurt you," Puck said breezily.

Rolling his eyes, Mike said, "Unlikely. I'm a black belt with crazy, Asian ninja fists of fury. Plus, I taught you all the nunchucks skills you know. I'm the sensei to your young grasshopper, dude."

Puck's eyes narrowed. "Dude, you did _not_ just call me a grasshopper."

"Oh, but I _did_," Mike called back challengingly. He didn't take his intense gaze off of Puck even as he slowly and dramatically lifted his spoon into his mouth.

"You're a black belt?" Rachel asked, purposefully trying to ease some of the testosterone-filled tension. "That's impressive."

Dani's eyes widened in awe. "Whoa. Who knew you were so _awesome_?"

Mike beamed. "Your sister thinks I'm awesome!"

Puck rolled his eyes. "She thinks Disney fucking Princesses are awesome; you still feelin' hot, Chang?"

He turned to Dani. "You don't think I'm a Disney Princess, do you?" he asked seriously.

"No. You're prettier," Dani replied, straight-faced.

The Asian teen turned back to his friend. "Ha!" he shouted, pointing an accusing finger at him. "I'm awesome _and_ I'm prettier than a princess."

"When did you get so homo explosive?" Puck muttered. "You realize what you just said right?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, yes I do. And I sort of wish there was a rewind button."


	33. Show and Tell

A/N: Hey, guys! This is another two-parter! I was going to try to finish it and post it as one but my eye keeps twitching and I keep falling asleep. So…part two tomorrow!

Maddie, see if you can spot your shout-out.

* * *

Thursday after Glee rehearsal, Puck and Rachel were both parked in his driveway, walking to the Rosenberg's together.

Because, as much as Puck hated to admit it, Rachel Berry was quickly becoming a constant in his life. And well, he was, like, getting _used_ to her or whatever. And whenever she wasn't there, things felt…_weird_…and _off_.

Not that he was ever going to tell her that.

Besides, Dani would just pout and whine all evening if Rachel _wasn't_ there. So mostly, he just kept Rachel around to keep his sister satisfied.

And he'll figure out what that funny feeling in his stomach was whenever she did something as simple as smiling or laughing at him. One of these days. Eventually. He was working on it, _okay_?

Anyway, there they were, on the doorstep of the Rosenberg's and before Rachel could even lift a perfectly manicured hand to press the worn little button to alert them of their presence, Dani had already flung the door open and was launching herself full force at Puck's chest.

"Dani? What the _hell_?" he yelled, quickly catching her and stumbling back a few steps. After regaining his balance, he looked down, glaring at her. "What did I say about sneak attacks, brat?"

She repositioned her arms around his neck and buried her head in his shoulder. "…To not do them…" she mumbled quietly.

"And _why_ shouldn't you do them?" he growled.

"…Because you might drop me or jump out of the way and then I'll go _splat_ on the ground…" she recited sullenly.

"I'll drop you next time to teach you a lesson," he grunted half-heartedly.

Rachel quickly poked her head in the house, rattled off a quick _Good-bye, Mrs. Rosenberg!_ and shut the door, turning to the Puckerman siblings. "Dani, what on earth caused you to—"

"Guys, guys, _guys_!" she cried frantically, slightly muffled, as Puck continued carrying her and walking back home. "It's _horrible_."

"What's wrong?" Puck and Rachel both demanded. They sent each other a weird little look before focusing on Dani as she clung to Puck's neck and sniffed.

Gently laying a hand on Puck's bicep, Rachel suggested that they further their questioning once they got inside his abode. He nodded and frowned at the top of Dani's head.

Moments later, Puck gently pried her off by backpack and sat her on the couch. He sat down next to her and Rachel quickly took her seat on the other side of Dani.

Heaving a dramatic and low sigh, Dani began her tale of woe, "So, today was my class's _Show-and-Tell Day_, right?"

Puck raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Right," he muttered slowly.

"Except, actually, today ran so long, that only half of my class went, and now the other half is going tomorrow. _I'm_ going to do my _Show-and-Tell_ piece tomorrow."

Rachel nodded politely, fully listening. "Yes, continue."

"So I figured, eh, I could half-butt it and still get a good grade, right? Because, I mean, what do a whole bunch of fourth graders have that's _so cool_ to show off, anyway? Just a bunch of pet rocks, right?" And then she climbed onto Puck's lap and shook his face in her tiny hands. "Wrong, Noah, wrong!"

"Just get on with it!" he grumbled irritably, grabbing her wrists and pulling them away from his face.

"A kid brought in an _epileptic dog_! Another one brought in his _mom_ who was in a _car accident_ and he showed off all her cuts and broken leg! This Vietnamese girl brought in her dad who fought in the war and showed off his _bullet wound scar _in his shoulder! _Bullet wound scar_!" Dani shouted hysterically. "How the _flying flip_ am I supposed to compete with that?"

Rachel blinked in shock. "Well, I must say…children have certainly gotten much more…_creative_ than when I was a young child…" But then she wrinkled her nose and murmured, "Although, I don't know how I feel about bringing in people as if they were _Show-and-Tell_ objects…"

Puck smirked. "I remember once I brought a butterfly knife for _Show-and-Tell_ and got in _so_ much fucking trouble, it was ridiculous." He shrugged fondly at the memory. Then he rolled his eyes and scoffed, "How was I supposed to know that it was illegal in Ohio?"

"I feel that I should be surprised or shocked or even offended that you were already fooling around with weapons and blades at such an early age…but I'm honestly not," Rachel muttered with a resigned sigh.

He looked at her over the top of Dani's head, smirking. "I could teach you to cut someone!" he suggested.

"A _world_ of no," she said, holding up a hand in a _Say no more_ gesture.

He rolled his eyes. "'Kay, Berry. But when you're alone in some creepyass alleyway and some freakjob attacks you and all you've got is a dinky rape whistle or mace or some shit, you'll be wishing for some of my free lessons."

"Throw in lessons with your nunchucks and it's a done deal," she said sarcastically.

"Dude. Don't play. I'm very serious when it comes to my weaponry skills," Puck said with a straight face as he looked at Rachel. He paused before offering, "I could give you some brass knuckles, if you want. I've got spares."

She rolled her eyes and turned back to Dani, who was patiently waiting for them to stop their bickering; because, apparently, despite her little crisis, watching Puck and Rachel was just so much more amusing. Looking apologetic, she said, "I apologize for bantering with your brother. Now, onto the pressing matters of your _Show-and-Tell Day_ tomorrow..."

She pouted. "I _was_ gonna pull out my family picture of us at the beach and make up some crazy stories 'cause I actually don't really remember the whole vacation. Just, you know, a whole lotta sand."

Nodding understandingly, Rachel asked, "Well, have you come up with any possible solutions that would make for an entertaining show?"

"Actually…_yes_, I've got…_one_ solution…" she said slowly and casually. But it was the kind of slow and casual voice that would make someone automatically suspicious.

Hesitating briefly, Rachel finally managed to say, "I'm not sure that I like the tone of your voice, Dani."

"What are you playin' at, midget?" Puck asked suspiciously, eyes narrowing at her.

"_You two could be my Show-and-Tell!_" she said giddily.

"I don't think that would be a wise decision."

"_Hell no._"

"But _why_?" Dani whined.

"_Because_," Puck snorted, "there's no way in hell I'm gonna waste my time with some snot-nosed monsters!"

She turned to Rachel. "It would've been _so cool_! I was gonna have Noah bring his guitar! And the two of you could've put on a little _concert_!"

And that's when Rachel's opinion on the entire matter changed.

_Oh shit. I recognize that crazy in her eyes…_

"Noah!" she said, snapping her head up to look at him.

He winced. "What, Berry?"

"Don't you think we should attend Dani's _Show-and-Tell_ tomorrow? Not only would we be able to perform for young, bright minds, we would also be lending our musical services to aid your sister in putting on a spectacular _Show-and-Tell_. _And_, depending on our musical selections for tomorrow, it could just be extra practice for Glee! Plus, Noah, we _get to perform._" she said, leaning closer and closer toward him.

Dani leaned as far back into the couch as she could to avoid Rachel. "So is it a yes?" she asked excitedly, looking up at both of them.

Without waiting for Puck's answer, Rachel turned to her and nodded enthusiastically. "Of course we'll perform!"

Puck held up a hand. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up, Berry! I didn't agree to do _shit_."

Rachel's expression faltered briefly for a second. "I don't understand why you're so opposed to this idea. It's for your _sister_."

"Yeah!" Dani said, backing up Rachel's point. "I'm freakin' _family_, Noah!"

"Okay, first of all, there are gonna be _kids_. Second, I do enough singing and shit during Glee. Third, I hate those little monsters. Fourth, dude, Berry, you're asking me to _sing_ and _dance_ in front of bratty kids," he said, glaring at her. "Look, maybe if they were dying or some shit, but I'm not doing it otherwise."

Rachel frowned at him, looking slightly scandalized. "That's a horrible thing to say. I cannot believe that you'd be so unwilling to put on a small duet for a roomful of children who will surely enjoy some wholesome entertainment!"

"You don't know that. Maybe they _want_ to hear something about hot booty shaking everywhere," he said seriously.

Rachel threw her arms up into with her usual flair of dramatics. "Noah, why must you be so negative and sexual about everything?" she asked.

Puck opened him mouth to say something else that was inappropriate, but Dani sighed, stopping him. He looked at her and frowned. "What's up, midget?"

"It's okay," she grumbled, "I guess you don't have to go, Noah." She turned to Rachel and looked at her hopefully. "You'll still come, right? Even if my jerkface of a brother won't?"

Rachel's expression softened and her body relaxed lightly. "Of course I will, Dani. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Obviously, since I must also attend school, you'll have to request to be the last person to share."

Looking relieved, she said, "Okay!"

Shooting Puck a dirty look, Rachel said sincerely to his sister, "You can rely on _me_, Dani. I won't let you down."

_What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean, Berry?_

Puck frowned and squirmed in his seat uncomfortably as he felt something akin to guilt spread throughout his gut.


	34. Professional Badass

A/N: Bam. Here it is. Sorry for the crap.

* * *

The next day at school, Rachel came up to him during passing period and gave him a sheet of paper.

"The fuck is this?" he asked callously.

To her credit, she didn't flinch, and said, "The set list, Noah, for when you perform for Dani's class today."

"Bitch, you crazy," he said, but there wasn't a hint of malice, just some incredulousness.

"So I've been told," she said dryly.

Looking over the list, he frowned. He looked up at her, a mix of horror and irritation on his face. "Berry, the majority of these are Disney songs!"

She blinked at him, confused by his agitation. "Well, yes. We're performing for ten-year-olds. I did some research and asked Dani a few ques—"

"You actually did research on what ten-year-olds listen to?" he asked flatly. He ran a hand down his face. And then he mumbled something like '_whole new level of crazy_' under his breath.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Of course I did! And, as disappointing as it is, most children do _not _like Broadway, so—"

"Big shocker there," he muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"—I requested a few different suggestions from Dani, but it seems as if you've groomed her well, since all she listens to is classic rock and some of the more talented musicians from today."

He smiled and nodded proudly. "Yep. I refuse to listen to the shit that her friends listen to, so I sat her down and beat the Beatles' Abbey Road into her head." He paused, before feeling the need to add, "Not literally."

"I suppose that was one of your smarter decisions. If only you had decided to add some Broad—"

"So why Disney?" he asked, interrupting. "Just play some Beatles."

She brightened. "Does that mean you're going to accompany me?"

"_Hell no_," he said firmly. "I was just askin'," he muttered with a careless shrug.

She pursed her lips. "Fine," she said primly. "I chose those Disney songs so that we could do a sing-a-long portion." She frowned as he turned around and walked away without another word. "Noah? Noah! Where are you going?" she called after his retreating back.

* * *

"—basically, Mike, I was wondering if you'd like to help Dani out by attending in Noah's place," Rachel finished, looking up at him hopefully. "I know that it would mean the world to Dani and I suppose I'll be willing to change the set list if you're unhappy with any or all of my choices."

"Aw, man, Rachel," Mike mumbled, fidgeting nervously. "Tell the Mini Puckster that I can't make it. I'm really, _really_ sorry. But after school, I have to go shopping with some of my cousins for my mom's birthday party this Sunday."

Smiling softly, she said, "It's disappointing that you can't make it today." Her smile widened as she said teasingly, "But I suppose if you're going to buy a present for your mother, it's as good an excuse as any."

Mike grinned sheepishly. "Love my ma. Anyway, Rachel, you'll rock it Han style: _Solo_." And then he snickered at his little joke.

"Thank you, Mike," she paused, "I think."

"…I'm going to pretend you've seen all of Star Wars and that you know what I'm talking about."

* * *

"I saw you talking to Chang," Puck muttered lowly in her ear as she stood at her open locker after school.

She paused; hand on her math book, before pulling it out and closing her locker. "Yes. I did to talk him. I was merely asking if he would have liked to take your place at Dani's _Show-and-Tell_ today." She turned, looking at him. "While he cannot make an appearance, he has a better excuse than being hateful towards young children." She gave him a pointed look.

"Yeah? What's Chang's excuse?" he asked defensively.

"He's buying a present for his mother's birthday this Sunday with other family members."

"…Chang's a momma's boy?" he asked, snickering to himself.

Her eyes narrowed at him. "So says the young man who got his own mother free passes to an all-day spa."

Puck's snickering ceased and he winced visibly. "My mom told you about that?"

Her lips quirked into an amused smirk as she said vaguely, "Amongst other things."

"I am _never_ leaving you two alone ever again," he muttered. And then he gave her a funny look. "Wait. You asked Chang to come with you?"

"Yes."

His eyebrows shot up. "I thought you'd be all up on that spotlight."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know, singing to all those kids alone and whatever? Solos instead of duets?"

She shrugged. "I suppose. But Dani wants to show off her _brother_, not me. And I thought that if you weren't supportive and refused to perform, then maybe Mike's eccentric charm could help her feel better about her neglectful brother."

"I don't neglect her! I, like, feed her and stuff even when you're _not_ over!" he said, clearly offended.

She rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant!" she snapped. Taking a deep breath, she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Never mind, Noah," she muttered. "Well, I hope you find something to occupy your time with, since _I'll _be at Dani's school."

And with that, she stormed off, head held high.

Puck groaned and followed after her, knowing that he may as well give in now, as images of a disappointed Dani filtered through his mind's eye and he felt a pang of guilt. "Berry!"

She walked faster without a backwards glance.

"_Berry!_" he barked, sounding agitated.

Rachel threw him an irritated backwards glance but didn't stop; in fact, she started running, her trolley bag bouncing up and down behind her.

"Ber—_Rachel!_" he shouted, finally catching up and grabbing her upper arm and turning her around.

"Unhand me, Noah!" she huffed, trying to jerk away, but his hold was far too strong.

He rolled his eyes. "No Disney songs and I'll do it." He came out sounding only _half_-pained.

She started batting at his hand on her arm. "Noah! I said '_unhand m_'—I'm sorry?" She blinked up at him.

"Don't make me say it again," he warned.

The smile that she aimed him was nearly blinding. "Are you sure, Noah? Dani will be ecstatic!"

He sighed, rolling his eyes, but nodded anyway.

And then she grabbed onto his hand and started running towards the doors again. "We should hurry or we'll be late and then she'll never forgive either one of us!"

* * *

"Dani? It's your turn. And I don't think your guest has arrived yet."

Dani stood in front of her peers, staring out at the crowd, who all looked bored. "She'll be here," she said reassuringly. _Or I'm gonna kick her butt…_

Suddenly, there was a frantic knock at the door, followed by some hushed voices on the other side. She perked up and ran to the door, swinging it open.

"—_both _Jewish icons; we simply _have_ to sing _You Don't Bring Me Flowers_."

Her eyes landed on Puck and she grinned.

"Brought my guitar, midget, so don't freak," he said in a bored tone, holding up the instrument.

"You're here!" Dani squealed, launching herself at Puck. "I thought you were gonna be the biggest jerkface on the planet!"

"I still am," he said, rolling his eyes. He glared at Rachel. "_No_. No Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand duet."

Rachel huffed, but before she could say anything, Dani was grabbing her and Puck by the hand and dragging them to the front of the class.

Standing between them, Dani cleared her throat and gestured toward her brother first. "This is Noah Puckerman," she paused, silently demanding their undivided attention. Once she had that, she continued. "He is my brother and he is also a professional badass."

Puck smirked at the crowd as their eyes widened. The teacher looked alarmed, but Dani had already quickly moved on to Rachel.

"And _this_ is Rachel Berry. One day, she'll be super famous and on TV and in movies and you'll be glad you met her before all that stuff."

"Hello," she greeted warmly, waving demurely at the class. "I hope you'll all enjoy my future work."

A prim and proper girl sitting in the center front thrust her arm into the air, waving it around frantically.

Rolling her eyes, Dani pointed at her saying, "Yes, Monica?"

"How do you _know_ she's going to be famous one day?" she asked snidely, eyeing Rachel up and down. "She sure looks normal to me." And then she looked at her brother, eyes widening in horror. "And what's wrong with your brother's hair?" she demanded. "He looks totally evil!"

Puck raised an eyebrow, but after seeing Rachel's semi-threatening expression, he decided it was best if he kept his mouth shut.

"I'm not done talking, Monica," Dani said in a _duh_ tone of voice. Gesturing toward Puck once more, she said, "His haircut is something called a Mohawk, named for tribe of Indians that used to cut their hair like that. But we're Jewish, so I don't really know why he cuts it like that. I asked him why once, and he said he was just born with it. I don't think that's true, but he says I wasn't there, so how would I know. And I guess that's a pretty good point."

Puck smirked once more and Rachel had a hard time suppressing her giggles.

"He also plays guitar. He can sing, too. He tried to start a band once, with his friend, Finn Hudson, but things didn't work out because they got lazy and didn't practice when they were supposed to. He's been playing since he was in middle school, so it's practically been forever. But he's really good and he'll play it in a few minutes."

She paused.

"I also love him very much," she stated proudly, smiling so wide, Puck thought her cheeks were going to fall off. "Even if he can be a jerkfaced meany butt."

A collective '_Ew_' sounded across the room because they were ten-year-olds and didn't understand sibling love. But Rachel and Dani's teacher smiled softly and sniffed.

Rolling his eyes, Puck said, "Dani, just get on with it."

"Right. Anyway, my brother is also super good at fighting and weapons and stuff. He could totally turn Super Saiyan and punch a hole in the sky." She paused. "Okay, maybe not, but he's super strong and has a funny haircut, anyway." She turned to him and asked, "Noah, would you mind flexing?"

Grinning like a maniac, Puck took off his letter jacket. "Catch," he said to Rachel, throwing it at her.

It landed on her upper body, nearly covering her head. Pulling it into her arms and shaking her hair out of her eyes she said sarcastically, "Caught it."

Puck rolled up one of his sleeves and flexed his bicep a few times, smirking all the while.

Gasps sounded across the room. Girls were horrified, but suddenly found Dani's older brother strangely attractive. Boy started imagining themselves with Mohawks and looked down at their scrawny arms forlornly.

"So that's my brother!" she said, clapping her hands together as Puck nodded slowly and awkwardly. "And Rachel watches me when my mom is at work and my brother is at football. She makes sure that I don't hurt myself or make a mess or burn the house down. She likes to sing and dance and she's a good actress. Also, she used to be in beauty pageants when she was younger."

Rachel smiled and glanced around the room.

"She wants to be on Broadway someday. And I know she'll get there one of these days, and you'll all believe me when you hear her sing," Dani said.

"Let's just do this already," Puck said, rolling his eyes. "I'm getting bored." He pulled the guitar strap over his should and got ready to play. "So, Berry, what's first?"

"Play '_A Whole New World_', Noah!" Dani cried, clapping her hands excitedly.

Rachel blinked. "Does he know how to play it on the guitar, Dani?"

"Of course!" Dani said firmly. "I made him learn it and we sang it together all the time! I used to be obsessed with _Aladdin_."

Puck winced. "Any other song, guys."

"It's one of my favorite Disney songs," Rachel said admittedly, looking at Puck hopefully. "And apparently, you've performed it before." Her grin was slow and wicked.

"I forgot all the words," he lied.

"Noah," Rachel said warningly, obviously not believing him.

"Who wants Rachel and Noah to sing '_A Whole New World_'?" Dani asked loudly, "Raise your hands!"

All the girls and about half the guys raised their hands.

"Ooh, ooh! Sing '_Part of Your World_' from _The Little Mermaid!" _a girl called out.

"No, do '_Colors of the Wind_'!"

"'_Once Upon a Dream_' from _Sleeping Beauty_!"

Puck rolled his eyes and started strumming '_A Whole New World_' on his guitar, studiously ignoring the triumphant looks on Dani and Rachel's faces.

For a split second, Rachel had the horrible thought that Puck wouldn't actually put in any effort toward singing. But all doubt flew out of her head as he opened his mouth and sang in his deep, baritone voice.

"_I can show you the world  
Shining, shimmering, splendid  
Tell me, princess, now when did  
You last let your heart decide?_

_I can open your eyes  
Take you wonder by wonder  
Over, sideways and under  
On a magic carpet ride_

_A whole new world  
A new fantastic point of view  
No one to tell us no  
Or where to go  
Or say we're only dreaming._"

Smirking in between verses, he shook his head and gave it his all as he circled around her, looking out into the crowd dramatically and mockingly every other line.

Rachel shook his head and bit her lip to keep from laughing before she started her part.

"_A whole new world  
A dazzling place I never knew  
But when I'm way up here  
It's crystal clear  
That now I'm in a whole new world with you  
Now I'm in a whole new world with you_

_Unbelievable sights  
Indescribable feeling  
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling  
Through an endless diamond sky_."

She made a show of looking out in wonder and staring up at the ceiling as if it were the endless diamond sky in the song.

Together, they sang the rest. Their eyes locked and Rachel felt her breath hitch but she ignored it and sang along, their voices melding together perfectly.

"_A whole new world  
Don't you dare close your eyes  
A hundred thousand things to see  
Hold your breath - it gets better  
I'm like a shooting star  
I've come so far  
I can't go back to where I used to be_

_A whole new world  
Every turn a surprise  
With new horizons to pursue  
Every moment red-letter  
I'll chase them anywhere  
There's time to spare  
Let me share this whole new world with you_."

Their singing ended, but Puck continued strumming his guitar softly and once the last few notes ended; they grinned and looked out at their little audience, all clapping in delight.

"What do you say, Berry? An encore?"

"If the public demands it," she sighed dramatically.


	35. One Dance

A/N: Set in the future and apart from everything. Yeah, I ended it in a bad place. Just use your imagination, 'kay?

* * *

Rachel stood contentedly in the back, small smile adorning her features as her eyes skittered over the crowded floor full of dancing couples. Her smile widened as they landed on the newly (and insanely happy) married couple.

Finn and Quinn held each other close and she looked absolutely angelic in her extravagant wedding dress. Her veil kept getting in the way while they'd been dancing, so Finn had promptly snatched it off her head and daintily placed it upon his own. Quinn, surprisingly, had merely laughed and let him keep it, telling him he looked '_dashing_'.

Chuckling softly as she continued people-watching, she didn't notice the shadow looming near.

"Hey, Berry, creeping on the Hudson's guests? They won't be appreciating that," a voice whispered lowly in her ear.

Blinking, she turned her head and grinned at the best man of the evening, the always smirking Noah Puckerman. "Who?" she asked, "The guests or the Hudson's, themselves?"

"All of 'em," he took a sip of the champagne in his hand and made a face. "God, I feel like a fucking pussy drinking outta this damn thing," he grumbled.

An elderly woman standing a few feet away looked at Puck, absolutely horrified, and scurried off with her nose in the air.

Puck and Rachel glanced at each other, giving a quick snort of laughter, before shaking their heads.

"I should've hit on her," he said casually, "she would've _flipped her shit_."

Rachel wrinkled her nose. "Charming."

He winked at her. "I know."

She bit her lip to keep from smiling as she shook her head once more. "Shouldn't you be engaging in flirtatious conversation with some of the bridesmaids?" she asked teasingly, taking Puck's glass of champagne from and sipping from it.

"Thank god," he muttered as she took the glass from him. She went to hand it back, but he abruptly held up a hand and made a face. "Keep it."

She shrugged and kept it. "Well?" she pressed, curious as to why he wasn't currently hitting on someone.

"Huh?" Puck muttered, before remembering her previous question. "Berry, all the bridesmaids are either former Glee Clubbers or Quinn's younger cousins," he said, rolling his eyes. "In short, the answer is _no_; I won't be hitting on _any_ of them."

She nodded. "I see," she murmured, taking another drink.

They stood in comfortable silence for a few moments longer before he suddenly grabbed her drink and poured it into the potted plant next to her and dropping the glass behind the same plant.

Her eyes bulged in shock as her mouth dropped just a smidgen. Turning to his mischievous smirk, she hissed, "Noah, what the _hell_ was that?"

His smirk only widened as he grabbed her by the hands and pulled her into the crowd. "Dance with me, Berry," he said enticingly.

"Aw, Noah," she protested in a near whine, dragging her feet.

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon, it's not like you've got a hot date or anything."

She glared at him. "Thank you for noticing," she muttered in annoyance.

"It's just a dance. _One _dance," he said. When she still looked unsure, he sighed and said, "And it'll keep that one random guy from coming up and talking to you every five minutes." He subtly tilted his head to the right as he raised an eyebrow.

She casually glanced over and saw Finn's cousin, Ron, who had been hitting on her all evening after Finn had introduced them. Wrinkling her nose, she sighed and relented, letting him drag her further into the crowd before he stopped and slid a rough, warm hand down her back, causing her to shiver slightly. He smirked at her reaction, but she just rolled her eyes and settled against his chest as the music slowed. His hand sought hers and he grasped it gently. Rachel smiled into the crook of his neck and took a small whiff of his scent, closing her eyes.

"This is nice," she finally admitted a few moments later, her voice barely above a whisper.

He chuckled and teased, "And you were about to turn down a dance with this stud."

She rolled her eyes and she knew that he knew because he chuckled once more. "Let's just stay quiet," she mumbled huffily.

She felt him shrug as he said, "Whatever you want, princess."

Sighing dramatically, she muttered, "I hate it when you call me that."

"I thought we were staying quiet?"

"We are."

"Then stop talking."

"Well, yes, but I was simply letting you know that—"

"Shut up, Berry," he murmured softly into her ear.

She made a small noise of frustration, but complied and fell silent. Closing her eyes once more, she focused on swaying to the music and breathing in his cologne and scent. (She somehow managed to convince herself that this was _not_ creepy.)

Once the song ended, she slowly lifted her head from his chest and tilted up to meet his eyes. "Well, thank you, Noah, for that lovely dance. Even though you rudely told me to '_shut up_' at one point," she said, smiling slightly.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned in toward her. "I'll see you around, Berry?" he whispered huskily near her ear. He waited until she gave a quick, little nod, breath hitching in her chest. He pressed a scant, cruelly-short kiss across her full lips and walked away, disappearing into the crowd.

Staring after him in a surprised, dazed manner, all she could do was run her tongue over her lips before gulping nervously.

Rachel realized with a sudden start that all those butterflies that Noah Puckerman used to be able to stir up within her? Even from all the way back since high school?

Yeah. Most definitely _not_ gone.

(She can't help but wonder if they ever really left in the first place.)


	36. Just Like High School

A/N: So…this is a continuation of the last chapter. And you can blame it on the handful of people who demanded a sequel. And, in case you were all confused, no, it's _not_ part of the Daniverse.

* * *

The second Puck was out of her sight; Rachel frantically looked around for her best girl friend.

Kurt Hummel.

Spotting him dancing with his boyfriend a few feet away, she quickly scurried over to them.

Rachel tugged on his shirt sleeve. "Kurt, may I have a word? It's urgent," she said in a rush, sending Oliver, Kurt's main man, an apologetic look.

"Can't you see that I am dancing with my incredibly hot boyfriend?" Kurt replied tersely.

Rachel looked at him pathetically, and Kurt immediately stopped dancing. He _knew _that look; it was Rachel's infamous look that had _Kurt, I need your help; it involves _Noah Puckerman_ and I don't know what to do_ written all over it.

Kurt turned to his partner, gave him a quick peck on the cheek and said, "Sorry, baby, this may take a while."

Oliver took one look at Rachel and nodded sympathetically. "It's a guy, isn't it?"

"It's _Noah Puckerman_, to be precise," he said dramatically.

His eyebrows shot up and he gave a low whistle. "The best man?" When Kurt nodded, he turned to Rachel and winked. "Honey, you are one lucky gal."

She sighed huffily, despite her cheeks turning pink. "You only say that because you don't actually _know_ him."

He chuckled and kissed Kurt on the lips. "Good luck handling the situation. To the both of you," he said, half-encouragingly and half-jokingly.

Kurt and Rachel both gave him a solemn salute before he took Rachel's arm in his and walked them off the dance floor.

* * *

"Okay, before you go into _Super Intense Rant Mode_, I need to know exactly what happened. I want _full _details, Berry," Kurt demanded regally, as they sat an empty table.

Sighing, she said, "Well, he rudely coerced me into joining him for a slow dance and—"

"Did he smell nice?" Kurt asked in a low, almost-creepy, whisper.

She faltered, blinking a few times. "Yes, he did smell rather ni—I'm sorry, I don't quite understand how his scent will help matters." She gave him a weird look.

He waved a hand dismissively. "Just curious. Now, continue on with your little dramatic tale of woe."

Ignoring the snarky comment, Rachel continued, "After our dance, wherein he rudely told me to shut up, we parted ways…but not before he…" she trailed off, fighting the urge to flail her arms about.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Before he _what_, sweetcheeks?"

"Well," she murmured, dragging out the word, before wincing and rushing on to say, "He kissed me on the lips, told me he'd '_see me around_' and then walked away without a so much as a second glance."

His mouth dropped and he glared at her through his bangs. "You _let_ him walk away after he kissed you? Rachel, honey, that was the wrong thing to do!"

She frowned. "Then what would have been the right course of action?"

He rolled his eyes as if it were obvious. "You were _supposed_ to drag him into a dark, secluded area and then work out all the sexual tension you two have built over the years." He paused, "And by that I mean, _jump his bones_."

She looked at him wryly. "I'll just say that I'm glad that I went and found you instead."

"I'm not straight _nor _am I a naked Puck; you made the wrong to decision to come and find me," he muttered.

Rachel took a deep breath and rubbed her temples. "I feel like I'm back in high school all over again," she mumbled.

Kurt's eyes softened and he patted her hand. "You two kids never did get it right," he sighed, shaking his head.

She winced. "I thought I'd _finally _moved on and forgotten all about our history," she whispered, propping her head up with her hand, elbow on the table. "I hadn't seen him in _years_, and I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't helped Quinn with planning her wedding, and Noah wasn't Finn's best man, it would have stayed that way."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "The only reason that that would've happened would be because the both of you are too _stubborn_ to meet up on your own."

She raised an eyebrow incredulously. "Kurt, I've been living in New York. I only flew back for these couple of months for the wedding so I could help Quinn plan it."

He paused. "Right. There's that, too."

"When I was in New York, I thought about him," she admitted, "Everyday, in fact." She sighed and wrinkled her nose. "When did my life become a second-rate romance story?"

Kurt shrugged. "When you graduated and moved to New York a week later without telling him you loved him," he murmured quietly.

Her eyes softened and she whispered sadly, "Yeah. You're probably correct."

They sat in silence for a moment before Kurt straightened in his seat and punched Rachel in the arm.

Gasping in pain and surprise, Rachel clutched at her wounded arm and backed away from Kurt. "You just physically assaulted me!" she cried, pouting and examining the area a few inches above her elbow. "That's going to bruise," she murmured disappointedly to herself.

"The cause of all your heartache is on his way over!" he hissed.

Her eyes widened and she made a move to bolt from the scene.

"Ah ah ah!" Kurt tutted, reaching up, he grabbed her by the elbow to pull her back into her seat. "_Sit_, Ms Berry," he stated firmly.

She made a feeble whine and slumped in her seat.

He rolled his eyes. "Where's your speech on the importance of posture and the effects and signs of back problems now?" he asked dryly.

She huffed and sat up straighter.

"Good girl," he teased, his tone slightly condescending.

Rachel shot him a glare and made to open her mouth, most likely to tell him off, when Puck had arrived at the table.

Puck raised an eyebrow. "You two girls done here?"

Kurt mirrored his look and asked, "Why do you ask?"

"Your faggot wants you, Hummel," he said casually.

Kurt stood up and said dryly, "I'd be offended if I heard that coming from anyone else." He gave Puck a once-over in his black tuxedo and glared at him. "You're lucky you're so attractive," he grumbled and flounced off.

Puck watched him flouncing away and shook his head. "Dude, what a total flamer," he said fondly, plopping down next to Rachel. "'Sup with you, Berry?"

She worried her bottom lip and looked at him. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, "Noah, how can you be so nonchalant?"

He frowned at her. "What? Hummel and I go way back; 'snot like it bothers him when I say shit like—"

She quickly waved her hand back and forth. "No, no! I didn't mean _that_!" She paused briefly before pointing a stern finger at him. "Although, it's regrettable that I spent all that time and effort researching and putting together that power point presentation and speech on the usage of degrading terms related to homosexuality for you, only to have you _completely _disregard all of it. I even made up pie charts and graphs."

He rolled his eyes. "Pie charts only interest me if they're actually made of pie," he said flatly. "Besides, that was _years_ ago."

"But it should have _stuck _with you! It's only common curt—" she cut herself off with a sigh as she realized that she was getting off topic. "No! That's not what I want to be speaking to you about!" She made a small noise of frustration. "You _always_ somehow manage to get me off topic," she mumbled.

He raised an eyebrow. "Then what are you freakin' out about now?" he asked slowly.

Her eyes darted about the room, with just a hint of paranoia. "Let's go outside into the hallway," she suggested, shooting up out of her seat.

Puck stood up as well, but seemed a bit unsure. "Uh, Berry?"

Wordlessly, she grabbed his arm and led him out of the large, crowded room and out into the empty hallway.

"Wanna tell me what's going on?" he asked.

"I thought we were friends," she muttered, after a hesitant pause.

His eyebrows shot up. "We _are_ friends," he said, in a painfully slow voice, as if he wasn't sure if she'd understand or not.

"Don't speak to me as if I have a problem with mental retardation!" she snapped irritably.

"Hey!" he snapped back, "_You're_ the one that asked that dumbass question!" She sighed and looked at him, which caused him to frown in response. "Wait," he said, "This isn't about…" He rolled his eyes as she bit her lip nervously. "Berry, it was just a kiss," he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.

She hesitated for a moment before saying, "Well, yes. I know that. But…"

He raised an eyebrow. "What? You had a little taste of the Puckerone and now you want some more?"

Her cheeks flushed and she sputtered incoherently for a second.

"Spit it out, Berry!"

She closed her eyes for a brief second, as if gaining the necessary strength to deal with Puck's antics, before she opened them and looked at him. "_Why_ did you kiss me?" she asked seriously.

He looked at her, completely baffled. "_What_?"

She frowned. "I know you heard me."

He ran a hand down his shaved scalp, having lost the Mohawk for the wedding, and said, "Christ, Berry. I dunno," he paused, shrugging, "I just…did."

"Not acceptable for an answer."

He shrugged once more. "Did it to mess with ya, then."

Rachel swallowed down the hurt she felt and murmured uneasily, "Oh. I see. Right. Of course." She pursed her lips and looked at the ground. "Um, I apologize for bothering you about the whole matter. It appears as if I made a big fuss over something that held little to no importance."

Puck looked at her oddly. "What? Why else would I do it?"

She gave a short, tired laugh. "No reason, I suppose. I was probably just being paranoid and over thinking about the whole ordeal."

They stood there in silence for a minute or so before she sighed and looked up at him. "I'm going to join the others—"

"You're leaving," he blurted out.

Her brows knitted together. "Excuse me?"

"You're flying back to New York in a week," he elaborated.

"Well, yes. I live there, Noah," she said lightly.

He let out a ragged sigh. "It's just like high school, isn't it?" he mumbled.

She gave a bitter chuckle. "I was just thinking the same thing, actually."

"We kept fucking up."

Rachel knew in an instant that he was talking about them and what could have been. "Yes," she murmured sadly, "There were a lot of things that…didn't quite work out."

He took a deep breath before letting out another ragged sigh. He ran his hands down his face before looking at her. "Fuck, Rachel. Listen, you were it, okay? You were the only girl that meant more than some fuck, okay?" he confessed.

"Really?" she asked breathlessly. "There haven't been any girls since…since me?"

He shrugged. "Just the weekly fuck or so," he admitted shamefully.

Her face fell and she shook her head. "You know I always hated it when you resorted to that sexual lifestyle."

"Well, yeah. But you hate it when I lie, too," he pointed out.

Her eyes softened and she gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Thank you for being honest."

"How about you? Any guys I should hunt down?"

She smiled sadly. "A couple of boyfriends here or there. Most of them were casual courtships; just one guy who actually proposed a few months ago after an on-again, off-again relationship of a year or so." She felt a small surge of happiness when his eyes quickly swept down to her ring finger.

"I don't see a rock on your finger," he pointed out, eyebrow raised.

"When I didn't say 'yes' fast enough, we both sort of realized that…we were just settling for each other and we broke up," she said, shrugging. "I was sad at first, but I also realized that there was someone else." She looked at him pointedly.

Playing stupid, Puck feigned a look of confusion. "What? Who? _Who_ could you _possibly_ be in love with that would make you turn down a future husband that would only divorce you in the end because of your special brand of crazy?" And then he smirked at her.

Her eyes narrowed at him, obviously finding his joke distasteful.

But that didn't change the fact that she was still flying home and he was still in Lima, Ohio.

"I'm still leaving," she said quietly, looking down at her feet.

"So?" he shrugged. "I'll go with you," he said, so casually that she didn't even register that he was offering to move to New York with her.

Her head whipped up to meet his smug, little grin. "I'm sorry? Could you repeat that?" she breathed.

He raised an eyebrow. "If your apartment's big enough, I'll just move in."

"Noah, think of this realistically. This isn't some romantic movie! I mean, your life is here, your family, your job. You can't just uproot everything and—and move away!"

Puck rolled his eyes. "I haven't got much of a life here, my mom and sis can deal, and my job sucks," he rattled off on his fingers.

Rachel's eyes widened as they grew teary and she almost stopped breathing. "We're really doing this? You're really—"

"Don't cry, Berry. Not cool," he warned. "But if I move in, you have to promise to go down on me every night," he said solemnly. "I mean, I _am_ throwing away everything I know for you. That's a big sacrifice."

"You're disgusting, Noah Puckerman," she shot back.

He leaned down with a devilish smirk, whispering huskily into her ear, "I know, Berry, I know."

Puck kissed her hungrily before she could reply, wrapping his arms around her waist. Her eyes fluttered close as her arms circled around his neck. Just as the kiss was deepening, the entrance into the ballroom swung open, and they jumped apart guiltily.

"Guys! Where were you?" Tina demanded. "Quinn's about to throw the bouquet!" And then she hurried back inside.

Puck rolled his eyes and turned around, fully ready to make-out with Rachel again. As he leaned in, she threw her head back and smacked her hand into his face, his poor nose getting most of the impact. "Ow! _Fuck_, Berry!" He stood upright and rubbed at his nose.

"We can finish this discussion later! Let's get back inside!"

"By '_discussion_', you better mean '_crazy, fucking hot sex. With handcuffs_'," he said.

She rolled her eyes and dragged him inside. "Come on, Noah! I want to see who'll catch it!"

"Probably Hummel. That bitch is crazy," he muttered.

(Puck turned out to be absolutely right with his prediction. The causalities? One girl sported a black eye, one had a bald spot or two, and another one came away from the scuffle with a split lip.)


	37. Starts with a Sneeze

A/N: Daniverse chapter! I decided that they're still rehearsing for Sectionals. Will I ever _tackle _the major event of Sectionals in the Daniverse? Maybe. Maybe not. I do not know.

Babygate did not happen, so uh, yeah. In case that wasn't clear. (Sorry that I'm lame enough to do everything possible to avoid angst at all costs, guys.)

Part two tomorrow!

* * *

It started with a sneeze. A small, simple, little sneeze. Rachel _freaked._

"You're sick," Rachel stated matter-of-factly from her seat next to him.

Puck parked his truck and looked at her incredulously. "Berry, it was a fucking _sneeze_."

"That's how it _always _starts," she said conspiratorially as she reached for her purse. "And then, before you even realize it, you're sick and your vocal chords are in extreme danger of being damaged. _Forever_."

_Was she fucking serious about this shit?_ Puck looked at her with his usual look that said '_Bitch, you fuckin' crazy_'. "I don't think that's legit, Berry," he said dryly.

She ignored him and rifled through her purse, finally pulling out a little packet and handed it to him. "It's On-the-Go Airborne. Mix it in some water and drink it to get better. I have extra water bottles in my trolley bag," she said.

"Whatever," he muttered, rolling his eyes and sticking the little packet in his letter jacket. He got out of the truck and went to grab her pink trolley bag from his truck.

Getting out of his truck and shutting it close, she said, "You can_not_ get sick, Noah. You need to keep your immune system in perfect condition to combat colds and other such sicknesses." Once he handed over her stuff, she unzipped it and grabbed a water bottle, placing it in front of him. "Here," she said.

He took the extended water bottle and shoved it in the side pocket of his backpack. "Later," he muttered gruffly, walking away from her.

* * *

Later, during the passing period before lunch, Rachel snuck up on him.

"Did you take all that Airborne?" she demanded.

"Holy _fuck_, Berry!" he whispered, nearly jumping in surprise. (He _didn't_, obviously, because he was a badass; and badasses don't jump in fear or surprise because of little midgets, no matter how crazy.)

"Well? Did you drink it all?" she asked, glaring at him.

He turned around to face her and tried to hide the unopened water bottle from her. "Sure," he said casually, shrugging.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him and leaned forward and reached into his pocket.

"Whoa, there, handsy!" he muttered, backing away.

But her tiny fist emerged with the unopened packet of Airborne. "Noah Puckerman! You're _going to get sick_." She shook the packet in his face angrily.

His eye twitched. "_It was a fucking sneeze_!" he bellowed, but it ended with his voice cracking into a small cough. He froze, as he saw the '_Aha!_' look flash across her brown eyes. He rolled his eyes.

_Fuck it._

She crossed her arms and jutted out a hip. "What was _that_, Noah?"

He tried to clear his throat as quietly as possible, but the cough that erupted from him was unmistakable. "Shit," he mumbled.

Rachel tore open the little packet and reached around him to grab the water bottle from his backpack. Twisting the cap off, she sprinkled the Airborne into the bottle. After recapping it, she shook it up and shoved it into his chest.

She rested her balled up fists on her hips. "_Drink it_," she said forcefully, eyes narrowing once again into slits. "Glee can_not _have one of its members sick, with Sectionals so close around the corner! _My future_ can_not_ afford you taking sick days and missing out on important dance rehearsals! You know what will happen if you miss dance rehearsals? You will miss a step, make a mistake, you might even _fall down_, Noah. And you will ruin _all _of New Directions' chances at winning Sectionals! And that simply cannot happen when we are _just _starting our journey to becoming number one."

She was glaring up at him intensely, chest heaving.

He was actually scared (but totally, _strangely_, turned on), for about half a second, except that _Noah Puckerman _doesn't get _scared _like some sorta pansyass, and then he leaned forward, towering over her small frame. He gave her credit for not backing down. He promptly faked a hacking cough all over her face before turning around and stomping down the hall, smirking to himself as he heard her outraged and disgusted cries.

_Take that, Berry._

* * *

As the day wore on, Puck found himself feeling shittier and shittier. It was getting difficult to breathe like a normal person instead of a mouth-breather, coughing or sneezing more often, and with a dull throbbing at his temples developing while slowly increasing in pain.

_Goddammit._

He was sick.

(And it was totally Berry's fault.)

* * *

In the middle of Glee's rehearsal, Puck could barely sing due to his sore and scratchy throat, so he lip-synched to all the songs instead.

And of course Rachel was the _only fucking one _that could even tell.

She raised her hand and waved it frantically in the air. "Excuse me, excuse me!" she said loudly, stopping in the middle of the dance routine, halting everyone that had to maneuver around her.

Mr. Schue hung his head and put his hands on his hips in an exasperated manner. "Yes, Rachel?"

"Noah's _sick_," she stated matter-of-factly.

All eyes landed on Puck and he froze.

"He's _lip-synching_," she said in the same voice.

Mr. Schue frowned and turned to Puck. "Puck, is that true? You're sick? You seem fine, but do you…maybe want to sit down?" he asked, in that semi-annoying '_concerned teacher_' voice.

He cleared his throat lately and coughed a little, trying to be discreet as possible. "I'm fine," he muttered gruffly. "I'm not sick at all," he added, rolling his eyes.

"_Your pants are aflame!_" she shouted dramatically, pointing a finger accusingly at him. "You are undeniably sick!"

He rolled his eyes. "The saying's '_liar, liar, pants on fire_', crazypants!" he growled at her irritably. And then he clutched his pounding head and groaned loudly.

"I suggest a five minute break," Rachel said, and before Mr. Schue could deny or approve of her suggestion, Rachel was already dragging Puck out of the choir room.

(He didn't put up much of a fight. He blamed it on his pounding headache.)

"Noah, go home and get some rest. It's obvious that you didn't drink the Airborne I gave you," she said softly.

He sighed, rubbing his temples. "I'm _fine_," he bit out roughly, clearing his throat for the umpteenth time that day. "Damn _it_," he muttered, coughing slightly.

She pursed her lips. "Glee rehearsal's almost over, anyway. Go home."

He glared at her. "Stop houndin' me, crazy."

She mirrored his look. "Why must you insist on being so stubborn?"

"Why do you gotta be so crazy all the time?" he shot back.

"I'll call your mother," she warned.

"…Fine."

She smiled triumphantly as he walked down the hallway.

* * *

"Noah, you're sick," Dani whispered in awe, eyes wide in surprise.

He lifted the covers off his head and sat up in bed, glaring hatefully at her. "So I've been told," he snarled in a stuffy voice, before hacking out a strangled cough.

She made a face. "You're, like, five times meaner when you're sick."

"Urgh…" he moaned, falling backwards and pulling the covers over his bed. "Go away so I can sleep this off."

She wrinkled her nose. "Don't you need to take medicine?"

"No."

"Do you want some soup?"

"No."

"Do you want a box of tissues? You sound kinda stuffy."

"I want you to _get the fuck out_."

Ignoring him, she walked over and sat on the corner of his bed. "You remember that one time, when I was super sick with the flu? And I asked why you never got sick?"

He didn't say anything, just sneezed and then groaned instead.

Dani continued, "And then you told me that you couldn't get sick because you were too much of a badass?" She grinned and poked him playfully in the arm. "You're a liar!" she said cheerfully.

Without looking up, he grabbed his pillow and whacked her upside the head.

* * *

The next day, Dani came home right after school instead of going to the Rosenberg's because Puck had skipped school due to being sick.

She skipped up the driveway and took off her shoe, shaking out her house key. She started humming as she opened her front door.

Once she was inside her house, she sang out, "I'm home!" and bound up the stairs to check on her brother. She quietly opened his door, and tip-toed in, watching him as he slept under the covers. Frowning, she approached his bed. "Noah? Noah, did you eat anything today yet?"

When he didn't answer, she yanked off the covers and shook him by the shoulder. "Noah! Did you at least take some medicine?"

He woke up groggily and coughed into his shoulder. "No. Leave me alone, midget."

"You need to take care of yourself!"

"Shut up."

She puffed out her cheeks at his stubbornness and idiocy. "_Noah_, you need to—"

He pointed at his door angrily, glaring at her. "_Out!_" he growled.

Dani pouted, glaring at him and stomped out his room. "Go ahead and stay sick for forever, then, dummy!" she yelled.

"Whatever, brat!" he shouted back half-heartedly.

Once she got downstairs, she ran to the home phone, picked it up and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello?" a voice on the other line greeted.

"Noah's _sick_. And he won't let me take care of him. He's not eating or taking any medicine," she paused, "It's 'cause he's a dumbass."

Rachel sighed and said, "I'll be over in fifteen minutes. I'll bring over the necessary ingredients to make the soup at your house and I'll bring some medicine for Noah to take, alright?"

Dani smiled and chirped into the phone, "Okay! I'll see you soon, Rachel!"

"Good-bye, Dani."

"Bye!"

The phone clicked off and Dani put it back in its cradle.

She ran up the stairs, into Puck's room, and jumped on top of him. "Rachel's coming over to take care of you and then you'll get better in no time!"

He gave a strangled shout as she landed on him. Pulling the covers off his face, he glared up at his sister. "You're the worse sister ever. Why the fuck did you call Berry for?" he grumbled.

She took a look at his bloodshot eyes, red nose, and his scruffy jaw and made a face. "Jeez, you look awful," she muttered, winkling her nose and leaning away from him.

Puck rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Anyway, I called Rachel because I love you and you need to get better," she said firmly, leaning in to give him a quick peck on his forehead before jumping off and running out of his room.

He groaned and rolled over in bed, covering his head with his pillow.

_Great. Just motherfucking great. Big Mama Berry bringing shitty soup and fucking medicine over. Can't _fucking _wait._

(He hopes that, at the very least, the medicine she brings will be cherry.)


	38. Airplane Noises

A/N: I got a lot of comments on the '_Your pants are aflame!_' line last chapter. I am _so _completely flattered that you think it's hilarious, because I actually scream that at my friends and family in real life. (And if someone accuses me of lying, I always say, "Excuse me, my pants are _not_ aflame, thank you very much.")

Oh, poo. Sorry I wasn't specific last chapter. By 'Babygate never happening', I mean Puck and Quinn never slept together. (Although...I may or may not change my mind. Eh, I'll tell you guys if I change my mind. Don't worry about it.)

* * *

When Rachel finally showed up at the Puckerman household, with a big brown bag full of stuff, Puck had moved downstairs to the couch so he could watch some TV.

Dani opened the door to greet her and then motioned for her to lean down so she could whisper into Rachel's ear.

"Yes, Dani?" she murmured quietly.

"Just so you know," Dani whispered back, a hint of warning in her tone, "Noah is being _twice_ the major buttface he usually is."

Rachel pursed her lips and nodded slowly. "I'll keep that in mind, Dani. Thank you." She walked across the living room and into the kitchen to lay down the bag on the table. She rifled through it for a thermometer and walked over to Puck.

Puck didn't look up, eyes glued to an episode of _Ninja Warrior_, doing his best to ignore her.

She stood in front of him, arms crossed, blocking the TV.

Puck just shrugged. "Whatever. I'll just stare at your boobs," he grunted, eyes trailing up before they rested on her breasts, squished together because of her crossed arms.

She uncrossed her arms, walked right up to him and smacked him lightly over the head. "You libertine," she muttered under her breath.

He finally looked up at her, frowning in confusion. "What?"

"It means you're sexually unrestrained." She rolled her eyes and saw the opening as she stuck the thermometer in his mouth, putting her hand on his jaw and shutting it closed.

"Ow!" he grounded out, as his teeth clacked on the little stick.

"Quiet," she hummed. Smiling down at him as he glared and pouted at her sullenly, she waited for the digital thermometer to beep.

Dani grinned and sat next to Puck on the couch. "Haha! You look like a big baby!"

Puck glared at his sister and opened his mouth to say something.

"Don't open your mouth," Rachel stated, tightening her hold on his bottom jaw.

Puck rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet.

After another moment of awkward silence, filled only with Dani's quiet humming, the thermometer beeped and Rachel took it out.

Looking at it, she nodded and said, "Well, you're not feverish, and that's a start. But you obviously have other symptoms."

As if proving her point, Puck started coughing and moaned pathetically, leaning back into the couch. "Leave me alone."

"Be grateful, Noah. With my care, you'll feel better soon enough."

"Back off, Mama Berry," he mumbled, sinking lower into the couch.

Rachel sighed and turned to Dani. "There's a water bottle full of Airborne in the brown bag, Dani, I want you to drink it throughout the day to prevent catching whatever illness your brother has."

"Okay," Dani said, running into the kitchen. "You just work on fixing my diseased brother!" she called from where she was.

Rachel grinned at Puck. "Would you like some soup now?"

"_No_," he pouted irritably, looking very much like a small, immature child, crossing his arms. His stomach growled, betraying him. "I don't like soup."

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

He looked down at his abdomen, glaring. "Traitor."

* * *

Sometime later, Rachel finished with making Puck's soup and brought it up to his room. She'd made him move back into his room so he wouldn't '_infect the family living room, causing innocent and unsuspecting people to unwittingly catch his sickness_' or some ridiculously paranoid shit like that.

She set it down on the dresser next to his bed and sat down daintily on the side of his bed. "Here you are. Now go ahead and eat up."

He sat up and eyed the bowl of bland looking soup disdainfully. "I hate soup," he said flatly.

"Stop your pouting," she said primly. "And you'd better eat every single last drop of that soup; I'll feed it to you if need be."

"Go ahead then," he said suddenly, a little bit of his usual spark appearing again in his eye. He settled comfortably against the wall headboard behind him and smirked mischievously before opening his mouth wide. "Feed me, Mama Berry."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I sincerely hope you're kidding."

He shrugged at her. "You offered," he said, smirking even wider than before.

"You can feed yourself."

Puck crossed his arms. "Well, then I'm not gonna eat the goddamned soup."

Rachel gave him an incredulous look. "Noah, you're being an immature man-child."

He shrugged and stayed silent, his stomach growling quietly.

"Your stomach is alerting you for its need of necessary sustenance," she pointed out. When he continued sitting there without another word, she rolled her eyes and grabbed the bowl of soup, placing it gently in her lap. "I cannot believe I'm about to feed you," she grumbles quietly to herself, spooning some of the soup and blowing on it gently. She held it a few inches away from his lips and waited for him open his mouth. "Well?" she pressed, when he stared at the spoon of chicken noodle soup.

"You didn't make airplane noises," he said, completely serious.

She faltered. "I'm sorry?" she asked, slightly dumbfounded.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You heard me, Berry."

"You're absolutely asinine!" she sputtered.

"No, I'm sick and dying, see?" he moaned pathetically, coughing loudly into his shoulder.

She pursed her lips. "You _really_ want me to imitate an aircraft?"

"Well, yeah. I don't like trains."

Feeling like an idiot, Rachel made looping gestures with the spoon while attempting to sound like an airplane. When the spoon stopped in front of Puck's mouth, he started laughing at her. "Goddamn, Berry! That was _the worse_ airplane noise I've ever heard!" He smirked at her. "I can't believe you did any of that shit just now. You're such a loser," he laughed fondly, leaning over and taking the soup from her lap and placing it in his own. He finally opened his mouth and took the bite of soup from Rachel.

She let go of the spoon as his hand came up to grab it from her. Her cheeks burned a little as she said, "Just eat your soup, Noah!"

He snickered as he took another bite.

But she was glad that he seemed to be better than before.

* * *

"Noah, you need to take the medicine."

Puck wrinkled his nose. "It smells gross."

Rachel and Dani gave each other a look before sighing.

"I wasn't aware that you preferred cherry over grape," Rachel murmured. "It was all I had in my house."

Dani shrugged. "We've only got kids' medicine for me. And mom uses something that always gives Noah massive headaches, so we don't have anything for him."

Rachel turned to look at Puck. "It's one tablespoon. Would you please just take it?" she sighed.

"What's in it for me?"

"You'll get better, _duh_," Dani snorted, rolling her eyes.

Puck sniffed loudly, fighting back a sneeze. "What are you talking about? I _am _getting better." His nose twitched.

"I think you're gonna sneeze," Dani pointed out.

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "I agree with Dani. Your nose just twitched like a little rabbit's." She walked across his room to grab the box of tissues.

He sneezed.

Rolling her eyes, Rachel held out the box to him. "Here," she said softly.

He grabbed a tissue from Rachel, blowing his nose obnoxiously into it. Once he was done, he inhaled through his mouth, which proved to be a horrible mistake, because Rachel took her chance and quickly shoved the spoon of purple syrup into his mouth. Coughing and hacking around the spoon, he quickly choked down the foul tasting medicine. He shoved the utensil in her hand away roughly, shouting, "Jeez, Berry! You're trying to kill me!"

She grinned and high fived Dani. "Mission accomplished."

* * *

"You know. I'm surprised that you're even here," Puck said suddenly, when Rachel had come back with his second bowl of soup.

She handed it to him and looked at him. "And why's that?" she asked slowly.

He shrugged, spooning up a large chunk of chicken and eating it. "I dunno. I'm just surprised that you're not scared of '_catching my sickness_' or whatever dumb shit you've been sprouting since you've got here."

She waved a hand back and forth. "Impossible. My immune system is in excellent condition; I won't be getting sick anytime in the near future."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You really think that?"

"Of course! I haven't had a cold, coughed or sneezed, in years!" she said proudly.

"Well, we'll just have to fix that," Puck said with a shrug, evil glint returning in his eye.

She froze. "I'm…not particularly fond of what you just said, Noah. Or the look on your face."

Puck smirked wickedly, and before Rachel could respond, he'd grabbed the back of her head and pulled her head to his, promptly kissing her full on the mouth. When her jaw dropped in surprise, Puck took his chance and swept his tongue across hers quickly, before pulling away.

Rachel's eyes widened and she sputtered incoherently at him.

"Let's see your immune system handle _that_, Berry," he said with a positively evil smirk.

(She was sick two days later.)


	39. Saturday Morning

A/N: Well…you guys wanted it. Daniverse chapter!

* * *

Puck was sleeping when he got a phone call early Saturday morning. So, he did what every respectable teenage boy did; ignored it and rolled over to continue sleeping.

The ringing stopped and Puck settled back into his bed comfortably, before his cell phone went off once again. Frowning, he smacked his hand down on his dresser, groping around for the source of the annoying noise. When his hand landed on the cell phone, he saw _Crazy Berry_ flashing across the screen. He groaned and ignored it once again.

Always tenacious, she merely called him again.

Irritated and fully awake at this point, he shot up in bed and yanked the phone to his ear. "_What, Berry?_" he barked rudely into the phone.

A loud, disgusting sounding cough invaded his ears and he grimaced, pulling the phone away as if it could infect him all over again. When it ceased, he tentatively held it to his ear once more, he said sarcastically, "Sorry? Didn't catch that."

"I'm _sick_," Rachel grumbled, sounding absolutely miserable.

Puck smirked, images of their kiss and Rachel's reaction afterward flashing through his mind, and said, "Thought your immune system was badass?"

"_You tongued me!_" she shouted accusingly into the phone, before coughing again, "_And made me sick!"_

He couldn't help it; he gave a loud bark of laughter. "You know you loved it, Berry."

"You completely violated me, caused me serious discomfort, _and_ passed on your sickness to me," and then she mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like '_cretin_' under her breath.

Puck snickered into the phone loudly, beyond amused.

"Stop your snickering!" she snapped into the phone, well, she attempted, but it was more coughing than snapping. "I demand compensation," she said, trying her best to sound as fierce as possible in spite of her sniffling and croaky voice.

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you want, Berry?"

"I want _soup_ and my medicine back. I accidentally forgot mine at your house," she sighed. "_And_ my feet rubbed."

His eyes widened. "Whoa there, Berry! I ain't rubbin' your stanky feet!" he said, wrinkling his nose.

"What are you talking about? I get regular pedicures and I'm willing to bet that my feet are cleaner than your _disgusting mouth and tongue_!" she said defensively, wailing the last part at him. And then she continued hacking pathetically into the phone.

(Puck _almost _felt bad. _Almost_.)

He rolled his eyes. "Suck it up, Berry, _suck it up_."

She sniffed loudly and exhaled sharply. "I will _not_ suck anything up, Noah Pucker—why are you laughing? I'm being completely serious here!"

"Oh god, Berry. You're such a dumbass sometimes."

"Noah, I expect you to come by my house immediately, with _hot_ _soup_, my_ medicine_, and '_The Phantom of the Opera_', which I lent to your mother," she croaked.

He winced. "Shit, Berry. You sound god-awful."

"…Thank you, Noah, for your kind words," she said sarcastically.

"Yeah, no problem," he said casually.

"So?" she asked huffily, "Are you coming over later on today, like I requested?"

"Nope!" he replied, hanging up on her protests. "Finally," he sighed as he put his phone on his dresser. He fell back on his pillows and closed his eyes.

Five minutes later, Dani barged into his room, shouting his name, and jumped on top of him.

With a painful gasp, he jerked forward and then glared at her. "What the fuck, brat?" he growled irritably.

"Noah, Noah, Noah!" she said in a rush, shaking him and looking panicked.

For a minute, he actually felt a small thread of worry unravel in his stomach. He sat up and grabbed Dani by the shoulders, shaking her slightly. "What, Dani? What's wrong?" he asked quickly.

"Noah! Rachel's sick!" she said frantically in a breathless whisper.

He stared at her flatly. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he growled.

She shook her head vigorously and replied, "No, I'm not. She just called a few minutes ago! She said she's sick and it's all your fault."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Berry's a big girl, she can deal."

"But who will make her soup?" she asked worryingly.

"…I'm gonna pretend you didn't ask that question right now."

She looked up at him with big, worried eyes. "But, Noah, she forgot her medicine over here and she's home by herself with no one to take care of her!"

He frowned at that. "Her dads aren't home?"

She shook her head once again. "Nope. She's home by herself. Noah, I think we should come over."

"_Hell no_."

Dani glared at him. "You big dummy! Rachel took care of you and then you got her sick! Can't you be nice for_ once_ in your life and do something?" she yelled, poking him hard in the chest.

"I don't do nice things," he growled.

She huffed loudly. "Well, that much is obvious," she mumbled quietly.

They sat on his bed, Dani with her arms crossed and pouting, Puck watching her with an annoyed expression on his face.

She brightened. "I know! Noah, what's Mike's number! He'll be more than happy to—"

"Get dressed, brat. We're leaving in twenty minutes."

(She smirked to herself evilly as she left his room.)

* * *

"Noah, why are we stopping by the grocery store?"

"To pick up Berry's medicine."

"But…she already has some."

"I forgot it at home and it was almost gone anyway. We'll just buy her a new bottle."

"Oh. That's actually kinda nice of you, Noah."

"Well, don't sound so surprised."

"I can't help it. You're a huge butthole most of the time."

"Hey! What did I say about that word, huh?"

"…To not censor it like some sort of 'pussy'."

"Right. So try it again."

"Fine! You're an asshole. Jeez."

"Damn right, I am."

"…I miss Rachel…"

* * *

After their little stop, Puck finally pulled into Rachel's driveway. Once he got out of the truck and helped Dani down safely, he jogged up the patio steps and rang the doorbell repeatedly, just to be obnoxious.

Dani rolled her eyes and said, "Real mature, Noah."

"Shut up. You're ten," he shot back.

"My comment still stands."

Another minute of Puck continuously hitting the doorbell with his finger passed, and just when he was about to kick down the door or just leave all together, it finally opened.

"_Cease and desist!_" came her annoyed shout just before she came into view.

Rachel stood in the doorway, wearing light pink pajamas with gold stars all over them, hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, looking just as bad as she'd sounded over the phone.

Puck's eyebrows shot up. "Whoa, Berry. Lookin' hot," he said sarcastically.

She glared at him, but the effect was severely dulled due to the bags under her eyes, puffy nose, and pathetic sniffling. "I _detest _you, Noah Puckerman."

He smirked wickedly at her. "You'll come around, Berry, you'll come around," he said jokingly.

"We brought soup!" Dani blurted, holding up a bag with a few cans of soup clinking together.

"Thank goodness you're a sweetheart, Dani," Rachel sighed, stepping aside and letting them in.

She beamed at her and walked through first. "Thanks!"

Rachel smiled down at her and then sneezed into her shoulder. She pulled a clean tissue out from the packet in her pocket and blew her nose as delicately as she could into it. And then she shoved it as rudely as possible into Puck's unsuspecting hands.

"Ugh! Gross, Berry!" he gagged, immediately dropping the diseased tissue onto the ground and wiping his hands on his jeans.

"You kissed me," she said flatly.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever, you know you liked it."

* * *

Rachel gave Dani another bottle of Airborne and refused to be within three feet of the younger girl. With Puck, however, she coughed and sneezed on him more often than not. And even though she knew he couldn't catch the same thing from her again, the look on his face every time she covered him in her germs was priceless.

* * *

"Goddamnit, Berry!" he growled, glaring at her fiercely. "If you don't stop sneezing on me, I'm going to plug up your nose with that pillow."

"Not possible," she sniffed leaning into her couch's armrest.

He grabbed the pillow from between him and Dani. "Then let's try it," he muttered, reaching over and pretending to smother her with it.

"Noah! Stop! What are you—stop!" she cried, covering her face as he just started to hit her with the pillow. "Noah! _Stop it_."

Dani rolled her eyes and scooted closer to her side of the armrest, trying to pay attention to '_The Phantom of the Opera_'.

"Take that, Berry!" he said, grinning crazily, as he continued whacking her with the soft pillow.

At this point, most of her hair had escaped its ponytail, falling around her face haphazardly. "Would you kindly stop it?" she shouted, sounding muffled due to her arms covering her face.

"Promise not to sneeze or cough on me like the freak you are," he said, stopping with the one-sided pillow fight.

She paused, and when she realized that Puck had stopped for the time being, she tentatively looked up at him. When he raised an eyebrow, she sat up straight and pushed her messy hair out of her eyes. "Alright, I agree. I will no longer aim my germs at you intentionally. However, in it happens again, I apologize in advance."

"Good," he said.

"You two are weird," Dani said flatly, without taking her eyes off the screen.

* * *

"Here's your soup, so stop your whining," Puck muttered, placing the bowl into her lap, and sitting next to her.

Dani had fallen asleep and Puck had taken her into the guest room, so they wouldn't accidentally wake her up with their bickering.

"That looks horrible," she said, frowning. She looked down into the bowl full of clumpy noodles and small squares of chicken swimming in a murky broth.

"It came from a can. What? You expect me to cook you something?"

"Hm. The idea of you cooking me something to eat just made this bowl of unattractive looking soup seem much more appealing."

"You got that shit right. Noah Puckerman doesn't cook. Now eat up, Berry."

* * *

Rachel stared at the bottle of red syrup. "Where's my grape flavored medication?" she asked dumbly, looking up at Puck and frowning.

"You made me drink your shitty stuff, so now you can drink the cherry one," he said.

She wrinkled her nose. "You're saying you went out and specifically bought just to give me a bad taste in my mouth?" She paused, noticing the look on his face. "Don't follow that up with an inappropriate comment," she warned.

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever. Just drink the damn thing."

She frowned at him and sighed. "Alright, then." She got up off the couch, and walked into the kitchen, bringing back a glass of water and spoon as she sat back down on the couch with Puck. She poured the red liquid into the spoon and gave it a hard, flat stare before quickly shoving it in her mouth and swallowing. She grimaced and took a drink of water. "There," she mumbled, making a small face.

"Atta girl, Berry," he said fondly, clapping her on the back, "And now we're even."

"No, we're not," she pouted, "You plundered my mouth with your disgusting, vile, wagging tongue."

He rolled his eyes and sighed, "You're never gonna let that go, are you?"

She glared at him. "I prefer my kisses to have some _meaning _to them. Yours was obviously to your own amusement and you clearly didn't care about my feelings and emotional trauma afterward."

That offended him. "What? How were you traumatized? A hot dude kisses you and you're _traumatized_? The _hell_, Berry?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Not every girl wants to end up with an illness after a kiss, Noah," she said dryly. She made a face. "Also, I've heard rumors of your past history. I don't know where that tongue's been. And _no_, I do _not_ want to hear any sort of story about your tongue."

He paused, because she had a point. "Whatever," he muttered.

They sat in silence for a while before Rachel propped her feet up into his lap. "Where's my foot rub, Mr. Puckerman?"

"No way, rub 'em, yourself," he snorted.

She shrugged and moved to put her feet back on the floor. "Alright, but I'll just ask your mother for some embarrassing stories from your childhood life to recite back to our fellow Glee Clubbers," she said innocently with a small, but positively wicked, smile.

His jaw dropped and he glared at her. "I have that picture of you in your elf costume!" he reminded her.

She nodded. "I realize that, but I'm sure your mother has a lifetime of stories that could combat and cancel out my photo," she said smugly. "Besides, your mother has told me nothing but wondrous things about your massaging capabilities."

He raised an eyebrow slowly at her. "Yeah, Berry, I'm good with my hands," he said suggestively, smirking at her.

Her eyes widened and she floundered for a moment. "You—you know—that's not what I meant!"

"How about a full body massage then?" he whispered huskily, leaning in toward her, placing his hands on her hips.

She quickly pushed his hands away. "I'm fine! I won't be in need of any massages right now!" she squeaked, turning a lovely shade of red.

Puck smirked at her and shrugged a shoulder at her. "Your loss, Berry."

Rachel moved a few inches away from him."I am completely fine with that loss," she grumbled, hands on her cheeks, trying to stop them from heating up any more.

"Well, I'm here if you ever need me to help you release some…_tension_," he said with a mischievous wink.

"I'll keep that in mind," she said flatly.


	40. Asskicker

A/N: Daniverse, because I missed Mike.

* * *

"—so, anyway, they were staring at me like I was a freak, right? And I was all, '_What? Can't an awkward Asian guy dance when his body demands it?_' and then they were all, '_Sir, you're distracting and disturbing the general public_'. And it totally didn't make any sense 'cause I wasn't, even, like, naked or anything, so how was I disturbing them? Okay, yeah, so maybe I shouldn't've done the worm in the middle of the store, but, man, they were playing—actually, I don't remember what song they were playing—but I just _had _to, ya know?"

Puck stared at Mike like he had just declared his secret man love for him, and asked incredulously, "Dude, the _fuck's _wrong with you?"

"The rhythm moved my soul!" Mike shot back defensively.

Puck rolled his eyes. "You don't even remember what song was playing, dumbass."

He waved a hand dismissively. "Not the point," Mike replied airily. "Look, Puck, dancing may not bring you any joy in life, like everything else on this planet since you're the angriest person I know, but it's my _passion _and—"

He held up a hand, cutting Mike off. "Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute," Puck muttered, frowning, as he looked over Mike's shoulder, his frown deepening. "Hey, Chang, who's the freak with Berry?"

Mike blinked in confusion and turned around. "Huh?" he sounded, as he tilted his head to look at Rachel standing near her locker down the long stretch of hallway, books pressed close to her chest, almost defensively, as she talked to some creeper-looking guy with glasses and big, red curly hair. "Oh!" Mike said, as he placed a name with the unfortunate face, "That's Jacob. I heard he's got a thing for Rachel." And then he grimaced, "Aw, poor Rachel, man. That guy is _seriously_ unattractive…"

Puck nodded as he watched them talk, with Rachel seemingly becoming more and more irritated. "Yeah, there is a _whole_ lotta ugly concentrated on his face."

Mike and Puck stood there, continuing to watch from a distance. As Jacob began to advance on Rachel, she appeared panicked and quickly shoved her books in his face, knocking his glasses askew, before running into the nearest classroom.

Mike's jaw dropped and Puck growled.

"Dude!" Mike gasped, arm reflexively coming up to punch Puck in the shoulder, "Did you see that?"

Puck, anticipating Mike's strange tendency to get a little punchy whenever something overwhelmed him, dodged the punch and said, "Yeah, what's with that freakshow?"

Turning to the Mohawked boy, the taller teen said, "Dude, you don't think he's been, like, _harassing_ her, do you?" He frowned, looking worried. "Maybe we should look into this."

"What? You wanna put your black belt skills to use?" Puck tensed up in excitement, already getting geared up to go after Jacob.

Mike rolled his eyes at Puck's default setting of '_Violence. All the time. We need it now and we need it quick_'. "No. Not yet, anyway. I was thinking we could just ask Rachel about the whole thing."

Puck instantly deflated. "Dude, that's totally lame."

Tapping a finger to his chin in thought, the Asian teen slowly nodded. "I sorta agree with that. How 'bout we offer some defense lessons incase Jacob ever tries to attack her and neither of us are around to help fight off his ugly?" Mike asked excitedly. He jumped up and down. "_Let's train her into becoming an assassin!_"

"Whoa!" Puck said, frantically shaking his head, "_Bad idea_. Imagine all the '_mysterious deaths_' of famous people at award shows when Berry gets nominated. Or if she's in line to be in a huge movie. Or—"

"I see your point," Mike said solemnly. "We shouldn't equip Rachel the necessary skills to kill someone," he paused, pondering over the situation briefly, "How about just how to severely injure someone? And maybe to the point of hospitalization?"

Puck held out his hand for a high-five, which Mike giddily slapped.

* * *

After Glee, Rachel found herself being cornered by Puck and Mike.

"Um. Hello," she said uneasily, eyes darting back and forth nervously. They stood in front of her, feet apart and arms crossed, matching scowls on their faces. It was Puck's usual stance and Mike looked awkwardly adorable while trying to mirror Puck's look.

(She decided not to tell Mike that, however; she knew how sensitive the male ego could be.)

"Berry, we need to talk," Puck said seriously.

She blinked before her eyes widened in worry. "May I ask what this is about?"

"Whoa," Mike said soothingly, holding his hands up to calm her. "It's no big deal, Rachel, we just wanna know if that whackjob Jacob's been bothering you," he asked gently.

She winced slightly and then froze. "Why do you ask?" she murmured softly.

Puck narrowed his eyes. "'Cause we saw him puttin' the moves on you like some horny freak," he muttered, somehow managing to sound protective and threatening at the same time.

"It's alright," she murmured, as lightly as possible. "Jacob doesn't mean any harm. He's just…a severely disturbed young man—"

"We're gonna teach you how to be an asskicker," Mike interrupted suddenly.

* * *

"Okay, Rachel, if a guy comes at you—Puck, come at me—this is what you need—"

"Dude, that sounds totally gay."

"Puck! It's just a demonstration! Rachel will learn better if there's a visual—"

"It's still totally homo explosive."

Rachel and Dani shared a look.

"Um, guys?" Dani asked tentatively, from her seat on the porch, "How exactly is this going to help her?"

Rachel nodded. "I concur. I carry around mace in my purse and I've seen '_Miss Congeniality_'."

Puck and Mike blinked. "What?" they said simultaneously.

"There's a scene where Sandra Bullock's character, Gracie Hart, demonstrates some self defense techniques that seemed to be—"

"Pfft!" Mike interrupted rudely, rolling his eyes. "Was she a black belt? Or an angry dude with a Mohawk?"

"…She was a trained police officer…" Rachel tried, trailing off uncertainly.

"Not good enough," Puck and Mike snorted, simultaneously once again.

Dani raised an eyebrow. "Dude, that's freaky."

"I concur once again, Dani." Rachel sighed and shifted her weight from foot to foot, feeling a slight discomfort in the shorts, sneakers, and loose fitting tee she was wearing. "My dads made me take a self defense class for a few years. I honestly think I'll be fine."

Mike pointed at Puck. "Puck's like a monster. Think you could take someone like him down? 'Cause when you can, then we'll stop the training."

Puck smirked and raised an eyebrow. "This may never end, then."

Mike walked over to her, patting her on the shoulder gently. "It's for your own good, Rachel. Think of it this way: If you can take down Puck, you can take down any other guy that tries to fuck with you!" he said eagerly, with an enthusiastic and encouraging grin on his face.

Rachel eyed Puck and felt all the blood drain from her face.

* * *

"Noah! I don't think it's necessary to shout such foul things at an assailant as I'm defending myself!"

"Berry, it's just a little trash talking!"

"…I've never heard _that_ combination of words before…or the 'c' word that many times in a sentence…"

* * *

The boys spent the rest of the afternoon teaching Rachel various punches and kicks and they tried to ingrain in her that she _has to fight dirty_ to get away; personal boundaries and politeness be damned. They also taught her how to fight someone off and get away if she ever gets attacked from behind.

(They were pleasantly surprised that the whole _Miss Congeniality _bit actually worked and she was able to break away from Puck, with only a little bit of difficulty.)

"Okay!" Mike said suddenly, clapping his hands together. "Now, I want you to flip Puck. And once you do that, we'll call it a day."

"She's not gonna flip me," Puck snorted.

Rachel sighed. "Maybe we should just do this another time?"

"Just do it!" Mike said.

Rachel pursed her lips and walked over to Puck, standing in front of him. "I suppose I could try…"

Puck smirked, but knew better than to let his guard down, so he tensed, getting ready to counter whatever move she has in mind. She bit her lip, probably trying to find an opening.

"C'mon, Berry," he smirked, "Go for it."

She grabbed his arm and pulled it over her shoulder, straining weakly.

"…Really, Berry? That's the best you've got?" Puck asked flatly, rolling his eyes as his arm hung limply over her shoulder.

(He took his chance to get a little boob action and was pleased when she didn't even notice, as she continued straining.)

"I'm…trying!" she pouted.

"Aw, Rachel!" Dani, from her seat on the porch, put her head in her hands in embarrassment.

Mike shook his head and sighed. "Okay, here's what you do, Rachel," he said, walking over and gently grasping Rachel's wrists so she'd let go of Puck.

And without warning, Mike grabbed Puck's arm, placed his leg in front of Puck's, leaned over slightly, flipping him over and into the ground with a loud '_argh_'.

He glared at the both of them as they stared down at him. "Chang!" Puck barked irritably from the ground. "A little _warning _might've been nice," he grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his back where it hit a rock, wincing slightly. He leaned back onto the ground, rolling onto his shoulders, hands on the ground near his head. He drew in his knees before kicking directly upward into a stand position, pushing with his hands off the ground.

"Nice kip up," Mike commented lightly.

"Wait, so I do it like this?" Rachel asked, quickly grabbing Puck's arm, placing her leg in front of Puck's like Mike had, leaned forward, and quickly flipped Puck onto the ground for the second time that day.

(She prided herself for always being a quick learner.)

"Awesome!" Dani and Mike shouted as they watched.

From his position on the ground, he looked up into Rachel's face and scowled. "I wasn't ready!"

She crossed her arms and grinned down at him. "It's alright, Noah. Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better."

Puck and Rachel continued their staring match as Mike broke out into a celebratory song due to Rachel flipping Puck and learning so fast.

The song was, appropriately, _Kung Fu Fighting_.


	41. Ultimate Ninjas

A/N: I, uh, honestly couldn't come up with a better idea for a Slushie Shot. So…Daniverse! And continuation of the last chapter.

Also, shout out to Ailana Grace, for helping me figure out a way to realistically…do the thing Rachel does later on in the fic. (And if it's wrong or described poorly, it is my entire fault.)

Also! A shout out to Maddie for coming up with the whole _Kung Fu Fighting_ thing Mike did last chapter. Forgot to give her credit because I'm dumb. Love ya, darlin', sorry!

* * *

For some reason that Rachel didn't quite understand, except maybe it just boiled down to basic biology in that she was dealing with two people that were completely, undeniably _male_, but she found herself under surprise attacks and ambushes from both Puck and Mike throughout the rest of the week during school.

(She'd been against the whole ordeal, due to fighting during school hours, but they somehow managed to time their ambushes whenever there wasn't a teacher around or _just_ as one was turning their back. She wouldn't admit it, but it _was_ rather impressive.)

She pointed out that they were being completely ridiculous.

They countered by saying that they were merely following up on their lesson plans.

Whatever the case, she was now constantly dodging punches, breaking out of headlocks, and always on the paranoid look-out for a Mohawk or a tall, gangly Asian boy.

The downside was that she felt ridiculous every time an '_attack_' happened, but, as much as she hated to admit it, her reflexes were definitely much more impressive than they ever were before.

Mike fondly referred to the game as '_Ultimate Ninjas_'.

Still, she could've done without the crazed battle cries emitting from Mike at every other turn (she tried pointing out that this _completely_ ruined the element of surprise, but he'd shrugged, crouched down, and hooked a leg around the back of her knees, causing her to fall backwards, and into Puck's awaiting arms) or Puck's claims of '_accidental_' groping.

Basically, she found herself slowly inching along, back pressed flat against the row of lockers, poised for whatever Mike and Puck possibly had in store for her, for the rest of the day.

* * *

Puck caught Rachel alone, sitting at the piano, in the middle of the period before Glee rehearsal, fully prepared to sneak up on her.

He was doing just fine until she sighed and said, without turning around, "Noah. Your sneaker squeaked."

He frowned and relaxed. "When'd your hearing get so good?"

She shrugged and continued tinkering with the keys and music sheet in front of her. "Around the same time I started listening for you and Mike around every corner. I must say, you two have turned me into quite the twitchy paranoiac," she mused quietly.

Puck walked over and leaned against the piano, looking down at her as she played a few notes from sheet in front of her. "Mike says that your reflexes are improving," he paused, "and then he gave some long, winded speech about how proud he was of you." Puck winced and finished flatly, "I'm pretty sure he referred to you as '_our little girl_' at some point. I think there were tears."

Rachel stopped and looked up at him, amused smile playing on her lips. "Mike's quite the character, isn't he?"

Puck raised an eyebrow at her. "You could say that," he replied slowly, "Or, you could say he was balls-to-the-wall crazy and be done with it."

Rachel pursed her lips to keep from laughing. "I suppose," she hummed lightly. "But I know you two aren't even _close_ to simplifying your fighting prowess whenever you ambush me. I'm grateful, but I highly doubt a real attacker would be so generous."

He rolled his eyes. "We don't _really_ fight or hit girls. What? You want us to legit punch you or something?" He pulled a face. "Shit, Berry, my mom raised me better than that."

"No," Rachel sighed, "It's just…you two are saying that this will 'prepare' me for a real life situation, but it seems as if you're actually just using that as an excuse to obnoxiously annoy or distract me during school."

Puck shrugged. "I kinda just do it 'cause it's fun. Plus, your banshee screeches are way funny. Loud, but funny."

She looked at him flatly. "I'll be sure to keep my caterwauling to a minimum."

He gave her a funny look. "Does that mean—"

"Screeching, screaming, howling, sounding like a cat, need I go on?"

"Berry, you gotta stop with all those words. Just talk like a normal person, jeez."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she said mockingly, feigning guilt and pity, "Am I actually _teaching _you something?"

He snorted. "Impossible."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Noah, it would only benefit you if you picked up a book."

"Argh," he groaned in an exaggerated manner, plopping down next to her, "That requires '_effort_'…"

She scooted away from him unconsciously.

He smirked to himself and moved closer.

She frowned uneasily and continued closer to the edge of the bench.

He merely followed, smirking wider at her uneasiness.

Rachel stopped when she felt the edge of the bench underneath her. "Noah? What do you think you're doing?" she asked, leaning away from him. "You're invading my personal space."

Puck shrugged. "So? I've been invading your personal space all week." He grinned lecherously at her.

She glared at him. "I've noticed," she replied flatly. She leaned further away.

He raised an eyebrow and moved yet another inch closer to her. "You're gonna fall, Berry," he warned.

"I'm fine," she muttered.

He rolled his eyes and sat up, sliding in the opposite direction to the other end of the bench. Before she even had the chance to right herself, his arm shot out and grabbed her by the bicep and he dragged her to him. She instantly tensed, continuing to do so even after he had let go of her arm.

He raised an eyebrow at her again. "Why are you always so twitchy around me, huh?"

She relaxed a little bit. "Well, I wasn't _before_," she murmured, "before—the, you know—um," she blushed a little, gesturing vaguely at him.

"What?" he asked, frowning, "Before the whole what?"

"The kiss," she mumbled.

Puck's eyebrows shot up. "Really? I didn't think it bothered you all that much."

"It didn't," she admitted, "But I can't help but think that you'll do it again sometime."

(And that? _That_, she couldn't handle; the whole kissing becoming a normal occurrence thing.)

He smirked devilishly at her. "Why? You want me to?" he asked huskily, leaning in once more.

Rachel's brown eyes widened and she shot up from the bench, taking few steps away from him and the piano. "No more invading my personal bubble, Noah! No more!" she squeaked, turning bright red.

He snickered. "You're way too easy to mess with, Berry," he muttered, shaking his head.

She sputtered incoherently at him as his smirk reappeared and before making a frustrated sound and stomping out of the choir room.

* * *

After Glee rehearsal, Puck and Rachel were walking down the hallway when Rachel suddenly stopped and rifled through her purse.

"Oh no," she murmured, frowning, "Noah, I'm sorry, I left my sheet music back in the room. Can you please wait for a moment?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed, leaning against one of the lockers. "Go for it," he said.

She smiled at him and turned around, throwing a quick, "Thank you!" over her shoulder.

Once she was back in the choir room, she walked over to the piano, flipping through the various sheets before she found the one that she'd placed there before. She placed it neatly into her purse and went about rearranging the music in a neat and orderly fashion, humming to herself.

She froze, feeling somebody looming behind her. She saw a flash of red out of the corner of her eye; the McKinley letter jacket and a little bit, backed away from the piano without turning around and hit the person behind her, aiming for the inside of the groin. He let out a grunt of pain and surprise and lurched forward.

"Noah! I was serious about my personal bubble!" she yelled, twisting her body to elbow him in the side of the face.

She gasped as the person fell forward and covered her mouth, trying, but failing, to muffle a scream.

* * *

From where Puck stood, waiting for Rachel, he heard a high-pitched scream coming from the choir room. Without a second thought, he ran as fast as he could toward the sound.

Minutes later, he rushed through the door, shouting, "_What the hell? Are you okay?_" Panting at the doorway, he saw Rachel pointing shakily at a body with one hand and covering her mouth with the other.

His eyes widened and he looked at Finn sprawled out on the floor and then at Rachel and then back at Finn. "Shit, Berry," he breathed, "Did you do that?"

She nodded mechanically. "I thought he was you," she mumbled, taking a few breaths to calm down.

"You just beat up my best friend," Puck said incredulously. He frowned. "I don't know whether to be pissed or amazed."

"I didn't mean to!" Rachel cried. "I thought he was you and that you could've handled it or that—that you'd be able dodge my attack or—or something!"

Puck grumbled, "…And Mike wanted to teach you how to kill people…" to himself.

Rachel frowned. "I'm sorry? I didn't quite hear that."

He ignored her and walked over to Finn and turned him over, pulling him up to a sitting position and letting his back rest against a leg of the piano bench. "Hey, hey, Hudson? You okay, man?" he asked gruffly, snapping his fingers at him.

Finn blinked a few times as his eyes refocused on the Mohawk in front of him. "Hey, bud," he said thickly, eyes closing. "Something hit me, Puck," Finn mumbled.

"I bet it was something great," Puck said sarcastically.

"You think?"

"You just got beat up by a girl," Puck said casually.

He frowned. "Was it a pretty girl?" Finn asked, sounding very much out of it.

Puck shrugged. "Eh, she's okay-lookin'—ow, Berry!"

"Just make sure Finn's alright, Noah," Rachel said snippily.

Puck rolled his eyes and shook Finn by the shoulders gently. "Hey, man, can you stand up?"

Finn's eyes opened and he shook his head a little, clearing it. "Yeah, dude! I've got two legs and everything!"

"That's a start," Puck said flatly, "Now put them to use, Hudson." He sighed and pulled one of Finn's arms around his shoulder, helping his friend stand up. "Whoa, easy, easy," he muttered.

Finn stumbled into a standing position.

Puck threw Rachel a dirty look over his shoulder. "How hard did you hit him, Berry?" he demanded.

Wringing her hands together nervously, she winced and replied vaguely, "Enough to disorientate him?"

Finn blinked a few more times and shook his head. He frowned and removed his arm from Puck's shoulders, taking a few steps on his own.

Puck hovered nearby, just in case.

"Finn? Finn, are you alright?" Rachel asked, rushing up to him and placing a hand on his chest. "I can_not_ apologize enough for what I did to you."

"What?" he frowned, looking down into her worried face before breaking into his usual adorable smile. "Nah, I'm good, Rach, real good."

Rachel relaxed just bit. "Really?" she breathed, "Are you sure?"

He gave her a thumbs up and his smile widened. "Totally! The stars and birds already flew away."

She blinked slowly at him. "That's…_great_, Finn."

Puck rolled his eyes and grabbed Rachel by the arm. "C'mon, killer, let's go."

"What about Finn?" Rachel murmured unsurely.

"Eh, dude's a trooper. He'll be fine," Puck answered with a casual one shouldered shrug.

They all exchanged awkward good-byes and Puck continued to drag Rachel away by the arm.

Rachel gave a dramatic moan and dropped her face into her hands, shaking her head quietly. "I can't believe I just attacked Finn. I feel like some sort of madwoman."

"Newsflash, Berry: You _are_ a madwoman," Puck said dryly.

"I should always come to you when I'm feeling self-conscious; you always know what to say make me feel ecstatic and confident once again, Noah," she dead-panned, glaring at him.

"I try, Berry, I try."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "This is your entire fault, you realize."

He looked at her like she was crazy. "What? The hell it is!"

"If it wasn't for you and Mike coming at me from around every other corner all week, I wouldn't have reacted so instinctively!" she said, stopping and poking him in the chest.

Puck raised an eyebrow and frowned at her. "What's so wrong with being a badass?" he asked.

"Oh my god," she breathed, "Are you trying to turn me into a miniature version of yourself?"

His eyes widened. "_What?_"

"Because let me tell you right now, Noah, that that's _not _going to happen. I'm not going to lie or cheat or—"

"Cut your trip to crazy town short, Berry, Chang and I aren't trying to…do whatever you think we're doing." He pulled a face at her. "Chang just thought it'd be good if you could defend yourself because since you're about the size of my thumb, people might think you're an easy target."

Her face softened. "I know. I'm sorry, and I appreciate the gesture, I really do…even if it was all a bit unconventional."

He rolled his eyes. "What_ever_. Let's just leave already."

Rachel sighed and nodded, following after him.

"So, Berry, how'd you take down Hudson when you've got midget disabilities?"


	42. Lifestyle

A/N: Because the guys needed some love. Daniverse. This chapter is now filled with extra fluff. Enjoy.

Maddie, see if you can spot the shout out!

* * *

Puck hadn't given much thought to his…whatever it was with Rachel Berry. '_Relationship_' sounds awkward and more than it actually is, but '_friendship_'? Fuck that, he stopped using that word at the age of nine and he's pretty sure he wouldn't know how to be legit friends with a girl anyway.

(He's already kissed her and felt her up a few times, so what? Yeah, he'd always had a feeling that she had a nice ass. He wasn't wrong.)

So he didn't think too much of it and he ignored all the weird looks he got whenever him and Berry occasionally talk during school. And the Glee Clubbers have mostly gotten bored with them and moved on to the latest piece of gossip.

(Megan Zink was apparently making moves on Mercedes' man, and Kurt may or may not have confronted her sometime before a Cheerios and football practice. He wouldn't say a word about the incident, but witnesses claimed that the sobbing slutty Cheerio was running down a hallway crying, with half of her hair cheap extensions torn out. Kurt had merely glided away from the whole scene, not a hair out of place.)

But after football practice one day, he realized that he really needed to review whatever it was that he had with Rachel.

* * *

"Hey, Puck?" Finn asked tentatively, pausing as Puck pulled his shirt on over his head.

"What?" he asked gruffly, continuing to dress himself.

Frowning, Finn said, "So…like, you and Rachel have been hanging out a lot lately?"

"I dunno. I don't really keep track or anything, but she practically lives at my house now," he rolled his eyes, "My mom and my sister all fucking love her." He raised an eyebrow. "Why'd you ask?"

Finn sucked in a breath and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well, it's obvious you two have been really close lately…"

Puck smirked. "What, are you jealous or something?"

Finn's eyes widened. "No! Of course not! It's just—"

"Then what?" he asked, frowning and raising an eyebrow.

The taller teen fidgeted awkwardly. "I mean…uh, you know," he gestured vaguely for a moment before deciding on, "It's just…it's kinda _weird,_ ya know?"

"It's totally fuckin' weird, man. You're not the only one that thinks that." Puck made a gagging noise. "Dude, she _does my sister's laundry_."

Finn frowned. "Yeah, okay," he said slowly, before continuing, "But, what's going on between you and Rachel? You two hang out all the time, she has dinner over at your place a few times a week. Dude! I think you've been hanging out with her more than you've been hanging out with me!" And then Finn actually pouted.

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, one: We don't '_hang out_', she and Dani are practically glued together and unfortunately, I still live with the little brat. Two: My mom fuckin' _loves_ her and has our entire wedding planned just 'cause we're Jewish**. **And three: You've been all over Quinn, dude. Don't whine about the lack of bro time just 'cause Quinn's been extra bitchy lately or something."

His frowned deepened and his brows furrowed. "So, you two aren't, like, in a relation—"

"Don't finish that sentence," Puck warned.

"So you two are friends?" He sounded genuinely surprised.

With a groan, Puck threw his arms up into the air, sarcastically yelling, "Sure! You could call us that! Whatever." He shot Finn an irritated look. "And what's with the surprise, huh?"

"Well, you used to throw slushies in her face."

Puck frowned. "Why does everybody keep bringing this up?"

Finn looked at him. "It's kind of a big deal, Puck."

"I'm over it. Berry's over it. Other people should be, too," Puck muttered, rolling his eyes.

He narrowed an eye and asked, "So, Puck, nothing ever happened between you and Rachel? I mean, no offense, but you don't really make friends with girls…And Rachel's a nice girl, so you haven't, like, tried anything on her, right?"

"Uh," Puck muttered, momentarily frozen, as an image of Rachel's shocked and red face flashed through his mind after he kissed her on his bed, "None of your business."

Finn's eyes widen. "What does that mean?" he asked in a shrill voice.

"None. Of. Your. _Business_," Puck repeated in a low growl.

Frowning, Finn was about to open his mouth when Matt and Mike walked through. "'Sup, guys?" Mike grinned cheerfully.

Puck sent a '_Whoops, too late now_' glance at Finn before turning to Mike, smirking evilly. "Dude, Chang, guess what?"

"You recently got bitten by a werewolf and now you're dreading tonight's full moon, due to the painful and hairy transformation?" Mike asked seriously.

Three sets of eyes blinked at him slowly.

"What?" Mike shouted defensively, "You told me to guess, so I did!"

Rolling his eyes, Puck pointed at Finn and grinned, "Guess who beat up Hudson."

"Big Foot," Mike responded without a moment's pause.

"_No, Chang!_" Puck bellowed, before dropping his head into his hands in frustration.

"Madonna?"

Puck's death glare was the only reply Mike got.

"Wait, wait!" Mike said with a grin, jumping up and down, "_Coach Sylvester!_"

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Okay, that one was actually possible."

Finn fidgeted nervously. "Bye, guys!" he mumbled in a rush, turning around to get away before Puck could reveal the secret identity of his asskicker.

"_Rachel Berry totally took him down_," Puck said, howling with a mirthless and cruel laughter.

Mike's eyes widened. "Rachel took you down?" He brightened. "All that training paid off?" he asked giddily. He pumped his fists in all directions excitedly. His friends quickly moved out of the way.

Matt and Finn frowned, both saying, "Training?"

"Puck and I are teaching her how to be kickass," Mike grinned.

Matt looked horrified. "Why would you do that?"

"For the hilarity of taking someone the size of Finn down," Puck snickered.

Finn's ears turned red. "Guys, I was totally caught off guard, okay? That was the only reason why Rachel was able to get two hits in—"

"She took you down in two hits?" Mike breathed, "Holy shit, Puck! We're the greatest senseis in the world!" and held out a hand for a high five.

Puck slapped it and grinned. "Fuck yeah."

"Our little grasshopper…all grown up and beating down gigantic trolls," Mike sighed proudly.

With a confused pout, Finn asked, "Wait. Did you just call me a gigantic troll? Why would you do that? I mean, I'm not, like, _freakishly_ tall, right?"

Mike, Matt, and Puck all looked at each other awkwardly.

"Well, I have to meet Mercedes at the mall in ten minutes."

"I'm gonna go, Hudson."

"I have to go fight crime in L.A."

And with those last comments, they scurried off in different directions, leaving poor Finn all alone.

He blinked. "Guys?"

* * *

During the ride back to his house, Puck couldn't get Finn's annoying words out of his head.

He knew Rachel was a nice girl. Annoyingly so, sometimes. Sure, she had a moment or two during Glee that showed off her more selfish side, but he could tell that she was seriously trying to tone it down and be more of a team player, so to say.

But all in all? Rachel was a '_nice_' girl who was probably painfully innocent.

A part of Puck sort of _really_ wanted to corrupt her. But the bigger and slightly more reasonable part of him told him to back off, because she didn't deserve to get mixed up with his shit.

And besides, it's not like he _liked_ the dumb bitch or anything.

* * *

His resolve to leave Rachel alone lasted about three minutes after he got home. She was in the kitchen, stirring something in a pot that was practically bigger than her.

And he just couldn't resist the urge to mess with her.

(He sort of came to the conclusion that messing with Rachel was no longer a game; it was basically a lifestyle.)

He grinned to himself and walked quietly through the living room and into the kitchen. As he neared her, he could make almost make out some tune she was humming, and it sounded like '_Sweet Caroline_' (which he only knew because his mother loved Neil Diamond, _duh_).

Once he was directly behind her, he positioned his head near her ear and blew softly into it.

With a startled cry, Rachel dropped the ladle into the pot and turned around, wide-eyed.

"Hey, Berry," he greeted with a smirk. "Why so jumpy?"

She huffed irritably and glared at him, before turning back to the pot. "Dani's upstairs, going through a REM cycle. Do try to keep your voice lowered."

Puck blinked. "You mean she's napping," he stated flatly.

"Correct," she murmured, turning off the stove and moving the pot off to the side.

"Man," Puck muttered, suddenly yawning, "a nap doesn't sound half bad right now…"

She looked at him sympathetically. "Did you have a strenuous football practice?"

He nodded, working out a kink in his neck and then wincing.

"Why don't you go upstairs and rest then? Or—"

She cut her sentence short due to the shock of Puck falling onto top of her, his arms wrapped loosely around her waist. He buried his nose into her neck and mumbled something incoherently. She swallowed thickly and hesitated before bringing up her hands to rest on his back.

"Noah?" she whispered quietly.

"What?"

"I think you're hugging me," she said quietly in awe.

"I think you're crazy," he shot back. "I'm just resting here," he grumbled.

"Noah, if you want to rest, there's a couch less than ten feet away."

He almost said something dumb like '_The couch doesn't smell like apples_', but luckily, years of practice at being a douche automatically kicked in and instead, he said, "The couch doesn't have boobs." And, as if to prove a point, he trailed his hands up her spine and squeezed her tightly, so that her chest pressed against his.

"Charming," she muttered flatly, trying to break away.

"Baby, I know," he murmured into her ear. She could practically _hear_ the smirk.

Rachel gave an irritated sigh, but stopped struggling as she leaned into his embrace. "You're such a cad," she mumbled, trying—and failing—to keep the fondness out of her voice.


	43. Is it Friday?

A/N: Last chapter got the most reviews _ever_, guys. Bam! Slap it on a biscuit! Be proud of yourselves.

This chapter is so full of stupid, there's enough for everybody to have some. Enjoy!

(Also, I vaguely allude to _It's a Boy/Girl Thing_ because I love that movie. Oh, and a Community reference.)

* * *

It was after another football practice when Matt came up to Puck, saying, "Hey, so 'Cedes and I have been talking…"

Puck's eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, are you and Jones getting serious?"

Blinking in slight confusion, Matt nodded slowly. "Uh. Yeah, I guess it's pretty serious…"

Puck made a face. "You're not gonna ask for sex tips, are you?"

Matt's eyes widened and he stood there, staring at Puck for a second. Unfortunately, that was a second too long because Puck's grimace deepened and he said, "Dude, we're cool and all, but are you sure you wanna ask for—"

Mike's head popped up from around the corner. "What's he asking for?" he said to Puck.

"He wants sex tips from the master for when he gets his freak on."

Mike dry heaved and turned to Matt in horror. "Oh my god! That is _so_ full of wrong, I can't even—what the—why would you—_ew, _Matt, _ew!_" he shouted in revulsion, shaking his scrunched up face.

His eyes widened and he held up his hands defensively. "No, no, no!" Matt said hurriedly, shaking his head with vigor, "That's_ so_ not what I was going to ask!"

He gave a relived sigh and sagged down onto the bench, nodding. "Thank god we dodged that bullet," he muttered. Mike turned to Puck and said, "Look, man, we know that you see yourself as, like, some sort of Vagina Conquistador—"

"You're not using that word right," Matt interjected half-heartedly, rolling his eyes.

"—but, dude, we _do not want_ to know about your sexcapades," Mike finished with a shudder. Puck glared at him and punched him in the shoulder. Well, he aimed to do so, but Mike slid down the bench further away from him. "Too slow," the Asian grinned.

"Chang, you're fuckin' sick. I wasn't 'bout to tell Rutherford _anything_. My secrets aren't for trade."

Mike gagged. "Dude, you're kinda horrifying me at the moment."

Matt rolled his eyes and turned to Puck. "Can we get back to what I was trying to say earlier?"

Puck blinked. "Oh, yeah. Whatever."

"'Cedes and I can't help but wonder if you've realized how much you've changed lately."

Puck frowned in confusion. "What? What are you talking about?"

Mike pointed a finger at Matt, nodding wisely. "No, no. He has a point."

Finn popped up, pulling his shirt over his head. "Who has a point? And what _is_ that point?"

Keeping his finger pointed at his friend, Mike said, "Matty-Fresh here—"

"Don't ever call me that again," Matt said mostly tonelessly, with just the tiniest hint of a threat.

Mike, of course, ignored him and continued on, "—and 'Cedes think that Pucky—"

"_What_ did you call me?" Puck growled, whipping his head to face Mike.

"'_Pucky_'," Finn and Matt grinned.

"_Not cool_," Puck snarled.

The Asian teen frowned. "I am _trying_ to tell Finn what's happening here!"

"Sorry," the other three chorused flatly, rolling their eyes.

Once all the attention was once again on Mike (_As it should be_, he thought smugly), he cleared his throat importantly and continued, "So Matt and 'Cedes think that Puck's been sorta different lately."

"I am the same badass motherfucker, okay?"

Matt, Mike, and Finn all looked at each other. "You've been different," they said.

His eyes narrowed. "Okay. Different _how_?"

Finn shrugged. "You haven't talked about any new girls or Cherrios you've banged in a while."

Matt said, "And, like, you actually take care of your sister now."

"When's the last time you went drinking or to a party?" Mike grinned.

He paused, racking his brain for the last time he went to a party and got plastered. Images of him eating and staying at home with his family and Rachel popped up instead.

_Shit._

"What are you sayin'?" Puck shouted defensively.

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Are you in denial? You didn't even realize?"

"Realize _what_?" Puck demanded.

"You've also dialed down your douche levels," Mike pointed out, "Don't get me wrong, you're _still_ a douche, but you don't always make me wanna curl up in a ball and cry now."

"Yeah, man, they're right," Finn snickered, quickly disguising it into an awkwardly fake cough at Puck's glare.

"You're all crazy," he grumbled.

Matt grinned at him, laughing a little. "I can't believe that you haven't realized that Rachel's been a good influence on you, man."

Mike smirked wickedly. "You're in love with Rachel."

"Oh my fucking god, take those words back. _Right. Now_," Puck snapped irritably, running his hands over his face in frustration.

Finn's mouth dropped in horror. "_What?_" He turned around to fully face Puck, wide-eyed. "_When did this _happen?" he asked in a shrill voice.

"It _never_ happened!" Puck growled, eye twitching in irritation.

He gave a relived sigh. "So you _don't_ like Rachel."

"He _does_!" Matt and Mike shouted, somewhat gleefully. Mike jumped up and down for a few seconds.

Puck glared at his friends. "Hey, you two idiots hear that noise?" he asked them, cupping a hand to his ear.

"What noise?" Mike asked confusedly.

"I didn't hear anything," Matt said.

"It's the sound of your vaginas flapping in the wind," Puck said, straight-faced.

"And the douche is back," Mike said in a sarcastically chipper voice.

Matt frowned and rolled his eyes. "What Mike said."

"Guys, guys," Finn said, holding his hands up, "I'm _so _confused about the thing with Rachel."

Puck leaned in toward Finn, clapping a hand down on his shoulder. "You always are," he sighed sadly, before walking out of the locker room without a backward glance.

* * *

Puck came home from football practice to find his drive way empty, which meant Rachel wasn't at his house. He frowned and walked the few yards to the Rosenberg's and rang the doorbell.

Dani opened the door and shouted a hasty good-bye and thank you at Mrs. Rosenberg, before stepping out of the house.

"'Sup, midget? Why aren't you at home?"

"Rachel's not here."

"Why not?"

She shrugged. "She didn't pick me up from the Rosenberg's, but she called Mrs. R to tell me that she might not be able to make it today."

Puck frowned, as they started home. "Oh. Whatever."

Dani's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Noah, are you upset that Rachel's not coming over?"

He looked at her in disgust as they walked up to the front door. "God no!"

"Really? 'Cause I think you are!" she sang teasingly with a wicked grin.

He jammed the key into the lock and twisted the knob open roughly. "Argh. I'm about to throw up."

Dani walked into the living, throwing her backpack on the couch. She snorted and rolled her eyes. "You've got it _so bad_ for her, Noah."

Puck froze after shutting the door behind him. His jaw dropped for a second before he said, "You've officially been around Berry too much. That stuff you're saying? Totally crazy shit."

Completely ignoring his comment, she giggled and said, "My brother's in love! Whoa!" She quickly jumped out of his reach and blew a cheeky raspberry at him. "I'm gonna do my homework!" she shouted, running up the stairs to avoid the inevitable noogie he was going to give her.

He rolled his eyes and plopped down on the couch, flipping on the TV. He settled into the couch and was able to watch a few minutes of '_Burn Notice_' because, dude, spies are like the world's smartest badasses, before his cell phone rang.

Puck groaned and pulled out his cell phone, raising an eyebrow at the caller ID. "'Sup, Berry?" he grunted.

"I just wanted to apologize for not being able to make it this afternoon," she sighed. "I wanted the house to look spotless before my dads come home tomorrow morning."

"Eh. Whatever," he muttered.

"Well," she said slowly, hesitating briefly, "If you or Dani or your mother don't mind, I may be able to stop by later? I promised your mother that I'd lend her my copy of _Funny Girl_, arguably Barbara Streisand's most iconic and famous role."

He rolled his eyes. "I stopped caring a long time ago," he stated flatly. "Do whatever you want. I don't fucking care."

"Oh," she said awkwardly, thinking that he may have been in one of his '_moods_'. "Um, well, in that case…I suppose I'll just drop it off another time…"

He sighed and threw his head back against the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm an asshole," he stated flatly, "Just…just come over, bring the movie, and stay for dinner like you usually do. Besides, your dads are coming home tomorrow, right? You'll have to cut your time with Dani shorter, so she'll be happy that you can stay late tonight."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "You seem like maybe you could use some time alone, Noah."

"It's fine. Just cook me some dinner and stay in the kitchen like you're supposed to," he said jokingly.

"Your sexism never ceases to astound me," she replied flatly.

"Berry, you just cleaned your entire house, it's not like you're breaking away from the stereotype," he snorted.

"I suppose," she sighed, "Well, I'll come over the second I've finished ironing my clothes."

"You iron your clothes?"

"Of course!" she said haughtily, "The pleats in my skirts don't stay crisp and immaculate on their own, Noah."

He rolled his eyes. "I guess that makes sense. It's better than you ironing your underwear or something," he snickered. He immediately stopped, however, when he was met with an awkward silence. "Shit, Berry. You _iron your underwear_?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, yes," she said primly.

He snorted. "At least you've got, like, normal underwear, right? Not the freaky ones with the days of the week on them."

"Um…"

His eyes widened. "Oh my god, Berry. I can never talk to you again," he breathed quietly.

"Wait, Noah! You're making a bigger deal—"

"No! You can_not_ explain yourself right now. There's nothing you can say that will make that normal. _Nothing_. Do your pubes _really _need to know if it's Friday or not? No, they don't."

She tsked into the phone. "Noah! Stop being so crude! There's _nothing _wrong with having labeled under—"

"Except for _everything_!" he shouted. "Berry, I have to go. You're wrinkling my brain." And with that, he promptly hung up the phone, despite her desperate attempts to convince him that she was '_completely normal'_. He looked at it in horrified disgust as if it was Rachel Berry, herself.

This _is the girl that everybody thinks I'm in love with? What the fuck? Seriously. What. The. _Fuck_?_


	44. Super Weird or Super Hot

A/N: 'Sup? Here's another heaping slice of Daniverse. Picks up what the last chapter laid down.

They're probably super out of character at this point, but I needed to dish out a Shot, so take it or leave it. Also, sorry for the shortness.

* * *

When Rachel rang the doorbell later that evening, Puck almost didn't open the door. After the nearly painful conversation with her about her underwear, Puck couldn't help but let his mind wander.

It was horrifying, weird, and downright wrong. And yet, he was still strangely turned on by imaging her ironing her underwear (with fucking _Friday _stamped across the front). And yeah, he imagined her naked while doing so. Whatever.

But he groaned and got up to open it anyway. "Hey, Berry," he greeted when he saw her.

She took a deep breath and stepped past him, before spinning on her heel to face him determinedly. "Noah, I feel that I need to explain myself—"

His eyes widened and he shook his head.

Rachel was not to be deterred. "There is _nothing_ wrong with having a few pairs of underwear labeled with the days of—"

"Oh my god," he breathed, stumbling to the couch and sitting down. "You're really going to talk about this," he mumbled, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"—the week. Although, to be fair, they're not the _only_ pairs of underwear that I own. Some of them—"

His eyes widened. And, normally, he wouldn't mind hearing about hot girls and their underwear. But this was _Rachel fucking Berry_, and she'd done enough brain-wrinkling for the day, thank you very much. And it seemed kinda unnecessary to him to imagine her in _underwear_ when he'd already imagined her stark naked (isn't that, like, regression or some shit? Whatever, vocabulary and English weren't his strong suits), so he covered his ears and shouted at the top of his lungs, "_Shut up! Shut up! Shut! Up!_"

"—are patterned and—"

Dani chose the single most awkward moment of her life to walk into her living room: With her brother on the couch, shouting crazy things with his ears covered while Rachel was ticking off different kinds of underwear she had.

She shook her head. "Okay, I gotta ask," Dani spoke up, sounding completely dumb-founded. "Why is Noah freaking out and why are you talking about your underwear?"

Rachel's eyes immediately widened and she blushed. "Um. Once you put it that way…there's not really any sort of explanation that can make this seem sane and normal, huh?" She winced, blushing harder.

Puck finally stopped yelling the lyrics of his own song cleverly entitled '_Oh my Fucking God, Berry, Please Stop Talking for Fucking Forever'_ and uncovered his ears. "Did she stop?" he asked breathlessly to his sister.

"Pink ones!" Rachel shouted at Puck, just for fun, and to get back at him for all the times he had flustered her.

His eye twitched and he did his best to control the blood currently flowing down South. "Damn you, Berry!" he growled. "I have to go," Puck said suddenly, jumping up off the couch, holding his junk. "I've got…business to handle."

Rachel raised an eyebrow before remembering that a child was in the room. "Well, Dani, here's what happ—"

Dani held up a hand and wrinkled her nose. "Nope! I don't wanna know! I'm just gonna go upstairs and come back down, and we'll erase this little moment, okay?" She turned around and headed upstairs. From atop the stairs, she shouted, "I am_ now_ _going down_ the stairs. Please only talk about appropriate things." And then she slowly made her way back down them. When she reached the bottom step, she eyed Rachel with a look of surprise. "Oh, Rachel? You only just got here?"

Biting her lip to keep the eruption of giggles threatening to bubble over, Rachel nodded as seriously as she could. Once she trusted herself to speak, she said, "Good afternoon Dani. I apologize for not being able to make it sooner."

"S'cool," Dani said breezily.

* * *

A while later, Puck came back downstairs, wearing a different set of clothes with his Mohawk half-wet.

Rachel blinked in surprise. "You took a shower? That was your business?"

He rolled his eyes. _No. My 'business' was what I was doing _in_ the shower, no thanks to you. _He grunted an affirmative instead of voicing his thoughts.

She shrugged and moved closer to Dani, who was curled up into the corner of the couch, sleeping quietly. "I'll be starting dinner in a few minutes," she murmured softly, "You may sit if you'd like."

He shrugged and plopped down next to her, wiggling around to get comfortable as he finally settled into the couch.

She turned to look at him, lips quirking into a soft smile at his fidgeting.

He felt her eyes on him and turned to face her. "What?" he asked defensively. "What are you lookin' at? I know I'm a stud, but that's not necessary."

Rachel rolled her eyes and shushed him. "Your sister fell asleep a few moments ago, so don't wake her."

He leaned over her and eyed his little sister. "I'm going to get her a blanket," he muttered absent-mindedly while getting up to go upstairs. A minute or two later, he came back with a deep purple blanket and draped it over Dani's sleeping form.

"Well…that's the sweetest thing I've ever seen you do," Rachel said, smiling at him.

"And it doesn't leave this room," he snapped, stepping over her and sitting back down on the couch.

"Of course," she said seriously, giving him a tiny, two-finger salute.

(And, if he was being completely honest with himself, it was kinda fucking adorable.)

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Berry."

She held back a grin and turned her head back to _My Fair Lady_, which the AMC channel was currently playing.

They sat in silence for a moment before Rachel opened her mouth and said, as casually as ever, "I'm sorry for traumatizing you earlier today. I realize that one shouldn't talk about something as personal as underwear and such, but it honestly doesn't bother me. I suppose it's probably because I trust you and growing up with two dads has made talking about '_girl_' things to men much simpler and less embarrassing." She shrugged, "So I apologize for not seeing it from your point of view and dropping the entire matter completely."

Puck sighed and turned to her. "See, Berry, talking about your underwear? Super weird. Now, _modeling _them for me, on the other hand? Super _hot_."

She turned to face him with a flat stare. "Sometimes I don't know why I bother putting up with you."

"Feeling's mutual, babe."


	45. Another Notch

A/N: Sorry. This magical thing called '_sleep_' that had been eluding me has finally caught up.

Also, homework is a bitch. And school, in general.

Daniverse and part two up tomorrow.

* * *

On Saturday night, Puck ditched plans with Rachel, Dani, and his mom for a party, simply because he couldn't remember the last time he'd been to one.

Sunday morning, he woke up with a hangover and a nameless girl with blonde hair in someone else's bed.

_Fuck_.

Puck quickly threw off the covers and looked down. He was still wearing his pants, but he was shirtless. He looked over at the girl, and saw that while she was topless, her skirt was still on, as was her bra. He sat up and reached for his red letter jacket and pulled out his wallet. There was still a condom in there and he _knew_ he hadn't been drunk enough to forget protection, even if he couldn't exactly recall the happenings of the night before.

(He blamed it on countless nights with tons of different girls; memories and faces tended to blur together.)

With a relieved sigh that he didn't go all the way, he slapped the girl on the butt (who giggled in her sleep but didn't wake up), got up and threw on his clothes, leaving without a second glance.

It wasn't until he was in his truck, looking at the gold star sticker Rachel had playfully stuck onto his dashboard at some point, that he felt like he was going to throw up.

* * *

Monday morning, he drove Rachel to school like usual. He couldn't, however, look her in the eye. And he barely took two bites of the slice of toast she'd brought for him.

"Noah?" she asked quietly.

He froze before grunting in response.

She frowned. "Are you feeling unwell? You've barely said two words. And you didn't finish the breakfast I gave you like you usually do."

"Stop houndin' me, woman!" he snapped defensively, feeling the tiniest bit guilty.

She leaned away from him, blinking rapidly in surprise. "I beg your pardon?" she said, sounding unsure and completely confused.

"Sorry," he grumbled. "I'm just…Saturday night was crazy," he said lamely.

"Did you do anything idiotic?" she asked.

He froze once more and winced. "About that…"

"Oh, you drank too much and got hung over?" she suggested casually.

He nodded mechanically, not trusting himself to speak.

She laughed incredulously. "Noah! It's _Monday morning_, how are you still hung over?"

"I'm not!" he said irritably. "I just…I have a pounding headache," he lied, feeling something akin to guilt churn uncomfortably in his stomach.

"I've got some aspirin if you want," she offered, already beginning to rifle through her purse.

"Nah," he said gruffly, "It's okay. I'll finish off the toast and get something else to eat. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" she asked worriedly.

He nodded, pulling into a parking spot near the school. "I can handle it."

Rachel nodded. "Of course you can." She paused awkwardly. "Well, I sincerely hope you'll feel better soon," she said softly, smiling gently at him, big brown eyes boring into his.

Puck tore his gaze away and drummed his fingertips on the steering wheel nervously, nodding once in appreciation.

(He felt even sicker than before.)

* * *

Rachel walked into the girls' bathroom before lunch to freshen up and wash her hands. There was already someone else in there, reapplying lip gloss on her already too-glossy lips.

The blonde looked over at Rachel as she leaned over and turned one of the knobs. "Hey, Rachel," she said, full of faked friendliness and cheer.

"Um, hello," Rachel greeted back awkwardly.

The blonde (Rachel quickly remembered her as Kristi something-or-other) smacked her lips before turning to her, grinning triumphantly. "I fucked Noah Puckerman Saturday night."

Rachel froze, stopping her ministrations. She swallowed thickly and then slowly looked up at the cheery blonde gauging her reaction. Rachel forced an amused smile to her lips and said, "Congratulations."

_You're merely another notch on his bedpost, you dim-witted blonde._

Kristi's pleasant demeanor fell and she frowned deeply. "What? Aren't you, like, _upset_ or whatever?"

Rachel finished washing up and walked to the paper towel dispenser, giving Kristi an odd look. "Now why would you be upset?"

Kristi's eyebrows shot up, eyes following Rachel. "Aren't _you_ fucking Puck?"

The pretty brunette blinked in confusion. "I'm sorry…could you…repeat that?"

"Aren't you his girlfriend?" Kristi restated, growing more and more confused.

Rachel felt her cheeks heating up slight and her mouth dropped open for a few seconds. "What on Earth made you think that?" she asked incredulously.

"Nobody believes this babysitting thing," she said flatly, giving her a look. She eventually sighed and fluffed her hair irritably, turning back to the mirror. "Well, this sure takes all the delicious drama out of sleeping with him. But if I'd known he wasn't with you, I'd've tried earlier; that guy's an _amazing_ kisser…"

Rachel felt her stomach churning as a brief image of their chaste kiss flashed in her mind's eye. "I bet he is," she said conversationally.

"Hm…_great_ body, too," she murmured absent-mindedly. "Well, I've gotta run. Bye, Rachel!" she said over her shoulder while flouncing out of the bathroom.

Rachel watched her go silently; ignoring the feeling of nausea in her belly to the best of abilities.

(She ended up skipping lunch all together.)

* * *

"Puck, dude, is it true?" Mike asked angrily before the last period of the day started.

"Is what true?" Puck asked.

"That you slept with Kristi Spinner!"

Puck frowned and his eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Who?"

"Did you?"

"I dunno," Puck muttered with a casual shrug, "Is she a hot chick? We might've fucked."

"Dude!" Mike yelled as he punched him in the shoulder while making sure Puck couldn't duck out of the way. "How could you do that to Rachel, man?" he asked angrily, glaring at him.

Puck's eyes widened and he ignored the punch due to the sudden feeling of dread from hearing Rachel's name thrown into the mix. "Wait. What are you talking about? And what's it got to do with her?"

"I'm talking about the rumors of you banging Kristi Saturday night!"

"Saturday night?" Puck repeated dumbly.

"Wait," Mike paused, looking at him. "_I'm _talking about Saturday night," he paused once again, giving his friend an odd look, "What are _you _talking about?"

"I thought you were talking about '_at all_'. If Kristi's her name, we didn't get that far on Saturday," Puck mumbled.

Mike raised an eyebrow. "Then…how far did you guys get? ...Did you guys, like…_fondle_?" He wrinkled his nose.

Puck stared at him flatly. "Yeah. Sure. Two horny teenagers in a bed. '_Fondling_', if that's what you wanna call it."

"Argh. My mind just went to dark places." Mike sighed. "Okay, whatever. The thing is, this rumor's been going around and Rachel's been getting a lot of shit for it and she's been looking more and more upset throughout the day."

"What?" Puck said dumbly. "Why's she been getting shit?"

"People think you're secretly dating. And that you just cheated on her, thus sending her into a spiral of humiliation."

"Dude, why you always gotta be so damn dramatic?" Puck raised an eyebrow. "And that dating rumor is totally _whack_ and you know it."

Mike fixed his friend with a cold, hurt glare. "_So_ not the point. You've got to fix this with Rachel. She thinks…I dunno what she thinks, okay? But she definitely feels cheated."

"Why would she even care about this? It's not like we've been dating or whatever." Puck grumbled uncomfortably, rolling his eyes. "Girls, man. Jeeze."

Mike gestured wildly and vaguely at Puck, eyes widening to the size of saucers. "Dude! You think that _I _wouldknow? I don't know what goes on in their heads! Girls are crazy, and _you_ picked the craziest one out there!" He paused, before quickly tacking on, "Rachel's nice, though."

A pause.

"Okay, I agree with you on the crazy comment, but what the fuck did you mean by '_you picked the craziest one out there_'?" Puck asked suspiciously, eyes narrowing into slits.

Mike's eyes remained in their widened state, but Puck could definitely see the fear creeping into them as they darted about. He froze, spine becoming rigid, as he awkwardly said, "Did you shave your head again? Your Mohawk looks _great!_ Well, good luck with Rachel, man!" and spun on his heel, sprinting down the hallway.

"Chang! Chang! Imma kick your ass!" Puck shouted furiously after him.

* * *

"Hey, Rachel, are you feeling okay?"

Rachel shook her head, snapping out of her stupor to look at Finn. "I'm sorry?" she said with a forced smile.

Finn frowned at her and tilted his head to the side. "You seem…out of it."

"Oh, I'm fine!" Rachel replied, waving a hand dismissively at him, flashing him a brilliant smile.

"Rach?" he said softly, "I don't believe you."

"I just...I found out about something I would've been better off not knowing," she finally sighed.

Finn nodded understandingly and said, "Yeah. I know how that feels. When I was seven, I found out that all those superheroes weren't real. Like, the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers? They weren't even real Americans! They totally jacked the footage from Japan and cut it up and stuck white people in."

Rachel blinked slowly at him, before saying in soft voice, "Yes, Finn. It's just like that."

(She didn't think she was humoring him, either.)

* * *

During Glee rehearsal, Rachel made sure to appear completely fine and unbothered when she was around Puck. But maybe she was putting forth a lot more effort than necessary; she was so annoyingly grating and cheerful that Puck immediately knew she was faking it; because if she legit was like that _all _the goddamn time?

Her body would have been found buried somewhere _ages_ ago.

He waited until after Glee to confront her as everyone filtered out.

Mike took his two fingers, pointed at his own eyes and then at Puck, in the universal '_I'm watching you_' gesture. Somehow, he managed to also convey '_Don't fuck it up or I'll go ninja on your ass_'. Puck rolled his eyes and saluted mockingly at him as he watched his friend leave.

"Hey, Berry," he said gruffly, putting a hand on her shoulder as she straightened from picking up her things.

She gave a startled cry and jumped. Puck quickly retracted his hand as she spun around, her music folder clutched to her chest. "Oh, Noah," she murmured breathlessly, "It's merely you…"

He eyed her carefully for a few moments and then sighed, losing his resolve to 'confront' her. "C'mon, I'll take you home."

She hesitated for a second before answering with low, "Alright, I suppose."

He frowned but didn't say anything else.

The trip to his truck was silent and by the time he'd gotten into the driver's seat, he was feeling more than a little anxious.

As he left the parking lot, he quickly glanced over at Rachel, who was playing with the hem of her skirt, studiously looking at her hands.

"Why so down, Berry? You were perkier than Miss Pillsbury's boo—"

She turned to him and snapped, "I'm going to stop you right there."

"I mean, they're barely there, but you kn—"

"_Noah_."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What?"

She glared at him irritably before sighing and turning away. "Just take me home, Noah."

"Why?" he asked loudly, sending her a glare of his own, before diverting his eyes back to the road. "Berry, you're not acting all bent outta shape because of some _rumor_, are you?"

"Kirsti Spinner came up to me to gleefully declare about you two _fornicating_ Saturday night!"

"I don't even know what that means!" he shouted.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against her seat. "It means you two had sexual intercourse," she muttered flatly.

"Whoa, whoa! Hold up. That crazy bitch totally enlarged the story!"

Rachel whipped her head around to look at him. "Excuse me?" She paused before adding, "And I think you may have meant '_embellished_'."

"What_ever_," he said, rolling his eyes. "I didn't bone her, trust me."

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "Then why would she say such a thing?"

"Hell if I know," he snorted. "Maybe she thought we got that far; she was _wasted _that night. Or she wanted a piece of Puck Pie so bad—"

"That's disgusting," she interjected under her breath.

"—that she had to lie about it," he finished.

"I don't believe you," she stated simply.

He gaped at her. "The hell, Berry! I'm telling you the fucking truth here!"

She faltered momentarily. "Well, then what on Earth could have _possibly_ led her to believe that you two engaged in sexual—"

"You've _gotta_ stop calling it that, Berry," Puck said in a pained voice, "It's _such_ a boner-kill."

"Noah! My turn is coming up! You need to—you missed it," she finished flatly, glaring at him once more, "On purpose."

"Oops," he said falsely, with a casual shrug. "Berry, I'm telling you, _nothing_ happened." He winced as the words left his mouth and as her glare hardened. "Okay, so _something_ did happened. But we...we just fondled…" he finished lamely.

Her eyebrow arched at him and she looked up at him in disbelief. "'_Fondled'_?" she repeated and they could both practically hear the finger quotes.

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "Yeah."

She pursed her lips. "I see," she said calmly, crossing her arms and looking out her window as he pulled into his driveway.

The second he stopped, she stepped out of the truck and slammed the door closed. He winced and stepped followed suit. She then proceeded to stomp over to the Rosenberg's. "Go ahead and wait inside. I'll pick up Dani on my own," she called harshly over her shoulder.

Puck grumbled obscenities under his breath and jogged up the steps to the front door.


End file.
